I'm done with closeted dudes

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    Apr 07, 2014 1:41 AM GMT
    I am officially done having anything to do with closeted dudes. A coworker of mine through a bitch fit because I called him girl a week ago and then a few days ago I called him by a feminine nick name. Firstly I called him girl because he did something really bitchy. Something I have done to straight male coworkers in the past. Secondly multiple people have called him this nickname. Its a natural joke for a man with his first name. I get he's in the closet but I honestly treat him the same way I treat any straight dude I'm close with. I wish he wouldn't have come out to me because now I have to treat him differently because he is closeted. I don't want to bear his burden. I don't want to have to wonder if everything I say to him might jeopardize his closet. Next time I think a dude is sending signals to me that he is gay i will inform him that if he is closeted keep it too himself. Things between me and this dude would have been no different had I been allowed to go on assuming he was straight.
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    Apr 07, 2014 1:42 AM GMT
    I wouldn't stand being with a closeted guy. I like honesty. I'm absolutely open to my fam and friends and I expect the same from him.
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    Apr 07, 2014 1:46 AM GMT
    It's the best decision you'll ever make. I'm so much happier now I don't mess about with closeted guys.
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    Apr 07, 2014 1:59 AM GMT
    owl_bundy saidwell, actually, i'm going to have to defend the other guy real quick. what were you expecting?

    and real talk, you should respect his situation IF he was willing to open himself to you. i think his mistake was actually telling you his secret.


    what makes me mad is by telling me he put me in an awkward situation. I am treating him no differently than I would treat any other straight male coworker that I feel comfortable joking with.

    I've decided I'm going to completely ignore any reference to homosexuality in our friendship. He makes fun of me because I have a crush on one of our customers and has called me feminine names on many occasions. I really don't mind that but I feel accepting it has given him the impression that I'm the kind of guy he can safely display his gay side around then expect me to protect his closet for him at the expense of the simplicity of my life. I'll restate that I treat all straight men in cool with joking around the same way. I treated him this way before he told me he was gay. Secondly he only ever told me he was closeted after I called him girl.
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    Apr 07, 2014 2:08 AM GMT
    owl_bundy saidedit the last response. i apologize. i responded too prematurely.

    well, i don't think dude meant to harm you by doing that shit. he pretty much has a lot of shit to deal with and he probably sees you as someone who could be his mentor, i guess. do you hang out with him outside work? how close are you both?


    I don't hang out with anyone outside of work. I'm too busy studying and working out. He asked to come over the my place a few weeks before he came out to me. I had a crush on him since day one but quickly decided our goals in life were way too different. I told him I didn't have time for visitors because I didn't want to give the impression that anything between us was possible.
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    Apr 07, 2014 2:23 AM GMT
    On the one hand..
    If he's gonna dish out the jabs to you, then it's fair game to return the jabs to him. Maybe you should explain it him that way. icon_twisted.gif

    On the other hand..
    Try not to be so negative. Maybe if you guys communicated more effectively, this drama wouldn't have come up. He came out to you because he trusts you and feels comfortable with you knowing that he's gay. Or maybe he wants to get in your pants. I don't know. But maybe try to be a friend and let him feel comfortable with being gay and being around other gay men. He'll eventually be out to everyone.

    So don't let this ONE bad experience ruin it for future potential friendships/relationships.
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    Apr 07, 2014 2:39 AM GMT
    xrichx saidOn the one hand..
    If he's gonna dish out the jabs to you, then it's fair game to return the jabs to him. Maybe you should explain it him that way. icon_twisted.gif

    On the other hand..
    Try not to be so negative. Maybe if you guys communicated more effectively, this drama wouldn't have come up. He came out to you because he trusts you and feels comfortable with you knowing that he's gay. Or maybe he wants to get in your pants. I don't know. But maybe try to be a friend and let him feel comfortable with being gay and being around other gay men. He'll eventually be out to everyone.

    So don't let this ONE bad experience ruin it for future potential friendships/relationships.


    I have a feeling that he wants to get into my pants. I don't think he will ever come out. He seems happy with where his life is and I doubt he finds the disruption that coming out will be appealing. I have no problem being friends. I just want nothing to do with the closet. I'm tired of being treated differently by more masculine gay men because I had little choice but to come out or risk deep depression, anger and eventual suicide just to turn around and be used as a safe harbor.
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    Apr 07, 2014 3:00 AM GMT
    Not all closeted men will react the same way as your co worker did. If anything just talk to him civilly when need be and refrain from any other remarks.
    If he's looking to get mentored just simply state that you are the type of person who is incapable of it and has little patience on such matters.
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    Apr 07, 2014 3:12 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidNot all closeted men will react the same way as your co worker did. If anything just talk to him civilly when need be and refrain from any other remarks.
    If he's looking to get mentored just simply state that you are the type of person who is incapable of it and has little patience on such matters.


    Thank you. I'm not sure if I want to have that conversation with him because I don't want to deal with his emotions on the subject. He apologized to me in his way out of the door. I still see it asa valuable lesson. Years ago I would have been super happy to be his gay outlet. Now I just want simplicity in my life. I'll definitely continue to be nice and friendly to him. I admire him in a lot of ways. I'll have to ignore any illusion to his or my sexuallity because it's sending mixed messages.