Genuine Relationships

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    Apr 02, 2014 9:13 PM GMT
    On a serious note. I want to know why RJ members have people in their lives -- maybe the top 3 people they see most frequently outside of work life or family?

    Lately I've been going on dates. When we say goodbye, guys will often feel my chest with their hand and commen on it. I feel like guys only want to date because of who you're connected to, sex, or what you can offer etc.

    Are the top 3 people in your life genuine relationships?

    P.S. Maybe this is why females like gay guys so much.
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    Apr 02, 2014 9:21 PM GMT
    I have none icon_neutral.gif
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    Apr 02, 2014 9:27 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidGenuineness is a matter of perception. It is better to classify relationships as weak or strong.


    What would constitute a strong relationship for you Woodsmen -- are there certain values you consider mandatory?
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 02, 2014 9:48 PM GMT
    AnOriginal saidOn a serious note. I want to know why RJ members have people in their lives -- maybe the top 3 people they see most frequently outside of work life or family?

    Lately I've been going on dates. When we say goodbye, guys will often feel my chest with their hand and commen on it. I feel like guys only want to date because of who you're connected to, sex, or what you can offer etc.

    Are the top 3 people in your life genuine relationships?

    P.S. Maybe this is why females like gay guys so much.


    I personally think that in a genuine relationship, the attraction and desires go both. Like both the guys have a genuine interest in one another from physical to emotional. I haven't been in a relationship before so I'm not sure exactly how it works but I feel that in order to have a reasonable one, both guys should have interest in each other (not one more than the other).

    I'm not sure what you meant by "connected to" unless you mean, know very well known people or whatnot and if that's the case, well, that really sucks. lol
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Apr 02, 2014 9:50 PM GMT
    You're overthinking dating and relationships. All guys I dated before settling down with Alex were guys I was sexually attracted to. Nothing wrong and everything right with that. But as we spent time together, we found things we had in common and learned some new things from each other. Alex is now my best friend as well as my partner. We have tons of interests in common (and memories) although if you looked at our backgrounds, you wouldn't guess it.

    Outside of dating, I have several good friends that I met through some common interest; politics, social involvement, gym, tennis. We started as colleagues but during breaks or just over time, got to know each other and developed a solid friendship. I'm also good friends with several people I used to work with. As we went our separate ways career-wise, we stayed friends.

    Stay open with guys you meet. Talk. Tell stories. You've got a good one from some things you've written here.

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    Apr 02, 2014 9:52 PM GMT
    My family is the core of my "genuine relationships." Outside of my family, I have 2 friends who I "percieve as being genuine people," thus making me feel like our relationship is genuine. Everyone else are aquaintences, and I feel elated living life that way. Respect, Wholehearted honestly, and an Understanding is what keeps our relationship with each other thriving.
  • toastvenom

    Posts: 1020

    Apr 02, 2014 10:07 PM GMT
    problem with making genuine relationships in adulthood is that as adults for some reason we aren't allowed to be genuine in our attitudes, beliefs or what we see infront of us (go ahead, speak ur mind at ur job, see where it gets u) adults associate moreso based on social status, appearance anything where it is easy to label someone. Children on the other hand make bonds with others based on mutual interests and personality, because the world of school allows them to be way more social. they aren't confined by the restriction of "trying to look and act professional". when u are able to genuinely be urself u will have an easier time making genuine relationships because the basis of your interactions are not established on occupational expectations/responsibilities or social hierarchies based on the level of income ur occupation provides. because adults spend majority of their time working, work becomes associated with their character for a large majority of them. it is why advancing and "climbing the corporate ladder" as it were, becomes so important and vital. A better job means a better person, a happier person, a wealthier person etc. adults associate with one another socially through a narrow lens which therefore makes their relationships with others based on self serving purposes. (What can this person do for me?) while there is a social hierarchy with kids, the basis of their relationships is simply based on mutual interests, shared philosophies and similar outlooks, its why most folks can hold onto high school and college friends a lot easier than Rebecca in accounting who u talk to at lunch because u both think that Catherine is a total slut for having an affair with the supervisor.
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    Apr 02, 2014 10:09 PM GMT
    I seem to have more genuine, long-lasting, fulfilling friendships with people as opposed to romantic relationships, though my romantic relationships were important to me in other ways.

    I have had a good "straight" friend for years. We're from the same town, we went to the same high school, we have a lot of the same interests, etc. We're different enough to argue, have differing opinions and have very emotionally vehement discussions about things that ultimately inspire influence, inspiration and perception on one another, but we're also alike enough to understand, empathize and relate to one another. I feel like sometimes, he is the only thing that keeps me standing and sane and vice versa, although this isn't really something that's voiced - it's just sort of understood amongst us. We do an awful lot of non-verbal communication and we often times know how each other is feeling just from being in close proximity. Having someone like this in my life is beyond what I can explain to be integral to who I am as a person today.

    I have other good friends here and there that I would say have had necessary roles in my life; taught me life lessons, given me hundreds of fun and very memorable memories, been there for me, and impacted me in a number of fascinating ways, but none that quite compare to the friend I've mentioned (not that this is a bad thing, by any means).

    As far as my romantic relationships go, I have had some good ones and bad ones, all of which have made me learn and grow as a person. I've had the kind that have been centered around sex and also the kind that rarely included sex. They all have had their different reasons for existing, coming and going. Every relationship with another person is unique, which is the bitter-sweat beauty in relationships in general.

    I only want to date to find a close companion. I want someone who'll not only accept all of my imperfections but who'll benefit from all of the things I actually get right living on this ever changing and confusing planet (and vice versa). There's nothing like coming home from work to find that special person in your apartment - or the joy of seeing that special person walk through the door of your apartment after work. It's the idea that no matter how long the separation during your daily consuming routine, you still retire at the end of the day to find solace in each others' arms; that reassuring embrace that you're not alone in this life.

    I'm not sure I get what the "P.S." is inferring.
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    Apr 02, 2014 10:33 PM GMT
    Toastvenom saidproblem with making genuine relationships in adulthood is that as adults for some reason we aren't allowed to be genuine in our attitudes, beliefs or what we see infront of us (go ahead, speak ur mind at ur job, see where it gets u) adults associate moreso based on social status, appearance anything where it is easy to label someone. Children on the other hand make bonds with others based on mutual interests and personality, because the world of school allows them to be way more social. they aren't confined by the restriction of "trying to look and act professional". when u are able to genuinely be urself u will have an easier time making genuine relationships because the basis of your interactions are not established on occupational expectations/responsibilities or social hierarchies based on the level of income ur occupation provides. because adults spend majority of their time working, work becomes associated with their character for a large majority of them. it is why advancing and "climbing the corporate ladder" as it were, becomes so important and vital. A better job means a better person, a happier person, a wealthier person etc. adults associate with one another socially through a narrow lens which therefore makes their relationships with others based on self serving purposes. (What can this person do for me?) while there is a social hierarchy with kids, the basis of their relationships is simply based on mutual interests, shared philosophies and similar outlooks, its why most folks can hold onto high school and college friends a lot easier than Rebecca in accounting who u talk to at lunch because u both think that Catherine is a total slut for having an affair with the supervisor.


    This precisely. Our world is so phony, it is incredibly frustrating. I see how that could hurt relationships. I often feel like the main character in Catcher in the Rye, and I'm trying to learn to temper that a bit.
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    Apr 02, 2014 11:00 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYou're overthinking dating and relationships. All guys I dated before settling down with Alex were guys I was sexually attracted to. Nothing wrong and everything right with that. But as we spent time together, we found things we had in common and learned some new things from each other. Alex is now my best friend as well as my partner. We have tons of interests in common (and memories) although if you looked at our backgrounds, you wouldn't guess it.

    Outside of dating, I have several good friends that I met through some common interest; politics, social involvement, gym, tennis. We started as colleagues but during breaks or just over time, got to know each other and developed a solid friendship. I'm also good friends with several people I used to work with. As we went our separate ways career-wise, we stayed friends.

    Stay open with guys you meet. Talk. Tell stories. You've got a good one from some things you've written here.

    Nicely stated. I'm in the same boat. My partner is my best friend. I probably could or should have more 'close' friends that would develop into genuine relationships but I've always struggled with finding guys that see a relationship (meaning friendship) as a real two way street. I have many friends that I often feel like remain friends only because of my effort to keep the relationship alive.

    Genuine is a relationship where neither takes it for granted and neither lets it die, in my opinion.
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    Apr 02, 2014 11:19 PM GMT
    I have quite a few genuine, long-term relationships and all my friends I consider true friends are gay.
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    Apr 03, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    I think you should ask yourself why you have a hangup about guys touching you. And it is your hangup, not theirs. It is evident from your photos that you have a nice physique, and it is perfectly natural for guys to want to touch the man they're dating.

    If it offends you, you should either (1) disclose this before the guy agrees to go out with you, or (2) stop working out, and start eating exclusively at McDonald's. Soon, you'll be too disgusting for anyone to want to touch.
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    Apr 03, 2014 12:38 AM GMT
    shortbutsweet saidI think you should ask yourself why you have a hangup about guys touching you. And it is your hangup, not theirs. It is evident from your photos that you have a nice physique, and it is perfectly natural for guys to want to touch the man they're dating.

    If it offends you, you should either (1) disclose this before the guy agrees to go out with you, or (2) stop working out, and start eating exclusively at McDonald's. Soon, you'll be too disgusting for anyone to want to touch.


    icon_eek.gif Okay I'd rather be touched than eat McDonalds! On a serious note I want to be appreciated for my values and the person that I am.

    Thank you everyone on this thread for sharing your stories it offered new perspectives and insight.

    I guess my first date ever resulted in a serious relationship. He's in a different state now, but we still talk. Maybe I need to accept that a relationship can be light and fluffy?
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    Apr 03, 2014 1:13 AM GMT
    yes - my best friend i've known for 20yrs. we're like brothers. he's gay and married to another man. we know each other better than my actual brother.

    i have two other gay friends who i am very close with and talk with several times a week. they are genuine relationships - friends.

    the hard part is finding someone who you connect with as friends and who you both feel a mutual sexual attraction with. i feel this is developing now, but i'm taking it very slowly.
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    Apr 03, 2014 1:43 AM GMT
    LOL...so one of my very best and closest friends is someone who I hooked up with. He had this amazing chest with pecs that were a gift from god and a body to match..with shaved head. Turns out we just clicked, we became best friends and bros. It has been 25 years and he and I always laugh at your youth.

    I have two other friends similar to him and we love each other and always always there for each other.

    Now my husband and I are as close as can be and are surrounded with great friends and family.
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    Apr 03, 2014 1:54 AM GMT
    DTOBIN2013 saidLOL...so one of my very best and closest friends is someone who I hooked up with. He had this amazing chest with pecs that were a gift from god and a body to match..with shaved head. Turns out we just clicked, we became best friends and bros. It has been 25 years and he and I always laugh at your youth.

    I have two other friends similar to him and we love each other and always always there for each other.

    Now my husband and I are as close as can be and are surrounded with great friends and family.


    icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 03, 2014 2:37 AM GMT
    jDaniel91 said Respect, Wholehearted honestly, and an Understanding is what keeps our relationship with each other thriving.


    @jDaniel91, great to see these in words! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 03, 2014 3:42 AM GMT
    AnOriginal said
    shortbutsweet saidI think you should ask yourself why you have a hangup about guys touching you. And it is your hangup, not theirs. It is evident from your photos that you have a nice physique, and it is perfectly natural for guys to want to touch the man they're dating.

    If it offends you, you should either (1) disclose this before the guy agrees to go out with you, or (2) stop working out, and start eating exclusively at McDonald's. Soon, you'll be too disgusting for anyone to want to touch.


    icon_eek.gif Okay I'd rather be touched than eat McDonalds! On a serious note I want to be appreciated for my values and the person that I am.

    Thank you everyone on this thread for sharing your stories it offered new perspectives and insight.

    I guess my first date ever resulted in a serious relationship. He's in a different state now, but we still talk. Maybe I need to accept that a relationship can be light and fluffy?

    Why can't a guy appreciate you for your values and your rock hard abs?

    A biscuit at McDonald's can be just as light and fluffy as a relationship.
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    Apr 03, 2014 1:37 PM GMT
    I don't really have a top 3. but off the top of my head I can name 3 people that mean the world to me.

    1.MY friend Kiara. Knew her for over 19 years. She's like family. Always will have a place in my life.

    2. Chirs- Knew him since freshman year of high school. I was his support back then when he thought he wouldn't make friends and he was my rock when I lost everything a few years back and really looked out for me, and we just get each other. He's gonna make a girl very happy one day.

    3. Robert- Same thing, knew him since freshman year of HS. We had our ups and downs in the beginning but overall we just knew each other so well, he's like a brother to me. We just look out for each other.

    Honestly my most genuine relationships were platonic. Now don't get me wrong, I'm currently dating a guy that I love and I believe it's genuine, but the history I have with those 3 and others are at a higher level only because we've been through so much shit together already we know each other with or without words spoken
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    Apr 03, 2014 1:46 PM GMT
    date = sex
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    Apr 03, 2014 2:36 PM GMT
    AnOriginal said...I feel like guys only want to date because of who you're connected to, sex, or what you can offer etc...


    And guys should date you just because you exist?! Of course people will date you because of who you're connected to. I will not date someone who is connected to a bunch of drug using losers. I will, however, date someone how is responsible: has a job, takes care of himself, surrounds himself with good people. And yes I need to be sexually attracted to you to want to date you. And yes you better have something to offer or why would I date you? And by offer I do not mean money or social status or expensive gifts or trips, etc.
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    Apr 04, 2014 12:56 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYou're overthinking dating and relationships. All guys I dated before settling down with Alex were guys I was sexually attracted to. Nothing wrong and everything right with that. But as we spent time together, we found things we had in common and learned some new things from each other. Alex is now my best friend as well as my partner. We have tons of interests in common (and memories) although if you looked at our backgrounds, you wouldn't guess it.

    Outside of dating, I have several good friends that I met through some common interest; politics, social involvement, gym, tennis. We started as colleagues but during breaks or just over time, got to know each other and developed a solid friendship. I'm also good friends with several people I used to work with. As we went our separate ways career-wise, we stayed friends.

    Stay open with guys you meet. Talk. Tell stories. You've got a good one from some things you've written here.



    Thank you I re-read this post a few times and I really appreciate what you wrote.
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    Apr 04, 2014 12:59 AM GMT
    jDaniel91 saidMy family is the core of my "genuine relationships." Outside of my family, I have 2 friends who I "percieve as being genuine people," thus making me feel like our relationship is genuine. Everyone else are aquaintences, and I feel elated living life that way. Respect, Wholehearted honestly, and an Understanding is what keeps our relationship with each other thriving.


    My family is my core as well. It's just creepy that older family members eventually pass on.
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    Apr 04, 2014 1:13 AM GMT
    Rolfron saidI seem to have more genuine, long-lasting, fulfilling friendships with people as opposed to romantic relationships, though my romantic relationships were important to me in other ways.

    I have had a good "straight" friend for years. We're from the same town, we went to the same high school, we have a lot of the same interests, etc. We're different enough to argue, have differing opinions and have very emotionally vehement discussions about things that ultimately inspire influence, inspiration and perception on one another, but we're also alike enough to understand, empathize and relate to one another. I feel like sometimes, he is the only thing that keeps me standing and sane and vice versa, although this isn't really something that's voiced - it's just sort of understood amongst us. We do an awful lot of non-verbal communication and we often times know how each other is feeling just from being in close proximity. Having someone like this in my life is beyond what I can explain to be integral to who I am as a person today.

    I have other good friends here and there that I would say have had necessary roles in my life; taught me life lessons, given me hundreds of fun and very memorable memories, been there for me, and impacted me in a number of fascinating ways, but none that quite compare to the friend I've mentioned (not that this is a bad thing, by any means).

    As far as my romantic relationships go, I have had some good ones and bad ones, all of which have made me learn and grow as a person. I've had the kind that have been centered around sex and also the kind that rarely included sex. They all have had their different reasons for existing, coming and going. Every relationship with another person is unique, which is the bitter-sweat beauty in relationships in general.

    I only want to date to find a close companion. I want someone who'll not only accept all of my imperfections but who'll benefit from all of the things I actually get right living on this ever changing and confusing planet (and vice versa). There's nothing like coming home from work to find that special person in your apartment - or the joy of seeing that special person walk through the door of your apartment after work. It's the idea that no matter how long the separation during your daily consuming routine, you still retire at the end of the day to find solace in each others' arms; that reassuring embrace that you're not alone in this life.

    I'm not sure I get what the "P.S." is inferring.


    I whole heartily agree with and understand everything you said. The rare friendship you described is the best feeling in the world. I have two friends where our conversations and time together will completely elevate my mood to a higher level. We talk about everything from religion to politics to what we think the future for younger generations will be.

    The "P.S." meant that females feel comfortable around gay guys, because the relationship isn't based primarily on sexual motives. I don't see anything wrong with making love to someone, but I never want the basis of a relationship to be sex. I don't mind doing it everyday as long as there's true substance there.
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    Apr 04, 2014 1:16 AM GMT
    shortbutsweet saidI think you should ask yourself why you have a hangup about guys touching you. And it is your hangup, not theirs. It is evident from your photos that you have a nice physique, and it is perfectly natural for guys to want to touch the man they're dating.

    If it offends you, you should either (1) disclose this before the guy agrees to go out with you, or (2) stop working out, and start eating exclusively at McDonald's. Soon, you'll be too disgusting for anyone to want to touch.


    An Original
    "Lately I've been going on dates. When we say goodbye, guys will often feel my chest with their hand and comment on it."

    StephenOABC
    That's a rude gesture. If you've complimented me, I've accepted your compliment romantically, then you asked me if you can touch my chest, I say yes, and you do, that's not rude.