Don't confuse my politeness for flirtation.

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    Mar 16, 2014 9:22 PM GMT
    Don't you hate it when this happens? icon_mad.gif
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:27 PM GMT
    Only when your boyfriend is with you, or rather your extremely jealous boyfriend is with you.
    --that poor, poor waiter.
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidOnly when your boyfriend is with you, or rather your extremely jealous boyfriend is with you.
    --that poor, poor waiter.


    lol I feel his pain icon_lol.gif.
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:31 PM GMT
    Not pertinent; I'm always rude.
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    I had someone's bf give me the subtle 'back off my man' convo when really I was just graciously having a polite conversation lol
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:41 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidOnly when your boyfriend is with you, or rather your extremely jealous boyfriend is with you.
    --that poor, poor waiter.

    A trait of my late and current partner's was/is extreme jealously & possessiveness. While both would say they trusted me completely (as they should), in practice they exhibit(ed) some insecurity.

    A few years ago we hosted an RJ member who came to Fort Lauderdale for Pride. A lot younger than either of us, my husband unexpectedly began bitching about my spending too much time escorting him during the festival. Well, I was just being polite & helpful with a stranger to our community.

    I didn't have the least private interest in him, very nice young man though he was. Which in turn was insulting to ME to even think such a thing about me. It caused some real tensions between us I had to work to defuse.

    I'm also old-fashioned deferential and polite to women, how I was raised in my era. Which sometimes has the unintended effect of sending mistaken messages to the women of today, who misinterpret my actions as flirtation & sexual interest. Obviously the last thing I want.

    So I actually find myself being DISrespectful to women in some situations, as I would view it, so that they don't get the wrong idea about me. A cultural recalibration I've had to do because the rest of the world has moved on.
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:41 PM GMT
    Warning: Thread derailment ahead.

    Can any of you believe how handsome Fivealive is?
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:54 PM GMT
    Sharkadelic saidWarning: Thread derailment ahead.

    Can any of you believe how handsome Fivealive is?

    And is that 30??? Plus I love a double-breasted suit, my own favorite. So few guys know how to wear one today.
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:55 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidI had someone's bf give me the subtle 'back off my man' convo when really I was just graciously having a polite conversation lol


    I had a straight girl give me this convo about her bf. Apparently, she thought I was being flirty when I was not. He didn't understand where she was coming from because he is straight and he didn't even feel that way.

    Based on what everyone else is saying, insecurities and jealousy are the culprits.
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    Mar 16, 2014 9:57 PM GMT
    It happens a lot. People think if you are nice there has to be something behind it -- it's like why can't I just be nice to be nice?!?!
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    Mar 16, 2014 10:07 PM GMT
    AnOriginal saidIt happens a lot. People think if you are nice there has to be something behind it -- it's like why can't I just be nice to be nice?!?!


    Do you think it's because polite behaviour is so hard to find these days? I always hear my parents say that people nowadays don't have any manners, etc. So when someone is polite, does it automatically mean the other possible thing, being flirtatious?
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    Mar 16, 2014 10:21 PM GMT
    Sustenance saidI don't hang around gay people anymore so this really never happens.


    Well sexual orientation does not matter only unless of course you imply that gay people are only polite to other gay people.
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    Mar 16, 2014 10:37 PM GMT
    Sustenance said
    Kuestion said
    Sustenance saidI don't hang around gay people anymore so this really never happens.


    Well sexual orientation does not matter only unless of course you imply that gay people are only polite to other gay people.


    My politeness would not be seen as flirting amongst a straight man. That's one of the many things I like about only hanging out with straight men.


    I think most gays would disagree with you, myself included. Straight men tend to think politeness from a gay man means he is attracted to him, because you know, everyone (gay) wants a straight man.
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    Mar 16, 2014 10:42 PM GMT
    I have somewhat the opposite problem, I always automatically assume people are just being really nice to me when they're actually trying to flirt with me. Unless it's physical flirting or really obvious most of the time I'll just pass it off as a simple compliment.
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    Mar 16, 2014 10:50 PM GMT
    Richenstein saidI have somewhat the opposite problem, I always automatically assume people are just being really nice to me when they're actually trying to flirt with me. Unless it's physical flirting or really obvious most of the time I'll just pass it off as a simple compliment.


    Awww, aren't you naive... so, so very naive. icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 16, 2014 10:56 PM GMT
    Kuestion said
    Richenstein saidI have somewhat the opposite problem, I always automatically assume people are just being really nice to me when they're actually trying to flirt with me. Unless it's physical flirting or really obvious most of the time I'll just pass it off as a simple compliment.


    Awww, aren't you naive... so, so very naive. icon_wink.gif


    More oblivious when it comes to flirting than naive icon_cool.gif
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    Mar 16, 2014 11:22 PM GMT
    This is why I generally avoid couples. Like when I talk to a guy at the gym and I find out he has a boyfriend or whatever, I just keep my distance. Jealously/suspicion always ensues. It's just better to avoid that drama.
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    Mar 16, 2014 11:46 PM GMT
    Kuestion said
    AnOriginal saidIt happens a lot. People think if you are nice there has to be something behind it -- it's like why can't I just be nice to be nice?!?!


    Do you think it's because polite behaviour is so hard to find these days? I always hear my parents say that people nowadays don't have any manners, etc. So when someone is polite, does it automatically mean the other possible thing, being flirtatious?


    Good question. I think people have different ways of expressing attraction. Personally, I can be confident around people I'm not physically attracted to. I imagine that confidence with a friendly personality is intriguing? At times I can be confident around those that I'm attracted to as well, but it's not always the case.

    I also think kindness isn't as common. If you go out of your way to be nice, it demonstrates you like the person. A lot of times you do genuinely like the person, but it's not a feeling of sexual attraction. Sometimes someone will remind me of a family friend or possess my grandfather or grandmothers name.

    It's not just a gay thing, females and straight males view kindness the same way. I guess kindness is also an ego booster? Idk I'll continue to be polite, it makes life more pleasant.

    Also if someone does take it as a sign you like them and they make it obvious, that's a good thing. There are way too many chickens out there. Worst comes to worst you end up as Will & Grace or Will & Jack.
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    Mar 16, 2014 11:48 PM GMT
    @Jeff and @Art

    Aww thanks fellas! I appreciate such kind words...

    @Kuestion: I found it amusing. His bf was attractive but a friend of mine had already pointed out to me much before that he is a douchey kind of guy. His bf who gave that subtle hint seemed to have gotten antsy lol
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    Mar 17, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    AnOriginal saidIt happens a lot. People think if you are nice there has to be something behind it -- it's like why can't I just be nice to be nice?!?!


    Been there, lol. (and it's not just a gay thing)