A question about exes

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    Mar 03, 2014 1:22 AM GMT
    What does it mean when your boy friend says when he looks at you he doesn't see you in a sexual way? ... Even though we had loads of sex!

    Although for full disclosure my now ex also said we were never actually together for the reason above that he didn't view me sexually although when you have sex with someone in my book that implies exclusivity/monogamy. For that reason the bj he received in the car park last night from a randomer apparently isn't cheating and apparently we are not breaking up because we were not together... Struggling to keep up? Well so am I!!!

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    Mar 03, 2014 1:30 AM GMT
    Well he sounds like a keeper.

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    Mar 03, 2014 1:48 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidWell he sounds like a keeper.


    This.
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    Mar 03, 2014 2:26 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidWell he sounds like a keeper.



    Too much self respect for that icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 03, 2014 6:27 AM GMT
    So much going on.

    You assumed that you two were monogamous because you had sex. Start with that one.
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    Mar 03, 2014 7:03 AM GMT
    @macaque

    There's more to it than that - I told him I liked him and he used to come over to my house or invite me to his a few nights a week so I assumed we are in a relationship. It's quite a logical thing to assume because he knew I was a virgin when we met and I'm not going to hook up for my first time. Plus when we first met he had the opportunity to take advantage and just use me for sex because I was so drunk but he looked after me and made me drink water so I thought he was a good guy.

    That's not really the issue anyway though.
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    Mar 03, 2014 7:29 AM GMT
    Thom1993 saidThere's more to it than that - I told him I liked him and he used to come over to my house or invite me to his a few nights a week so I assumed we are in a relationship. It's quite a logical thing to assume because he knew I was a virgin when we met and I'm not going to hook up for my first time. Plus when we first met he had the opportunity to take advantage and just use me for sex because I was so drunk but he looked after me and made me drink water so I thought he was a good guy.

    Unless a guy tells you that you two are exclusive and/or you both agree that you are dating, assume nothing. You unfortunately have to assume the worst unless proven otherwise
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    Mar 03, 2014 7:48 AM GMT
    RedEssence said
    Thom1993 saidThere's more to it than that - I told him I liked him and he used to come over to my house or invite me to his a few nights a week so I assumed we are in a relationship. It's quite a logical thing to assume because he knew I was a virgin when we met and I'm not going to hook up for my first time. Plus when we first met he had the opportunity to take advantage and just use me for sex because I was so drunk but he looked after me and made me drink water so I thought he was a good guy.

    Unless a guy tells you that you two are exclusive and/or you both agree that you are dating, assume nothing. You unfortunately have to assume the worst unless proven otherwise

    I get that much now and I know I've been stupid. I just don't understand how someone who says they didn't see me in a sexual way had sex with me loads of times in the first place and how even after saying that said he'd be up for continuing a casual relationship (what's the point if he isn't attracted to me and says I'm frigid) ... As if I would disrespect myself like that!

    I think I'm just feeling foolish tbh and ranting though because I'm dreading telling my friends and family how foolish I've been.
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    Mar 03, 2014 6:28 PM GMT
    We all do things that make us wince when we look back, but it's part of growing up. He just isn't that into you, cut it off and move on.

    You think he's sitting there, wondering why you said this, that, or the other? No, he's getting blowies in his car and probably forgot about you long before you knew it was over. If a guy wants to spend time with you, he's going to make it obvious. At some point you just have to get on with life and there's no time like the present.

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    Mar 03, 2014 7:36 PM GMT
    Never assume in relationships. Talk. You guys are never exclusive in the first place and because someone had sex with you a lot doesn't entitle you to a position of a monogamous boyfriend.
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    Mar 04, 2014 4:02 AM GMT
    SirAndy saidNever assume in relationships. Talk. You guys are never exclusive in the first place and because someone had sex with you a lot doesn't entitle you to a position of a monogamous boyfriend.

    Would never claim to be entitled to a relationship but I explained I was a virgin and I'd never been in a relationship before so I wanted to take things slow. It was at this point he should have said he didn't want anything serious. This is not the issue. I was more curious why someone would string someone along/have sex with someone who they aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with and describe as frigid. (frigid and sex are polar opposites) icon_twisted.gif

    @phoenyx

    He invited me over at 4pm so he has thought of me and we've agreed to be friends and he was definitely into me when we met earlier which makes it confusing... On one hand I'm bad in bed, frigid and the rest but on the other hand he wants me to have sex.
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    Mar 05, 2014 5:33 AM GMT
    Thom1993 said
    SirAndy saidNever assume in relationships. Talk. You guys are never exclusive in the first place and because someone had sex with you a lot doesn't entitle you to a position of a monogamous boyfriend.

    Would never claim to be entitled to a relationship but I explained I was a virgin and I'd never been in a relationship before so I wanted to take things slow. It was at this point he should have said he didn't want anything serious. This is not the issue. I was more curious why someone would string someone along/have sex with someone who they aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with and describe as frigid. (frigid and sex are polar opposites) icon_twisted.gif

    @phoenyx

    He invited me over at 4pm so he has thought of me and we've agreed to be friends and he was definitely into me when we met earlier which makes it confusing... On one hand I'm bad in bed, frigid and the rest but on the other hand he wants me to have sex.


    You're not a fool. You're young and your time with this guy hopefully has taught you a lot of valuable life lessons. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this: it's never any fun. Also, this guy sounds like he's using you, so drop kick his ass to the curb and outta your life. Stay strong icon_smile.gif
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    Mar 05, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    GristleMcThornbody93 said
    Thom1993 said
    SirAndy saidNever assume in relationships. Talk. You guys are never exclusive in the first place and because someone had sex with you a lot doesn't entitle you to a position of a monogamous boyfriend.

    Would never claim to be entitled to a relationship but I explained I was a virgin and I'd never been in a relationship before so I wanted to take things slow. It was at this point he should have said he didn't want anything serious. This is not the issue. I was more curious why someone would string someone along/have sex with someone who they aren't interested in pursuing a relationship with and describe as frigid. (frigid and sex are polar opposites) icon_twisted.gif

    @phoenyx

    He invited me over at 4pm amendment it was on momday so he has thought of me and we've agreed to be friends and he was definitely into me when we met earlier which makes it confusing... On one hand I'm bad in bed, frigid and the rest but on the other hand he wants me to have sex.


    You're not a fool. You're young and your time with this guy hopefully has taught you a lot of valuable life lessons. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this: it's never any fun. Also, this guy sounds like he's using you, so drop kick his ass to the curb and outta your life. Stay strong icon_smile.gif


    Cheers its difficult to move on though because I feel really worthless. I'm worried if I stop seeing him completely he won't care because he'll find someone else better looking/better at sex and I'll be on my own. I know he can do better because at bars he always gets people interested and the guys that do it don't even care that I'm there - the reverse has never happened.
  • Puppymuncher

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    Mar 05, 2014 11:58 PM GMT
    Sounds like he's using you for sex; methinks you should find someone who likes you for more than that.
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    Mar 14, 2014 4:16 AM GMT
    I'm not daft I know he is but he's being up front about it now at least. The dilemma is it might take me forever to meet someone else and they could dump me as soon as they realise I'm frigid and not up to scratch/not good enough between the sheets. Whilst at least if I stick with my ex he knows my limitations and whilst it won't be a proper relationship at least I know he isn't going to judge me. Plus I won't be sleeping with other people so it'll feel monogamous to me. I know how pathetic it sounds but I know it'll hurt if he gets with someone else especially if he does end up in a monogamous relationship with someone that's not me, not because I want to be with him but because I want to know what was so wrong with me. If he gets with someone else then it would imply I was the problem and I genuinely don't understand what went wrong. I did everything right I.e. I was interested, I didn't cheat, I really liked him, I had sex whenever he wanted.

    We keep having sex whenever he turns up at mine so I don't understand why he wants to have sex with someone he has no romantic interest in. I'm so confused as well as I like someone else who is really nice and respectful and has been a family friend for about 7 years (he might not like me though icon_sad.gif )so how do I cut ties with the ex completely?

    I text him loads saying don't turn up at mine I don't want to have sex anymore and then he turns up unannounced whenever he feels like it and we hang out for like 30 minutes to an hour and then we have really rubbish sex. I don't even enjoy it so why I do it I don't know!?

    Has anyone got an tips on how they separated themselves from an ex who just turns up out the blue?