Top 10 reasons men dont want sex....

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    Dec 29, 2008 12:47 PM GMT
    Men always want sex. Right? Wrong. I have often heard the sexual partner of a man say, "My mate doesn't want to have sex. What's wrong with him? Don't all men want sex?" That's a common misunderstanding and it's based on the mistaken belief that men are wired to want sex most times they can get it.

    Here's a list of ten common reasons why men may not want sex:

    Medications. Antidepressants (SSRI-type) and antihypertensives (blood pressure medication) are often the culprit when a man has a lowered interest in sexual activity. These can also cause sexual dysfunction.


    Lack of sleep. When a man is in his teens or twenties, the opportunity to have sex will often overwhelm the desire to sleep. This is often true also when a relationship is brand new. But, as people and relationships age, sex can lose its compelling nature and a good night's rest can be quite tempting.


    Hormonal levels. The most important physiological stimulant of sexual desire is testosterone. Many men are mistakenly sent to have a blood test for total testosterone when low libido is the issue. While that information might be interesting to know to have a full picture of a man's hormonal levels, knowing the free testosterone level is much more relevant to how much sex he desires. Also, too much prolactin and SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin) can suppress sexual desire. So when a hormonal reason is suspected, these are the blood tests to have (in order of importance): free testosterone, prolactin, SHBG, and total testosterone.


    Identity issues. When men feel uncertain about their role in the world, their desire for sex can dwindle. Depression may be linked to this, but isn't always. Identity issues can crop up when: he has issues at work or is out of work, faces the death of an important family member, becomes disheartened about a formerly held strong belief, and questions his understanding of his own sexual orientation -- to name a few.


    Turn-off to aspects of the sex. Some men will turn away from sex rather than have sex that is not fulfilling to them. Lack of fulfillment can be related to specific things that his partner does during sex or how he experiences his partner's body. He may feel criticized or treated unfairly. It may just seem like too much "work." He may have sexual interests that he knows or fears his partner may not share.


    Disagreements with one's mate. When there are interpersonal difficulties between the members of a couple, many men will avoid sex or just plain refuse their partner's advances. Some men punish their partner by withholding sex, but for others it's not a matter of punishment, they just cannot muster sexual feelings when there are unresolved conflicts.


    Stress. Stress comes in many forms and may stem from: financial difficulties, personal or family member illness, challenges at work, parenting dilemmas, and issues involving extended family members. Of course, there are many more sources of stress.


    Masturbation that replaces partnered sex. This is a hot topic since the advent of the Internet. It seems to some researchers in this field that many men who might not have sought out other sources of visual sexual stimulation (magazines, videos, movies) have found their way to locate sexual imagery online. For some couples, this can be a dilemma, particularly when the viewing of the images leads to masturbation, that then leads to less partnered sex. Less partnered sex feels like a blessing to some, but to others it is a frustrating and disappointing outcome.


    Fear of intimacy. Some men have relationships with their romantic partner that resemble that of siblings. The contact that they experience in their relationship takes the intimacy level up so high that adding sexual intimacy on top of that feels like an overload. Though it may be difficult to imagine that a person could have too much intimacy, it is the hunch of many sex experts today that this is a very common cause of declining sexual frequency in couples.


    Difficulties functioning sexually. Many men who have an erection dysfunction or believe that they ejaculate too soon -- or too late (if at all), will avoid having sex with their partner. Rather than face what feels like another experience of "failure" in our performance-obssessed culture, these men choose to avoid being sexual at all.


    When partnered with a man who does not want sex, the optimal path does not include criticism, belittling, or slurs on his manhood. Armed with accurate information and professional help, most of these causes of sexual avoidance can be greatly improved and in many cases removed altogether.


    Ever dated or been with a guy that had no sex drive? Didnt care about sex? What did you do?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 29, 2008 8:06 PM GMT
    Last guy I was with that didn't want sex kept claiming it was his HIV medicine. Yet I found out different after it ended. He was too busy screwing everyone else to have it with me.

    But agree. i have found times my sex drive is just not there. It has nothign to do with my partner. Often it is stress related.
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    Dec 29, 2008 8:09 PM GMT
    Split up. No sex = no relationship.

    This list doesn't mention boredom with your partner's body and/or sexual technique (or lack of) which is another contributor to not wanting sex.
  • leatherman05

    Posts: 44

    Dec 29, 2008 10:57 PM GMT
    i am sex obsessed in one way - lots of internet activity- but have little or no wish for sexual contact with another man. this developed over the last decade - up to the age of about 50 i regularly went to bathhouses.
    i am not stressed and not depressed and in fact am very satisfied with my position.
    one mention in the opening post struck a cord - "too much bother". maybe sex with another man beats what woody allen called sex with the person u love best (yourself) but is the difference worth the considerable investment of time and emotional energy that it requires?? i dont think so.
    i would resent the time spent away from my dogs that would be involved in hunting and seducing a man and dealing with his needs etc. i recommend dogs to you all. combined with the hot pics on this site u need no more.
  • leatherman05

    Posts: 44

    Dec 29, 2008 10:59 PM GMT
    ps last post does not apply if redbull or redheaded guy are available. just in case - - -
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    Dec 29, 2008 11:09 PM GMT
    Well "redbull" hit just about all of them. I agree that no sex in a relationship is not a good thing, but it is not a forgone conclusion that it will happen. Some people need variety and for them an open relationship is probably a good thing. For others, monogamy is the way to go, but it can be more challenging to keep the fun going. Strong emotions are a help, but adding variety to your sexual experiences also helps.

    One thing I know for sure, if you want the fire to keep burning you should try and keep physically fit. Your partner will appreciate not having to wade through the blubber to get to the important stuff, and your ability to keep an erection is also enhanced (elevated blood pressure and cholesterol are leading causes of erectile dysfunction).
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    Dec 30, 2008 6:33 AM GMT
    redheadguy saidSplit up. No sex = no relationship.

    This list doesn't mention boredom with your partner's body and/or sexual technique (or lack of) which is another contributor to not wanting sex.


    That would be a contribution to not wanting sex with a particular person. The list mentioned was in regards to not wanting sex in general with anybody in particular. Yah know, men that aren't so vain...

    People that get bored with a partner in the bed don't necessarily stop wanting sex, they just want it with someone else. Unless emotions do rule their lives and the sex is just so bad it's not worth it. Even then, I'm sure they'd appreciate a good time if their partner could offer it at some point.
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    Dec 30, 2008 6:37 AM GMT

    "Fear of intimacy. Some men have relationships with their romantic partner that resemble that of siblings. The contact that they experience in their relationship takes the intimacy level up so high that adding sexual intimacy on top of that feels like an overload. Though it may be difficult to imagine that a person could have too much intimacy, it is the hunch of many sex experts today that this is a very common cause of declining sexual frequency in couples."

    We gotta disagree with this one, for a couple of reasons, one being that Bill and I experience a very high level of intimacy, which we'll guarantee is NOTHING AT ALL LIKE THAT OF A SIBLING! Ugh! What a concept!

    The sex experts are obviously looking at the value of a relationship as being equal to orgasm frequency.

    If a relationship is based on sex, it will likely end there too.

    It's our opinion that reading that list alone will give anyone a limp penis.
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    Dec 30, 2008 5:46 PM GMT
    I have two reasons for not wanting sex sometimes:

    1) Dissapointment with guys who are not that good at it. The body starts at the head and ends at the feet. Most guys only know one or two spots to play with, which is fine if all you want is release. But I want a guy who plays, caresses, touches and enjoys every inch of my body, and vica versa.

    2) The opportunity and chance for sex is always alway there and evryone seems the same. It becomes a big haze and hardly anyone seems interesting enough be worth the plunge.
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    Aug 27, 2011 10:17 PM GMT
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    Aug 27, 2011 10:35 PM GMT
    For me, it's because I just got done having sex five minutes ago. I need a break, ya know?
  • dancedancekj

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    Aug 27, 2011 10:49 PM GMT
    Technically, the best handjob you can give is to yourself. The positive feedback loop and knowing exactly what to do when makes for a perfect stimulation.

    That being said, having actual sex is much more fun with the right person and conditions. When it's not... it sucks much more.
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    Aug 27, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    And why do ppl expect you to want to have sex with absolutely everybody jsut because you're a man? Its a bit annoying
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    Aug 27, 2011 11:08 PM GMT
    and what about... pressure to perform?

    Some partners put so much stress on ejaculation that they rush through all the (in my mind) better aspects of sexual build-up. Frottage, rough-play, kissing, biting, hard-massage. They wanna get right to the 'naughty parts' and ignore the rest of one's senses/body. And many are insistent on cumming... like it's the most important aspect of sex.

    Sure - that's great - but I'd rather have a marathon session full of erotic peaks and valleys than the focussed expectation or hurry to cum. That just feels rushed/awkward to me. It's actually a turn-off when that partner acts that way regularly or gets mad/upset if they can't make me cum on command. I take a long-build-up and I hate to rush sex.

    I had amazing chemistry with the last guy I was regularly active with. Very intense and sensual - then raw/rough and bestial, then back again. We'd go through this for hours- even with breaks for snacks/beverage and cuddling. Then when we did get to 'the end' it was RIDICULOUS!

    Alas - other factors didn't allow us to move forward (for now at least). But jeez.. gotta say - it kinda spoiled me. icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 27, 2011 11:25 PM GMT
    manboy_nyc saidand what about... pressure to perform?

    Some partners put so much stress on ejaculation that they rush through all the (in my mind) better aspects of sexual build-up. Frottage, rough-play, kissing, biting, hard-massage. They wanna get right to the 'naughty parts' and ignore the rest of one's senses/body. And many are insistent on cumming... like it's the most important aspect of sex.

    Sure - that's great - but I'd rather have a marathon session full of erotic peaks and valleys than the focussed expectation or hurry to cum. That just feels rushed/awkward to me. It's actually a turn-off when that partner acts that way regularly or gets mad/upset if they can't make me cum on command. I take a long-build-up and I hate to rush sex.

    I had amazing chemistry with the last guy I was regularly active with. Very intense and sensual - then raw/rough and bestial, then back again. We'd go through this for hours- even with breaks for snacks/beverage and cuddling. Then when we did get to 'the end' it was RIDICULOUS!

    Alas - other factors didn't allow us to move forward (for now at least). But jeez.. gotta say - it kinda spoiled me. icon_neutral.gif


    This x1000. I will say for me sex begins when the top texts me "I want you so bad, cancel your plans and be at my place by 6. I'm going to devour your ass tonight.". But that's just me
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    Aug 28, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    GreenHopper saidAnd why do ppl expect you to want to have sex with absolutely everybody jsut because you're a man? Its a bit annoying

    That's just barbaric.
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    Aug 28, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    manboy_nyc saidand what about... pressure to perform?

    Some partners put so much stress on ejaculation that they rush through all the (in my mind) better aspects of sexual build-up. Frottage, rough-play, kissing, biting, hard-massage. They wanna get right to the 'naughty parts' and ignore the rest of one's senses/body. And many are insistent on cumming... like it's the most important aspect of sex.

    Sure - that's great - but I'd rather have a marathon session full of erotic peaks and valleys than the focussed expectation or hurry to cum. That just feels rushed/awkward to me. It's actually a turn-off when that partner acts that way regularly or gets mad/upset if they can't make me cum on command. I take a long-build-up and I hate to rush sex.

    I had amazing chemistry with the last guy I was regularly active with. Very intense and sensual - then raw/rough and bestial, then back again. We'd go through this for hours- even with breaks for snacks/beverage and cuddling. Then when we did get to 'the end' it was RIDICULOUS!

    Alas - other factors didn't allow us to move forward (for now at least). But jeez.. gotta say - it kinda spoiled me. icon_neutral.gif


    tumblr_llc6k31SdL1qafrh6.jpg

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    Aug 29, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    ...actually it happened to me during my last relationship. It was a sexless situation for about 8-10 weeks after having had a very intense start. The person told me he had sexual "peaks" and "troughs"; he was apparently undergoing a "trough" period. The same had occurred with his boyfriend of two years. Other than that, he never wanted to discuss the issue. And eventually, the relationship ended.

    Bear in mind that one of this eight brothers had died during the 4th week of our relationship, his career required that he work long/odd hours, and he easily jumped on the offensive for relative minor issues; for example, can we watch a DVD at home rather than go to the theater?

    Communication is key in any relationship, but it becomes even more imperative when this situation arises. I cannot say that I was not amply patient.

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    Aug 29, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    redbull saidMasturbation that replaces partnered sex. This is a hot topic since the advent of the Internet. It seems to some researchers in this field that many men who might not have sought out other sources of visual sexual stimulation (magazines, videos, movies) have found their way to locate sexual imagery online. For some couples, this can be a dilemma, particularly when the viewing of the images leads to masturbation, that then leads to less partnered sex. Less partnered sex feels like a blessing to some, but to others it is a frustrating and disappointing outcome.


    This one actually describes me, sad to say. I was a virgin until after college, which meant to anyone who can add two and two that I was on the internet... frequently. First boyfriend leads to first time having sex which lead to an "uh oh, this isn't right" kinda moment.

    Long story short I was able to realize this was the issue, if not too late for the first relationship (which are always doomed, amiright?) and have been working on it since. I wouldn't call it an addiction, just a frequent habit. If the little me was asking for attention he would usually get it! Now it's a matter of holding back and making sure I'm good for the real deal.
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    Aug 29, 2011 5:13 AM GMT
    JackNWNJ saidFor me, it's because I just got done having sex five minutes ago. I need a break, ya know?
    Yeah but if he's into multiple orgasms, why can't you be? I just sexed him on his way out of your driveway, and now I'm ready to go again.