Should I be worried that I'm missing out?

  • JJ_Atoli

    Posts: 295

    Mar 12, 2014 7:31 PM GMT
    First off, WOW I haven't been on this site in a while but I'm going around to different gay forums to get some feedback.

    Went out with a group of friends (a group made up of gay men) the other night and ended up having a conversation concerning what it is we're looking for in a guys. Through chatting it came up that I was the only one who identified as a bottom and I was the only one who enjoys myself and my partner playing into heteronormative traditional gender roles.

    The rest of the group all identified as versatile and seemed to agree that gender roles as a whole were archaic. I got ripped on pretty badly and told that my views and wants in a partner might just be responsible for my chronic singleness (whereas everyone is usually seeing someone). On the subject of sexual roles it was explained to me that no one adheres to such labels as bottom and top anymore and that 'real men aren't afraid to use all of there body in there sexual pleasure'.

    My question is: "Is this the new normal?" Are the majority of gay guys throwing off hard labels and just being open to whatever comes their way? I ask because I don't want to be seen as backwards thinking or chance missing out on something.

    Then there's this - while all of my friends said they identified as versatile, which I took to mean they had no preference in their sexual role at all, when pressed they almost all admitted to being either vers-tops or vers-bottoms ( and said they would prefer more masculine men.

    SO I also wanted to know what people thought about the idea of being open for the sake of being so or simply widening your dating pool. What's the point in ignoring your preference in order to meet someone, possibly start dating them and then get into a serious relationship and being partially unfulfilled or unhappy? I could meet more guys - but how interested in them would I actually be? icon_confused.gif

    So is waiting around to meet a top who feels comfortable being 'the man' futile and wasteful of time that I could spend being 'open' and meeting guys?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2014 2:14 AM GMT
    Well if you're only wanting sex then you could pick your choice of positions. If you're wanting to meet more guys for sex you could list yourself as versatile therefore enjoying being a bottom but also willing to be a top with the appropriate toys or yourself occasionally to satisfy your partner.

    If you're want to meet guys so as to be out there just meeting guys and getting to know others, ignore the labels and just meet guys to get to know them. Once you get to a point where positions are an issue, then you'll have to prioritize your desires and your feelings for the guy you met. I'm not sure being a top or a bottom is as significant in the 90% of your day spent out of bed though.
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Mar 13, 2014 2:28 PM GMT
    will definately be easier finding more guys to date being versatile, there are a bajillion bottoms/guys who prefer bottoming out there xD if you became vers then you can take it in turns being the one 'fulfilled' 'happy' n the rest can just be the great times you have together when you're not having sex,

    that being said theres nothing wrong or abnomal with waiting for a total top to come along cus theres a few of those out there too, probs a few vers-top guys out there who wouldnt mind givin up the butt for a total bottom, you're right though in sayin you're limiting your options
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2014 3:12 PM GMT


    "Is this the new normal?"

    No, it isn't. Back when I was 20, which is 38+ years ago, people were considered versatile but with preferences. There were, and are, people that have extremely strong preferences to the point of exclusivity when it comes to that preference. There's nothing wrong with this, other than it reduces the number of potential partners for you to choose from.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2014 4:11 PM GMT
    JJ_Atoli said ... Went out with a group of friends ... and ended up having a conversation concerning what it is we're looking for in a guys. Through chatting it came up that I was the only one who identified as a bottom and I was the only one who enjoys myself ... the rest of the group all identified as versatile and seemed to agree that gender roles as a whole were archaic. ...


    these are your choices, stick with them.
    I would tend to agree with your group of friends to