Friends with ex..

  • jnick91776

    Posts: 30

    Mar 25, 2014 2:09 AM GMT
    I have heard that if you remain friends with an ex, it can lead to reconciling. What are your thoughts on this and chances of this happening.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Mar 25, 2014 2:14 AM GMT
    There's a reason your ex is your ex.
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    Mar 25, 2014 2:17 AM GMT
    In my limited experience its not a good thing. You just end up having un-enjoyable no commitment sex whilst your ex has no guilt sex with other people. You end up feeling used and sad until you decide to cut ties and then you get all the hatred and insults you get as if you've just broken up anyways.
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    Mar 25, 2014 2:17 AM GMT
    Thom1993 saidIn my limited experience its not a good thing. You just end up having un-enjoyable no commitment sex whilst your ex has no guilt sex with other people. You end up feeling used and sad until you decide to cut ties and then you get all the hatred and insults you get as if you've just broken up anyways.

    This. You're a wise young man.
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    Mar 25, 2014 2:41 AM GMT
    The only way you can be friends is if your break up was 100% mutual and neither harbors feelings for the other - which is always usually never the case.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Mar 25, 2014 3:22 AM GMT
    ^^What about this: I have two friends who broke up not-mutually but are still friends. The one who initiated the break-up is still happily single, while the other is now onto his 2nd boyfriend since the breakup. In the first friend's view, his ex was good enough to be a friend, but not good enough to be his long-term boyfriend. The other friend, who is actually more physically attractive, has no problems filling the void with distractions lol.
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    Mar 25, 2014 7:06 AM GMT
    I don't see the problem. Just because we stopped dating doesn't mean that the guy lost the qualities that originally attracted me to him in the first place.
    I can be friends and never ever want to get back together with my exes.

    Guys who can't be friends with their exes were either betrayed by their exes or are admitting that they're terrible judges of character.
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    Mar 25, 2014 8:09 PM GMT
    It really depends on the nature of your relationship. Some people stay close because there is a unfinished business - some people stay close because they genuinely want to remain friends.

    Personally my last good bf is still a close friend and confidante. He wants to reconcile and I feel bad about that - but we work around those feelings and advise each other on life, relationships, food, etc.

    I am struggling with my current bf. I'd like
    to break up and remain friends but I'm afraid I'll end up losing him for good. :/
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    Mar 25, 2014 9:27 PM GMT
    Generally I like to wait one, maybe two lifetimes before I start to consider any sort of friendship with an ex. So far this system has worked remarkably well for me.
  • Christoforos

    Posts: 264

    Mar 25, 2014 9:39 PM GMT
    Parable saidThere's a reason your ex is your ex.


    That makes for a catchy-sounding slogan, but it's not applicable to everyone's situation.
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    Mar 26, 2014 4:14 AM GMT
    It's completely relative to the situation; an ex can be a friend if the intention of both parties is to be/always remain friends, and have no attachment whatsoever. The standard many of us have is that it can never work, but it's all situational to the individual. I personally prefer to end it for the sole reason on "our relationship" has ran it's course with no chance reconciliation.
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    Mar 26, 2014 4:33 AM GMT
    Depends
    If he ripped your heart out and dropped kicked it, most likely not.
    There are exceptions and I find they are limited to how one defines ex or even boyfriend.
    Some guys define hanging out a couple times a month as a relationship, therefore not so hard for them to remain friends.
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    Mar 26, 2014 5:03 AM GMT
    There were 2 guys in my past that I was serious with. One lives in San Francisco and the other guy lives in Upstate New York. We sorta kept in touch via Facebook, but yeah it's in the past. I don't have any immediate plan to reconcile or get back together with them. After all, there was a reason for the break up, no matter how painful it was, I don't want to go back there. icon_biggrin.gif It's better to date someone new and move on completely. If you're in the same town, maybe a good idea to keep in touch but I doubt it. I rather keep it where it is now, I feel like such a stronger person now after those 2 guys.
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    Mar 26, 2014 7:04 PM GMT
    jDaniel91 saidIt's completely relative to the situation; an ex can be a friend if the intention of both parties is to be/always remain friends, and have no attachment whatsoever. The standard many of us have is that it can never work, but it's all situational to the individual. I personally prefer to end it for the sole reason on "our relationship" has ran it's course with no chance reconciliation.


    +1 for situational.

    There are some exes I still talk to/remain friends or at least acquaintances with and some that I would rather never see again. There may even be one in the bunch that I'd consider revisiting the idea of dating again with.

    To the OP - we don't know your ex, we don't know what the circumstances were that lead to breakup and we don't know what your relationship with him was like; we can't make those decisions for you. Remaining friends with him could lead to reconciling things with him - but it could also very well not lead to anything worth while.
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    Mar 27, 2014 2:55 AM GMT
    It depends which is hurt & how much. I would find it difficult to just be friends with someone I love (or once loved) - even if they are a good person. Maybe a few years later.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Mar 31, 2014 11:46 PM GMT
    My narcissistic ex and I are still "friends" even after I TRIED to go completely off the grid from him. He serial cheated on me and I kicked him to the curb. But since that day he's insisted on staying in touch. We use to see each other almost daily until I moved back to the US and he moved to the UAE. Now we Face Time at least once a week. He'll call several times on the weekend and then SMS me to make sure I'm ok.

    It's all him wanting to remain friends but there's no confidante thing going on. He refuses to tell me anything about his dating life (it's been ~4 years since we broke up so why keep things quiet? Talk about it!). All he really talks about is work. I've finally started talking about the guy I'm seeing thinking that might trigger conversation but it hasn't. So I'm scratching my head wondering why he wants to stay in touch. And he's invited me to visit which I'm not keen on doing although I would like to see the UAE.

    So to answer the OPs question, based on this, I have no clue why exes stay in touch with one another.