The gay scene, bad for relationships?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 10:25 PM GMT
    Do you guys think that living in a city where the gay scene is quite big, like Montreal and it's gay village(plus gay411 & grindr), makes it harder on relationships?

    Mainly in being able to really trust the other, finding someone who's not gonna change you for a new monthly flavour or even finding a guy thats genuine about like you...
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    Mar 04, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    In London it always seems like guys are on the lookout for something better. At least when I visit my parents in the country I know there are only 2 hot guys within 30 miles. It makes chatting so much simpler.
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    Mar 04, 2014 12:47 AM GMT
    I was in a relationship (living together) with a guy for 4 years and neither of us was part of any gay scene, so yeah I think it's good when youre not part of that.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Mar 04, 2014 1:20 AM GMT
    This is my advice...If you got something good...keep it to yourself. If you talk about how great your bf is...He's the best lover you ever had... He has a 8 incher..You'll lose him..You can count on it.
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    Mar 04, 2014 1:22 AM GMT
    only if you're an asshole (or date one)
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    Mar 04, 2014 2:29 AM GMT
    I've never been a part of any scene yet my ex still managed to find dirty people to give him bjs in the car park next to our favourite bar so I think it's nothing to do with the 'gay scene.' i think if someone is going to cheat they'll find someone regardless of scenes.
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    Mar 04, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    Everyone should experience "the scene" while they are young, but have no business pursuing romantic relationships while being lost in it. Once you find yourself and decide you are ready in all ways for "that guy" then you will leave it behind without thinking twice.
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    Mar 04, 2014 6:20 AM GMT
    Similar to a couple of guys who said it, you're not ready for a relationship at all if you're into the scene. Get it out of your system first then date, get serious with someone when you're more ready. It can be done.
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    Mar 04, 2014 6:23 AM GMT
    The OP has left this scene.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2014 7:30 AM GMT
    stevenbrianp saidEveryone should experience "the scene" while they are young, but have no business pursuing romantic relationships while being lost in it. Once you find yourself and decide you are ready in all ways for "that guy" then you will leave it behind without thinking twice.


    YES. Preach.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Mar 04, 2014 7:45 AM GMT
    gays are bad for relationships icon_razz.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Mar 04, 2014 8:08 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidgays are bad for relationships icon_razz.gif


    So.... You're saying we should date bi guys? lol

    I'm kidding but in all seriousness, I can understand why one would believe that. It would seem like if you are in a larger metropolitan area with a somewhat giant gay scene, it would be hard to gain trust initially (especially during Pride or Circuit parties) but I'm sure there are plenty of guys who share the same morals you do.

    I haven't really explored the gay scene. I've only done 3 things so far in different years. Went to a LGBT event called "National Coming out day", Pride Parade, and one Gay nightclub. I personally wouldn't want to get sucked into the scene.

    Just remember to keep your spirits up. I know it's easier said then done but just keep the faith.
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    Mar 04, 2014 8:29 AM GMT
    The "gay scene" isn't bad for relationships.

    If you have trust issues in your relationship it isn't the "gay scenes" fault. If you can allow a "scene" to alter your relationship then it wasn't meant to be.

    It'd be better to question your partner (or yourself) instead of a scene. You aren't fucking a scene. Just sayin'.
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    Mar 04, 2014 8:57 AM GMT
    New1step said

    Mainly in being able to really trust the other, finding someone who's not gonna change you for a new monthly flavour or even finding a guy thats genuine about like you...

    If you can't trust the "other," it's because either he isn't trustable (and then why are you seeing him in the first place?), or you are not trusting (and then why are you in a relationship?)

    And if you are in a relationship, why would you be part of the "scene"?

    OTOH, being Montreal, is this a particularly french problem?
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    Mar 04, 2014 9:00 AM GMT
    stevenbrianp saidEveryone should experience "the scene" while they are young, but have no business pursuing romantic relationships while being lost in it. Once you find yourself and decide you are ready in all ways for "that guy" then you will leave it behind without thinking twice.


    This will only be true if you let the scene take over your relationship or harm your partner's physical or emotional state. No harm in enjoying a circuit or the "scene" once in a while, while in a relationship. It all comes down to the foundation of the relationship you have built and your self control.
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    Mar 04, 2014 2:09 PM GMT
    SirAndy said
    stevenbrianp saidEveryone should experience "the scene" while they are young, but have no business pursuing romantic relationships while being lost in it. Once you find yourself and decide you are ready in all ways for "that guy" then you will leave it behind without thinking twice.


    This will only be true if you let the scene take over your relationship or harm your partner's physical or emotional state. No harm in enjoying a circuit or the "scene" once in a while, while in a relationship. It all comes down to the foundation of the relationship you have built and your self control.


    Self serving rhetoric that just gives yourself an excuse to not accept the responsibility that comes with having an adult relationship. I would expect someone at your age to think this way.
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    Mar 04, 2014 2:33 PM GMT
    New1step saidDo you guys think that living in a city where the gay scene is quite big, like Montreal and it's gay village(plus gay411 & grindr), makes it harder on relationships?

    Mainly in being able to really trust the other, finding someone who's not gonna change you for a new monthly flavour or even finding a guy thats genuine about like you...

    Larger gay enclaves give you greater choices along with greater challenges. Depends on what you are capable of handling, and if you can turn potential disadvantages into advantages.

    Learning how to master the "big city" is a very old story, whether the focus is social or career. Some thrive, some fail. Basically it's a matter of being competitive, and offering a special something that somebody wants, whether in a relationship or in employment.

    If you can offer that you'll be able to hold your own against competitors. And by finding a relationship that's a great fit for you and for him. He won't look at the many other available choices if you're giving him what he wants.

    In fact, being his choice over many other guys may make for the more satisfying & permanent relationship, versus being his best-he-could-find choice in a much smaller gay dating population. You may not have as many competitors in a smaller place, but you might not have as much commitment, either.
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    Mar 04, 2014 8:21 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidgays are bad for relationships icon_razz.gif


    now now lets not put ourselves down based on some bad apples. icon_eek.gificon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2014 9:37 PM GMT
    I agree with alot of what most of you guys said, it was just something that came to my mind when thinking about gay relationships in cities with a bigger gay scene/community­.

    I sure wouldn't date or be in a relationship with a guy i didn't trust, but then again, you can't always know for sure. Some guys are good at lying lol.

    I guess a better way to put it into words would have been: Can it be harder on a relationship when living in a city where it's quite easy for the other to be exposed to the temptation? I mean you may be both out of the "scene", but it's still easily accessible...Compared to a city where there isn't a gay village.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2014 10:29 PM GMT
    I live in a pretty gay place and i'm always single.

    It's more about the person than location, but if you're susceptible to wanting more and wanting to flirt around, then location could contribute.

    It mostly has to do with knowing what you want.
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    Mar 05, 2014 12:02 AM GMT
    stevenbrianp said
    SirAndy said
    stevenbrianp saidEveryone should experience "the scene" while they are young, but have no business pursuing romantic relationships while being lost in it. Once you find yourself and decide you are ready in all ways for "that guy" then you will leave it behind without thinking twice.


    This will only be true if you let the scene take over your relationship or harm your partner's physical or emotional state. No harm in enjoying a circuit or the "scene" once in a while, while in a relationship. It all comes down to the foundation of the relationship you have built and your self control.


    Self serving rhetoric that just gives yourself an excuse to not accept the responsibility that comes with having an adult relationship. I would expect someone at your age to think this way.


    Disagree, I don't think you fully understood what I mean and what a few have mentioned in the thread. And I believe we have a different view or definition of what a gay scene is, which may result in us disagreeing.

    Basically what you are saying is that people that take part in the gay scene is irresponsible and incapable of reciprocating adult unconditional love. Unfortunately, I have a different opinion and I think it is a bit unfair that you are equating young age with irresponsibility. Anyone, regardless of age, is capable of being responsible in ANY situation or circumstances that they are in. It is up to that individual whether to relish what the gay scene has to offer or to allow it to take over and harm the relationship. There is a big difference between enjoying or having a laugh or dancing, and fully succumbing to drugs and sex.

    Maybe you view gay scene as all about booze, party, sex, and drugs, and I don't disqualify that from the meaning (but neither do I condone these factors if it harms your relationships). Maybe you had prior experiences where the gay scene has ruined your relationship or for that matter, your friends' relationships and people you care about. But it is not all just about that. The gay scene is a broad term and can also mean in a positive light; it can be all about having fun with your partner and friends and bringing together the people you care about in one space. It's about you as an individual whether to partake in these events of drugs, alcoholism, hooking up or not. And stevenbrianp, I do agree with you - if the gay scene prevents you from having an "adult" relationship, then please gay scenes are detrimental to your personal relationships. STAY THE HELL AWAY. But I think you have to consider variety of situations where it can also be good and positive to the relationship.

    The gay scene doesn't equal bad. It only becomes bad when it negatively affects your relationship. As Guy101 mentioned, "If you can allow a "scene" to alter your relationship then it wasn't meant to be."

    Let's expand this a bit more. The gay scene is not the only scene, there are other "scenes" (for the lack of the better word) that can also harm relationships. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't completely cross off the "gay scene" from your list (whatever the hell gay scene means).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 05, 2014 12:28 AM GMT
    I think it's easier to find a guy in a bigger city vs. a smaller one. Or at least more fun looking for one.
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    Mar 05, 2014 12:35 AM GMT
    New1step saidDo you guys think that living in a city where the gay scene is quite big, like Montreal and it's gay village(plus gay411 & grindr), makes it harder on relationships?

    Mainly in being able to really trust the other, finding someone who's not gonna change you for a new monthly flavor or even finding a guy thats genuine about like you...


    Absolutely I have been cheated on so many times. My last boyfriend was a bodybuilder and he was involved in the scene. Enough said I lost count of all the men he slept with while seeing me.
    Now I am seeing a skinny tattooed punk rock type of guy whos not involved in the scene and I trust him because hes even more possessive then I am.
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    Mar 05, 2014 12:49 AM GMT
    All I know is that every time I get invited out by friends to go to gay clubs I end up leaving early. They're my friends but I think it's gross that they make out and grope random people on the dance floor. Typhoid Mary comes to mind...bleah
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    Mar 05, 2014 2:21 AM GMT
    I agree with ArtDeco and SirAndy.

    Can't put it any better than the two of them did.