What do you guys think about talking about your future together?

  • Armymanis

    Posts: 34

    Apr 22, 2014 2:59 PM GMT
    So I am new to this whole dating scene as many of you know. I have come up with a way to weed out potentials who don't want to be with me. I have a flaw where I may bring up the future once or twice in the conversation. I do this on purpose to see if this person is really serious about getting to know me or not. Would you find this a good thing or a bad thing about me?

    We were talking about careers and money and I told him that I was fine with him working and me being the stay at home husband while having a part time job.

    He says: Haha well, we may meet for our date and have no chemistry, and just leave it at friends. That's okay too. I just don't want you spending time dreaming about marriage and stuff when its not feasible yet.

    I said Yup I know and I told him that was one of my flaws and no one has had a problem with it before and that people look past it and accept me for who i am.

    He says: You seem perfectly fine to me. I wasn't thinking you're a creeper or anything like that, don't worry haha.

    Then I switch topics. Is this guy interested or should I move on? He didn't say talk to you sometime tomorrow like he usually does and I think he was just busy because he is heading for florida for a school event.

    Would this be a turn off for you if you wanted to get to know me?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2014 3:02 PM GMT
    Expect nothing, and you will never be disappointed.
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    Apr 22, 2014 3:03 PM GMT


    Hmmm...that's putting the cart before the horse, I think.

    ...and it could backfire on you. icon_wink.gif

    I'd save those conversations for after you meet and once you get know each other, in person and online.
  • Armymanis

    Posts: 34

    Apr 22, 2014 3:08 PM GMT
    Thanks to those who have replied so quickly icon_smile.gif I hope I didn't screw this up, but if I did that's okay icon_smile.gif There are plenty of guys out there who will accept me for my flaws icon_smile.gif I have been only sending two texts max in a row with this guy because I talked to another one of my sisters friends who is also gay and he sent his potential 10 texts in a row and they stopped talking so I think two is the golden rule for me icon_smile.gif So far every man who I have talked to hasn't had a problem with two in a row.
  • Import

    Posts: 7185

    Apr 22, 2014 3:09 PM GMT
    umm bro instead of prospecting the guy and testing the guy to see what he can offer you..... why dont u try and just chill out a bit.

    What can you offer a potential BF? why would anyone wanna date you or be with you? What makes u special?


    Your attitude is coming from a selfish place and wont get u anywhere. Your game of screening your potential BFs will backfire and u will be #foreveralone....

    Just meet someone first, . . . see if your personalities click, etc and take it from there. This weird thing u do about talking about the future before u even meet is so fucking creepy and bizarre.
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    Apr 22, 2014 3:11 PM GMT
    Huge Red Flag.

    Talking about the future together even before the first date makes you seem clingy, desperate and immature.

    Guys who just want to get into your pants might lie and you will probably scare off serious contenders.

    And, frankly, not so many dudes are interested in a house-husband. Could be interpreted as being a gold-digger.
  • Armymanis

    Posts: 34

    Apr 22, 2014 3:15 PM GMT
    Alright. I will keep that in mind. I am learning day by day so I won't do that anymore and try really hard not to do future talk. I am fine with working to and don't want to seem like a gold digger.

    Good thing is there are tons of guys out there who I can get to know and by doing trial and error I will find the right one eventually icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 22, 2014 3:18 PM GMT
    Import saidumm bro instead of prospecting the guy and testing the guy to see what he can offer you..... why dont u try and just chill out a bit.

    What can you offer a potential BF? why would anyone wanna date you or be with you? What makes u special?


    Your attitude is coming from a selfish place and wont get u anywhere. Your game of screening your potential BFs will backfire and u will be #foreveralone....

    Just meet someone first, . . . see if your personalities click, etc and take it from there. This weird thing u do about talking about the future before u even meet is so fucking creepy and bizarre.

    +1

    I think it's strange for someone who does not know me to begin talking about a future with me. It would have definitely turned me off when I was dating.

    Slow down, take some joy in the process of getting to know new people. They may not all turn out to be dating material, but you may learn a few things about yourself along the way. You might also make some great life long friends.





  • Armymanis

    Posts: 34

    Apr 22, 2014 3:22 PM GMT
    Yeah I am new to this whole process stuff. I have always been a very fast person in general. This is all new to me and very exciting icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 22, 2014 3:22 PM GMT
    Armymanis saidAlright. I will keep that in mind. I am learning day by day so I won't do that anymore and try really hard not to do future talk. I am fine with working to and don't want to seem like a gold digger.

    Good thing is there are tons of guys out there who I can get to know and by doing trial and error I will find the right one eventually icon_smile.gif



    That's a good attitude, and I think it important to consider that talking about the future is usually a sign that you're serious about someone. Save it for when you truly are. icon_wink.gif
  • C_Dezi

    Posts: 134

    Apr 22, 2014 3:26 PM GMT
    LEVEL 5 cling-on-creeper-status-alert!

    the only people you will attract with your current skills at this level are LEVEL 1 hunter-gatherer-pixies,-less-attractive-than-yourself, and probably even more desperate, although i highly doubt that is even possible. you can definitely write off anyone who has read anything you've written, or anyone who doesn't have the uniquely unfortunate experience of being set up on a blind date with you.

    won't-touch-with-a-ten-foot-pole Status

  • Armymanis

    Posts: 34

    Apr 22, 2014 3:44 PM GMT
    C_Dezi saidLEVEL 5 cling-on-creeper-status-alert!

    the only people you will attract with your current skills at this level are LEVEL 1 hunter-gatherer-pixies,-less-attractive-than-yourself, and probably even more desperate, although i highly doubt that is even possible. you can definitely write off anyone who has read anything you've written, or anyone who doesn't have the uniquely unfortunate experience of being set up on a blind date with you.

    won't-touch-with-a-ten-foot-pole Status



    Thanks icon_smile.gif I don't want to seem desperate at all and am gaining a lot of skills icon_smile.gif as I learn to become more slowly hopefully things will get better icon_smile.gif thank you a for the advice icon_smile.gif
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Apr 22, 2014 4:13 PM GMT
    Xavier92 saidExpect nothing, and you will never be disappointed.


    *this.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 22, 2014 4:46 PM GMT
    I see nothing wrong with talking about "future ideas" on a start date, but I'd wait for a few dates before starting to plug them into the equation. Thinking about your future plans and ideas is an attractive quality I think, but to program them into it too early may not be so much.
  • lgg5819

    Posts: 141

    Apr 22, 2014 6:26 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI see nothing wrong with talking about "future ideas" on a start date, but I'd wait for a few dates before starting to plug them into the equation. Thinking about your future plans and ideas is an attractive quality I think, but to program them into it too early may not be so much.


    I agree with this 100%. It's fine to talk about the future, but it crosses the line when you talk about a future with someone on the first date. Rather than ask, "Would you be ok with me being your stay at home husband?" try asking something like, "How do you feel about a relationship where one person works full time and the other maybe just works part time and takes care of the house?" That way you can talk about the future and get an idea of the other person's expectations without making it so personal & creeping them out.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Apr 22, 2014 8:06 PM GMT
    It seems like you're confusing sharing dreams and goals with living arrangements. For example, having a goal of starting a business together or traveling together isn't the same thing as deciding who makes the money and who does the dishes.
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    Apr 22, 2014 8:16 PM GMT
    if that was said to me on a first date it would be a total red flag
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    Apr 23, 2014 12:29 AM GMT
    It is okay to discuss your goals at the first date and in the conversations leading to the first date and to talk about his goals, but it is not okay to talk about your goals together as one. Don't rush. You might scare off a good man.

    muriel.gif
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Apr 23, 2014 12:43 AM GMT
    Talking about the future like that is rather risky. You'd be putting the guy on the spot and in a very uncomfortable position, especially considering he's only just started to get to know you. If it were me, I would think you were a very clingy person, and would not really want to continue meeting you in the long run.

    It's understandable however that you're looking for a guy that is interested in you and is not a time waster. If you want to see what he's looking for, you can talk about what kind of guy/relationship YOU're looking for (e.g. I always imagined myself finally finding a nice guy to settle down with, and I wouldn't mind being the stay at home husband with the part time job)... then see what he envisions.

    In the end, dating is always unpredictable, which is half the fun. You date a guy to start getting to know them. Let them present themselves in their own time. Trying to pick out the answers you want can be a bit too controlled.

    Good luck icon_biggrin.gif
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Apr 23, 2014 12:57 AM GMT
    lol you talk about money and careers on a first date? and want to be a stay-at-home mom? good luck
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    Apr 23, 2014 1:12 AM GMT
    "We were talking about careers and money and I told him that I was fine with him working and me being the stay at home husband while having a part time job."

    So a freeloader...I would end the date and run as fast as possible away from you. Basically you are saying you want someone else to work so you don't have to. Loser!
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    Apr 23, 2014 1:13 AM GMT
    tj85016 saidlol you talk about money and careers on a first date? and want to be a stay-at-home mom? good luck
    AMEN!!!!!!
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    Apr 23, 2014 2:35 AM GMT
    Armymanis said
    Would this be a turn off for you if you wanted to get to know me?

    Arriving for a date in a U-Haul truck is jumping the gun, way too lesbionic. Slow down!
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    Apr 23, 2014 3:05 AM GMT
    lol And they say trolls killed these forums.
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    Apr 23, 2014 4:07 PM GMT
    Lol you don't even know him and you already want to be a stay at home boy toy? Lol I'd run as fast as I can. Lol