Unforgiven

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 28, 2014 11:21 PM GMT
    Do you still have people no longer in your life, that after years, they still remain unforgiven in the back of your mind?

    Why? What did they do?


    I'll start. My first LTR. I was young and stupid and asked him to marry me, even though there was no gay marriage back then but we pretended to marry each other under the stars that night. A year or so later we got into a conversation about a tv show where each partner said it would be okay to have sex with someone else, but just one person if the opportunity ever occurred. On tv they each chose some movie star. Me and my partner each chose someone from work. It just so happened that the guy I chose turned out to be gay. The three of us went out drinking one night and ended up back at our place. I forgot my cigarettes out in the car and went to get them. When I returned they had both gone to the second bedroom and had sex and slept together that night. I have never been able to forgive him for that. I did cheat on him a couple months later, but didn't really give a fuck after what he did. The relationship lasted about two or three more years but ended badly. I know I shouldn't care any more after all these years, but I still hate him for what he did. I still remember him laughing about it the next day because he had one upped me and got to him before I had the chance to. ... so that's (one of) mine. How about you?
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    Mar 28, 2014 11:22 PM GMT
    No. I'm not the type of person who can hold and keep a grudge.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 28, 2014 11:29 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidNo. I'm not the type of person who can hold and keep a grudge.

    I'm not that type of person either and I tell myself we were young. And I even tell myself that I forgive him for doing that. But it always comes back to my mind every now and then an I tell myself I have to forget about, because it no longer has meaning in my life. But still, it must have hurt me more than I thought, because every once in a while, it just keeps creeping back into my mind.

    Maybe that's why it bothers me. Because back then, I just acted like it didn't bother me and I didn't confront him about it. So now it creeps back in and I picture him in my mind and sometimes say out loud ... 'you're a jerk'
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    Mar 28, 2014 11:32 PM GMT
    I had a friend who repeatedly took advantage of me. I was stuck with him though because, as Seinfeld said on one of his shows, once you're friends with people for a couple of years you're stuck with them. They become like family.
    But then my friend move to another state and I was done with him. I was so happy.
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    Mar 28, 2014 11:36 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    Erik101 saidNo. I'm not the type of person who can hold and keep a grudge.

    I'm not that type of person either and I tell myself we were young. And I even tell myself that I forgive him for doing that. But it always comes back to my mind every now and then an I tell myself I have to forget about, because it no longer has meaning in my life. But still, it must have hurt me more than I thought, because every once in a while, it just keeps creeping back into my mind.


    I understand what you're saying because those are memories that will always be there. I go through the same thing...thinking about the bullies in junior high but I can immediately get it out of my mind since I'm too focused on the present and not the past.
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    Mar 28, 2014 11:39 PM GMT
    I forgive very quickly and easily. But I've learned the hard way there are some people, forgiven or not, you just don't want in your life after they cross certain boundaries.
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    Mar 28, 2014 11:47 PM GMT
    Hate my dad even though I can't remember him.

    I don't quite forgive my mum either even though she makes an effort now.

    Thanks to them I spent 6 years of my life in care getting the living day lights kicked out of me!

    I hate the first guy I ever had feelings for because it started off as being a fwb situation in that i used to suck him off for booze and money to party with but then I had real feelings for him too after a while. As soon as his wife was due to retire meaning he wouldn't have a free home anymore he just cast me aside. He gave me some money (£250) and told me I could buy drugs and take an overdose with it for all he cared he just wanted rid of me. I am not ashamed to admit I intended to tell his wife and stalk him but I bottled it plus I felt guilty as his wife was a nurse.

    I blame him for the fact that I can't have a functional relationship so I don't forgive him.


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    Mar 28, 2014 11:49 PM GMT
    I had this friend (he was also my brother in law and neighbor for 5 years) but he involved me in some monkey business I had nothing to do with, even knowing the implications would fuck me up he did it anyways. I never had the chance to 'repay' for his 'favor' but 3 years later he showed up, at first acting like nothing happened with the "what else could have I done bro?" attitude then saying he was sorry, he even cried a bit and I believed him but no way in hell I was gonna forgive him -and I wont. I'm not even mad anymore, and Im not seeking revenge, but I wont forgive him either. You can't solve all the things you do with a "Im sorry", that's unfair for the one you ruined. You have to THINK before acting, if you don't then accept the consequences of your stupidity and live with it (like this guy does, unless your some psychotic with no remorse).

    Im able to forgive the ones who deserve and I have done that in the past, but there are some cases the person dont deserve shit.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 28, 2014 11:50 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidI forgive very quickly and easily. But I've learned the hard way there are some people, forgiven or not, you just don't want in your life after they cross certain boundaries.

    Yes! Exactly. But then, if that is the case, do we really actually forgive them? Or are we just saying we forgive them, so that we can allow ourselves to move on past that experience and put it out of our minds.
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    Mar 28, 2014 11:53 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    Scruffypup saidI forgive very quickly and easily. But I've learned the hard way there are some people, forgiven or not, you just don't want in your life after they cross certain boundaries.

    Yes! Exactly. But then, if that is the case, do we really actually forgive them? Or are we just saying we forgive them, so that we can allow ourselves to move on past that experience and put it out of our minds.


    For me, yes, I actually am able to forgive them completely. Making the decision not to allow them back in my life is done with no resentment. It's just a quite decision I make because I realize what's best for me.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 28, 2014 11:58 PM GMT
    HamsterCheeks saidHate my dad even though I can't remember him.

    I don't quite forgive my mum either even though she makes an effort now.

    Thanks to them I spent 6 years of my life in care getting the living day lights kicked out of me!

    I hate the first guy I ever had feelings for because it started off as being a fwb situation in that i used to suck him off for booze and money to party with but then I had real feelings for him too after a while. As soon as his wife was due to retire meaning he wouldn't have a free home anymore he just cast me aside. He gave me some money (£250) and told me I could buy drugs and take an overdose with it for all he cared he just wanted rid of me. I am not ashamed to admit I intended to tell his wife and stalk him but I bottled it plus I felt guilty as his wife was a nurse.

    I blame him for the fact that I can't have a functional relationship so I don't forgive him.



    Wow that is messed up. Rejection is difficult, even when it is from someone we don't care about all that much. In your case, it sounds like the guy was sort of in a position of power and so you really got taken advantage of. When we are young, we don't always make good decisions, but they do make for good lessons for our future. I hope you get passed this and realize that while what you did was not what you might call, 'good morals', it was not the most horrible thing so you should be at peace with it. We do crazy shit when we are young.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Mar 28, 2014 11:59 PM GMT
    I hate my older cousin for taking advantage of me when i was 15...
    Taking me to gay clubs at that age and trying to convince me that my parents were no good. Lies lies lies. Calling my parents and telling them all kinds of bullshit. I had left home and school at 15 for a year. I thought he was my friend but he hated himself and his family and took his hatefulness out on me. I looked up to him back then...
    Now i look at him and think "what a pathetic old hag"...
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 29, 2014 12:09 AM GMT
    venue35 saidI hate my older cousin for taking advantage of me when i was 15...
    Taking me to gay clubs at that age and trying to convince me that my parents were no good. Lies lies lies. Calling my parents and telling them all kinds of bullshit. I had left home and school at 15 for a year. I thought he was my friend but he hated himself and his family and took his hatefulness out on me. I looked up to him back then...
    Now i look at him and think "what a pathetic old hag"...

    It sounds like the guy was not very mentally mature. Was he much older than you? Do you resent him because you were force out of the closet or do you think what he did made you gay?
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Mar 29, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    No i don't resent being forced out of the closet.
    What i resent was being too young to stand up for myself
    And letting this asshole treat me like shit and talk behind my back.
    Ofcourse when i threatened him i would tell his parents what he he did and what a hateful queen he was, he cried like a baby begging me not to...
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 29, 2014 12:16 AM GMT
    venue35 saidNo i don't resent being forced out of the closet.
    What i resent was being too young to stand up for myself
    And letting this asshole treat me like shit and talk behind my back.
    Ofcourse when i threatened him i would tell his parents what he he did and what a hateful queen he was, he cried like a baby begging me not to...

    ow ... that sucks ... big hug too you
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Mar 29, 2014 12:37 AM GMT
    Thanks!
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    Mar 29, 2014 12:42 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    HamsterCheeks saidHate my dad even though I can't remember him.

    I don't quite forgive my mum either even though she makes an effort now.

    Thanks to them I spent 6 years of my life in care getting the living day lights kicked out of me!

    I hate the first guy I ever had feelings for because it started off as being a fwb situation in that i used to suck him off for booze and money to party with but then I had real feelings for him too after a while. As soon as his wife was due to retire meaning he wouldn't have a free home anymore he just cast me aside. He gave me some money (£250) and told me I could buy drugs and take an overdose with it for all he cared he just wanted rid of me. I am not ashamed to admit I intended to tell his wife and stalk him but I bottled it plus I felt guilty as his wife was a nurse.

    I blame him for the fact that I can't have a functional relationship so I don't forgive him.



    Wow that is messed up. Rejection is difficult, even when it is from someone we don't care about all that much. In your case, it sounds like the guy was sort of in a position of power and so you really got taken advantage of. When we are young, we don't always make good decisions, but they do make for good lessons for our future. I hope you get passed this and realize that while what you did was not what you might call, 'good morals', it was not the most horrible thing so you should be at peace with it. We do crazy shit when we are young.


    I don't feel so bad about it anymore and I am happier now I realise it wasn't totally my fault. It took me a while but I now know he took advantage slightly. I was 15 and although I was street smart I was still getting over being in care and I was trying to buy friendships with booze and he clearly recognised that.

    Now that I'm out and I work a decent job I should be able to get over it but I still can't.
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    Mar 29, 2014 1:42 AM GMT
    venue35 saidNo i don't resent being forced out of the closet.
    What i resent was being too young to stand up for myself
    And letting this asshole treat me like shit and talk behind my back.
    Ofcourse when i threatened him i would tell his parents what he he did and what a hateful queen he was, he cried like a baby begging me not to...


    Good for you for standing up for yourself icon_smile.gif