• ExtraN

    Posts: 8

    Mar 14, 2014 6:04 PM GMT
    Hey. I'm from Russia. I don't know what to do. My mother began to notice that I put make-up. I applied makeup to lift our front. Mom tracked me. She went out on the balcony and saw how I leave the house. She noticed that with me came out of the front some girl. I came home, she started screaming at me. Asked me what people think about me when they see me. Now she said she would sit beside me and control me that I should not apply makeup. She does not understand what it's like to be gay. What is when you want just a little look beautiful. When you want your inner world be in harmony with the outside world, she does not understand that by using of make-up, I feel better, I start to love myself. In childhood I was insecure child. Parents did not love each other ever. Once dad beat my mother, he broke her nose and the whole floor was in the blood. Her blood. Once dad called me asked "are you gay?", I replied "No", he said: "If you're gay, I'll send you to forest, I will leave you there with the wild animals,I'll change your name like if I had never no son. My dad - crazy man, as a child he would beat me because I did not understand the math. He had a wooden stick, which he hid behind the sofa. He beat me periodically to grade 8. I am afraid of him. And i hate mom. I hate my life. Cosmetics helps me. With it I feel better. I have good friends at the university. They amuse me. My life would be meaningless without them. I have never had a boyfriend. I was in love with a boy from my school. I had two friends who I trusted all the secrets. Soon told them about my feelings. A year later, at the graduation party one of my friends told this to her boyfriend and everyone present at the outlet knew I was in love with a boy . That guy found out about it too. They all laughed at me with him and i drank. People often insulted me on the street. example, I got off the bus and an old man came up to me asked aloud, "you are a girl or a boy?" in the subway guards stopped me and they brought me into the dark room and started asking about my sexual preferences asked uncomfortable questions, yesterday I went out the tram and a man trying to catch up to me, shouting, "Hey, you, personality, personality." I live in fear, I want to cry and scream. I shed tears. I live in a prison. Something is broken inside. No one understands me. I can not live like this. I want to express myself to be a free man. I can not anymore. I can not. I want to change my life, but i can't...
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6082

    Mar 14, 2014 7:13 PM GMT
    Such a sad story! icon_cry.gif

    I wish I could solve your problems or at least could get you away from your family and out of Russia, somewhere you could be safe.

    Unfortunately one of the sad things about the internet is you can meet people who need and deserve help but there is nothing one can do. icon_sad.gif

    The most important thing is for you to keep safe and believe that your life can get better. I'm not saying it will be easy but it can get better. You are intelligent and you can think this through. There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup if it makes you feel good about yourself. But you don't need to wear makeup to be beautiful or handsome. You already are.
  • ExtraN

    Posts: 8

    Mar 15, 2014 7:19 PM GMT