What's wrong with me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2014 1:39 AM GMT
    I am 21 years old and I have never had a serious relationship. I have had a friendship with benefits type relationship with a married man when I was too young to buy alcohol (blow jobs for booze), I had a one time things with a colleague but it turned out he had a boyfriend and I had a hook up who I lost my anal virginity to and the less said about him the better.

    Since coming out after those discreet experiences I have been on a fair few dates with people despite finding it a nerve racking experience but all the people I meet either find someone else or just want to be friends after a few dates. I suspect it's because I don't want to rush into having sex why all the guys ditch me icon_sad.gif

    What can I do to find an actual relationship as opposed to just dates who ditch me?
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    Apr 02, 2014 2:15 AM GMT
    Thanks but at this point I have had so many knock backs from different people I don't think I can say it's their fault. I need to look inwardly and see perhaps what I can do differently.
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    Apr 02, 2014 2:23 AM GMT
    I don't know what your friend-situation is, but I'd focus less at finding a boyfriend and more on finding friends, gay friends that is. With friends you meet more people, their friends and with friends you won't feel the need for a bf quite so urgently. Once you are happy with your situation you might find date-able guys more easily.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 02, 2014 2:23 AM GMT
    HamsterCheeks saidThanks but at this point I have had so many knock backs from different people I don't think I can say it's their fault. I need to look inwardly and see perhaps what I can do differently.
    We all have room for improvement. But be kind to yourself. Asking what is "wrong" with you may not be the best way to think about it.
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    Apr 02, 2014 2:43 AM GMT
    What am I doing wrong then?

    I feel overlooked and useless because I am not someone that someone wants to be with or I can't give a guy what he wants.

    I think I am just on a downer icon_sad.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 02, 2014 2:46 AM GMT
    HamsterCheeks saidWhat am I doing wrong then?

    I feel overlooked and useless because I am not someone that someone wants to be with or I can't give a guy what he wants.

    I think I am just on a downer icon_sad.gif


    Huggs!!

    Believe me, I have been there and due to some shit I'm dealing with in my life right now, I'm very much there.

    But it is all about how you think about things. My advice: Try to focus on what your good points are and then ask yourself how you can make them even better. (Rather than asking what you're doing wrong.)
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Apr 02, 2014 2:55 AM GMT
    What is wrong with you? Well first what is wrong here is the title of your thread! icon_smile.gif There's nothing wrong with you and you have to start embracing that.

    There's no need in dwindling in our past mistakes. Our lives are centered around our future which is why we move forward and do the best we can from today and so forth!

    And please don't feel that you need to put out with a guy so soon just to catch him. What is going to keep someone coming back to you and wanting to be with you is your personality. I don't know you personally but I think just having more confidence in yourself would help you out a lot, as well as not having expectations.

    And friends is a good way to go. It keeps things simple between two people getting to know each other. If more develops then awesome, if not, you still have a good friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 02, 2014 3:15 AM GMT
    Thanks guys you've all made some good points icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 02, 2014 3:34 AM GMT
    Good luck and go easy on yourself.
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    Apr 02, 2014 5:31 AM GMT
    Cheers. I'll start making my own luck icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 02, 2014 1:24 PM GMT
    HamsterCheeks saidCheers. I'll start making my own luck icon_wink.gif


    Yay! As others have said there is nothing wrong with you.
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    Apr 02, 2014 1:26 PM GMT
    Amira saidWhat is wrong with you? Well first what is wrong here is the title of your thread! icon_smile.gif There's nothing wrong with you and you have to start embracing that.

    There's no need in dwindling in our past mistakes. Our lives are centered around our future which is why we move forward and do the best we can from today and so forth!

    And please don't feel that you need to put out with a guy so soon just to catch him. What is going to keep someone coming back to you and wanting to be with you is your personality. I don't know you personally but I think just having more confidence in yourself would help you out a lot, as well as not having expectations.

    And friends is a good way to go. It keeps things simple between two people getting to know each other. If more develops then awesome, if not, you still have a good friend.


    Really everything he said is true. It's hard to find someone you mesh with aka chemistry. Sometimes others will feel it and you won't... Don't put out in hopes you'll land a guy -- it's tacky and you're worth more than that. I think you're a sweet guy and will need someone special.
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    Apr 02, 2014 4:48 PM GMT
    HamsterCheeks saidI am 21 years old and I have never had a serious relationship.

    all the people I meet either find someone else or just want to be friends after a few dates. I suspect it's because I don't want to rush into having sex why all the guys ditch me icon_sad.gif

    What can I do to find an actual relationship as opposed to just dates who ditch me?

    Nothing's wrong with you. The vast majority of gay guys your age have not had a serious relationship.
    Likewise most dates don't end up in anything ongoing. Your dates aren't "ditching" you - it's a matter of chemistry - they didn't find any chemistry between you.
    Keep yourself out there. You will meet someone eventually.
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    Apr 02, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    Thanks. I guess I just feel really irrelevant as though it doesn't matter what I say or do. I'm lonely and I do not see that changing any time soon.

    Except for studying hard and making a few good friends in the more recent years my whole life has been really pointless and has had no worth so I don't really know why anybody would want me anyway.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 02, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    HamsterCheeks saidThanks. I guess I just feel really irrelevant as though it doesn't matter what I say or do. I'm lonely and I do not see that changing any time soon.

    Except for studying hard and making a few good friends in the more recent years my whole life has been really pointless and has had no worth so I don't really know why anybody would want me anyway.


    You shouldn't think this way at all. I know you're not intending to sound like you are wanting the approval of others but with your last paragraph, it kind of reads that way.

    If it makes you feel better, I haven't been in a relationship either and I do have my days where I feel that maybe there is something wrong with myself but I tell you, you must not buy into those thoughts. They can lead to ruin if you let them take over.

    About your dates "ditching" you. Like someone else said, it's most likely because there was no chemistry. It's just a part of life. Sure, it sucks to keep getting constantly rejected by guys but it just means that when that one special guy comes into your life, it'll make it all the more special (at least that's how I see it). And I agree, don't put out too early on a date. All that does is become a one night stand and 60/40 times, you might not hear from the guy again regardless.

    Try and keep up with studies. Find a hobby. Hobbies are great distractions and you learn new things. Don't focus on your loneliness. It's okay sometimes but on a daily basis, can be exhausting and hopeless. You will find a guy, I'm sure you will but in meantime, don't be so hell bent on finding a boyfriend because when you do that, you could potentially attract the wrong kind of guys. Keep your head up dude, it's going to be okay icon_smile.gif

    I wish you luck!
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    Apr 02, 2014 11:02 PM GMT
    Nirvana_Fan1991 said
    HamsterCheeks saidThanks. I guess I just feel really irrelevant as though it doesn't matter what I say or do. I'm lonely and I do not see that changing any time soon.

    Except for studying hard and making a few good friends in the more recent years my whole life has been really pointless and has had no worth so I don't really know why anybody would want me anyway.


    You shouldn't think this way at all. I know you're not intending to sound like you are wanting the approval of others but with your last paragraph, it kind of reads that way.

    If it makes you feel better, I haven't been in a relationship either and I do have my days where I feel that maybe there is something wrong with myself but I tell you, you must not buy into those thoughts. They can lead to ruin if you let them take over.

    About your dates "ditching" you. Like someone else said, it's most likely because there was no chemistry. It's just a part of life. Sure, it sucks to keep getting constantly rejected by guys but it just means that when that one special guy comes into your life, it'll make it all the more special (at least that's how I see it). And I agree, don't put out too early on a date. All that does is become a one night stand and 60/40 times, you might not hear from the guy again regardless.

    Try and keep up with studies. Find a hobby. Hobbies are great distractions and you learn new things. Don't focus on your loneliness. It's okay sometimes but on a daily basis, can be exhausting and hopeless. You will find a guy, I'm sure you will but in meantime, don't be so hell bent on finding a boyfriend because when you do that, you could potentially attract the wrong kind of guys. Keep your head up dude, it's going to be okay icon_smile.gif

    I wish you luck!


    Thanks dude.

    I can't focus on studies anymore though as I already graduated. My university life was great, my work life is going really well and I have a good social life with friends but whenever I'm not at work or its not the weekend I feel incomplete. Or maybe lonely and sort of hollow is another way to put it.

    The 2 men who ever pursued me didn't want relationships because one was married and the other had a boyfriend. I feel like men only want me as a bit on the side to perform sexual duties and if I can't do that then what's my point. Nobody wants me for anything serious.

    I will just have to get over myself