Grandfather, 90, came out to his gay grandson five months before he died

  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Mar 11, 2014 7:45 AM GMT
    Grandfather, 90, came out to his gay grandson five months before he died

    An artist shares his grandfather's story of how he was in love with a boy he played music with at church, and that was the 'love of his life'


    http://www.gaystarnews.com/article/grandfather-90-came-out-his-gay-grandson-five-months-he-died100314


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 11, 2014 2:24 PM GMT
    I've always thought my grandmother was gay. She was manic depressive and died when lithium, experimental at the time, was taken off market for a while. But also my grandfather was having at least one affair with some total phony bitch who moved in shortly after grandma died. So that might have contributed to grandma's death.

    She died when I was a child but whenever I see her picture my gaydar goes off. So I was not surprised, when I came out to my mom in my early 20s, that mom told me she herself was bisexual. Also I've numerous gay cousins.

    Looking at some old family photos with one of my lesbian cousins, we came across one of our ancestors who died early, the unlikely story being that she was hit by a bus generations ago. At about the same time both of our gaydars went off and we both commented that we thought she was gay. So that the bus story, which never sat quite right on hearing it, might have been a cover up for suicide, just as my grandmother's death had been covered up for so many years. I was originally told it was a heart attack.

    In hindsight too, it makes sense that if my grandmother was lesbian, then probably there wasn't much sex at home for my rather virile grandfather, so why wouldn't he have been cheating so as to be sexually satisfied which might have been impossible in his own home because of her unrealized sexuality. Certainly it questions whether his actions are beyond judging if my grandmother was a closeted lesbian. Which of course, I don't know for certain but would not be surprised to somehow learn.

    It's still tough enough. But imagine being gay back then.

    Grandma and Grandpa
    grandma-and-grandpa_zps80caeabd.gif

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    Mar 11, 2014 8:16 PM GMT
    The confusion and sadness of so many bisexuals, and how their fear makes them hid away for so long. Poder what grandma thought and felt, about being used in the way she was?

    Yes one being out in the 1960s as a child in the Aussie bush, that was equal to coming out in the 1940's 50's when they tried to beat my gay out of me, deprive me of many things my siblings were to get, yet a refused to step down on my same sex attraction; even though what that bisexual also did to me, was also very wrong.

    Thus one may well lack some understanding of the confusion and the choices of so many bisexuals; even today make.

    Not that one is saying bi is a bad thing, it's just not the same as a homosexual who has never had a wife and been seen as straight, and always been a homosexual and true to self and others. Thus we don't belong under the same banner as we are not one of the same, and gay has been hijacked to do that; force us all under the one banner, when we have never been the same tribe. Thus gay does not mean homosexual anymore.

    But I can still stand tall under the banner of a Bonafide Homosexual, as the lesbians who have never been with a man stand under the banner of Thoroughbred; and we have a right to our identity, that has been taken away from us.
  • hebrewman

    Posts: 1367

    Mar 11, 2014 8:49 PM GMT
    wow. really touching story.
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    Mar 11, 2014 9:32 PM GMT
    One of my childhood friends, now coming out for the first time in his 57 years, just called this afternoon to tell me he had his first "gay massage" (I assume happy ending) and while at whatever establishment he was at, he'd noticed a Thai ladyboy there so inquired and wound up in a session with the ladyboy.

    My friend said he loved it. He said, "so at 56 and a half (when he started talking about it) I guess I've come out. I guess I'm bisexual," he said. I said to him you can call it that but you might be polysexual, a term not used often and I explained in my crass fashion: that basically means you'll fuck anything. But meaning someone attracted to pretty much everyone including and maybe even especially transsexuals or any sort of gender bending.

    I'm familiar with that because my first best bud was polysexual which made for an interesting 10 years.

    We didn't get into the ramifications yet of what that means for his life. He's married for probably 30 years or more to a woman who thinks she's in a monogamous relationship with a str8 guy. He enjoyed a str8 life up until now but now at nearly 60 he's found out that he's not str8. Wow. He's already made reference to younger guy's bodies and so he's probably going through those types of thoughts, wondering what he missed out on in his youth.

    Kind of encouraging yet sad at the same time.
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    Mar 12, 2014 7:21 PM GMT
    When my grandma found out I was gay, she straight up told me "Whatever if I were younger Id be a lesbian, just be safe and wear condoms"...Im like OK GRANDMA TOO MUCH INFORMATION like wtf. She is crazy but i love her
  • Sportsfan1

    Posts: 479

    Mar 13, 2014 3:07 AM GMT
    I hear and read about these stories so much. It does seem sad that they had to live a lie. I can see the harm that was done to many people but some good did come out of it.
    I wish you and your husband all the best. What a great way to honor your grandfather.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Mar 13, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    Grant's story of his grandfather and his connection is beautiful. I am 56. When I first came out, I encountered Jonathan Katz at the University of Wisconsin--he was presenting Gay American History. It helped form my identity, knowing that there were many before me who hid in plain sight.
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    Mar 18, 2014 8:36 AM GMT
    Sportsfan1 saidI hear and read about these stories so much. It does seem sad that they had to live a lie. I can see the harm that was done to many people but some good did come out of it.
    I wish you and your husband all the best. What a great way to honor your grandfather.


    Were they forced, or it was an ability of choice they had. As not all gays got married, some suffered consequences, and others got away with it by joining the priesthood, or delved into their work, and latter in life fob it off as leaving it to late, or the right gale just never come alone. but I doubt they were all forced, many made choices, as they do today.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Mar 18, 2014 2:33 PM GMT
    Wow, thank you for sharing. This was very touching.
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    Mar 24, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    charlitos saidWhen my grandma found out I was gay, she straight up told me "Whatever if I were younger Id be a lesbian, just be safe and wear condoms"...Im like OK GRANDMA TOO MUCH INFORMATION like wtf. She is crazy but i love her


    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif your grandma sounds awesome
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    Mar 25, 2014 9:32 AM GMT
    tru_blu_ozzie saidThe confusion and sadness of so many bisexuals, and how their fear makes them hid away for so long. Poder what grandma thought and felt, about being used in the way she was?

    Yes one being out in the 1960s as a child in the Aussie bush, that was equal to coming out in the 1940's 50's when they tried to beat my gay out of me, deprive me of many things my siblings were to get, yet a refused to step down on my same sex attraction; even though what that bisexual also did to me, was also very wrong.

    Thus one may well lack some understanding of the confusion and the choices of so many bisexuals; even today make.

    Not that one is saying bi is a bad thing, it's just not the same as a homosexual who has never had a wife and been seen as straight, and always been a homosexual and true to self and others. Thus we don't belong under the same banner as we are not one of the same, and gay has been hijacked to do that; force us all under the one banner, when we have never been the same tribe. Thus gay does not mean homosexual anymore.

    But I can still stand tall under the banner of a Bonafide Homosexual, as the lesbians who have never been with a man stand under the banner of Thoroughbred; and we have a right to our identity, that has been taken away from us.



    Did anyone happen to see the excellent cover story on Bisexuality in this past Sunday's NY Times Magazine?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2014 2:35 PM GMT
    A very inspirational story. It's never too late, I guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2014 3:15 PM GMT
    lvkba saidA very inspirational story. It's never too late, I guess.

    A heart touching story.
    And yes, I concur...It's never too late.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 25, 2014 5:07 PM GMT
    What a shame that grandpa grew up in an era where being gay just wasn't a reality. Touching that he came out to his grandson.
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    Mar 25, 2014 7:44 PM GMT
    charlitos saidWhen my grandma found out I was gay, she straight up told me "Whatever if I were younger Id be a lesbian, just be safe and wear condoms"...Im like OK GRANDMA TOO MUCH INFORMATION like wtf. She is crazy but i love her


    Haha awwww Grandmas are the best.
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    Mar 25, 2014 8:46 PM GMT
    MCB_ saidWhat a shame that grandpa grew up in an era where being gay just wasn't a reality. Touching that he came out to his grandson.



    A very good, inspiring story. I liked it but couldn't help feeling sorry that the grandfather was part of a church where he couldn't be himself. Too bad he chose the Baptist faith. Had he chosen the Episcopalian faith - or others that welcomed gay people, the grandfather could have just lived his life - and enjoyed a relationship with the guy he loved. For instance, going back to the 1940's in the Episcopal church of St. Matthew (my church) - the main priest and his associate rector openly lived together in the church rectory (church-owned house designated for priests & their families). They worked together all week, and lived openly as a couple........from the 1940's, to 1978 when they both retired together (in their 70's). Too bad this grandfather in the story couldn't have had such a life - in a different type of church. It would have been so much better if he could have known there were other churches and faiths that would love and accept him just as he was.
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    Mar 25, 2014 8:51 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 said
    MCB_ saidWhat a shame that grandpa grew up in an era where being gay just wasn't a reality. Touching that he came out to his grandson.



    A very good, inspiring story. I liked it but couldn't help feeling sorry that the grandfather was part of a church where he couldn't be himself. Too bad he chose the Baptist faith. Had he chosen the Episcopalian faith - or others that welcomed gay people, the grandfather could have just lived his life - and enjoyed a relationship with the guy he loved. For instance, going back to the 1940's in the Episcopal church of St. Matthew (my church) - the main priest and his associate rector openly lived together in the church rectory (church-owned house designated for priests & their families). They worked together all week, and lived openly as a couple........from the 1940's, to 1978 when they both retired together (in their 70's). Too bad this grandfather in the story couldn't have had such a life - in a different type of church. It would have been so much better if he could have known there were other churches and faiths that would love and accept him just as he was.


    He should have just googled different faiths.
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    Mar 28, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    charlitos saidWhen my grandma found out I was gay, she straight up told me "Whatever if I were younger Id be a lesbian, just be safe and wear condoms"...Im like OK GRANDMA TOO MUCH INFORMATION like wtf. She is crazy but i love her


    lucky you… my grandma doesn't know what a hicky is.. she thought I got beat up one time when she saw my neck lol… so telling her I m gay would not make any sense to her icon_neutral.gif but i still love her more than anyone
  • rower54

    Posts: 1

    Mar 31, 2014 1:14 PM GMT
    This is an amazing story. Thanks for posting! What an inspiration. Imagine how it was back then. That's probably all you could do about it