I have a problem with my religion

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:08 PM GMT
    This is rather personal for me but I could use some guidance.

    So I went to confession (R. Catholic here) and confessed of watching porn. This rather befuzzled the priest. He didn't know quite what to say other than to "eradicate my addiction" and so on. I didn't find him really good at confession, because at other times, when I confessed the same thing to a different priest, he was quite "cool" with it. I didn't say I was gay- now that might have quite surprised them.

    So my problem is, is it really a sin? Well, yes, I guess it is, and it definitely isn't a clean and pure thing... But what can I do? Often too I don't want to watch raw porn, just soft-core or muscle vids, but is that the same or are there various degrees? Should I just stop entirely? What do you guys, who are Catholic, do?
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Dec 22, 2008 11:18 PM GMT
    I think if you stick to Catholic porn you will be ok!

    Nah, it ain't a sin, enjoy it, unless it becomes an addiction, and affects other parts of your life.

    Jacking, or watching with someone else, can be fun.
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:27 PM GMT


    Well, we're both heretical ex-Catholics, so all we can say is don't let any religion dictate your belief in God or whether or not God finds you lacking (sin). Back in the 70s some guys enjoyed, believe it or not, Sears catalogue and the male models in them! heheh

    Obsession with porn can be just plain destructive, like internet addiction or gambling. Most often labeling such things as sin is an attempt to curb excess. A noble gesture, but using guilt or fear of hell to accomplish this can do more harm than good. Know your limits, keep to your comfort zone, confess anything you feel merits confessing, but try concentrate on what makes you a great guy, like: Do you help out people when you perceive a need?
    Do you give others an emotional lift when there's no gain for you?
    Do you feel jealous or inspired by others you see as 'having it all'?


    ....that kind of thing is probably more important to you-know-who than your sex life, which I think no one takes with them when their life here ends anyway.

    -Doug of meninlove

    PS this topic really belongs in the forums for spirituality. Welcome to RealJock MuscleLuke, and Merry Christmas!
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:30 PM GMT
    It sounds like you are going through a process that is likely to have its ups and downs.

    The confessional is a sacred trust between you and Jesus. The only person in the Catholic faith who gets to judge you - ultimately, is the Lord himself (as manifested in the holy Trinity). You could think of the confessional as a telephone booth and the priest as the operator.

    While it isn't the priests business to judge the content of your call (because Jesus would dispense absolution no matter what) many do. Priests sin against their holy vows all of the time.

    For this reason you need to be the steward of your own soul. My advice would be to confine your homosexuality to your prayer life for the moment. What I might tell you, further, is that you might find the Blessed Virgin has an open heart and is always willing to listen. She will never judge you. She is life.

    If your enjoyment of softcore (or even hardcore) porn is troubling to you, then you can find a way to stop. However, before you do that try to find some quiet time alone to just be with the Blessed Virgin. Go someplace where you know that she is and stay there for an hour. Just sit and breath and talk to her like you would a normal person. Listen carefully to what you feel inside and let her guide you toward a correct path.

    The church belongs to the Holy Trinity. The relationship is direct between you and God. The Madonna, and the saints are all here to be our muses and guide us when we seek them out. They will help you.

    I am really sorry that you caught the priest on a weak day. Maybe he too struggles with a similar issue. We are men not God, the priest too.

    God will always hear your confession. Not every priest will hear your confession as God will. Finally, the priest does not grant absolution, God does.

    Don't worry, your God loves you, all of you. You haven't hurt anyone, don't please hurt yourself.

    In friendship
    Terry
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:33 PM GMT
    thanks for your responses, thanks for your welcome, and thanks, for I didn't realize there's a forum for that.

    I do like the way you're thinking, cause I wouldn't say I'm addicted.
    Now that I read that, I do remember that, after a bit of talking, the flustered priest asked: "But no other things? You don't drink vodka, you don't swear or lie or kill?"

    lol merry christmas
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:35 PM GMT
    ursamajor saidIt sounds like you are going through a process that is likely to have its ups and downs.

    The confessional is a sacred trust between you and Jesus. The only person in the Catholic faith who gets to judge you - ultimately, is the Lord himself (as manifested in the holy Trinity). You could think of the confessional as a telephone booth and the priest as the operator.

    While it isn't the priests business to judge the content of your call (because Jesus would dispense absolution no matter what) many do. Priests sin against their holy vows all of the time.

    For this reason you need to be the steward of your own soul. My advice would be to confine your homosexuality to your prayer life for the moment. What I might tell you, further, is that you might find the Blessed Virgin has an open heart and is always willing to listen. She will never judge you. She is life.

    If your enjoyment of softcore (or even hardcore) porn is troubling to you, then you can find a way to stop. However, before you do that try to find some quiet time alone to just be with the Blessed Virgin. Go someplace where you know that she is and stay there for an hour. Just sit and breath and talk to her like you would a normal person. Listen carefully to what you feel inside and let her guide you toward a correct path.

    The church belongs to the Holy Trinity. The relationship is direct between you and God. The Madonna, and the saints are all here to be our muses and guide us when we seek them out. They will help you.

    I am really sorry that you caught the priest on a weak day. Maybe he too struggles with a similar issue. We are men not God, the priest too.

    God will always hear your confession. Not every priest will hear your confession as God will. Finally, the priest does not grant absolution, God does.

    Don't worry, your God loves you, all of you. You haven't hurt anyone, don't please hurt yourself.

    In friendship
    Terry


    Thanks for your response, very thoughtful. So do you think porn in general is hurtful? If I think it's not hurtful to me, is it ok for me to watch it?
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:48 PM GMT
    What I think doesn't matter because what is OK for me might be hurtful to you. That is why it is a personal issue between you and your God.

    That said I look at it this way. I was given this life to do something with. I do the best I can.

    My vices (and I have many) I analyze according to how they affect the core of my life. Do I drink so much that I can no longer feel the warmth of the Blessed Virgin? Is porn keeping me from walking out the door, or is it something I use to relax, understand my sexuality, explore myself? Is what I do harming my essential purpose, my being, or is it helping me.

    Important for me is to understand if what I do in my life builds walls between my God and I, between myself and others, between my love and my lover.

    Most porn, for me, isn't destructive. The worst it is going to do is give me unrealistic ideas about sex.

    My experience is that sex drive is like the tide. It comes and goes as we go through lifelong hormonal changes. Sometimes sex may be important, even primary, at other times it matters less.

    Personally, I crave balance. Not too much porn, not too many cookies, etc.

    I cannot do that. This is a task to which I am not equal. While I am a High-Church Anglican I do look to all of the Saints and especially to the Holy Mother for guidance.

    I try to keep in mind that the earthly church is an imperfect manifestation of the divine order.

    There is no way I can answer this question for you.

    My impression, from what you say (with amazing courage and honesty by the way) is that you are good. I am certain that God loves you immensely and that you aren't hurting anyone. I am sure that God can find it in the infinite wisdom of the Holy Trinity to allow you to explore what you need to explore.

    I do encourage you to meet the Virgin and explore the Saints. The Saints were men who knew all of the temptations of man.

    Your a good person, this is something that can be felt from half a planet away. God will not turn a blind eye to you. Don't worry.

    Terry


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    Dec 23, 2008 12:22 AM GMT
    Thanks for your kind words, ursamajor. I feel better now.
  • Delivis

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    Dec 23, 2008 12:23 AM GMT
    No it is not a sin. There is no such thing as a victimless crime.
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    Dec 23, 2008 12:28 AM GMT


    Ursamajor said,

    "My impression, from what you say (with amazing courage and honesty by the way) is that you are good. I am certain that God loves you immensely and that you aren't hurting anyone. "

    Thanks Terry, I feel the same; you say it better. -Doug of meninlove
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    Dec 23, 2008 12:34 AM GMT
    Drop the religion if you think it's a problem. It's that simple.
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    Dec 23, 2008 12:42 AM GMT
    Be strong ML, your coming up to a point all of us Catholics have togo through at some time in our lives. How to deal w/the way that we deal w/God and what to listen to in the catholic church and which is point ess rhetoric. About the porn thing. It is becoming a problem when you would rather watch porn than play w/a live human being. Otherwise it's the only truly safe sex in the world, eh?
  • pelotudo87

    Posts: 225

    Dec 23, 2008 12:48 AM GMT
    I know I'm not Catholic, and I am not trying to tell you to not be Catholic.

    However, i was raised a Charismatic Pentecostal, so I understand the conservatism.

    I've gone to a place where event though I am a Christian, I have my own interpretation of God. I still believe Jesus died for my sins, but I think how you show love to others is more important than what you do in the bedroom...

    That being said, my opinion on porn is that it is a way for you to express your sexuality. Humans, especially men, are made to HAVE SEX--that ensures the survival of our race; however, because we aren't heterosexual, our sexual energy is projected onto other men.

    Thus porn is a way for you to do what you are genetically programmed to do--spread your seed, in a way, lol. And I agree what everyone here as already said: you need to come to level of maturity where you realize when something becomes an addiction.

    Take drinking for example. I do not drink very often, but as a college student I know many who do. In my opinion, as long as people do not harm others while drinking, drinking is not a "sin." However, you as a man need to come to a place where you can say to yourself that you've had too much or that you need to not drink so often.

    Same with porn. Porn use, even daily use, may not be "sinful," but does it interfere with your daily activities? With you life goals? With your ability to show love to others?

    Oh and BTW--don't look down on yourself. Porn is more common in churches than one might think--a lot of husbands and pastors "takin' care of business" when the wife's not around--so don't think it's just you.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Dec 23, 2008 1:10 AM GMT
    MuscleLuke said This rather befuzzled the priest.

    Hey! New word! "Befuzzle, befuzzled, befuzzlement, befuzzles", yeah!
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    Dec 23, 2008 1:15 AM GMT
    swimbikerun said
    MuscleLuke said This rather befuzzled the priest.

    Hey! New word! "Befuzzle, befuzzed, befuzzlement, befuzzles", yeah!


    lol icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 23, 2008 1:15 AM GMT
    Wow, thanks for all your support, I needed it.
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    Dec 23, 2008 1:17 AM GMT
    You're going to hell.
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    Dec 23, 2008 1:20 AM GMT
    McGay saidYou're going to hell.


    Watching gay porn is hell from what I have seen recently. The porn directors should be going to confession to admit they are producing crap!
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    Dec 23, 2008 1:25 AM GMT
    Well, on RealJock, gay Whoville they say,
    from pulling everyone's chains,
    McGay's arms grew three sizes that day.

    And then the true meaning of his jokes came through, so McGay yanked the chains of ten posters plus two.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2008 1:26 AM GMT
    meninlove saidWell, on RealJock, gay Whoville they say,
    from pulling everyone's chains,
    McGay's arms grew three sizes that day.

    And then the true meaning of his jokes came through, so McGay yanked the chains of ten posters plus two.


    hehe crafty
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    Dec 23, 2008 2:47 AM GMT
    ahhh! that bring me memories of my school! But you forgot the best part!!

    What was the penitence???????????????
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Dec 23, 2008 2:54 AM GMT
    McGay saidYou're going to hell.


    If all the so called right wing christians are going to heaven, i would rather be in hell, where the fun will be!
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    Dec 23, 2008 3:15 AM GMT
    I wasn't raised catholic, but was raised going to church schools, and church every weekend, so we were all well indoctrinated in whats wrong with porn and homosexuality was to be "overcome" or hell was certainly our reward. So from that background I completely understand your inner turmoil. Like Terry said so well, Love yourself, and you are loved!! ! say that your not offending anyone by the porn until you choose it over your associations, and obligations you have. You must be a jewel of a person !!! Wish you the best in your struggle with where to put your faith in relationship with the rest of your life.
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    Dec 23, 2008 3:19 AM GMT
    I was raised catholic. I spent kindergarten through senior year of high school in catholic school. I was an alter boy for 5 years. I've struggled with how porn should be used.

    Look, dude, that church will NEVER respect you. I tried for years to be a good catholic, and I only ended up coming VERY close to committing suicide over porn and being gay when I was 20. You need to realize that your sexuality won;t change, and if you like porn, then you like it.

    The catholic church says that the evil of pornography lies in the fact that it ultimately rests on the exploitation of the subjects being photographed/videotaped. And some of them are CERTAINLY being exploited. But many others are not. They WANT to be seen having sex or they see it as a legitimate end to a means. Some also like being voyeurs.

    Porn is a means to an end. That's it. The Catholic Church has an argument, but not always does it hold water. This is an example of something that so frequently changes with each circumstance.

    Please don;t let the Church dictate right and wrong to to you. You are here because you have attraction to the same sex. The Church will NEVER respect that. Your best bet is to walk away for a bit, figure out what is best for you, and then if it is inline with the teachings of the Catholic Church, then by all means, walk back. If not, the be prepared to walk away for good.

    Good luck to you, dude,

    --Michael
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    Dec 23, 2008 3:21 AM GMT
    Where is the problem really? The man in the mirror keeps staring at me!! icon_lol.gif