How to forget your first love

  • Joeaquin

    Posts: 3

    Mar 09, 2014 2:28 AM GMT
    I broke up with my first love 3 years ago. It was my first serious relationship. At the end I ended it because things were not as interesting and exciting as before. He was sad and I guess I have moved on.

    Recently we reconnected and now he is in a stable relationship with another guy. Now I can't stop thinking about him. I feel upset and jealous when I learn that he is being intimate with his boyfriend. I can't help imagining how things would be if we had stayed together. There are so many regrets in our past relationship, I just wish we can start over and this time I would do better, to give him what I couldn't last time.

    Just a couple weeks ago, I told him how I felt. I just had to let it out. He made it clear it won't work because of his current relationship and we should just be friends. We still message each other, but it's me who do most of the talking though. We planned to hang out this weekend (which I have been looking forward to the whole week), but he cancelled the last minute because he had to stay with his boyfriend or something. I was disappointed and heartbroken.

    I know if I truly love him, I should let go. But I just can't get him out of my head. Any advice? icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2014 2:50 AM GMT
    It's your first, it's always going to be different with the first. When you reconnected with him, lord knows why, and saw him with someone else, it probably reminded you that you guys were not going to be together forever - that someone else was giving him what you couldn't.

    Bottom line is if it's hurting you this much to be around him, you should leave him behind and move on because this may keep haunting you as long as he is with that other person. Do yourself a favor and let him go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2014 2:56 AM GMT
    If all else fails, you can always watch this:



    icon_biggrin.gif

    EDIT - Then again this might not be a good idea. Lmao!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2014 3:09 AM GMT
    It's always the first one that you can't ever seem to get over. But honestly don't be the home wrecker. Focus on yourself then something you already know won't happen. Don't be selfish and expect him to reciprocate your feelings.

    Why don't you go on dates? get your mind off him and meet other people?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 09, 2014 4:27 AM GMT
    hmmm you dumped him and now you can't get him out of your head ... you know what they say ... what goes around, comes around icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 09, 2014 5:20 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidhmmm you dumped him and now you can't get him out of your head ... you know what they say ... what goes around, comes around icon_twisted.gif


    Yeah, I don't know if this whole thing is bogus but given the scenario of

    I was with him when he was exciting.
    I left him when he got sad.
    I want him back now that he's happy again.

    ...which is pretty much so disgusting. That's not a relationship, that's a good times girl using someone. Butterfly. But then he adds what could be argued as savings grace in that...

    Joeaquin saidthis time I would do better, to give him what I couldn't last time.


    which questions: why would anyone trust you again? Even if sincere, then why would the x want to be with someone who dumped him just because he got sad? Would he ever have hooked up with you in the first place had he known you wouldn't support him when he needed it?

    You can not go back to a past you've destroyed. It is not there.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 09, 2014 6:23 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    AMoonHawk saidhmmm you dumped him and now you can't get him out of your head ... you know what they say ... what goes around, comes around icon_twisted.gif


    Yeah, I don't know if this whole thing is bogus but given the scenario of

    I was with him when he was exciting.
    I left him when he got sad.
    I want him back now that he's happy again.

    ...which is pretty much so disgusting. That's not a relationship, that's a good times girl using someone. Butterfly. But then he adds what could be argued as savings grace in that...

    Joeaquin saidthis time I would do better, to give him what I couldn't last time.


    which questions: why would anyone trust you again? Even if sincere, then why would the x want to be with someone who dumped him just because he got sad? Would he ever have hooked up with you in the first place had he known you wouldn't support him when he needed it?

    You can not go back to a past you've destroyed. It is not there.


    You done burnt that bridge
    burning-bridge.jpg
  • Joeaquin

    Posts: 3

    Mar 09, 2014 11:05 AM GMT
    Kuestion saidIf all else fails, you can always watch this:



    icon_biggrin.gif

    EDIT - Then again this might not be a good idea. Lmao!


    Lol I watched it a few days ago... ouch!icon_neutral.gif
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Mar 09, 2014 4:30 PM GMT
    Find your next one
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 10, 2014 6:20 AM GMT
    in order to get over someone you have to start meeting someone else. u have to find things to keep you distracted both mentally and emotionally.
    u can't ever think about if because if you were meant to be than you two would still be together. i got over my ex after about a week of him dumping me. i wished him well and hope he is happy with the next guy. what i have learned in life is that you can't make someone love you. if they don't love you the way that you need to be loved than you need to find someone who will. apparently the guy didn't love you or you didn't love him the way that you anted to be loved so it didn't work. move on dude and find someone better
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 6:29 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidin order to get over someone you have to start meeting someone else. u have to find things to keep you distracted both mentally and emotionally.
    u can't ever think about if because if you were meant to be than you two would still be together. i got over my ex after about a week of him dumping me. i wished him well and hope he is happy with the next guy. what i have learned in life is that you can't make someone love you. if they don't love you the way that you need to be loved than you need to find someone who will. apparently the guy didn't love you or you didn't love him the way that you anted to be loved so it didn't work. move on dude and find someone better
    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 6:35 AM GMT
    Im in the same situation as u are, but my ex still has feelings for me but still keeps fucking that bald slut of his....I dont know how much advice i can give you on this but eventually you have to think that this will ruin you mentally.I started taking drugs and sleeping with random men just so i can forget him...wasnt the answer...i just let other bastards use me...guess somewhere i wanted to hurt him, he cheated on me and left me when i most needed him...Its true what the guy above me said if it should have been it was still now in the present. Someday, if he is the one, he will look for you, if not dont be sad the next guy is always better, i had 2 relationships with guys working in modeling and one with a med student...most amazing guys ever...fucked it up because of him...dont do the same. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 12:00 PM GMT
    Move on. It's really that simple and when I see people crying over some past love, I know they are just drama queens who need attention. You end a relationship, the healthiest thing you can do is move on and stop with the whining.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 12:44 PM GMT
    jo2hotbod saidFind your next one

    I've always said the best way to forget an old love is with a new love. Not too soon, though, to avoid the "rebound effect" that can lead to poor choices made in haste and the fog of emotion, but it has been 3 years in this case.

    Which would have made the OP 23 when he broke up, and he says today at 26 he would "do better".

    Which wouldn't surprise me. When I taught college I was astonished how much students in their late teens and early 20s changed year to year, right in front of my eyes.

    You can't tell them that, of course, they'll insist they're fully formed & mature not later than 18. Whereas the truth is we all keep growing & maturing, or should, even me. My evolving may have slowed down quite a bit, but I hope I'm not totally dead in the water yet.

    So that the OP at 26 could well be a much different person than the one at 23, wiser and more experienced. But the first love he had has moved on, and so should he. Time to try his new skills on someone equally new.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 1:28 PM GMT
    well ... this is totally normal ... but just let him go. I know it is hard, but I think you don't have any other options icon_sad.gif ... I am sorry for you because I know how that feels...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 1:46 PM GMT


    "At the end I ended it because things were not as interesting and exciting as before."

    If he did come back to you this will happen again. What will you do then?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Mar 10, 2014 2:06 PM GMT
    Some of these comments are pretty cold or more angry over some hurt in their own past than helpful to the OP. The truth is your first love will always hold a special place in your heart. Like maybe the first time you had sex (with someone other than your hand). Time will help and the idea you should hold onto is to let it resolve into a warm glow while you start opening your heart to someone new. But do let him go. Start the process. Resolve to let the hurt and loss become something you remember with fondness. If you think about it, almost no one ends up spending their life with their first love. Keep it as a good memory with the understanding that you were young and learning how to love.

  • Mar 10, 2014 2:08 PM GMT
    The good news is that someday you will also find that person who you will move on with and be in love with and be happy to spend your life your whatever with... The bad news your first love will forever hold a place somewhere within you first love is unique it's how we learn to love someone else...
    Good memories may out way the bad memories and hold onto those moments in your life but life has allowed you to reconnect and you'll never remain friends if you make it awkward with him and his new love. So you can dwell on what you've lost or you can be the friend that he's reconnecting with and enjoy the life you're living. When you least expect something that is when love will find it's way...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 2:09 PM GMT
    It seems as if u want him only when his happy. When thing goes south u run. Im sorry to say this but u seem like a very selfish person, from this post atleast. Get over it or not, but u need to move on with your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 2:51 PM GMT
    Joeaquin said ... But I just can't get him out of my head ...


    you will never forget him.
    when your ready for your next relationship dont rush it so much. lower the expectations a notch next time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 4:33 PM GMT
    my ex n i broke up around 4 months now.. he kinda broke up with me.. but it was a very sad breakup :s both sides cried a lot and we both loved each other.. so it was due to other circumstances that we broke up.. but i knew he wasnt right for me cause he was giving up while i was tryin hard to fight for us.. if he asks me to come back to him i wudnt because i cant be with someone that was able to throw away wat we had.. so if u think in ur ex's shoes.. he is in a relationship with someone and u having dumped him.. why shud he come back to u besides the past u guys had? it looks like he has moved on :s and i think u shud too..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 4:34 PM GMT
    Bud, I don't know... You didn't want to make it work the first time and you broke up with him.

    Now he's with someone and you are trying to insert yourself between the two of them. I gotta say, that's not the right thing to do.

    If you really cared for him you would take a step back. If they break up (without your interference) then you can try and get back with him.

    Till then, respect what they have and leave them alone.

    I understand that it's painful for you but it's your decisions that lead you to this point. That's a pain you gotta go through. Not them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 5:22 PM GMT
    earthsearch saidBud, I don't know... You didn't want to make it work the first time and you broke up with him.

    Now he's with someone and you are trying to insert yourself between the two of them. I gotta say, that's not the right thing to do.

    If you really cared for him you would take a step back. If they break up (without your interference) then you can try and get back with him.

    Till then, respect what they have and leave them alone.

    I understand that it's painful for you but it's your decisions that lead you to this point. That's a pain you gotta go through. Not them.


    Ditto.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 5:41 PM GMT
    If you can't have him, nobody else can. It's obvious what you must do.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 10, 2014 5:51 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidIf you can't have him, nobody else can. It's obvious what you must do.



    Mmmm... Bunny... Tastes like chicken!