Frustrated. GRRR

  • benarw

    Posts: 128

    Mar 22, 2014 2:11 PM GMT
    Just needed to vent. haha.

    Feeling super frustrastred by men who lead you on like they want want more then a quick fuck, then become distant after a few actual dates.

    Do gay men actually date anymore? Or is it all about sex? Is it just a NYC thing? Been through plenty of "slutty" phases in my life but pretty much over hooking up just to get off. Am I asking too much?! Arg!!

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    The end.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Mar 22, 2014 2:33 PM GMT
    No, you're not asking so much, it's a common problem tho and we all share it.

    Sometimes I feel like looking for a quick fuck and then I don't, I find other things to do.
    As a very sensitive person I really understand that feeling, it's like after a quick hookup, all that remain are the loneliness and insecurity.
    "We all look for a kiss that lasts forever."

    Guys do date, I'm one of them, and many many others do it too. Not only date, we also want to do something much more.
    Stay away from guys on hookup apps like grindr , scruff... And you'll meet the right person who also wants to date like you.
    Good luck icon_razz.gif

    Kha
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    Mar 22, 2014 3:18 PM GMT
    many don't and those that do inevitably lead down the path of lying.

    Lying about all kinds of shit that doesn't need to be lied about they just needed a backbone to stand up and tell the truth. Alas modern genetics seems to lack this particular trait these days.

    so really the ones you do find that do date are only doing it out of some lofty ideal of what they should be like and have no real intention of following through.

    For the record I don't hookup and I don't date. either act is pointless and leave you less whole then when you started.
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    Mar 22, 2014 3:45 PM GMT
    I suspect the majority of guys out there are cruising, looking for quickies, and nothing more. Hence you will be hooking up with more tricks than treats.

    In my single days I accepted this dynamic, since I enjoyed mindless sex, too. It was fun, because I knew exactly what I was getting, didn't expect anything more from them than physical pleasure. But I assumed among that number might be a keeper, my ultimate goal.

    And that I'd recognize him, and indeed I did find a few. But until then I was having a helluva good time, expecting nothing more than I was getting at the moment.

    I think we have disappointments when we don't set clear goals and realistic expectations. Every guy you meet is not your next life partner. He's your next potential SEX partner, and you take it from there, one step at a time. And if he doesn't call you back, OK... NEXT!

    I know, sounds slutty. But I viewed it as the strategy of numbers, that works to our long-term advantage. Somewhere in that slut-fest is the Keeper I mentioned. And in the meantime, it's so much fun sampling all the offerings. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Mar 24, 2014 9:40 AM GMT
    It's possible that after a certain amount of dates, the guy(s) decided that he(or they) did not want to continue to date.

    It's not an NYC thing - it's everywhere. Trust me.

    I've been on both ends of the spectrum - I've dated guys that I really wanted to continue dating (and they grew distant) and I've dated guys that wanted to continue dating me and I grew distant. It happens.

    In general, I think men just have a hard time committing to one person - especially somewhere like NYC where there's tons of guys of all kinds constantly in your face and at your disposal.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 24, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    I think the issue here is..... they lose interest in u after the first few dates and it's as simple as that.

    If they wanted more and wanted to get into a relaysh then they would. If they lose interest after a few dates and it was something on those dates that they were all "yeah, NO" about you.

    so, idk man, but keep trying. I'm sure statistically it'll happen
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 24, 2014 8:01 PM GMT
    Many just don't want a relationship. I know I don't. But, I'm not mindlessly out for sex either.
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    Mar 24, 2014 8:18 PM GMT
    I used to think the same way as you, but then I came to a realisation that in many cases they were trying to tell me they were not looking for something serious, and I was disregarding what they said.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Mar 24, 2014 9:15 PM GMT
    lots of gay men date.
    if you keep getting only people who dont want a relationship, (as opposed to just finding you not their type eventually), the problem is your interviewing technique.

    didnt interview them you say?

    well that is your problem.

    first read their resume in their profile. Is is less than 2 sentences? Well so is your relationship...write 2 or three pages on yours and anyone who reads it ALL will be more what you want, same goes with them. If they took the time to write more than twitter, they are looking for what you are.

    second, interview them. ask what they want? ask them about the last 6 guys they fucked. If they were all in the last month...move on.

    third...ask for references. talk to their exes. they should be on good terms with some of them, if they are not...hes a dick...move on.


    cold but efficient.
  • benarw

    Posts: 128

    Mar 27, 2014 4:04 PM GMT
    Thanks for the responses guys. The guy in questions was a guy I met in the real world, not online. Turns out he has massive issues with intimacy and can either be just friends, or just have sex but not combine the two. We parted ways on friendly terms. Only went on a few dates so no biggie. Moving on to better things!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 27, 2014 7:08 PM GMT
    benarw saidThanks for the responses guys. The guy in questions was a guy I met in the real world, not online. Turns out he has massive issues with intimacy and can either be just friends, or just have sex but not combine the two. We parted ways on friendly terms. Only went on a few dates so no biggie. Moving on to better things!


    Pick one that doesn't have those issues next time! Sometimes you dont know until you try, so it's best to "feel out" guys initially and see what their expectations are and what they're looking for.

    If their answers shy away from anything long term, don't expect anything long term.
  • benarw

    Posts: 128

    Mar 28, 2014 5:44 AM GMT
    Truth. I'm taking a break from looking. I've found in the past the best things come when you least expect them. I'm going back into hybernation till spring really gets here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 28, 2014 6:04 AM GMT
    benarw saidJust needed to vent. haha.

    Feeling super frustrastred by men who lead you on like they want want more then a quick fuck, then become distant after a few actual dates.

    Do gay men actually date anymore? Or is it all about sex? Is it just a NYC thing? Been through plenty of "slutty" phases in my life but pretty much over hooking up just to get off. Am I asking too much?! Arg!!

    Thanks for letting me vent.

    The end.


    I know how you feel. Closest thing I ever had to a relationship is a retiree I used to give blow jobs to for booze and party money.

    My guess is you will find someone soon icon_smile.gif