Why do so many (gay) men choose to live in absolute filth? I just can't comprehend it.

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    Mar 13, 2014 7:48 AM GMT
    I once talked about how some(again, I'm not referring to every gay man, so don't go there) guy's cars are like little mobile pigsties. That, I've gotten past because I rarely even get into anyone's car these days anyway.

    But, I just left from San Francisco and I met a friend who appears to be pretty attractive, normal looking, etc. It was kinda spontaneous. He was really nice, and I stayed with him for a couple of nights. But, during my stay I noticed the place wasn't 'just' in a mess. The fucking apartment looked like it hadn't been cleaned in MONTHS. He also had 2 cats, which exasperated the situation. I woke up out of my sleep with an asthma attack because the litter box must have hadn't been cleaned in days, maybe even weeks and was emitting ammonia and carbon dioxide into the whole studio.

    So, the next morning..I decided to surprise him while he was at work, and HELP him get cleaned up..because he also has asthma, which I believe was due to the filthy conditions. I went to the store and stocked up on cleaning supplies/cat litter, etc. and started scrubbing and cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming the floors that hadn't been done in months it appeared, changing litter box, etc. It was so bad...that I had to pause a couple of times and just stop because I was getting so grossed out. I tried to do the bathroom, but I couldn't. The toilet seat was in disarray and all chipped and peeled up, water leaking behind the toilet with about an inch of 'gunk' on the floor all around the toilet, cat-piss saturated towels on the floor...it was just too much! The area where he fed the cats in the kitchen floor had cat food etched into the linoleum as if he hadn't mopped or swept in months.

    After I cleaned that shit for myself and seen how dirty it was, I got the fuck out and went to a hotel. There was no way in hell I was staying there another night. But he was SOOO happy that I cleaned it, he just couldn't believe I did it. He thought I was just going to complain, and not do anything about it.

    If you think this is due to 'who I'm meeting', think again. This guy worked a decent job, drove a sports car, and seemed to be supporting himself financially living alone in San Francisco. But yet, it appeared he had 0 life skills. I see stuff like this ALL THE TIME. I've also in the past, took time to clean guy's bachelor pad because I wanted to help them and show they CAN live better. I told the guy, I don't think you have asthma. I think you're having asthmatic symptoms because you're allowing the litter box to go uncleaned for a whole month. I literally stopped breathing briefly in my sleep because it was building up a toxin .

    This whole healthcare thing, I believe...needs to start at home. I can imagine many illnesses come about because of people's living conditions. I believe there will come a time, where annual inspections of people's living areas will be mandatory. I believe it should.
  • Danskerb

    Posts: 286

    Mar 13, 2014 7:54 AM GMT
    I ride a bike... so my 'vehicle' can't really be messy. As for my apartment... i might not vacuum EVERY week, but its at least tidy all the time icon_smile.gif
  • kentstrongtom...

    Posts: 1294

    Mar 13, 2014 8:12 AM GMT
    Tell that guy to hire a maid for 4 hours, once a week. How much would he pay? 10 $/ hour. He can afford it. I altways clean my house. Sometimes i am tired or not in the mood for dishes but i can't stand a filthy house.
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    Mar 13, 2014 8:19 AM GMT
    kentstrongtommy saidTell that guy to hire a maid for 4 hours, once a week. How much would he pay? 10 $/ hour. He can afford it. I altways clean my house. Sometimes i am tired or not in the mood for dishes but i can't stand a filthy house.


    Man...4 hours wasn't even enough. I spent 3 hours trying to clean that place, and barely touched the bathroom.

    But, that's a good idea...if he needs it. He said the same thing, he comes home from work and just veges out. Well you know what? It's not that hard! I used to work 8 hour days, then school afterwards 3-4 times a week. I never let my little studio get that dirty. All it took was taking Friday night or Sunday afternoon spending 2 hours cleaning up, and that's it. Maybe a little sweep of the floor during the week, how hard is that?

    I almost wanted to ask him, are you ok? is there something deeper going on that I don't know about? Because that's like a mental illness to live in that type of filth and not BE BOTHERED by it. And so many gay men I've met, seem to live like that and not be bothered. "Oh, I worked all day...I'm too tired to sweep the floor that has 3 inches of dog hair piled up, or touch any of the dirty dishes, or wash the mound of dirty clothes piled up"

    but yet...they have all the time in the world, to go to a fucking bar or accept dinner invitations. we need to fucking stop all this bullshit and get it together.
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    Mar 13, 2014 8:19 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 saidIf you think this is due to 'who I'm meeting', think again. This guy worked a decent job, drove a sports car, and seemed to be supporting himself financially living alone in San Francisco. But yet, it appeared he had 0 life skills.


    There you go! I know some of these types. They're so wrapped up in their jobs and personal lives, that cleaning and other little jobs get put on the back burner.

    This isn't exclusive to gay people, either. There needs to be a balance in everything.
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    Mar 13, 2014 8:25 AM GMT
    Jlor31 said
    This isn't exclusive to gay people, either. There needs to be a balance in everything.


    There seems to only be 2 types of gays when it comes to household chores: the neat freaks like me, and then the ones who just don't give a shit and live in filth. I've rarely been able to find that middle ground with anyone.

    Again, not gay-bashing here. It could just be a man thing, but I believe most straight men would atleast have common sense to get things cleaned up before a woman comes over, or to try and be clean for a woman. I think that's where we as gay people seem to fall behind on. My older brother is straight, but although he isn't a neat freak...I've never seen him living anywhere near the levels of filth I'm describing. I would tell my mom if he ever did.

    We think, oh it's another man...he can handle it. Naaahhhwww playa, this is unacceptable.
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    Mar 13, 2014 10:11 AM GMT
    Great, another generalization thread.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 13, 2014 11:01 AM GMT
    In trying to explain the behavior of gay men I usually first look at the behavior of all men. And many men are indeed pigs, just ask women.

    Not sure why, if it's cultural in the West, including gender roles that assign cleaning tasks to women. Though when a single man IS very neat & clean, it's often suspected he might be gay. Because REAL men can't be bothered with that s*it. So I actually think gay men may be a bit cleaner on average than the overall male population, at least that's the general perception.

    But I've run into some winners. The worst was a bar pick-up, and we went back to his nearby apartment. You couldn't even see the bedroom floor, walking on clothes, bedsheets, towels, etc. The mattress was bare, but he threw a sheet over it as we arrived.

    I could see into the kitchen where dirty dishes and pots were piled high in the sink and covered all the counters and the table. When I went to use the bathroom it looked like a badly maintained restroom at a gas station.

    Fortunately when he saw my hardon he decided I was too big to top him, and since that's all he wanted, and wouldn't do any other kind of sex, he suggested I should leave. I did gladly, later mad at myself that I hadn't turned away when he first opened the door.

    I couldn't understand a guy who would go to a gay bar, obviously open to the idea of bringing someone home for sex, and leave his place a total pigsty. Did he think a trick wouldn't notice or mind? Or if not, what must he have thought of ME?

    Whenever I went to a bar I always made sure my entire place was ready for "guests" who might come back with me. I'm no neatness freak, I often let things get untidy. But not dirty, and I straighten up for potential guests.
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    Mar 13, 2014 11:44 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    There seems to only be 2 types of gays when it comes to household chores: the neat freaks like me, and then the ones who just don't give a shit and live in filth. I've rarely been able to find that middle ground with anyone.

    I think my husband & I are middle ground. We aren't dirty, but we do tend to be messy. And because cleaning & straightening is physically difficult for us, we have a cleaning lady come in once a week.

    She'll be here tomorrow (Friday) as usual, which is fortunate timing. Because we'll have a sleep-over guest Saturday night. We're all going to hear a piano lounge player he likes, and he wanted a place to crash to avoid a 30-mile late-night trip back to his place after drinking.

    He was considering a motel but my husband said don't bother, you can stay in our office/spare bedroom. I later said to him are you crazy? You mean our office/storage unit with a Murphy bed? My bicycle & golf bag are in there, boxes of your SMART Ride paperwork, it's packed with all kinds of crap. We keep that door closed, and the cleaning lady doesn't even go in there.

    Oh, we can just move it all to our storage unit, he replies, and we (meaning me) can clean the tile floor ourselves. Oh, really? Thank you for backbreaking tasks I didn't need. I'll PAY our friend to stay in a gay guest house near here, he'll like it better. No, hubby says, I already promised him.

    But here's the kicker: he's literally a world famous, award winning furniture designer and interior decorator, with his own company. I've posted his links & pics here before. And this guy is gonna stay in OUR dump? We've known him for years, great guy, but he's never been here, and for good reason.

    So now I've gotta transform this place into something fit for a magazine spread, not just straighten it up a bit. My husband never thinks before he opens his mouth, he imagines he's still living in his big houses before he took this little condo.

    And I don't want a big house again, we're too old for it. He wisely downsized his home before we met, but he hasn't learned to downsize his overly ambitious hosting. He's forever inviting 8 or more people over for dinner, when the table will only seat 6 at most, 4 comfortably.

    He insists they can squeeze in, and I tell him we're not serving dinner on the New York City subway during rush hour, you need a reality check. This isn't your old place where you had a table for 12, the days of big dinner parties are over.

    So this sleepover guest is typical of him, promising something we really can't handle very well in our cluttered working office. And I'm the one who gets to solve the problems to make these things happen, not him. I do luv 'im, but at times... icon_mad.gif

    End of rant.
  • KittenpasteCo...

    Posts: 245

    Mar 13, 2014 12:17 PM GMT
    Busy people are the type I avoid and this is one of the many reasons why.
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    Mar 13, 2014 12:22 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said He also had 2 cats, which exasperated the situation.

    The word you were looking for is "exacerbated" not "exasperated".
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    Mar 13, 2014 12:26 PM GMT
    I confess. I am guilty. My car is currently a mess. But I quickly clean it out if I think someone is going to be riding with me.
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    Mar 13, 2014 12:29 PM GMT
    I have no problem being messy when I'm the only one home but if someone were to come over My default reaction to clean. No one wants to see all your shit on the floor. You can't even come to my house unless it is clean. I hire maids for the kitchen.

    Also there's a big difference between messy and dirty, I am messy not dirty
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    Mar 13, 2014 3:34 PM GMT
    I make sure I have a spring clean every spring even if my house doesn't need it. Stuff like that is important.
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    Mar 13, 2014 3:37 PM GMT
    When I read a generalization about an entire group, I always figure the complainer only attracts the sorts of people he/she is complaining about. So, if you are running into a bunch of slobs, it's more about you than the slobs.
    Maybe you should stop hooking up with strangers you meet online, or off apps or maybe you should always ask.
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    Mar 13, 2014 4:33 PM GMT
    You have the dirty filthy ones and the obsessive clean ones .
    I am in the obsessive cleaner category , cannot go to bed with a dirty on cluttered kitchen bench top , cannot leave my flat without to be vacuumed , i clean my truck inside out every week etc.....
    Believe me i have driven people away , by being too clean ...hahaha...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 13, 2014 4:52 PM GMT
    people like that:
    if you try to clean up after them they get upset you are trowing away priceless belongings
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    Mar 13, 2014 8:42 PM GMT
    For starters, this sounds like somebody who should not own a cat icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 14, 2014 11:15 PM GMT
    You must have seen my house and car.
    Cleaning is soooo hard.
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    Mar 14, 2014 11:28 PM GMT
    That sounds fucking disgusting… I don't believe this is a gay thing, as much as a 'some people are pigs' thing. There is no excuse for filth like that. Not to mention the health ramifications for all involved.
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    Mar 15, 2014 12:28 AM GMT
    Lol this post....

    Some people are like that.

    Healthcare should def start at home! :-)
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    Mar 15, 2014 12:31 AM GMT
    I'm clean, but not obsessive about it. I vacuum every couple of days, dust, do the dishes immediately, etc. WHen I have visitors coming over, ill def make sure my appartment is totally clean. For big clean-up, I have my mom come over and do it together with me icon_biggrin.gif

    She can give very useful tips, etc.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 15, 2014 12:41 AM GMT
    Recently, I gave my friend a ride, after he had dropped off his car at a garage, for repairs. As soon as he got in, he said, "Your car is so clean !" LOL. I think it's because I don't eat in my car, and I don't store stuff in my car.

    As for my home, I keep a clean, neat house when I have a boyfriend. Otherwise, I don't care as much. But, I'm definitely not a pack rat nor a slob...
  • newguy30

    Posts: 9

    Mar 15, 2014 4:24 AM GMT
    You need to watch Hoarders and Animal Hoarders.

    Breeders do it too!

    Hiring is the way to go.
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    Mar 15, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    I dont know how people keep their lives together in filth.