S&M and domination. What is the psychology behind it?

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    Mar 24, 2014 5:40 AM GMT
    I just met a guy I liked but I found out he was into domination and pain. The guy is a very stoic, repressed kind of guy. It was scary finding out about his fetish for spanking, pain, strangling, cock pumping verbal abuse. I've seen guys at sex clubs before getting slapped in the face an abused. Can anyone enlighten me on this? I take it that it makes that person "feel" again or that they were abused themselves?
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    Mar 24, 2014 5:48 AM GMT
    I've heard a theory that guys who are very alpha in their professional life like to relinquish all control in their sex life. Maybe this guy is an extreme example of that.

    I'd be little freaked by the fact he likes actual pain to be inflicted though!
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    Mar 24, 2014 9:15 PM GMT
    [url]http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200806/sadomasochism-in-everyday-relationships/url]

    Just a mild explanation of S&M
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    Mar 24, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    That actually relates to pretty much all relationships but it doesn't explain the whips and chains etc icon_confused.gif
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    Mar 24, 2014 10:54 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidThis is explore in several recent books but it has to do with one's sexual psyche needing it for gratification.


    Yeah I get why people do it - because it gets their rocks off - I just don't understand why it's pleasurable and why it get people off.
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    Mar 25, 2014 9:01 AM GMT
    As I understand, modern research has disproved the Freudian-ish claims that people that are into S+M are likely to have been abused and experienced psychological trauma while growing up.

    What it comes down to is some people like to be dominated and some people like to be subdued. Some like a level of both. Do we really know why some things are sexually stimulating? I'm into feet, for crying out loud.

    Instead of turning to others for enlightenment, try making your own observations and coming to your own conclusions. Not only that, but try opening up to it. Try spanking the guy you've been talking to (very, very hard) and you may find seeing this guy go into a fit of euphoria after very stimulating yourself. In my experience, if you show a guy that they can be open about the things they like in bed without fear of judgement, they'll love you forever... well maybe not forever but you get the idea.

    I was once seeing a guy that loved his nipples bitten and pinched to the extreme. At first I thought it was a little weird, but when I opened up and went along with his fetish... I've never heard someone scream out and erupt so volcanically until then.