How to make gay friends when moving to a new city?

• NYmba
  
  Posts: 13
  
  
  Mar 23, 2014 2:20 AM GMT

  Hey guys,
  
  I'm moving next year, either to SF or NYC, to study an MBA.
  I plan on staying after my studies, so not really looking only for hookups (not my style, except If I'm drunk and horny).
  
  So my question is, how to make gay friends in a new city?
  When you are new somewhere, I find it that the two evident ways don't work very well (using gay apps or going to clubs alone).
  
  Any suggestions?
  
  

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• MikeW
  
  Posts: 6082
  
  
  Mar 23, 2014 2:25 AM GMT

  Well, don't know about NYC but there are several of us who are friendly -- just friendly -- here in the SF Bay Area. We'd be happy to meat you and share our insights.

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• Karl
  
  Posts: 5789
  
  
  Mar 23, 2014 2:26 AM GMT

  if you don't really look for hookups , why they must be "gay friends" ?
  
  you can also make friends with a lot of straight guys and girls as you want real friends, not fuck buddies
  
  

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• NYmba
  
  Posts: 13
  
  
  Mar 23, 2014 2:32 AM GMT

  I think you guys got a wrong idea by my message.
  
  It will be easier for me to meet straight guys and girls at Grad School, and those friends will be very welcome. But it's good to have gay friends too for a night-out or to be able to open up about issues you may not feel as comfortable with someone who is not on the "same boat"
  
  Thanks for all the replies.

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  Mar 23, 2014 2:50 AM GMT

  In San Francisco or New York straight people will have gay friends. (Maybe not necessarily at USF or St. John's.)
  
  Otherwise you do things that adults do to meet new people-- club sports, volunteer, social organizations.

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• AMoonHawk
  
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  Mar 23, 2014 2:53 AM GMT

  Volunteer in gay organizations

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• jo2hotbod
  
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  Mar 23, 2014 3:56 AM GMT

  I think you'll do fine

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• helloandgoodb...
  
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  Mar 23, 2014 1:43 PM GMT

  you are looking at two pretty popular gay cities so you will meet gay people everywhere...work, school, bars, grocery stores, the gym, etc. if you are not worried about the ability to make straight friends you should have no worries about gay ones...now if you were moving to rural Texas that would be another thing....

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• creature
  
  Posts: 5197
  
  
  Mar 23, 2014 1:51 PM GMT

  Take a look at lilTanker's thread for ideas:
  
  http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3741701
  
  Fortunately you're moving into a major city, so it should be easy to find groups to join, for whatever your interests are.

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• NYmba
  
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  Mar 24, 2014 3:39 AM GMT

  Thanks for the tips guys, very much appreciated

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  Mar 24, 2014 6:05 AM GMT

  I was in SF last week, and found 3 groups of friends + the bartender was digging me, and went home with one of them...all in under 2 hours. One of the guys, we still keep in touch. I also popped into other bars, and guys would immediately strike up a conversation.
  
  You can use a combination of apps and bars to find people, but I think the bars favor better connections than the apps. When I meet people at a bar, they treat me like a human being, not a profile. I also don't know what's up with everyone on Grindr these days being so negative and cynical in their profiles? Seem like everyone on there has a chip on their shoulder. It's almost like the theme is, "who can come up with the most stuck-up profile?" I put my profile up, I'm about to uninstall it once again.
  
  If you want bar success alone, don't just do Friday and Saturday nights. Try Sundays and weekdays and go kind of early. That way, you tend to avoid the drunks and druggies.

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• roadbikeRob
  
  Posts: 18131
  
  
  Mar 25, 2014 2:01 AM GMT

  melapelas saidHey guys,
  
  I'm moving next year, either to SF or NYC, to study an MBA.
  I plan on staying after my studies, so not really looking only for hookups (not my style, except If I'm drunk and horny).
  
  So my question is, how to make gay friends in a new city?
  When you are new somewhere, I find it that the two evident ways don't work very well (using gay apps or going to clubs alone).
  
  Any suggestions?
  
  

  Have you considered looking at other major US cities besides NYC and SF

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• NYmba
  
  Posts: 13
  
  
  Mar 25, 2014 4:26 AM GMT

  FuzzyPecs25 saidI was in SF last week, and found 3 groups of friends + the bartender was digging me, and went home with one of them...all in under 2 hours. One of the guys, we still keep in touch. I also popped into other bars, and guys would immediately strike up a conversation.
  
  You can use a combination of apps and bars to find people, but I think the bars favor better connections than the apps. When I meet people at a bar, they treat me like a human being, not a profile. I also don't know what's up with everyone on Grindr these days being so negative and cynical in their profiles? Seem like everyone on there has a chip on their shoulder. It's almost like the theme is, "who can come up with the most stuck-up profile?" I put my profile up, I'm about to uninstall it once again.
  
  If you want bar success alone, don't just do Friday and Saturday nights. Try Sundays and weekdays and go kind of early. That way, you tend to avoid the drunks and druggies.

  
  
  I like your approach, will definitely try Sundays and weekdays for bar success.
  
  I feel the same about apps, I deleted them all a month ago and believe me I'm much better off without them.
  
  Thanks man
  

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• PolitiMAC
  
  Posts: 728
  
  
  Mar 25, 2014 5:36 AM GMT

  Why must they be gay?
  
  Straight people are awesome
  
  ...generally

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  Mar 25, 2014 4:16 PM GMT

  Sustenance said

  Karl saidif you don't really looking for hookups , why they must be "gay friends" ?
  
  you can also make friends with a lot of straight guys and girls as you want real friends, not fuck buddies
  
  

  
  
  +1

  
  
  another +1

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  Mar 25, 2014 4:54 PM GMT

  melapelas saidHey guys,
  
  I'm moving next year, either to SF or NYC, to study an MBA.
  I plan on staying after my studies, so not really looking only for hookups (not my style, except If I'm drunk and horny).
  
  So my question is, how to make gay friends in a new city?
  When you are new somewhere, I find it that the two evident ways don't work very well (using gay apps or going to clubs alone).
  
  Any suggestions?
  
  

  
  
  Interesting... I have been in SF for half an year now for my MBA and I do find it hard to make gay friends partly due to the very busy MBA schedule.
  
  I hardly drink so bar going doesn't interest me much. I have started volunteering in some LGBT organization and will start going to some sport clubs and other interest clubs. I think they are probably better places to meet guys who will be more interested in getting to know you rather than "hook up".
  
  Good Luck to both of us.

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  Mar 25, 2014 6:07 PM GMT

  A few other suggestions for meeting gay people in S.F. would include checking out your new university's gay people's union, or gay/lesbian group - whatever they're calling it. You can meet a lot of people that way and get invited to gatherings, lectures, pub events. For instance, Stanford's PRIDE group has pub nights (usually held in the City) that are planned in advance, and gay people from other universities are invited (undergrads, grad students and alums from all over the Bay Area).
  
  Another thing that has worked for me was meeting up with guys I knew from my undergrad years, who were now living in my new state. One of those guys can introduce you to all his friends and it just mushrooms.
  
  Lastly - I met guys in my gym, or at my office, and even while sitting outside at a Starbucks with my dog, just alone at a table reading & having coffee. The dog can be the ice breaker - people of all kinds want to ask about & pet your dog, if it is an interesting or friendly dog.
  
  Good luck and have fun!

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• roadbikeRob
  
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  Mar 25, 2014 6:59 PM GMT

  Why San Francisco or New York City There are other great cities in the US that are fun places for gay men. Check out cities like Seattle, Denver, Chicago, Columbus, and Atlanta. They are great cities with a lot to see and do and they would be a lot easier on the pocket book as well.

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  Mar 26, 2014 6:57 PM GMT

  Join a gay sports club. I made great friends at runs with the San Francisco FrontRunners. NYC FrontRunners are very active too. Also gay groups for swimming, tennis, cycling, hiking, rugby, soccer, etc. Most big cities have them. Have fun!

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  Mar 28, 2014 3:25 PM GMT

  Libra888 saidJoin a gay sports club. I made great friends at runs with the San Francisco FrontRunners. NYC FrontRunners are very active too. Also gay groups for swimming, tennis, cycling, hiking, rugby, soccer, etc. Most big cities have them. Have fun!

  
  +1
  
  This is the best way to meet gay men in a non-sexual milieu. IN SF, there is even a gay ski club. And consider other gay organizations or interest groups(besides sports); there are lots in SF and NYC.

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  Mar 30, 2014 10:13 PM GMT

  bonapart01 saidJust be a whore and do lot of one night stands, you will have new friends in no time

  
  
  Lolololololol wth... I suggest otherwise

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• NYmba
  
  Posts: 13
  
  
  Mar 31, 2014 4:40 AM GMT

  @eddiesf @Jockbod48 @Libra888 @HikerSkier thanks for your replies, very valuable guys.
  
  I´ll let you know how it goes.
  
  

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