When meeting new men for potential dating......

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2008 8:07 AM GMT
    which camp do you fall in.....a) there MUST be a physical attraction there for me to be interested in knowing more, or b) if he's a nice, interesting guy we can start out friends and the physical attraction will grow from there?
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    Dec 24, 2008 12:49 PM GMT
    Elements of both. A perfect in the a camp but a zero in the b camp would still mean zero interest from me and vice versa. Even though refers to potential dating, I'll probably not date people I just met right away anyway (or at least go very slowly). There has to be friendship or at least a long enough acquaintance first. Otherwise, any attraction will start out as superficial anyway.
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    Dec 24, 2008 1:32 PM GMT
    Personally, I associate the physical attraction with the sexual aspect of a relationship.
    It's kind of like vitamins. In the grand scheme its a very small but critical aspect of starting a romantic relationship (as opposed to a purely platonic one).
    Someone with astounding physical beauty to me, can quickly loose attractiveness if the intangible attributes are lacking. Whereas, a guy's who's not 'remarkable' in looks can grow on me easily if there's a small physical attraction initially.
    Here's the qualifier though. I'm someone who's more attracted to a good body than a handsome face. The advantage of that is that there are plenty more men out there who can be 'hot' to me. The disadvantage is that of the men that I've met who meet these broad criteria are often of the belief that I really prefer the opposite. I don't understand it other than assuming that it's social conditioning that you have to be 'handsome'.

    ...sigh...I guess it's one of the reasons that I'm single. icon_neutral.gif
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    Dec 24, 2008 2:16 PM GMT
    There has to be a spark of some sort, and for me personality is the big one. While I'm definitely attracted to a handsome face and nice body, but if there's not the sense of the guy having a personality, it's like looking at a pretty shell.
  • sandiegovince

    Posts: 111

    Dec 24, 2008 3:08 PM GMT
    Face it, dating in the gay world is tough. You get very few second dates. If you aren't able to put your best face (and body) forward and display a magnetic personality within the first five minutes of meeting a guy--you're screwed. I found my best relationships were with men who started out as friends or whom I didn't iniatially find attractive but because we shared other interests or ended up at the same social functions, the spark began to develop. Another example, is the really hot store clerk. You first see him as only a hot piece of ass, but then every time you go to the market you see him, then you strike up a conversation, and you find out he also possesses a great personality. Those occassions are rare. Usually, its size you up and an hour later you hear "thanks for the coffee...it was fun...cya!" And you never see them again. LOL
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    Dec 24, 2008 3:12 PM GMT
    I'm not particularly good looking or have the greatest physical presence that would be noticeable from far away. I hit above my weight class when it comes to this topic . In other words I tend to pick out guys that are very handsome or athletic (all ages).
    So my conditioned response is the physical and it hasn't really worked for me. In reality I want to meet guys I can talk to, find interesting, find me interesting too.
    just my thoughts for now.
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    Dec 24, 2008 3:19 PM GMT
    Based off A or B, which ever gut feeling I get, that's how I follow suit and I will tell them right away how I feel.
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    Dec 24, 2008 3:35 PM GMT
    I've tried both and not sure one approach works better than the other. I even said to myself after several failed dating attempts that I should just be friends first and develop that aspect of a relationship before pursuing something romantic or physical. However that approach is not always feasible. The last guy I dated - even though that is not how we started off - was very averse to being friends or anything but lovers, to my surprise given my impression of his nature.
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    Dec 24, 2008 4:48 PM GMT
    hmmmm interesting question...

    i need to be physically attracted as well as mentally stimulated in order for it to grow into more. that does not mean that he has to be gorgeous, but it does mean that i have to be able to see myself kissing him. if i dont, but we connect intellectually, it will possibly grow into a friendship. however, if he is HOT but there is no mental connection, it will grow into nothing.
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    Dec 25, 2008 5:20 AM GMT
    I think men kid themselves. They truly believe they can compartmentalize their attractions. You can't. You have to feel an emotional attraction period. If you feel an emotional attraction there will undoubtedly be a physical component of that attraction.

    Let's say you meet a guy and find him physically attractive. You have sex with him before you've even said hi. After sex you begin to talk to him and decide he's a loser. Suddenly you no longer find him physically attractive although you had just had great sex with him five minutes ago.

    Now take another guy who you see naked at the gym, decent looks average body but nothing special. You don't give him a second look. You meet him later through some friends and he has a killer smile, tremendous charisma, and you click instantly. Your just dying to spend the night spooning with him and you feel almost surprised that now you feel physically attracted to him but when you saw him naked at the gym you found nothing special about him.

    I can't separate one from the other which is why I think I can't seem to get anywhere with internet dating.
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    Dec 26, 2008 8:15 PM GMT
    Well, if I start off as friends with him, I will most likely keep being friends with him and nothing more.
    I can usually tell right away if I find the guy attractive or not - if I don't, there is NO chance of us ever being together. If I do - then I start getting to know him better. Not that I care that much about the looks, I just can't think of someone sexually if I'm not attracted to them... they just stay in the FRIENDS category.
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    Dec 26, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
    Hmmmmm? Too many variables for this. I sorta just go with the flow and see how things develop. Can't treat ever situation and guy the same way otherwise you get the same results. All depends on several things like mood, moment, location and maybe the cycle of the moon.

    IF I had to choose I would a mixture of both. Having a nice bod for that physical attraction is great but I need to know that personality is hot too otherwise I probably won't be interested...at least not for dating purposes anyway. (I'm a guy..what can I say?)
  • GQjock

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    Dec 26, 2008 8:58 PM GMT
    I've tried both and A seems to work best for me
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:11 PM GMT
    It has to start with attraction.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:16 PM GMT
    friendormate saidI think men kid themselves. They truly believe they can compartmentalize their attractions. You can't. You have to feel an emotional attraction period. If you feel an emotional attraction there will undoubtedly be a physical component of that attraction.

    Let's say you meet a guy and find him physically attractive. You have sex with him before you've even said hi. After sex you begin to talk to him and decide he's a loser. Suddenly you no longer find him physically attractive although you had just had great sex with him five minutes ago.

    Now take another guy who you see naked at the gym, decent looks average body but nothing special. You don't give him a second look. You meet him later through some friends and he has a killer smile, tremendous charisma, and you click instantly. Your just dying to spend the night spooning with him and you feel almost surprised that now you feel physically attracted to him but when you saw him naked at the gym you found nothing special about him.

    I can't separate one from the other which is why I think I can't seem to get anywhere with internet dating.


    THATS ALL! I mean this is soo true!! sorry i just got to quote you!
    And of course you can fall in love with a body cause the line between physical and the psychological attraction is extremelly fine, but as the body diminish the feelings as well if your attraction is based on a physical connection...
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    1) Does he have a job and goals in life

    2) Is he a good communicator

    3) Does he take care of himself physically

    4) non-smoker, non-drug user, not an excessive drinker

    5) Can he make me laugh
  • KansasColt09

    Posts: 179

    Dec 26, 2008 10:00 PM GMT
    an idyllic situation would be a combination of both, but I tend to like the initial butterflies with someone who I meet who I find attractive:-D That's the romantic in me:-D
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    Dec 26, 2008 10:37 PM GMT
    If he makes me (based on both looks and personality):

    1) Feel a little nervous
    2) Imagine him naked
    3) Open my mouth and lick my lips
    4) Take note of his mouth
    5) Laugh at some caustic or sly remark
    6) Imagine what he's like in bed

    HAHA, okay, maybe I'm describing something else but I'd definately date a guy that made me do any of the above.
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    Dec 26, 2008 10:43 PM GMT
    I think you have to be physically attracted to him first. That does not mean he has to be a beauty in the classical sense. Just somebody that has the chemistry to make your dick hard, whatever his appreance.

    I've had situations where I found the guy fun to be with, intelligent, interesting and happy, but I had no physical attraction. I used to think that maybe the physical/sexual attraction would develop later.

    But it never did. There was no use in forcing it.

    But everyone is different.
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    Dec 26, 2008 10:51 PM GMT
    Sexual attraction is a strange thing and is something you can't predict.
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    Dec 26, 2008 11:20 PM GMT
    Well... nice is one thing, but let's face it, if he's disgusting when you first meet him, he's likely gonna be disgusting for the rest of the time you know him, in the same manner that he may be an asshole when you meet him.
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    Dec 27, 2008 4:07 AM GMT
    Shortnsexystud saidwhich camp do you fall in.....a) there MUST be a physical attraction there for me to be interested in knowing more, or b) if he's a nice, interesting guy we can start out friends and the physical attraction will grow from there?


    A. Definitely A. I've tried B. B never works. B is a recipe for future infidelity.
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    Dec 27, 2008 4:13 AM GMT
    I vote for either! You may never know, at your first meeting; you may not immediately feel a sexual attraction but he could possibly be the best thing you have ever had in bed! Was it Descartes or Hume that said, "Physical appearance is not predicative of sexual performance. Always worth exploring all options.
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    Dec 28, 2008 7:55 AM GMT
    rezdylan said
    Shortnsexystud saidwhich camp do you fall in.....a) there MUST be a physical attraction there for me to be interested in knowing more, or b) if he's a nice, interesting guy we can start out friends and the physical attraction will grow from there?


    A. Definitely A. I've tried B. B never works. B is a recipe for future infidelity.



    sooooo true!!!
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    Dec 28, 2008 8:21 AM GMT
    which camp do you fall in.....a) there MUST be a physical attraction there for me to be interested in knowing more, or b) if he's a nice, interesting guy we can start out friends and the physical attraction will grow from there?

    I have personally experienced both situations. I dated a guy who was okay physically, however, when I really got to know him on a deeper level he became more and more sexy. I've also dated guys who are incredibly gorgeous physically and when I got to know them more they became the ugliest person i've ever met. There might be certain things that they do or say that really gets under my skin. A big thing for me is how they treat other people that they don't know. There was one time where I went out with this drop dead gorgeous guy and was sweet up until he chewed out a waitress and be-littled her for getting his order wrong. I don't stand for that sort of thing and I actually ended the date right then and there. I don't care how attractive the person is...if they are ugly inside, they are ugly on the exterior to me also.
    I am a firm believer that physical attraction is important on some level in some capasity. I also am a firm believer that looks can fade so if the physical attraction is all that you are hanging on to there is no way the relationship will work in the long run.