I think I am Seriously Falling in Love, and He's Older Than My Dad

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:08 PM GMT
    I have only been dating guys for less than a year but have been frustrated because nobody I meet really seems to interest me. Then I met the man of my dreams. Well, he isn't anything like the man I imagined was "The Man of My Dreams", but he is. Thing is, he's 57, soon to be 58, nearly 30 years older. I keep telling myself that this can't be happening, he's older than my father, and that it can never possibly work. Still, I have never felt this way before about anybody. The age difference, while obviously it matters, doesn't really matter to me as long as he is okay with it. He has expressed many times that our age difference, while maybe not an issue now, would be eventually. I guess that is true, but I honestly can't help myself. He is the sweetest, most amazing, sexy man I have ever met. He makes me laugh, and he treats me with respect, and I trust him. He makes me feel like no one has ever made me feel before. I find myself wanting to be with him constantly. We've been dating casually for about 3 months, but I am wanting it to get more serious. I think he does too, but at the same time I feel him trying to keep me at arms length because I don't think he really believes how much I care about him. To be clear, this man is not even remotely the "Daddy" type. I absolutely insist on paying for things as much as he does because I don't want it to be like that. Besides, he is not the typical 57 year old. He's in as good if not better shape than me, and our sex is perfect. We get along so amazingly. I honestly cannot wait until the next time I see him tonight for dinner. Am I crazy? Can this really work?

    Has anyone else out there had a relationship with a man that worked with an age gap this big? He doesn't live in Birmingham, but he is here often on business. So we have two things working against us - age & distance.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:11 PM GMT
    It can work....for up to 30 years...
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:15 PM GMT
    I could live with that. But, if he lives to be 90 it could last 32 icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:19 PM GMT
    If you make each other happy then why not? The age thing is only a problem if you think it's one.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:28 PM GMT
    Go for it.....you have lots of time to find another one after him.....he's the one wasting precrious time....but what the hell at his age there arent that many available anyway......so let him enjoy a young hottie while he can....you will probably be his last.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:31 PM GMT
    I think it is a bigger deal to him then it is to me. I couldn't care less. My parents would freak I am sure. I've never had a boyfriend, let alone one 8 years older than my dad. My friends think I've lost my mind, but I don't care what they think.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:33 PM GMT
    Caslon8000 saidGo for it.....you have lots of time to find another one after him.....he's the one wasting precrious time....but what the hell at his age there arent that many available anyway......so let him enjoy a young hottie while he can....you will probably be his last.


    What a negative take on it, dude. Besides, I consider him the hottie.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:37 PM GMT
    JockSnack2008 said
    Caslon8000 saidGo for it.....you have lots of time to find another one after him.....he's the one wasting precrious time....but what the hell at his age there arent that many available anyway......so let him enjoy a young hottie while he can....you will probably be his last.


    What a negative take on it, dude. Besides, I consider him the hottie.

    You are confusing negative with realistic. .....even if you stick with him for seveal years.....he is aging fast, you are growing into your prime. And when you leave, he is a very old man and you are still prime pickings. The risk is all on him.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:45 PM GMT
    How is he aging any faster than I am aging? He could dump me too. We would both be taking a risk, but one I am willing to take if he is.
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    Dec 26, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    Hmm... yeah, it's not the relationship you see every day but who knows? Maybe you two are meant to be icon_lol.gif Anyway.. you can never know until you try it, so I say go for it! It's silly to imagine yourself with him in 30 years so just stick to right now ;) Be with him, be happy with him and see what happens. The fact that you have met a person that makes you feel so amazingly good speaks more than any of us can say, so.... I wish you all the best with your man icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 26, 2008 10:02 PM GMT
    JockSnack2008 saidHow is he aging any faster than I am aging? He could dump me too. We would both be taking a risk, but one I am willing to take if he is.

    cuz he's older and the body doesnt restore itself as quickly....

    yes, you are both taking a risk....but the POINT you are missing is that he doesnt have as much time left to make it up after this risk fails. But what the hell, he might as well go for you now, cuz god knows how long, if ever, he will find someone else.

    Enjoy yourselves.
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    Dec 26, 2008 10:06 PM GMT
    I think its great you are falling in love. Allow me to give you some advice:

    1) He is not your dad. He is his own person. Whatever relationship/feelings you have had with your dad will probably spill over into your new love. Some of it can be good, some bad. Just be aware.

    2) As an older man, he probably is more financially secure than you. You should work out an honest way you guys handle money. Talk about how both of you will pay for things, like dinners, tickets, vacations etc. I don't think you want to be kept and him be the sugar daddy.

    3) Never put your housing situation in someone else's hands unless you've known him long enough and develop trust.

    4) He's got to get to know your friends, and vica versa.

    5) If you are happy and your relationaship is healthy,ignore anyone's criticisms and judgements.

    6) Its about love.
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    Dec 26, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    if it feels right, then go for it mate.. age is of no important when it comes to finding love, to attempt to restrict your self to some type/group/idea is to throw away the chance of finding something real and meaningful..

    Enjoy it, if it only works for a few years then kewl, if it works for life and you've found the joys and happiness of a real deep bond with someone, then grab at it, never let it go and never let it die out because its one of the best experiences in life you'll ever have and it doesn't matter about age/race/size/shape..
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    Dec 26, 2008 10:15 PM GMT
    Thanks, guys, I really appreciate the encouragement. I'm seriously in love with this man. As for finances, he pays sometimes, I pay sometimes, and it all evens out, so that isn't an issue at all, and I would never let it be. I have no interest in being "kept", and can take care of myself just fine. He has no interest in being someone's sugar daddy either. I think tonight I am going to just lay my cards out on the table and tell him how I am feeling. This is the man I want, and I want him to know it. Age difference be damned.
  • ajlclimber

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    Dec 27, 2008 12:38 AM GMT
    I've only skimmed so it may have been addressed.. but large gaps in age are kind of common out here in california. (30 years isn't as common.. but still)

    My father is gay and 58. he likes guys of all ages. when he first came out in may he was talking to and trying to date guys in their mid 20's to late 30's. The age range has shifted a bit higher now.. but he still likes younger men.

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    Dec 27, 2008 12:45 AM GMT
    Wow...awesome and good for you. Age is not an issue unless you make it one.....ignore the ignorant - he's minutes away from death - comments and enjoy the experience!
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    Dec 27, 2008 1:00 AM GMT
    Good for you that you found someone! And, good for you that you are considering all of the possibilities now. That's a healthy way to approach things, from my perspective.
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    Dec 27, 2008 1:17 AM GMT
    No, you're not crazy.

    Have you looked up some of the celebrities with big age gaps?

    Celine Dion & Rene Angelil = 27 years
    Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher = 16 years
    Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes = 16 years
    Barbara Hershey & Naveen Andrew (Lost) = 21 years

    These celebrity couples have made their relationships work because they see through their differences -- one of them being their age among other things.

    In my honest opinion, I think men are like wine. They only get better with age. Personally myself, 30 years is too much but if you are really happy with him and he is happy with you, why should anyone else's opinion matter? I've seen a lot of relationships with same age differences fail or doesn't seem to last as long and they've happened among my friends throughout the years.

    Love knows no age, always keep that in mind.
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    Dec 27, 2008 1:19 AM GMT
    You are already doing it. It's a bit late to get advice about 'should you do it'.

    If you're wondering, 'is it possible to really make it?' That's up to you and him. Like any relationship, you need to work at it. Don't worry too much about this being the last relationship that you and he will ever have.

    I think Caslon has a valid point, but that's really something to consider before you have a relationship with a generation gap, not during. Once you're in it - see where it goes. You and he are already placing your bets. Your bf is a big boy, he can be responsible for his own fate if he continues to put his time and energy into a relationship with someone so much younger.


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    Dec 27, 2008 1:20 AM GMT
    I say go for it!! icon_wink.gif

    at b-day shout out Pictures, Images and Photos

    God, how this box got in here?? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Mikeylikesit

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    Dec 27, 2008 1:30 AM GMT
    Well.......If you want my two Cents. It can work. I was with someone where I was 22 Years older then him. The chemistry & sex was awesome!!...icon_twisted.gif Go for it man!
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    Dec 27, 2008 1:34 AM GMT
    My advice isn't so much age related, but something that would apply if he was the same age. I think you need to take things very slow. I'm not sure what you mean by "getting more serious" but three months is nothing in terms of relationship time. When you're in love it seems like eternity, but its not when you take a step back.

    On that same note, you mention you've only been dating guys for a year. That's an incredibly short amount of time. That doesn't mean you cannot find your prince charming, but its just a signal to again, take things very slow.

    I've wanted to find my husband ever since I started dating guys 6 years ago (when I was 17) and although I still want him, I'm very grateful I've had the learning experiences with the several serious relationships I've been in.
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    Dec 27, 2008 1:59 AM GMT
    JockSnack2008 said

    Has anyone else out there had a relationship with a man that worked with an age gap this big?


    Not long ones, but I keep hoping. I don't think the age gap is much of an issue, as long as you are OK with the things that come with age and realize when you'll be 40 he'll be 70. If the thought of that doesn't creep you out because of the guy, then it should work. Don't let the age get in the way, there are sooooo many other things that mean more when it comes to having a successful relationship. For instance, the only reason it hasn't worked for me is because the guys end up being even more immature (emotional and confidence issues) than I am and that doesn't work. But one day I will find an older guy who's maturity matches his age. Good luck and I hope he does end up being the one!!!! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 27, 2008 2:09 AM GMT
    If anything, you'll have less relationshit drama because his head hopefully isn't jammed as far up his ass as most guys under 30 icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 27, 2008 2:27 AM GMT


    So many give advice where angels fear to tread, and we will too! heh
    He's older, but tomorrow you could drop dead for any number of reasons, which levels the scales, eh?
    He is, you know, the one with the most to lose in this situation, as he WILL change with time, while you mature more into your thirties and forties, so please understand if he decides to remain dating or be a friend with 'benefits'. It doesn't mean you can't love him, you can as much and as deeply as your heart desires. No one can see what the future will bring. It's really the two of you that decide it.

    Just go with the natural flow of this relationship, don't squeeze or stretch it, time it or judge it by any other means than what beats in your chest whenever he's around. Share this with him, if you like.

    Wishing you both well, and what dreams may come true for you both!

    -us