Am I letting myself get used for sex or can I make this into a relationship?


  • Mar 30, 2014 10:45 PM GMT
    I'm 22 years old and I met this guy on grindr who is 33. We've hooked up a few times but everything is on his terms. We only meet up when he wants to meet up and he decides if we have sex. If he ignores my texts it's fine but if I ignore him, he gets really pissed. He will also occasionally give me money. I know we're technically just fuck buddies but I want him to be my boyfriend I just don't know how to go about asking him if he has genuine feelings for me. Should I even bother?
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    Mar 30, 2014 10:55 PM GMT
    run
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Mar 30, 2014 10:56 PM GMT
    Nope. Time to end this one if the arrangement is no longer appealing to you, because it does not sound like it's going to change. Ever.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 30, 2014 11:00 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidrun




    Exactly.

    This guy is using you.
    He doesn't give a damn about you or your feelings.

    Don't you deserve better than this.

    Run.

  • Mar 30, 2014 11:00 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidNope. Time to end this one if the arrangement is no longer appealing to you, because it does not sound like it's going to change. Ever.


    The thing is, I'm about to graduate school and he's offered to let me move in. If I don't move in with him, I won't have anywhere to live.
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Mar 30, 2014 11:06 PM GMT
    Calvin_Chronic said
    Bunjamon saidNope. Time to end this one if the arrangement is no longer appealing to you, because it does not sound like it's going to change. Ever.


    The thing is, I'm about to graduate school and he's offered to let me move in. If I don't move in with him, I won't have anywhere to live.


    image

    But seriously, you have two choices now. Either move in with him or find somewhere else to go. There are other options, believe it or not.
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    Mar 30, 2014 11:12 PM GMT
    If it's not him chances are the next guy will be exactly the same and use you so what's the difference? You might as well use each other.
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    Mar 30, 2014 11:13 PM GMT
    stop taking money from him…
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    Mar 30, 2014 11:16 PM GMT
    You are definitely in a tough position. Unfortunately this guy seems VERY sketchy, and a user. I'm only offering my advice on the matter here; be a strong person and walk away before you set yourself up for emotional abuse from that guy. Congrats on graduating! I'm sure you could move in with a relative or friend? Or get your own place. I hope everything works out!

    Edit: Yes, stop taking the money. IF he is giving you the money for sex, its illegal. If not, why would you want him to have that hold on you?
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Mar 30, 2014 11:17 PM GMT
    Calvin_Chronic said
    Bunjamon saidNope. Time to end this one if the arrangement is no longer appealing to you, because it does not sound like it's going to change. Ever.


    The thing is, I'm about to graduate school and he's offered to let me move in. If I don't move in with him, I won't have anywhere to live.


    That sounds like, literally, the worst idea. Ever. You won't have anywhere to live? Sleep on a friend's couch until you find a job and can rent an apartment. Ask your parents for some money for first month's rent. Go LIVE with your parents. You have plenty more options than moving in with a loser who is not treating you well. Classic trick: you believe there's no other option, so you end up doing it. Next thing you know, he'll be making you think that "no one else will love you like he does" and you'll get stuck in an emotionally abusive (if not physically abusive) relationship.

    Time to move on.
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    Mar 30, 2014 11:44 PM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    Calvin_Chronic said
    Bunjamon saidNope. Time to end this one if the arrangement is no longer appealing to you, because it does not sound like it's going to change. Ever.


    The thing is, I'm about to graduate school and he's offered to let me move in. If I don't move in with him, I won't have anywhere to live.


    That sounds like, literally, the worst idea. Ever. You won't have anywhere to live? Sleep on a friend's couch until you find a job and can rent an apartment. Ask your parents for some money for first month's rent. Go LIVE with your parents. You have plenty more options than moving in with a loser who is not treating you well. Classic trick: you believe there's no other option, so you end up doing it. Next thing you know, he'll be making you think that "no one else will love you like he does" and you'll get stuck in an emotionally abusive (if not physically abusive) relationship.

    Time to move on.

    This is very one sided. What's to say you can't use him as much as he uses you and you can't both have a decent relationship out of knowing and acknowledging what both parties bring together relationship. It's more honest than most relationships in fact.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 31, 2014 3:08 AM GMT
    You won't have any place to live ?

    Where are you living now ?

    Where do you live during college semester breaks ?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Mar 31, 2014 3:13 AM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    Calvin_Chronic said
    Bunjamon saidNope. Time to end this one if the arrangement is no longer appealing to you, because it does not sound like it's going to change. Ever.


    The thing is, I'm about to graduate school and he's offered to let me move in. If I don't move in with him, I won't have anywhere to live.


    That sounds like, literally, the worst idea. Ever. You won't have anywhere to live? Sleep on a friend's couch until you find a job and can rent an apartment. Ask your parents for some money for first month's rent. Go LIVE with your parents. You have plenty more options than moving in with a loser who is not treating you well. Classic trick: you believe there's no other option, so you end up doing it. Next thing you know, he'll be making you think that "no one else will love you like he does" and you'll get stuck in an emotionally abusive (if not physically abusive) relationship.

    Time to move on.


    This is absolutely, positively correct.
    Read this over and over until it sinks in.


  • Mar 31, 2014 3:33 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidYou won't have any place to live ?

    Where are you living now ?

    Where do you live during college semester breaks ?


    My parents are paying for my apartment but once I graduate, they're gonna cut me off. I don't wanna get a job so I'm thinking that moving in with him would be a temporary solution till I can find something more permanent.
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    Mar 31, 2014 3:52 AM GMT
    Hell no!


    #NEXT


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    Mar 31, 2014 3:53 AM GMT
    BlackCat90 saidHell no!


    #NEXT




    +1
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    Mar 31, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    Bunjamon said
    Calvin_Chronic said
    Bunjamon saidNope. Time to end this one if the arrangement is no longer appealing to you, because it does not sound like it's going to change. Ever.


    The thing is, I'm about to graduate school and he's offered to let me move in. If I don't move in with him, I won't have anywhere to live.


    That sounds like, literally, the worst idea. Ever. You won't have anywhere to live? Sleep on a friend's couch until you find a job and can rent an apartment. Ask your parents for some money for first month's rent. Go LIVE with your parents. You have plenty more options than moving in with a loser who is not treating you well. Classic trick: you believe there's no other option, so you end up doing it. Next thing you know, he'll be making you think that "no one else will love you like he does" and you'll get stuck in an emotionally abusive (if not physically abusive) relationship.

    Time to move on.


    This. OP you're settling and if you think by becoming his bf he'll treat you better, you are wrong. You're giving your power to another person icon_confused.gif
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    Mar 31, 2014 4:26 AM GMT
    Does your Master know you're complaining about him?
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    Mar 31, 2014 4:26 AM GMT
    Don't feed the troll people. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Mar 31, 2014 4:33 AM GMT
    he's not boyfriend material. You are the one that's going to get burned if you continue this path.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Mar 31, 2014 5:53 AM GMT
    It sounds like you are heading into an environment where someone you think you want a closer relationship with, is going to completely control your life. Someone who will tell you how to dress, what to eat or not eat, where you can go, who you can see or not see. Perhaps that is exactly what he has been grooming you for. Run, and run fast if you want to retain your freedom and you sense of self. It starts out innocent enough, but I don't think the path you see before you, is one of happiness.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Mar 31, 2014 6:06 AM GMT
    Simply don't let someone use you unless you can use them back somehow. Is the sex satisfying for you? He does give you money too. As far as a relationship, I can't tell you what to do but I would be direct about how you feel with him and let him decide where to go with it. I don't know him nor you so I can't say what to do. I don't understand the double standard with the text message though.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Mar 31, 2014 6:43 AM GMT
    Sustenance saidThis is really pathetic and I understand your predicament but you are about to become his whore.

    When I was 22 I lived on the streets, slept on couches, lived in homeless stations, until I could find my first big break in life. It sucks you might have to go through it but do you really think he is going to give you the opportunity to get on your own feet? Of course not, "get down on your knees bitch".

    This isn't love. God this world is twisted when it comes to the younger generations and then you have the older lustful gay daddies that tell you this might be a good idea.

    Damn gay people are fucked in the mind.icon_rolleyes.gif


    Have you lived a life where you can just sit back and pass judgement on everyone like this? I am just trying to be objective since he stated he would like a relationship with him. Then he should tell him, after that he may run away. I am just trying to be objective.
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    Mar 31, 2014 6:53 AM GMT
    Calvin_Chronic saidI know we're technically just fuck buddies but I want him to be my boyfriend


    On Grindr? No chance!

    You don't deserve to be treated like this. Block him and move on.

    That's always the risk with casual sex or friends with benefits: one person can easily grow attached and develop feelings.
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    Mar 31, 2014 8:25 AM GMT
    Sustenance saidThis is really pathetic and I understand your predicament but you are about to become his whore.

    When I was 22 I lived on the streets, slept on couches, lived in homeless stations, until I could find my first big break in life. It sucks you might have to go through it but do you really think he is going to give you the opportunity to get on your own feet? Of course not, "get down on your knees bitch".

    This isn't love. God this world is twisted when it comes to the younger generations and then you have the older lustful gay daddies that tell you this might be a good idea.

    Damn gay people are fucked in the mind.icon_rolleyes.gif


    It's self loathing gay people like you that make it so you can't have a relationship without being used unless you are really lucky. You are not gay anymore so stop commenting on other people's lives you saddo. You've already stated to me you care nothing for gay people so go away!