Advice needed - is he interested?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2014 1:02 PM GMT
    Hi there,

    This is my first post here.

    I am from Australia and I was over in Singapore just recently on holidays.

    As I was bored one evening, I started chatting with a guy on Grindr who lived close by. He was an Amercian ex pat living in Singapore.

    The conversations started like just regular friends chatting (nothing sexual). Our chats went on for the next 3 -4 days and like 1-2 hours a day. We swapped pictures and we both liked each other.

    Then on the 5th day, it started to move into dirty talk. I understand that he has a boyfriend but we decided to meet at a coffee shop and I was totally mesmerised by him. I think he was the same. We talked for about 1 hour about his work, his life etc. We swapped numbers and started to chat using whatsapp.

    Then later that evening, we decided to meet on the streets in the middle of the night and started to make out. I have never done anything like this ever. The next morning, I went to his apartment and we had sex.

    All in all, I met the guy 3 times and have known him by then for 1 week.

    I had to leave Singapore that evening and I felt so sad. Although I have only known him for a week, I had fallen for him by then! He was charming, nice to talk to and just all round nice guy. I felt so comfortable when I was with him.

    I tried to test him if he would want to see me again or visit me in Australia but he didn't give me a straight answer. Nor did he say he want to see me again (but he didn’t say he doesn’t want to see me again).

    Anyway, we continued chatting now that I am back in Australia but the dirty talk is alot less and I am getting fewer messages from him. He would still reply to messages but there is less than when I was over in Singapore. I still think about him all the time and I cried a few times as I miss him alot.

    I have told him I miss him a few times and he would reply saying "Awwwwww" and blew me kisses". He would also call me babe and say xoxox in his messages

    Should I just give up? I really really like him.

    I am confused, if our encounter was just one off, why would he still message me now that I am back in Australia? Is he interested in me?

    This was my first meet up with a guy via Grindr and I am not sure if its usual for guys to swap numbers and talk so much and keep talking after sex.

    As I said, I really really miss him and want to be with him so much!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Apr 13, 2014 9:44 PM GMT
    Buddy, you just have a crush on him. How can you be 34 and sound like you're 15? He was a nice guy, you liked him, he has a boyfriend, it was fun. He isn't a jerk so he's responding to you and continuing to be nice. Do you really think he's going to leave his boyfriend and fly to Australia?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2014 9:56 PM GMT
    Lol oh honey, he has a boyfriend. He was just flirting with you on Grindr. I mean, agreed with poster above, do you really think he's going to leave his BF and magically fly to Australia to be with you ?? I think you just need more dating experiences in life. Right now, you're acting like a love-sick school girl after received just a couple of XOs from a random guy on Grindr. You were just his fun grindr vacation Aussie booty call and that's it. Sorry to sound a little harsh, that's the way I see it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2014 10:00 PM GMT
    It's not happening ... move on.
  • Lollipop

    Posts: 9

    Apr 13, 2014 10:33 PM GMT
    Oh man. You fell really hard for him. Just move on. You seem like you have a big heart and someone will appreciate and take care of it. There are more guys out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 13, 2014 11:20 PM GMT
    Oh man, move forward like everyone says, you were a booty call distraction that is all. He is NOT interested you were there and you partake in the sex, he is NOT looking for a relationship, but the SEX.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2014 1:11 AM GMT
    Adrian12345 saidHi there,

    This is my first post here.

    I am from Australia and I was over in Singapore just recently on holidays.

    As I was bored one evening, I started chatting with a guy on Grindr who lived close by. He was an Amercian ex pat living in Singapore.

    The conversations started like just regular friends chatting (nothing sexual). Our chats went on for the next 3 -4 days and like 1-2 hours a day. We swapped pictures and we both liked each other.

    Then on the 5th day, it started to move into dirty talk. I understand that he has a boyfriend but we decided to meet at a coffee shop and I was totally mesmerised by him. I think he was the same. We talked for about 1 hour about his work, his life etc. We swapped numbers and started to chat using whatsapp.

    Then later that evening, we decided to meet on the streets in the middle of the night and started to make out. I have never done anything like this ever. The next morning, I went to his apartment and we had sex.

    All in all, I met the guy 3 times and have known him by then for 1 week.

    I had to leave Singapore that evening and I felt so sad. Although I have only known him for a week, I had fallen for him by then! He was charming, nice to talk to and just all round nice guy. I felt so comfortable when I was with him.

    I tried to test him if he would want to see me again or visit me in Australia but he didn't give me a straight answer. Nor did he say he want to see me again (but he didn’t say he doesn’t want to see me again).

    Anyway, we continued chatting now that I am back in Australia but the dirty talk is alot less and I am getting fewer messages from him. He would still reply to messages but there is less than when I was over in Singapore. I still think about him all the time and I cried a few times as I miss him alot.

    I have told him I miss him a few times and he would reply saying "Awwwwww" and blew me kisses". He would also call me babe and say xoxox in his messages

    Should I just give up? I really really like him.

    I am confused, if our encounter was just one off, why would he still message me now that I am back in Australia? Is he interested in me?

    This was my first meet up with a guy via Grindr and I am not sure if its usual for guys to swap numbers and talk so much and keep talking after sex.

    As I said, I really really miss him and want to be with him so much!


    hum....very easy...hi just isn't that into you. Move on, there will be a guy who is all that into you and will be chasing after you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2014 1:46 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear this story. But it sounds like a fling, and nothing more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2014 2:21 AM GMT
    "He has a boyfriend"

    but...

    how many adds have I seen of guys in town for the weekend; "Looking".

    live and learn
    he at least got you to take a first step, thank him for that and move on.
  • DarkWoods

    Posts: 91

    Apr 14, 2014 2:37 AM GMT
    Wtf this whole thing.
    "He has a boyfriend but..."
    "We met on Grindr."

    That says it all. You were on vacation and knew this guy for a week, knew he had a boyfriend, but pursued it anyway? I hope they have an open relationship for your sake, otherwise you are just as bad as the cheater. It's obvious what the situation is, you're just too selfish and diluted to see it. What ever happened to finding your own guy and developing a healthy relationship?
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Apr 14, 2014 3:17 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidBuddy, you just have a crush on him. How can you be 34 and sound like you're 15? He was a nice guy, you liked him, he has a boyfriend, it was fun. He isn't a jerk so he's responding to you and continuing to be nice. Do you really think he's going to leave his boyfriend and fly to Australia?
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Apr 14, 2014 4:43 AM GMT
    How is he an "all round nice guy" if he's cheating on his bf with you. (You didn't say if he had an open relationship.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2014 5:38 AM GMT
    Think with your other head. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2014 5:40 AM GMT
    I'm going to sing with the choir here but.....It was only a short term affair. Exciting and hot, yes. Long lasting? No

    Oh and HE HAS A BF

    You're single, so go out there and find a single man.icon_mad.gif

  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Apr 14, 2014 6:36 AM GMT
    Im nearly 40 and calm and chill and I still turn into a 15 year old girl when I meet a nice guy...good on you you have feelings

    he is a complete jerk to still be calling you...it is not because he is a nice guy ...it is because he is a spineless jellyfish without the integrity or balls to say the words " I am not into you sorry if I led you on misleadingly" - he has not got the godamn balls to face up to the possible confrontation that that might ensue when you justifiably get upset !

    I have been through this scenario hundreds of times and took me years to learn these guys are assholes and I am an idiot ! you cant fix the assholes but you can sure as hell smarten your own ass up !

    I do not have sympathy for anyone who knowingly chases after an involved guy its wrong no excuse...you would hate it if it happened to you why would you do it ??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2014 8:33 AM GMT
    Thank you all for your comments.

    I know I was wrong to go after him but he was the perfect gentlemen. I have never met someone who made me so happy even though it was for such a short amount of time.

    I still really miss him alot. I have been back for 1 week now and I still cry at night thinking about him. I know it sounds like I am weak and all but I do have feelings for him.

    I guess rationally I know there is no chance but I keep thinking what if he is the one?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2014 8:55 AM GMT
    :3

    He has a boyfriend... Put yourself first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2014 10:39 PM GMT
    You'll get over him! It'll take some time. Don't ask when because there's no specific timeframe.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    UPDATE:

    So I was back in Singapore last week for work and I met with him again.

    We had lunch and coffee and spent the whole afternoon just talking about life, work etc. We flirted with each other again and kissed etc....

    I like him even more and now that I am back home I miss even so much.

    I am now confused what the status of my relationship with him? Am I just something on the side? Or could there be more??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2014 6:26 AM GMT
    you need to have a reality check. either that or you simply have a screw loose.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    May 12, 2014 7:10 AM GMT
    This was a hook-up and as others have said, he is just being nice. You knew that he had a boyfriend going into this right? Whether he is in an open relationship or whatever, it isn't going to happen so move on. This was only a brief encounter and don't read too much into it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2014 6:12 PM GMT
    Adrian12345 saidUPDATE:

    So I was back in Singapore last week for work and I met with him again.

    We had lunch and coffee and spent the whole afternoon just talking about life, work etc. We flirted with each other again and kissed etc....

    I like him even more and now that I am back home I miss even so much.

    I am now confused what the status of my relationship with him? Am I just something on the side? Or could there be more??


    So, unlike every other hairy dick around here, you ignored all the advice...
    Give up your life, move to Singapore, and ruin him from every other man; moreover, destroy his boy friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2014 1:13 AM GMT
    dfe3843561fc709e9fa549eb14bad092.jpg

    or in this case a guy who already has a boyfriend. Like it blows my mind how someone can fall for another person who cheated on his boyfriend?!