Bad self image

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    Mar 09, 2014 5:21 AM GMT
    I recently discovered this video and i realized im much like those people.After my bf left me for some tattooed bald guy i been having a very bad impression of myself,idk i just dont feel comfortable with who i am because i feel like im not enough.So i watched this video randomly on youtube and i honestly had a tear or two on my cheeks after watching it...Im sure many men here have been in the situation described in the video.
    P.S. Sorry for my bad English.

    http://youtu.be/litXW91UauE
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    Mar 09, 2014 5:42 AM GMT
    First off, I've gotta say thank you for sharing that video.

    Second, most gay men know how important looks are in our community and that if you don't look a certain way, it can be harder to date, be in a relationship, and just fit in overall.

    Personally, I've struggled off and on with how I look for years. Being the product of a multi-racial lineage wasn't always easy because I didn't conform to society's standards and norms of race and beauty. That became more pronounced as I hit puberty, my teenage years and young adulthood. And let's face it, by the time we leave high school and enter college and adulthood, we've been (and are) bombarded with images of how we are supposed to look, dress, and act.

    With that being said, it's necessary and very much warranted for videos like the one you linked to be produced to cultivate a healthy/-ier self image among gay men, especially those under 30.
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    Mar 09, 2014 5:53 AM GMT
    OtterBox saidFirst off, I've gotta say thank you for sharing that video.

    Second, most gay men know how important looks are in our community and that if you don't look a certain way, it can be harder to date, be in a relationship, and just fit in overall.

    Personally, I've struggled off and on with how I look for years. Being the product of a multi-racial lineage wasn't always easy because I didn't conform to society's standards and norms of race and beauty. That became more pronounced as I hit puberty, my teenage years and young adulthood. And let's face it, by the time we leave high school and enter college and adulthood, we've been (and are) bombarded with images of how we are supposed to look, dress, and act.

    With that being said, it's necessary and very much warranted for videos like the one you linked to be produced to cultivate a healthy/-ier self image among gay men, especially those under 30.
    Very beautiful said, and you are right...when i started getting into this practically new world of gay dating and the standard "gay image" i been quite worried i couldnt fit in...im not a jock, im not a nerd...idk im the guy that draws paintings and talks like about anything and everything...but somehow having that "superman look" is been implanted in the gay community and we dont appreciate the value in people anymore...I found it out the hard way when i first experienced love and been replaced by the man i loved for "something better" like a used up rag...broke my heart, been disgusted to look in the mirror for a period of time...This isnt right...icon_sad.gif
  • TheMadKash

    Posts: 126

    Mar 09, 2014 5:56 AM GMT
    Yes, Indeed. This seems to be a very "gay" issue..which is centralized in the pressures we put upon on ourselves because we want to please or be accepted. It's basic human desire to feel important and included and, ultimately, loved. For gay men this desire is seemingly intensified by the fact that most of us come out fighting for acceptance because of who we are instantly feeling as if we wrong- so there's a sense of some kind of alienation for a really large segment of gay men from the world at large. THEN there's a sense of alienation depending who you are from within the "community". It's very easy to compare yourself to other and get to boxed into types. Sometimes i think gay men be worse than cheerleaders and Real Housewives in judgement and social separation. Are you a Jock or a bear or are you an "otter".... yeah.. so it's easy to let bed self image develop.

    But the good news is that you can save yourself a lot a hard roads ahead for yourself if you do one thing:

    It's simple.

    It's Free.

    It's instant.


    That is..... Don't give a fuck.

    Simple as that. Because there is always someone out there for you who will like you for you. It's true and it's a matter of numbers. People who don't give a fuck are more successful and happier in life. And you can not physically be everything to everyone. And You'll never be loved if you do not love yourself. You are the only one you should be pleasing because at the end of the day you are the only person you are guaranteed to go to bed with at night.

    So be yourself. And don't give a fuck. It's what the doctor ordered.
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    Mar 09, 2014 8:42 PM GMT
    ^ Very well said man, very well said.

    It eventually gets to a point where you…don't give a flying fuck.
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    Mar 09, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    ChrisMD saidI recently discovered this video and i realized im much like those people.After my bf left me for some tattooed bald guy i been having a very bad impression of myself,idk i just dont feel comfortable with who i am because i feel like im not enough.So i watched this video randomly on youtube and i honestly had a tear or two on my cheeks after watching it...Im sure many men here have been in the situation described in the video.
    P.S. Sorry for my bad English.

    http://youtu.be/litXW91UauE



    Know how you feel. The guy I thought was my boyfriend told me after 6 months he would never consider me like that because didn't find me 'sexually' attractive and thought I was frigid though if I looked like you I'm sure he would've had no complaints icon_biggrin.gif
  • MCodyGetch88

    Posts: 11

    Mar 10, 2014 5:02 AM GMT
    Seen this video before and worth watching again! A good reminder...

    People who often lack a sense of self worth are to critical about our selves. We often look to close in the mirror as if the people we interact with are wearing magnifying glasses when they talk with us. Thus we notice the unnoticeable imperfections. Take a step back. We also tend to be "mind readers" thinking we know what people are thinking of us. When in fact, we are not mind readers. Easier said than done, but stop being so hard on your self. Everyday you wake up, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful, attractive, and handsome. Might sound stupid at first but after saying it repetitively, you will soon believe it. If you can believe it, your confidence will naturally go up. And it may be difficult to say "don't worry about what people think of you." We are naturally "people pleasers" because we want everyone to like us. The fact is not EVERYONE will like you. You can learn to accept this because the people who do value you will show it and know that those who do not, will not be productive to your self growth.

    "You must be the change you wish to see in yourself!"

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    Mar 10, 2014 6:05 AM GMT
    MCodyGetch88 saidSeen this video before and worth watching again! A good reminder...

    People who often lack a sense of self worth are to critical about our selves. We often look to close in the mirror as if the people we interact with are wearing magnifying glasses when they talk with us. Thus we notice the unnoticeable imperfections. Take a step back. We also tend to be "mind readers" thinking we know what people are thinking of us. When in fact, we are not mind readers. Easier said than done, but stop being so hard on your self. Everyday you wake up, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are beautiful, attractive, and handsome. Might sound stupid at first but after saying it repetitively, you will soon believe it. If you can believe it, your confidence will naturally go up. And it may be difficult to say "don't worry about what people think of you." We are naturally "people pleasers" because we want everyone to like us. The fact is not EVERYONE will like you. You can learn to accept this because the people who do value you will show it and know that those who do not, will not be productive to your self growth.

    "You must be the change you wish to see in yourself!"

    Ty very much, you are so right, I actually said "enough crying" and i put my big boy pants on and went with a really sweet guy on a date, we are both in med school, which makes conversations so interesting...im gonna try to find in my self more worth then what my ex bf considered of me...if he can replace me...well i guess i should do the same :'(
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    Mar 10, 2014 6:38 AM GMT
    Thom1993 said
    ChrisMD saidI recently discovered this video and i realized im much like those people.After my bf left me for some tattooed bald guy i been having a very bad impression of myself,idk i just dont feel comfortable with who i am because i feel like im not enough.So i watched this video randomly on youtube and i honestly had a tear or two on my cheeks after watching it...Im sure many men here have been in the situation described in the video.
    P.S. Sorry for my bad English.

    http://youtu.be/litXW91UauE



    Know how you feel. The guy I thought was my boyfriend told me after 6 months he would never consider me like that because didn't find me 'sexually' attractive and thought I was frigid though if I looked like you I'm sure he would've had no complaints icon_biggrin.gif
    Dont be so hard on yourself hun, your really cute ^_^
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    Mar 10, 2014 11:49 AM GMT
    I find the opposite more of a problem, disgusting gross people who do not have a bad self image. There should be a way to let people with misplaced ego to know that they are not hot or sexy.
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    Mar 10, 2014 1:59 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidI find the opposite more of a problem, disgusting gross people who do not have a bad self image. There should be a way to let people with misplaced ego to know that they are not hot or sexy.
    you reminded me of a lady that was like in her 40's and was like really fat and was wearing a top o.O and short jeans....i was like..seriously?...im not mean but there is a limit to doing things...but oh well who am i to judge im not mr perfect...hell im not even close to that
  • TheMadKash

    Posts: 126

    Mar 12, 2014 7:12 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidI find the opposite more of a problem, disgusting gross people who do not have a bad self image. There should be a way to let people with misplaced ego to know that they are not hot or sexy.



    I think they know it. But they have nothing to lose.

    I do find the prettiest people often have the lowest self esteem and those who are unattractive both inside and out have this bloated sense of self... but it really comes from a place of high insecurity so it's a gas. A front.