How where you live can impact your mood

  • e2ksj3355

    Posts: 110

    Mar 17, 2014 4:03 AM GMT
    I wanted to get everyone perspective on this.. how much of an impact can your surroundings or where you live on your overall mental health?

    Lately I feel like it's a big impact. I live in a very suburban area and I feel isolated, alone, and trapped. I feel so out of place as a gay man living among a bunch of young families. Even the conversation at work is about family and having children. Most of the gay guys near me live in the city. I thought about moving there, but it is so expensive that I can't afford it and my job is out here.

    I recently had a chance to visit my ex-bf in Cologne, Germany and it literally is like night and day. There were other gay men everywhere and people like me. I didn't feel out of place at all, even though I didn't speak German, lol. There were some young families in my friend's neighborhood, but they weren't the dominating demographic to sort of speak. I love the transit system, parks, cafes, and clubs. I felt so alive there. I've been trying to find work there, but it is very difficult if you don't speak the language or not a citizen of the EU.

    Do you think it is my surroundings or maybe some other underlying issue. I just feel like my mood has been really down the past year. icon_question.gif
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    Mar 17, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    You should move out to a bigger city, like NYC or something, full of single gay men preferably.
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Mar 17, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    Sometimes you just need a change of scenery. If you do move to somewhere more preferable, always be mindful of your mental health.
  • e2ksj3355

    Posts: 110

    Mar 17, 2014 4:13 AM GMT
    I actually thought about NYC, but it is like DC very expensive and somewhat overwhelming. Cologne and a lot of other German cities are like a good balance. They are urban, have a mix of people, not too crowded, and also not super expensive, except for maybe Munich and Hamburg. Berlin and Cologne weren't too bad price wise from what I saw there.

    I definitely think I need a change of environment though.
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    Mar 17, 2014 4:19 AM GMT
    I live in the Los Angeles suburbs and it's not a great place for socialization, if you want to socialize and find dates, you really have to commute into the city. Perhaps some visits into the city whenever possible can be good enough for a change of pace.
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    Mar 17, 2014 4:22 AM GMT
    paz_daddy saidi live in new jersey and i'm one of the most miserablest, angriest people on the board even when i don't try so go figure.


    haha Pazzy sometimes you are adorable
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    Mar 17, 2014 4:27 AM GMT
    Here, in the tropics, we don't suffer from SAD so yes where you live can indeed affect your mood.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Mar 17, 2014 4:27 AM GMT
    Where you live--or, rather, how you feel about where you live--is very important to your stat of mind. I love where I live but it is becoming increasingly difficult to live here due to the cost of living. Not sure what I'll do if it gets beyond my means. But I'm a firm believer that everyone needs to be somewhere they feel 'at home'--whatever that means to you.
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    Mar 17, 2014 4:36 AM GMT
    yes, your environment definitely effects your mood, that's why they gave suburban housewives meth in the 50's and 60's
  • e2ksj3355

    Posts: 110

    Mar 17, 2014 4:38 AM GMT
    LionEyes said
    e2ksj3355 saidI actually thought about NYC, but it is like DC very expensive and somewhat overwhelming. Cologne and a lot of other German cities are like a good balance. They are urban, have a mix of people, not too crowded, and also not super expensive, except for maybe Munich and Hamburg. Berlin and Cologne weren't too bad price wise from what I saw there.

    I definitely think I need a change of environment though.


    Complain, complain, complain... your job don't pay enough? work on your resumé and look for another job that pays more. Assuming you live in a rural/suburban area and have a cheap cost of living you should save money, sell stuff if you have to help you get out of your living situation. Get a second job if you have to. Make as much money as you need to move to a bigger city, whichever it is and start a new happy life. Complaining that you can't afford to live in a new city doesn't do anything because nobody in this forum is going to offer you a free apt in Manhattan or downtown L.A. or give you money simply because you complain. You want change in your life, work for it, work to achieve it.


    That's the thing...I don't really want to live in those places. My job pays pretty well now actually thank you, but the cost of living in places like DC and NYC is ridiculous even for my salary. That's why I'm looking more towards Germany, but it is pretty difficult to get work over there, but believe I am trying. I try everyday.

    If you think I'm complaining why even comment? I was more trying to see if other people had experience the same thing that I have been dealing with to get their perspective.
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Mar 17, 2014 4:48 AM GMT
    The biggest advice I can offer is to make sure your current state isn't stemming from deeper issues. Eventually, the novelty of a new environment wears off.
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    Mar 17, 2014 5:01 AM GMT
    It depends on what you want. I can tell you that guys who live in the gay meccas like NYC or SF can deal with a lot of issues too. Like higher rent, too noisy, dirty....etc. Maybe you just need a change of scenery. I lived in major gay meccas in the past, LA/SF region and eventually moved to the suburbs now. I think it's fine, sometimes gay life can be too much for you. But I'd recommend a transfer or job change or a permanent move if you really really hate the area you're at. Make a change. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 17, 2014 11:05 PM GMT
    I believe that where you live can, to a degree, impact/affect your mood.

    Check out this article from CNN:
    http://edition.cnn.com/2013/09/09/business/earth-institute-world-happiness-rankings/

    I've been to Scandinavia and The Netherlands and I can attest that people in these countries do seem, overall, generally happier. I think that can be attributed to the very high quality of life these places offer, i.e. good public transportation, government stability, excellent social safety nets, egalitarian attitudes, and an overall general openness and acceptance.

    Just a word of caution if you are seriously considering moving to Europe:
    It is generally a lot more expensive but incomes are usually higher, public transit is plentiful, and great social safety nets are in place in case something were to happen.