Pretty sure I'm being used

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2014 7:54 PM GMT
    Well I found this guy on Grindr a few months back. We chatted for a while, and met up twice (the second time was an intimate encounter). This guy seemed to lose interest after we had "fun", and I didn't bother to initiate any more contact, as I suspected he was just a player.

    He's just recently messaged me again and invited me round to see his new flat. Everything sounded cool until he dropped the "I don't have any food or drink" line icon_rolleyes.gif

    I know this guy isn't particularly well off, but he actually asked me to buy him something to drink on the first date, despite me already paying for our coffee. He also wanted me to fund his train fare home if he came to see me in my town, 14 miles away (so far I've only visited him).

    Should I get out now?

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    Mar 08, 2014 8:01 PM GMT
    It sure sounds like it when you mentioned that he lost interest after the "fun" you had. Get out and move on ASAP!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2014 8:53 PM GMT
    Either hes using you or just a loser (prob the first) either way you should dump him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2014 9:11 PM GMT
    I briefly dated a guy who lived 30 miles away. He was still in college and it costs him 20 bucks in bus/train fares for every visit, but even then it didn't feel quite right whenever he texts me liquor store requests while on route. One time, after paying for dinner, and choosing wine at the store, instead of going to checkout I put a couple bottles in his arms "here, get this", and went to play with my phone lol. Fortunately he passed the test.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2014 9:17 PM GMT
    Jlor31 said
    Should I get out now?

    Yes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2014 9:26 PM GMT
    Jlor31 saidWell I found this guy on Grindr a few months back. We chatted for a while, and met up twice (the second time was an intimate encounter). This guy seemed to lose interest after we had "fun", and I didn't bother to initiate any more contact, as I suspected he was just a player.

    He's just recently messaged me again and invited me round to see his new flat. Everything sounded cool until he dropped the "I don't have any food or drink" line icon_rolleyes.gif

    I know this guy isn't particularly well off, but he actually asked me to buy him something to drink on the first date, despite me already paying for our coffee. He also wanted me to fund his train fare home if he came to see me in my town, 14 miles away (so far I've only visited him).

    Should I get out now?



    If he has just moved into a flat and paid for furniture and a deposit etc he may be just skint and he might pay next time.
  • kentstrongtom...

    Posts: 1294

    Mar 08, 2014 9:51 PM GMT
    He is acting like you're being in a commited relationship for 2 years. You should stop seeing him.
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    Mar 08, 2014 9:51 PM GMT
    @Thom1993 - I don't know, I just get bad vibes TBH. The fact I didn't hear from him in a month seems a bit strange. I feel like I'm being used in some form or another here...

    @gooddaytoday - I like your style icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2014 10:35 PM GMT
    "Well I found this guy on Grindr a few months back." Say no more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2014 10:56 PM GMT
    Jlor31 said@Thom1993 - I don't know, I just get bad vibes TBH. The fact I didn't hear from him in a month seems a bit strange. I feel like I'm being used in some form or another here...

    @gooddaytoday - I like your style icon_wink.gif


    If he has just moved into a new flat it may have taken a while to get everything sorted which may be why you didn't hear from him. Saying he had no food and drink in may have been said just to make sure you weren't expecting it. When I first moved into my house within the first hour I had friends over and I said to them 'oh look I don't have much in yet' just to curb their expectations of a huge party.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 08, 2014 11:28 PM GMT
    The lack of consistent behavior is bad, lack of money is a none issue. You don't really know him so I would dump him if you feel uncomfortable

    Future reference; guys should be able to talk about these things so one partner is not guessing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2014 12:00 AM GMT
    Lol Leave him now, next thing you know, he's moving in on you. And you'll give him all the money you make from work. icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2014 12:42 AM GMT
    He can't use you if you don't let him.

    It doesn't seem so much that he's using you as he's a really cheap hooker.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2014 12:54 AM GMT
    Macaque saidHe can't use you if you don't let him.

    It doesn't seem so much that he's using you as he's a really cheap hooker.


    You say that like its a bad thing? icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2014 3:49 AM GMT
    the last time something similar happened to me, the guy turned out to be 14 or 15.
    Have you skyped with him??

    Rule number ONE:
    -If it feels sketchy it is.
    It's grinder, really shouldn't be that hard a decision.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 09, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    Sounds like your intuition is correct. I'd say move on also.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 10, 2014 8:03 AM GMT
    Thanks peeps! Glad it's not just me.
  • carew28

    Posts: 661

    Mar 10, 2014 8:17 PM GMT
    He doesn't sound like any bargain to me. I'd give him the heave-ho.
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    Mar 11, 2014 9:40 AM GMT
    Ohno said
    Macaque saidHe can't use you if you don't let him.

    It doesn't seem so much that he's using you as he's a really cheap hooker.


    You say that like its a bad thing? icon_confused.gif


    icon_lol.gif

    Unless you're enjoying the d and don't mind paying his trip fares and coffee, I don't think that you've found yourself a winner; I wouldn't bring this one home to Mom.
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    Mar 11, 2014 12:25 PM GMT
    Rolfron said
    I don't think that you've found yourself a winner; I wouldn't bring this one home to Mom.

    +1
  • Babyoil

    Posts: 31

    Mar 12, 2014 12:09 AM GMT
    Jlor31 saidWell I found this guy on Grindr a few months back. We chatted for a while, and met up twice (the second time was an intimate encounter). This guy seemed to lose interest after we had "fun", and I didn't bother to initiate any more contact, as I suspected he was just a player.

    He's just recently messaged me again and invited me round to see his new flat. Everything sounded cool until he dropped the "I don't have any food or drink" line icon_rolleyes.gif

    I know this guy isn't particularly well off, but he actually asked me to buy him something to drink on the first date, despite me already paying for our coffee. He also wanted me to fund his train fare home if he came to see me in my town, 14 miles away (so far I've only visited him).

    Should I get out now?



    If he can afford a new apartment he can afford his own damn coffee!
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Mar 12, 2014 1:43 AM GMT
    Regardless, of the situation, you feel used and it is no fun to feel that way. You obviously don't feel warranted to pay for these things for him for what you are getting in return no matter what his reasons.
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    Mar 20, 2014 2:38 PM GMT
    Ugh, this guy messaged me yesterday with the same pathetic "I have no food or money" line. He then had the cheek to ask me to pay for his train fare back in January.

    He showed up to unannounced to surprise me (or so he said on the day). Obviously I had no idea and had made alternate plans, so couldn't very well run off to see him.

    I think blocking this jerk is long overdue icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2014 6:27 PM GMT
    Jlor31 saidUgh, this guy messaged me yesterday with the same pathetic "I have no food or money" line. He then had the cheek to ask me to pay for his train fare back in January.

    He showed up to unannounced to surprise me (or so he said on the day). Obviously I had no idea and had made alternate plans, so couldn't very well run off to see him.

    I think blocking this jerk is long overdue icon_neutral.gif


    icon_sad.gif