How important money is in a relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 4:59 PM GMT
    Serious question, would you date a guy that does not earn as much as you and cannot afford to go to a holiday or some weekend events would you pay for it ?

    Or if the guy is earning much more than you would you allow to be paid for ?

    Or how important is social status for you in a relationship
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 5:05 PM GMT
    I don't care how much money you make if I connect with you, but please have a job and show you are responsible. My last boyfriend made less than me but I still got along with him until he turned into a raging psychopath. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 5:06 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh saidI don't care how much money you make if I connect with you, but please have a job and show you are responsible. My last boyfriend made less than me but I still got along with him until he turned into a raging psychopath. icon_eek.gif


    that was probably interesting
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 5:07 PM GMT
    bonapart01 said
    JumpMan_Josh saidI don't care how much money you make if I connect with you, but please have a job and show you are responsible. My last boyfriend made less than me but I still got along with him until he turned into a raging psychopath. icon_eek.gif


    that was probably interesting


    Ehhh... it was definitely a "learning" experience and can say that I've had at least one psycho ex in my lifetime. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 5:13 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh said
    bonapart01 said
    JumpMan_Josh saidI don't care how much money you make if I connect with you, but please have a job and show you are responsible. My last boyfriend made less than me but I still got along with him until he turned into a raging psychopath. icon_eek.gif


    that was probably interesting


    Ehhh... it was definitely a "learning" experience and can say that I've had at least one psycho ex in my lifetime. icon_lol.gif


    what if you decide, you want to go on a cruise, that costs couple of grand, but your BF cannot afford it, would you pay for him ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 5:15 PM GMT
    If they are not trying to get a job, I wouldn't like that but I wouldn't be nagging them to get a job they couldn't do or got stressed in just for the extra salary.

    I don't really like going out with people a lot richer than me. I am so used to being independent and paying my own way that it is like an attack on my pride. Of course you can still do that but if they are taking you to expensive places it becomes too hard to pay them back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 5:15 PM GMT
    bonapart01 said
    JumpMan_Josh said
    bonapart01 said
    JumpMan_Josh saidI don't care how much money you make if I connect with you, but please have a job and show you are responsible. My last boyfriend made less than me but I still got along with him until he turned into a raging psychopath. icon_eek.gif


    that was probably interesting


    Ehhh... it was definitely a "learning" experience and can say that I've had at least one psycho ex in my lifetime. icon_lol.gif


    what is you decide, you want to go on a cruise, that costs couple of grand, but your BF cannot afford it, would you pay for him ?


    Yeah, of course. I'm sure that we would be able to make out some type of budget or plan for it (sell old belongings, find an odd job, surverys online, ect, ect).
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 17, 2014 5:16 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh said
    bonapart01 said
    JumpMan_Josh saidI don't care how much money you make if I connect with you, but please have a job and show you are responsible. My last boyfriend made less than me but I still got along with him until he turned into a raging psychopath. icon_eek.gif
    that was probably interesting
    Ehhh... it was definitely a "learning" experience and can say that I've had at least one psycho ex in my lifetime. icon_lol.gif
    Welcome to the club! icon_lol.gif

    It is an interesting question. Whether it is money or something else (looks, range of sexual experience, age, level of education or intelligence, career type, etc.) there are often "imbalances" in a relationship. How does a couple deal with them? From histories I've read it is possible for there to be huge differences or imbalances in a relationship and for it to still work. But this is very rare. Usually there needs to be parity and without it one or both of the partners will begin to experience resentment toward the other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 5:49 PM GMT
    Money is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 6:38 PM GMT
    It wouldn't bother me, and I usually assume that I will be paying for everything anyhow.

    The amount a guy earns is not a problem, as long as they are a grafter and put the work in (or are particularly smart so don't have to work much). I'm not into lazy folk, as it probably won't stop at their workplace, and is a big turnoff.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 7:44 PM GMT
    Rule #1 Person can't make less than me (tough to do)

    Paying for friends and dates is random and I can't think of particular moments worth noting.

    Otherwise yea maybe I would let a guy pay for me - I'd have to like them a lot though. I usually avoid those situations because I'm skittish. Also mail order brides/husbands are real.. etc..

    Soooooo, yeaaaaaa.

    I'm more worried about social status. Stay classy :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 8:06 PM GMT
    bonapart01 saidSerious question, would you date a guy that does not earn as much as you and cannot afford to go to a holiday or some weekend events would you pay for it ?

    Or if the guy is earning much more than you would you allow to be paid for ?

    Or how important is social status for you in a relationship


    Dating? Or serious relationship?


    Serious relationship:

    1 YES
    2 YES
    3 It's not important at all.

    Dating: stick to things that aren't so expensive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 8:06 PM GMT
    Money is not a big issue really but I wouldn't want to be with someone really really rich because I'm not rich and they may start to resent me for not being able to afford the same things as them.
  • britmed

    Posts: 25

    Apr 17, 2014 8:42 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh saidI don't care how much money you make if I connect with you, but please have a job and show you are responsible. My last boyfriend made less than me but I still got along with him until he turned into a raging psychopath. icon_eek.gif


    I agree with this to an extent (and my condolences about the psychopath thing). I would 'prefer' them to have a job, whatever that may be or however well paid, and enjoy it. I think it's attractive when people look at the things in their life that aren't making them happy and change it, perhaps advice I would do well to take on occasion to be honest. There's no bigger turn off than someone who bitches and moans but stays put.

    And saying that, I could date someone who was unemployed if there was a valid reason for it. I'm not gonna date someone who's unemployed who lives with their parents, isn't looking for a job, and has no desire to become independent. But if they were at a crossroads in their life, ACTIVELY figuring out what they wanted to do and felt they still wanted a relationship around that I could be interested. You need to have your own life, or be building it, before you can share it with someone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 8:44 PM GMT
    In my earliest perceptions of love, I don't think I could assign any tangible amount of conceivable value to it; love is as priceless as infinity.

    Having that said, if I would drop a guy in favor of lavish vacations or material items, chances are that there isn't much love present in our relationship. In short, if I loved the guy, his earnings are meaningless and immeasurable in terms of value relative to what we have together.

    Would I pay for him/would I let him pay for me? Of course, if the guy was right and it is in the right stage of our relationship. In the early stages of dating, I try to avoid paying for other people and also letting them pay for me; it sends off the wrong idea too quickly.

    How important is social status for me in a relationship? Not very important at all. I guess it's easy for me to say that while sitting in white suburbia - but I really am pretty unmotivated by wealth and social fame or approval.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 9:22 PM GMT
    IF you're broke, don't go thirsting for a relationship. Plain and simple. Get your shit together, maintain a steady income, and go from there. As long as you can support yourself, then that's all I ask.
  • SinfulWays

    Posts: 542

    Apr 17, 2014 9:35 PM GMT
    Don't be fooled, if you find someone that will live with you on the streets in a cardboard box.... THAT'S LOVE! To put up with the Cruel unmerciful world together, That's what's up. Money is JUST AN ILLUSION THAT IS ABOUT TO END!!!MONEY IS TOTALLY NOT IMPORTANT! I KNOW BECAUSE I WAS HOMELESS FOR OVER A YEAR DUE TO THIS EFFIN ECONOMY! I met Robert and we struggled together. And we made it out because we had each other. That whole money paradigm is about to DIE LMMFAO!!!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 17, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    My longtime partner is someone who makes about 1/3 of my income and it affected our relationship (albeit I didn't really understand it at the time). If we split expenses, we always needed to talk about it. It didn't bother me much if I paid more, but he is someone who was used to being the one in control, financially and otherwise. Unfortunately, he wasn't anymore.

    Point here is it may make a difference and it may not, totally depends on the two guys involved in the relationship, their views on money and how they spend it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 10:15 PM GMT
    I think I would prefer if the guy could afford to split things evenly. If I was expected to pay for everything I would not be happy with the situation. At the same note, I would appreciate a guy offering to pay but I would request I cover my share.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 10:20 PM GMT
    It depends on you and the guy you're dating. If he's super rich and acts super douchy and wanted to **Buy your love**, that's a turn off. It's good to give and take 50/50. I mean, money comes and goes, jobs do come and go, too. It's important to connect with a guy on a personal level than having $$, material thing. I tend to like poor, average income guys. If I wanted a rich sugar daddy, I could have done that a long time ago. Urg, it just feels wrong to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 10:28 PM GMT
    Better question is how important is the relationship to you.

    Don't go after money...let it come to YOU - it's moar fun that way.

    icon_cool.gificon_cool.gificon_cool.gif
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Apr 17, 2014 10:28 PM GMT
    Honestly, money never has mattered much to me. That being said, I would never let a silly little thing like money keep me and my partner from having a good time. If they don't have any money I would gladly pay for a trip or dinner or whatever the case may be. As long as we're both happy, what else matters.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Apr 17, 2014 11:09 PM GMT
    Money in a relationship is as important as you make it. The big conflict in relationships with achievers however relates more to personality than cash I assure you. Witness the conflicts on RJ and you will see a glimpse of the possibilities.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 17, 2014 11:21 PM GMT
    Not a big issue. However, he needs to be solvent and be able to support himself, even if he makes a fair bit less than me. I'm not paying for everything, but if he was someone really special who I was with for a long time, I'd split housing expenses on a percentage basis that was normalized to our relative incomes.

    Normalization in math is a great thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 18, 2014 1:14 AM GMT
    Money can make or break a relationship which is unfortunate. I have seen it happen when one partner loses a job and the other one simply pushes the other out of the relationship by not helping when they are down but as soon as the person finds a job they come flying back in the picture and pretending that nothing never happened.