Body Insecurities, etc in ex-fat guys

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Apr 22, 2014 1:48 AM GMT
    Just curious

    Even after losing weight or becoming muscular and fit, does the "fat kid" mentality still linger inside? I can't imagine living one way for so long and then suddenly changing everything. I'm interested in the psychology of body transformation rather than the obvious physical aspects btw

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    Apr 22, 2014 1:58 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidJust curious

    Even after losing weight or becoming muscular and fit, does the "fat kid" mentality still linger inside? I can't imagine living one way for so long and then suddenly changing everything. I'm interested in the psychology of body transformation rather than the obvious physical aspects btw



    I think whether you were really fat or really skinny before your body transformation, it stays with you.
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    Apr 22, 2014 6:26 AM GMT
    Of course it lingers! But to some guys insecure hot men are catnip, so exploit that so your inner fat kid gets the fun he deserves!
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    Apr 22, 2014 10:43 AM GMT
    In my case, I think, I remember the insecurity I had as a fat kid, but what lingers with me is the drive and motivation I cultivated in order to change that.

    I see that drive and confidence more and more in the things I do in life.

    The fat kid's in my rear-view mirror, but I'm not haunted by him.
  • jeepguySD

    Posts: 651

    Apr 22, 2014 10:49 AM GMT
    hellass said

    I think whether you were really fat or really skinny before your body transformation, it stays with you.


    It does stay with you. As a former extremely skinny guy, that's who I still see in the mirror. It keeps me working hard in the gym to maintain the gains I've made, and to try to make more gains.
  • rugbyjockca

    Posts: 84

    Apr 22, 2014 10:49 AM GMT
    Just like with almost everything else, it stays with you, but fades with time. I was chubby as a kid (the teasing from kids and my own family members made me think I was fat, but looking at pictures, I was just a little chubby) and I definitely still feel like the fat guy, but I've been consistent with working out for almost 3 years and probably qualify as "fit" for at least a year, and slowly but surely I'm seeing changes on the inside to match those on the outside.

    I'll probably always feel a bit like the fat kid, but I think that's a good thing, because it helps me connect with other people who are unhappy with their bodies for whatever reason, and to remember how I was treated when I was overweight and so to make sure I don't treat people the same way.
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    Apr 22, 2014 11:50 AM GMT
    Might still consider myself fat. I have a slight belly. I'm a size 34. I did get down to 32 but it's soooooo hard. I still don't take my shirt off in public. I'm very insecure about my body.
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    Apr 22, 2014 12:16 PM GMT
    the inner fat kid stays with you, but he can be the devil or the angel on your shoulder.

    he can help you empathise with anyone who isn't status quo. when you're picked on as a kid, you feel like an outsider. you can become very conscious of how you look, and how you fit in to social circles. as such, you can be keenly aware of that dynamic when someone doesn't feel like they fit in, you can understand how they may feel, and help them out.

    but the inner fat kid can also be a nasty judgemental bitch, who carries a lot of old anger and dead weight around with him. he may wonder why obese people don't just get some motivation, exercise, lose weight, and change their life. this "if i can do it, you can too" logic is overly simplistic. a lot of other things go into it. hopefully the angel comes out in this situation with the empathy.

  • Fritter

    Posts: 1696

    Apr 22, 2014 12:54 PM GMT
    I'm finding that no matter the improvement, I still se my gut, and in my mind looks huge. I think I have a "can't see the forest for the trees" mentality. I don't see the 10 inches I've lost around my waist, I only see the 3 more I need to loose. I have a lot of RJ friends that tell me I look good, and how muscular I'm getting, but I still concentrate on the flab I still see.
    All is not lost though. I'm a lot more comfortable in being shirtless, or even naked in the gym changeroom. I still feel uncomfortable though being shirtless, or naked around someone who is in better shape than I.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Apr 22, 2014 1:01 PM GMT
    kingmo saidthe inner fat kid stays with you, but he can be the devil or the angel on your shoulder.

    he can help you empathise with anyone who isn't status quo. when you're picked on as a kid, you feel like an outsider. you can become very conscious of how you look, and how you fit in to social circles. as such, you can be keenly aware of that dynamic when someone doesn't feel like they fit in, you can understand how they may feel, and help them out.

    but the inner fat kid can also be a nasty judgemental bitch, who carries a lot of old anger and dead weight around with him. he may wonder why obese people don't just get some motivation, exercise, lose weight, and change their life. this "if i can do it, you can too" logic is overly simplistic. a lot of other things go into it. hopefully the angel comes out in this situation with the empathy.


    I like this icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 22, 2014 1:26 PM GMT
    As a kid I was always "bigger" than everyone in height and weight and in the world of kids that meant "fat".. I find myself making "fat" jokes about myself and people constantly tell me that I'm not fat so I'm really messed up in the head.. LOL!
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    Apr 22, 2014 2:08 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidOf course it lingers! But to some guys insecure hot men are catnip, so exploit that so your inner fat kid gets the fun he deserves!

    Can you explain mate?
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    Apr 22, 2014 2:58 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidJust curious

    Even after losing weight or becoming muscular and fit, does the "fat kid" mentality still linger inside? I can't imagine living one way for so long and then suddenly changing everything. I'm interested in the psychology of body transformation rather than the obvious physical aspects btw



    It absolutely does. I've lost 35lbs and I still see the bullied fat teenager in the mirror and I still act like it. So I don't approach anyone, I'm always tensed up as if I'm apologizing for taking up space and I hate when people stare at me because my mind immediately assumes its because of how unattractive I am.

    I've learned the hard way that if you're unhappy while fat, you're still going to be unhappy or probably even more so after you lose, no matter how much icon_sad.gif

    I believe the trick is to be happy with how you look while overweight. Not happy as in "I guess I don't need to change then." and then spend the rest of your days on the couch but happy so that you don't feel like shit looking in the mirror, going out in public etc.
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    Apr 22, 2014 3:36 PM GMT
    kingmo saidthe inner fat kid stays with you, but he can be the devil or the angel on your shoulder.

    he can help you empathise with anyone who isn't status quo. when you're picked on as a kid, you feel like an outsider. you can become very conscious of how you look, and how you fit in to social circles. as such, you can be keenly aware of that dynamic when someone doesn't feel like they fit in, you can understand how they may feel, and help them out.

    but the inner fat kid can also be a nasty judgemental bitch, who carries a lot of old anger and dead weight around with him. he may wonder why obese people don't just get some motivation, exercise, lose weight, and change their life. this "if i can do it, you can too" logic is overly simplistic. a lot of other things go into it. hopefully the angel comes out in this situation with the empathy.



    Yes, I'm guilty of having that "if i can do it, you can too" logic and I get annoyed
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    Apr 22, 2014 3:56 PM GMT
    It's true. as a FFP (Formerly Fat Person) I like to wear clothes that fit me and show off my (hard earned) physique. I get looks from people (both men and women) now that I'm in shape, and my logical side knows why, but the 'fat guy' side of me puts in thoughts of paranoia (mostly thoughts like "is there a booger hanging out of my nose? Why's everyone looking at me?")...
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    Apr 23, 2014 2:09 AM GMT
    muscletussle said
    eagermuscle saidOf course it lingers! But to some guys insecure hot men are catnip, so exploit that so your inner fat kid gets the fun he deserves!

    Can you explain mate?

    Attractive people who don't realize how attractive they are attract admirers who like them for the right or wrong reasons. Some want to take advantage and have sex or be in a relationship with someone hot that's insecure, needy, sex-starved and/or manipulatable. Some simply find an attractive person who's still self-conscious and not that into themselves appealing. If someone's insecure they can make lemonade out of that formerly fat lemon by recognizing that they're attractive to people who find that attractive. Then it's just up to the insecure, formerly fat person to decide how selective they want to be in terms of mutual exploitation - getting out of someone what someone wants to get out of them. Fun is fun, who is anyone to judge. In short, that's my armchair psychology behind the phenomenon of people who turn into complete whores after they get buff.
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    Apr 23, 2014 2:19 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidOf course it lingers! But to some guys insecure hot men are catnip, so exploit that so your inner fat kid gets the fun he deserves!


    I've watched your progress through the years... good.
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    Apr 23, 2014 2:19 AM GMT
    JonSpringon saidIn my case, I think, I remember the insecurity I had as a fat kid, but what lingers with me is the drive and motivation I cultivated in order to change that.

    I see that drive and confidence more and more in the things I do in life.

    The fat kid's in my rear-view mirror, but I'm not haunted by him.


    I've watched your progress through the years... good.
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    Apr 23, 2014 2:21 AM GMT
    Never been fat. It's simply not acceptable. I family would have reined me in well before that point, but...I've watched stories about 600 pounders and all their enablers.
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    Apr 23, 2014 2:21 AM GMT
    Dairyking469 saidMight still consider myself fat. I have a slight belly. I'm a size 34. I did get down to 32 but it's soooooo hard. I still don't take my shirt off in public. I'm very insecure about my body.


    You're very insecure..period.

    See a shrink.

    Once you like yourself, the rest will follow.
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    Apr 25, 2014 11:46 AM GMT
    I was disgustingly thin and my head looked too big for my body but I've filled out a bit now but sometimes I do feel really self conscious around guys who filled out better than I did. Fortunately I go to rock venues with lots of thin people although now there's more and more muscular rock guys and i'm aiming to be the same. I can still feel like I did when I was a kid though when this random guy I kind of know comes and picks me up randomly in this night club but for the most part I feel loads more confident. I think both former fat people and former skinny people probably have very similar feelings about body image.
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    May 04, 2014 12:43 PM GMT
    hellass said
    Joeyphx444 saidJust curious

    Even after losing weight or becoming muscular and fit, does the "fat kid" mentality still linger inside? I can't imagine living one way for so long and then suddenly changing everything. I'm interested in the psychology of body transformation rather than the obvious physical aspects btw



    I think whether you were really fat or really skinny before your body transformation, it stays with you.

    I agree to be honest and personally i am not all the way there by no means with my body yet but i think body wise you will always see some part of your "old self" same goes for everything else in life to some extent your past will always haunt you its just sometimes you have a better cover for past "issues" and other things you don't.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 04, 2014 4:56 PM GMT
    imo, overweight/obese is like being an alcoholic. You never become ex-fat or ex-obese. You are a recovering obese person. Overcoming it is laudable, but the attitude that you are "ex" makes it too easy to backslide.
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    May 05, 2014 3:48 PM GMT
    Both ex fatties I dated were super insecure.. One was so hot and the other was, not...
    Both insecure about it, the hot one was soooo cute - coulda worked out if I didn't throw lettuce at him and storm out in a rage. the other well.... It was repulsing.. He was really just a friend..

    It can be good or bad...

    Ultimately don't throw lettuce.
  • moleking

    Posts: 2

    May 10, 2014 2:58 PM GMT
    For me, I see that I am making progress every week (even if it is one more rep on just one set that day), and that really keeps my thoughts focused on Future Me. It's hard to be critical of myself when I know I'm improving, but I do occasionally slip into thinking of myself as a "fat kid".

    There was a time when I felt like an imposter at the gym, since I wasn't as fit as the regulars. Now, I'm a regular, and notice that all shapes and sizes come through those doors. It really helps put it into perspective I think icon_smile.gif