A strange break up...

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    Mar 21, 2014 11:21 PM GMT
    Complicated but I'll try to be brief:
    Newly out at 40 & my 1st gay relationship is over (I think?). It was so sudden + idk a lot of people here so it's rough.

    Met him as a hook up a few times but I reasons I couldn't date him at the time. We hadn't been in touch 2 months & ran into him & he said he was seeing someone (for the last month or so) & mentioned it'd been pretty brief but "intense & dramatic". He basically said "maybe if things change soon you'll be ok w/ me calling you again."

    He broke up w/ the guy only a couple weeks later so we talked & have been together a year & a half now (things seemed perfectly fine) til last Friday when out of nowhere he says he "still has unresolved feelings for his ex that he thought be gone by now & he felt like an asshole for it", he'd "called begging him to take him back", "he'd been meaning to have a talk with me about us" YET he says "but I don't see it happening" (getting back with his ex). Only then does he ask how I see us & that he thought we'd "be closer by now." I told him I loved him & thought we had a future together, etc. & asked "what am I supposed to say to this", "what do you want me to do", etc. & got no real answers. So, he left saying "let's both take some time to process this" so I said "I guess it's easier just to leave & never talk again" but he said "that's not what I'm doing."

    If he'd just said "I want to break up" w/o mentioning the ex at all then he'd have been free to go do w/e he wanted & have ended things honorably. Instead it's an unnecessarily complicated & confusing way that did make him look like an "asshole."

    Can anyone explain wtf might be going on here? I'm hurt but also unsure how the hell to feel.
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    Mar 21, 2014 11:44 PM GMT
    dont be confused, nothing you did or say.
    He was being truthful with you.


    i dont know how long he was with his X but a few weeks is not enough time to be over someone.

    I hope you find the one and dont let this event make you bitter.

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    Mar 21, 2014 11:55 PM GMT
    pellaz said.....

    i dont know how long he was with his X but a few weeks is not enough time to be over someone.

    .....



    I could understand that if the ex had broke up with him & not the other way around. How do you get that attached to someone in a month? It might also make more sense if he had "unresolved feelings" 1-3 months later but a year & a half???
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    Mar 22, 2014 1:14 AM GMT
    "he just wasn't ready for another relationship" or "just not that into you" -

    Both are possibilities (& maybe both of those?). I'm not perfect but I treated him well & gave it my best shot. Perhaps genuine uncertainty on his part but wtf am to do? Say "choose or else" or just forget about it unless he contacts me again?
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    Mar 22, 2014 6:15 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice.

    I still don't what happens from here. He called yesterday & I just didn't answer because I was utterly clueless as what to say if I did. He left a VM: "just wanted to call & say hi, hope you're doing ok, um, anyway, I guess I'll try & reach you later."

    So:
    - I could call him & end it or ask for a decision.
    - Wait for him to call me again & say whatever he says.
    or
    - Just ignore his calls from now on as if I never want to talk to him again.

    I lean toward the last one because if he's ending it what more is there to say? He could explain or w/e & I could bitch but why bother? Mind you I'd much rather have had this be a cut & dry break up but I didn't create the mess he did.
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    Mar 22, 2014 12:56 PM GMT
    You can analyze this situation to bits but you will never get closer to an answer than the advice already given above in this thread. Some guys are just not able to commit and nothing you can say or do will change that.
    As so often said, never make someone a priority if they see you as just an option.