Ever been attached to a closeted married man?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2014 7:03 AM GMT
    Somewhat long message, lol

    Well, I'm 22 and I always fantasized about getting involved/hooking up with a man who's married (to a woman). This was a feeling I had for quite a while now. The whole married to a woman thing, just made it seem more...'taboo'(probably not the best word to use) or 'forbidden'....anyways, this all changed after today.

    To start things off, I actually didn't know he was married until he told me the day we first met

    So I met/talked to this guy online, said hes coming into town for the weekend for business. Showed me a few pictures, very handsome older gent(which just made things worse for me, since I thought he was incredibly handsome looking IMO). Ended up spending the weekend together. I'd hear stories about his kids love baseball and all that. I thought it was something nice to share.

    He said he 'didn't want to hurt me' and thought that spending the night or evening out with him would indeed, hurt me. This was a 1st time experience for me, so I put no thought into that, at all.

    We spent a few days together and really connected. I was becoming attached without knowing it. Last day came by, him leaving to go back to his hometown, we spent the whole day together. We were both a little sad. For lack of a better phrase, I felt a little 'hurt' by this. Which is something he warned me about, but again, after never being in this type of situation.... i didn't know what to expect.

    I later found out the name he gave me when we first met...wasn't his real name. (I asked him for his real name later, which he did, thankfully)

    This was the first time I ever did this. And after experiencing this, that will be the first and last time I ever spend time with a married man in the closet. Knowing that I'll just be a secret, hidden away from his wife and kids. It's a brutal thought to think about.

    Anyone else had a similar experience? please share. I feel bad as it is letting myself and the situation go this far. I should have just stopped seeing/hanging out with him the first time meeting him.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2014 7:08 AM GMT
    f426e9b9ecc77bbbd9a744460dc51f85.jpg

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2014 7:11 AM GMT
    Yes, MANY young Asian boys gladly have sex with older, caucasian closet cases. You're not alone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2014 7:15 AM GMT
    Lol uhmmm I stopped at the bold letters stating I didn't know he was married until we met..

    My bullshit senses are tingling.

    I will continue to read this trainwreck

    Never get attached to a straight for privilege. Or any bullshit relationship - gross.

    No I've dated a lot of people but draw the line at marriage. They don't get to enjoy that at my expense. Whore displacement garbage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2014 7:30 AM GMT
    Lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 06, 2014 6:43 PM GMT
    No. And I wouldn't. I hate cheaters.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 07, 2014 5:03 AM GMT
    Danger Will Robinson!! Danger!!

  • britmed

    Posts: 25

    Apr 16, 2014 11:53 AM GMT
    I think a lot of people will blame you and call you many names, homewrecker perhaps being among the nicest. However I do empathise with your position. To be young and want something that stems from a dysfunctional sense of self and misinterpretation of what love is, is something many gay men go through. It's chasing validation in the places where we know it will never come, it's rejecting all that is seen as mainstream or the norm in favour of something that can never truly hurt us as it never truly made us happy.

    Indeed in the situation of seducing a 'hetero' married man, you are actively seeking to breakdown what you have been told you are not worthy of, by showing others that it doesn't work. Now it's obviously not okay to engage in a cheating relationship if you aware of the circumstance, but not only for the spurned spouse; it's also not okay for you.

    I was approached by an attractive man visiting the city a few weeks ago. I quickly came to realise that he had a family and the attraction was immediately broken as this was someone for who sex with me would be purely mechanical, and could certainly never fulfill my emotional desires. 3 years ago I would probably have still hopped into bed.

    It's about knowing what you want, why you want it, and if this other person can give it to you. Those are the healthiest relationships.
  • britmed

    Posts: 25

    Apr 16, 2014 11:59 AM GMT
    pellaz said

    another though;
    is if he is totally gay; likely he is a dysfunctional frustrated husband. He will always be looking for the joe. Push him over the edge is doing everyone a favor. Just you dont know what will be left of his emotions when he becomes that single gay man

    good luck, keep us posted!


    What a strange thing to tell yourself - that it's okay to cheat with someone who is a 'dysfunctional frustrated husband'. You may be right that he isn't happy, but pushing him over the edge so that he continues to engage in dysfunction, while you get caught up in the mess and add to your own difficulties is a strange thing to celebrare or encourage.

    After all, at the end of it what prize have you won? Either a relationship with someone who's clearly not capable of healthy communication and will likely not be happy with you, or a few rolls in the sack for your own gratification and causing a much more disharmonious separation between a struggling couple. Horrible advice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2014 2:30 PM GMT


    This part I found interesting:
    'Well, I'm 22 and I always fantasized about getting involved/hooking up with a man who's married (to a woman). This was a feeling I had for quite a while now. The whole married to a woman thing, just made it seem more...'taboo'(probably not the best word to use) or 'forbidden'....anyways, this all changed after today.'

    Perhaps take some time to examine why taboo or forbidden is attractive or exciting in the first place.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2014 7:02 PM GMT
    Lol don't do it, don't home-wreck a man's marriage. Just like NeNe from RHOA said.

    dfe3843561fc709e9fa549eb14bad092.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2014 3:17 AM GMT
    I think the OP now realizes that a married man's wife and/or kids come first. Also, the same man's physical needs come second and his emotional feelings for another man is non-existent when his priority is to remain in the closet.

    The OP needs to stay away from online dating and hookup sites, where there are a good number of married men looking for their next lay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2014 3:30 AM GMT
    Married straight men suck. They are really nice to you until they need to get rid of you and then they're just cruel. I had 'something' with a married guy about 5 to 6 years ago and I absolutely learned my lesson lol.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 17, 2014 7:20 AM GMT
    Sure, something like this happened to me. Though nothing happened, I did get hit up by a guy online last year who was just my type and apparently, I was his so that made it even better (at first). We decided to meet and we talked for awhile.

    All was going well until he admitted to me that he was married (his profile said he was single so I didn't know). I was truly mortified on the turn of events and I was instantly turned off. He told me the reason why he admitted it, was because as we were talking, he couldn't hold up the lie because I was "too nice." Never have I felt so sick inside but I was very happy he admitted he was married. The rest of the night was awkward though because I explicitly told him I had no desire to be with a married guy. He kept trying to talk me in to it saying things like "It doesn't matter because you aren't a girl. It's not the same thing" Yeah right... I really hate that excuse.

    Suffice to say, I never talked to him again after that day. I don't think messing with a married man is a smart idea. I personally think about the wife and kids or girlfriend and it makes me sick to my stomach so I could never be a married/closeted man's secret (or anyone's secret for that matter).

    It sucks at times because I seem to attract married men more than single ones so eh... Bummer. :/