How long are you prepared to wait for sex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2014 2:39 AM GMT
    If you were dating or in a relationship with a guy at what point would not having had sex or any sexual contact together be a problem?

    At what point would you dump the guy you are dating/boyfriend if your sex life together didn't improve?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2014 3:15 AM GMT
    You agreed to be monogamous so

    FOREVER.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 29, 2014 3:21 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidYou agreed to be monogamous so

    FOREVER.

    What if you're only dating though?
  • johninmiami

    Posts: 86

    Mar 29, 2014 3:23 AM GMT
    if he's really hot i might wait a month.If he is just above average-I'll cheat and wait longer while actively seeking a replacement.haha.Gay men typically sex everyone they meet ,crushing friendships or initiating contact they need not.I learned early to let it play outside the bedroom.Sometimes,they turn you on for a day and you should never have started anything-maybe this is why so many guys stress nsa.Sticky feelings and uncertainty are a discomfort!
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    Mar 29, 2014 3:29 AM GMT
    Sex has always felt a bit secondary to me. I may not have a lot of experience with relationships, but I do believe that simply spending time with someone I adore would be enough for me. Perhaps it is because I have always been able to satisfy myself sexually, never feeling so horny that I absolutely needed another person to do so.
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    Mar 29, 2014 3:30 AM GMT
    johninmiami saidif he's really hot i might wait a month.If he is just above average-I'll cheat and wait longer while actively seeking a replacement.haha.Gay men typically sex everyone they meet ,crushing friendships or initiating contact they need not.I learned early to let it play outside the bedroom.Sometimes,they turn you on for a day and you should never have started anything-maybe this is why so many guys stress nsa.Sticky feelings and uncertainty are a discomfort!


    I think most gay guys are on the same page as you icon_sad.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 29, 2014 3:34 AM GMT
    It sort of depends how much time we have spent together. If we've just be going on casual dates 2 or 3 times a week, maybe a month or two. If we see each other regulary for several hour at a time, no more than two weeks. Any longer and he is probably just interested in being friends and it is time to continue on your quest for love.
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    Mar 29, 2014 3:41 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidIt sort of depends how much time we have spent together. If we've just be going on casual dates 2 or 3 times a week, maybe a month or two. If we see each other regulary for several hour at a time, no more than two weeks. Any longer and he is probably just interested in being friends and it is time to continue on your quest for love.


    The guys I've dated are definitely keen on sex because we've gotten to the bedroom part and I've chickened out. They say they don't mind and surprise surprise within 5 weeks they get bored and ditch or just want to be friends.

    I used to be a total slut as well so I don't get it!!

    I don't see what's wrong with waiting longer tbh

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    Mar 29, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    What are you waiting for?
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    Mar 29, 2014 4:01 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidWhat are you waiting for?

    If you mean me I don't know. I've had sex once before and I've been sucking cock since my teens so I'm not a total weirdo. This past year though I have done nothing that might even lead to sex, the furthest I go is a kiss on lips.
  • TheMadKash

    Posts: 126

    Mar 29, 2014 4:04 AM GMT
    After about 3 months of no sex and knowing that we're building towards something substantial i would start to worry about imcompatibility. I like sex... It's not everything but i would begin to worry that he has issues..and those would be issues that i could not deal with nor want to deal with. That is when i begin to ask questions and dig.


    However these days... a sign of really great relationship is one where sex is not the focus .. it happens when it happens but we must be sexually attracted to each other. I made the mistake of dating a guy i was not sexually attracted to but we meshed so well in absolutely every other level of life... he was the most compatible fellow i've ever dated and i havent found a guy since then where we got along so effortlessly... but he was severely overwieght and i willed myself him ... it wasn't right.. it made him feel worse. I broke his heart and even 8 years later.. he curses my name. I wouldn't want to do that to someone or have someone feel as if they MUST sleep with me. So it's best to iron out the area of sex verbally first... 3 months would be my max before seriously needing to ask questions and gain answers. Until then i would just enjoy the honeymoon with no sex. There are things better than sex like intimacy. I like intimacy over sex.. but good fuck is great too. Organic is key.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 29, 2014 4:12 AM GMT
    For the most part, sex is easy to find, or you can have it all by yourself, so it's nowhere near the top of my list of priorities.
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    Mar 29, 2014 4:35 AM GMT
    TheMadKash saidAfter about 3 months of no sex and knowing that we're building towards something substantial i would start to worry about imcompatibility. I like sex... It's not everything but i would begin to worry that he has issues..and those would be issues that i could not deal with nor want to deal with. That is when i begin to ask questions and dig.


    However these days... a sign of really great relationship is one where sex is not the focus .. it happens when it happens but we must be sexually attracted to each other. I made the mistake of dating a guy i was not sexually attracted to but we meshed so well in absolutely every other level of life... he was the most compatible fellow i've ever dated and i havent found a guy since then where we got along so effortlessly... but he was severely overwieght and i willed myself him ... it wasn't right.. it made him feel worse. I broke his heart and even 8 years later.. he curses my name. I wouldn't want to do that to someone or have someone feel as if they MUST sleep with me. So it's best to iron out the area of sex verbally first... 3 months would be my max before seriously needing to ask questions and gain answers. Until then i would just enjoy the honeymoon with no sex. There are things better than sex like intimacy. I like intimacy over sex.. but good fuck is great too. Organic is key.

    I'm going to be single forever then because I know it's going to be a long time before I put myself in a situation like that no matter how much I like the guy icon_sad.gif
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    Mar 29, 2014 4:42 AM GMT
    HamsterCheeks said
    I'm going to be single forever then because I know it's going to be a long time before I put myself in a situation like that no matter how much I like the guy icon_sad.gif

    -Interesting
    isn't that, in fact what you are asking the other guy to do?
    To put himself in an incompatible sexual relationship?
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    Mar 29, 2014 4:52 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    HamsterCheeks said
    I'm going to be single forever then because I know it's going to be a long time before I put myself in a situation like that no matter how much I like the guy icon_sad.gif

    -Interesting
    isn't that, in fact what you are asking the other guy to do?
    To put himself in an incompatible sexual relationship?

    It's not the same thing. Nobody will die if they don't have sex whereas anything can happen once you're in a vulnerable situation being naked and in a room with someone with high testosterone. I don't think gay guys understand the risks.

    Plus if I'm with someone long enough I will probably be able to have some level intimacy with them and eventually sex.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Mar 29, 2014 5:45 AM GMT
    I think it is reasonable to say up front, "I want to date but not be sexual for the first two or three dates" but, beyond that, it is really asking a lot of someone you're just getting to know. Of course it is possible you could find someone who is fine with waiting longer but I think most guys would not want to put it off too long. (Most won't put it off beyond one date.) It is one thing if you're just going out with friends to have fun. But "dating" kind of means getting to know one another to see whether or not you're compatible for longer commitment.

    I don't know, Hamster, but from some of your forum posts I get the impression you have issues due to your sexual history, and that is where this question is coming from. If so, maybe you shouldn't be dating at this time. Maybe it would be better for you and the guys you're dating if you work through the issues around this history before putting yourself in the dating pool.

    Committed relationships are a whole other subject. Then (hopefully) trust, love and communication are established. If partners are having issues that are affecting the sexual component of the relationship, then it has to be worked out…with a counselor if need be. How long? That would depend on the situation and how it was being dealt with.
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    Mar 29, 2014 6:02 AM GMT
    While it's true I have a colourful past that should not make me less entitled to have a happy relationship. My first experience of penetration and foreplay roughly a year ago was terrible and not something I can just get over and jump into bed with someone. I do want to have sex again but it has to be with someone I am in a relationship with and trust. I don't know why people have got to be so impatient!
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Mar 29, 2014 6:29 AM GMT
    HamsterCheeks saidWhile it's true I have a colourful past that should not make me less entitled to have a happy relationship. My first experience of penetration and foreplay roughly a year ago was terrible and not something I can just get over and jump into bed with someone. I do want to have sex again but it has to be with someone I am in a relationship with and trust. I don't know why people have got to be so impatient!

    Your past doesn't make you less entitled, that isn't the point. The point is you *have* a past that is affecting your trust in the present, right? So you aren't really *available* yet to have a relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. You need to heal and rebuild your trust.

    But, this is *your* issue, not anyone else's. And, yes, it is conceivable some guys might be willing to cut you some slack around it, but, on the other hand, do you want to make your problem their problem? Try turning the situation around. How much old history are you willing to put up with from someone else, especially someone you don't yet know well?

    FWIW, my last relationship was very traumatic for me. Long story I'll not go into. Suffice it to say I haven't been sexual since we broke up and that was over a decade ago. (Both my LTR Exs are now deceased.) I'm not dating precisely because I *know* I'm not *available* emotionally.
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    Mar 29, 2014 7:07 AM GMT
    I'm really sorry to hear about your partners untimely deaths. That must have been awful to go through.

    In my case I am totally emotionally ready to be with someone I am just not ready have a sexual relationship. I don't put my issues on guys I like either because I don't tell them about my past. I restarted my life from the point after I lost my virginity and since then I am so much happier.