I'm so disappointed.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 01, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    I ran into someone who graduated from school and I hadn't seen in two years on Tinder (didn't know he liked guys), and he tells me we should meet up. I didn't know what he wanted from it, but we ended up meeting for coffee. Since that sounds like a date, everything went well and I felt a really strong connection. We were there for 3 hours just talking and having a good time. He seemed to be into me as well and kissed me before he left. However, he also kinda mentioned he wasn't looking for anything serious. He mentioned he recently realized he's bisexual (he's 27) and has only been with a guy before; the way he described it made him sound more like he was commitment issues though.

    After this, he texts me saying he wished we had gone to my place, and I said I wouldn't have minded. We were supposed to meet today, but I didn't realize he basically just wants to hook up! I asked him to be straight up about it, and he said he would be honest: He doesn't know what he wants. He said having sex with a guy (only one I think) hasn't been as appealing as with women, but that he liked fooling around with this one guy, and wants to try that with me. He also wants a relationship with a woman at some point to see which one "is right for him." Then we text more, and he said he's not looking for a relationship. That hurt so much icon_sad.gif

    Why is he not looking for a relationship with a guy; is it just because it's not convenient and conventional? This kinda pissed me off and hurt me, so I told him we should meet some other time (to hook up). Thoughts on this? Why would he even ask me out for coffee if he just wants to fuck? He's really nice and sweet, and we are into a lot of things, both which attracted me about him. I feel so hurt but he's so handsome, ugh. icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 01, 2014 5:42 AM GMT
    He knows exactly what he wants: to hook up with you. Why go through the trouble of having a coffee date with you? Well, ask yourself, why not?

    I have had plenty of hook-ups before icon_surprised.gif, I'm a college graduate (big surprise). I would much rather prefer hooking up with someone that I know, I've done something civil with; I've had a conversation with, etc. as opposed to something random and immediate. I am much more comfortable with things that way - although some prefer the "No strings, no talking, pants off, straight to falking" approach. Why? Why exist; what is the meaning of life? Simplest explanation is that we all have our preferences... but in reality, who fucking knows.

    Just wait until you find yourself in a situation like I had, where you're in a relationship with someone, they have no problem swearing up and down that they're in love and 100% committed to you... and you find out that they've been talking to people on craigslist about hooking up. True story. It doesn't baffle me that people are capable of taking you out for a nice genuine date only to take you back to the bedroom for a nice genuine... ravaging - then sending you back off to your life without them. At least he's being honest with you.

    Sorry that this date didn't work out in your favor, but that's life. Chances are you will have many dates that do not work out in your favor before finding something real and genuine - and even then, it still has a chance of not working out.

    As for the bisexual stuff; I mentioned this in another thread but I'll say it again here; that's my apprehension of dating someone whose bisexual - that eventually, they'll want the woman for a more sustainable/convenient life. Of course, everyone is different; some say that they're split 50/50 and would enjoy a LTR with either sex. I recommend you save your dating expectations for guys that are 100% into men and into the idea of a long term relationship with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 01, 2014 5:51 AM GMT
    Rolfron said
    Just wait until you find yourself in a situation like I had, where you're in a relationship with someone, they have no problem swearing up and down that they're in love and 100% committed to you... and you find out that they've been talking to people on craigslist about hooking up.


    Unfortunately, I think that's part of the problem. My last two relationships were awful, especially the last one (in this exact way and many more). It's just that goddamn it, this guy would have been great for me if he were 100% into guys, or at least more aware of what he actually does want.

    "I don't know what I want. I'm not looking for a relationship. I want to fool around with a guy. At some point I want a relationship with a woman."

    Fuck fuck fuck fuck. icon_evil.gificon_sad.gif

    I guess I'll find someone eventually, when I move out of this city that incapacitates my dating potential. I'm stuck in a city where gay guys don't want to travel because Boston is an hour away and 1000 better.

    I'm still disappointed :/ I agreed that we should fool around, but I hope he could at least make up his mind, if there is even such a thing. I don't even know why he doesn't want a relationship either (but is so sure about one with a women, ugh), which is what baffles me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 01, 2014 6:40 AM GMT
    It doesn't matter why he doesn't want one. He doesn't want one. I've met a 32 year old gay man who'd never had a relationship lasting longer than 3 months. Some people are just extremely comfortable being single, and that's fine. We were out for six hours that night, and I'm lucky if I last 30 minutes with anyone because I'm a terrible conversationalist. He just wanted to get into my pants, too, which I thought was crazy at the time. But there really are so many people like that. You simply cannot believe anything. Like someone else said, appreciate the honesty. It could be worse.

    If you want to get in his pants, go for it. I wouldn't do it, though. Sounds like you're into him romantically and partially doing it because it's the only thing he'll accept from you.

    --
    aaand it's good to see the bisexual stigma is still alive and well and worse than gays. Terrific.

    LGBT or straight, there are LOADS of people who simply do not know what they want. That's just people for you.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 02, 2014 10:02 AM GMT
    I wish I could offer some advice but I really can't think of anything. I will say though, I know how you feel. I fell for a bisexual guy too (he was my age). We'd talk for hours and we just got a long so well but he said he would prefer to be wit ha woman in the long run and that hurt so bad. It sucks too because a lot of guy I seem to attract are bi married men which makes it more frustrating but I try to keep an open mind because even though I haven't met any, I'm sure there are bisexual men out there who wouldn't be bothered with being with a man for the long haul.

    I'm sure you'll find the right guy. Don't give up. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 02, 2014 1:39 PM GMT
    LC92 said ... he said he's not looking for a relationship. That hurt so much ...
    all good but you have to have a thicker skin than that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 02, 2014 4:40 PM GMT
    Sad that the guy/date didn't work out the way you hoped. He is obviously not ready for an exclusive gay relationship at this time. Perhaps he will find a woman, get married, and have kids - a lot of gay guys unfortuneatly still do that. OTOH, he may eventually decide he is gay. You're right in saying he doesn't know what he wants (today).

    "Why would he even ask me out for coffee if he just wants to fuck?"
    Maybe he doesn't want to "just fuck." Maybe he would like to fuck + more (FWB, fuckbuddies, etc). There are all kinds of gay relationships. You told him you " should meet some other time to hook up." Maybe you should go through with that, and see what (if anything) develops. Yeah, you want a long term committed relationship right now. But at your age, they are rarer than hens' teeth. Until you find one, maybe consider opening yourself up to loving sex that doesn't have the ring attached to it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 02, 2014 10:28 PM GMT
    It's OK that you're disappointed but it was not meant to be. Besides you're a smart cookie and a guy would be really lucky to have someone like you by his side icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 02, 2014 10:32 PM GMT
    He wants sex.. that's fine..move on and don't get hung up on it
  • SinfulWays

    Posts: 542

    Feb 13, 2016 1:14 PM GMT
    Justme99 saidI wouldn't engage with a guy in that matter.

    You're only asking to have your heart broken.

    If someone claims to be confused about their sexual orientation, then sleeping with them isn't going to benefit you. That'll just benefit them, if at all.

    Why allow yourself to be used like that? Doesn't benefit you in the least. Instead, you should ask yourself why you'd allow a guy you hardly know to use like that and then respect yourself enough to know that sleeping with him is a bad decision and won't benefit you emotionally.

    There's more to life than just liking a guy because he's cute. Cute isn't going to make you feel great should you choose to sleep with him in the long run. Instead, you'll just be used by him temporarily, and then he'll move on to the next person.



    Awesome advice! Sadly though.... If his friend calls him and says that he is ready to hook up, LC would jump at the opportunity with a quickness! Only expecting more out of it!LC92 don't follow your emotions on this one, follow your intellect! Emotions make great servants but they make horrible masters!!!
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 871

    Feb 14, 2016 6:35 AM GMT
    Having a cup of coffee and a good convo is a nice start.

    Yet, thinking that everyone MUST want a committed, monogamous relationship from that coffee point on with YOU is somewhat naive.

    You do not walk into a ready-made, modular, pre-fab relationship after your first coffee date. You start, and keep on developing the points of common interest and mutual attraction to the point where both of you come to the conclusion that having a more durable arrangement between the two of you would make more sense.

    That's basically how you build up lasting, well-rooted and well-adjusted relationships.

    This is not about: 'I want a relationship - you want a relationship, and since we like each other, we are ready to plunge into the cold water.' Only to discover that you are after all, not that compatible after a fortnight and start looking elsewhere...

    This is about making sure that you are committing to someone and to something after making sure that such a commitment makes sense to both of you!

    SC