How to turn down someone?

  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Apr 25, 2014 12:43 AM GMT
    So I was on date last night, but lost my attraction to the other guy after hearing his voice. He was really nice and a good conversationalist, so I still gave him 3 hours of my time over dinner, but I think I failed at conveying even the least bit of disinterest.

    I appreciate guys who reject me with one of those "you're a great guy, but.." text, but the last time I tried that, the guy did a 180, like "what makes you think I was still interested??"

    He texted me again this morning, but I haven't replied yet for fear of leading him on. But I really don't want to be one of those guys who just disappear...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 1:10 AM GMT
    Ask if he just wants to be friends. Then if he says no the ball was in his court.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 1:12 AM GMT
    Suck it up and send the text. Five minutes of awkwardness; won't even think about it next day.

    Had the exact same date last month- cringed every time he said the word "hiLARious!" If you know they're gay just by speaking three words, then forget it. Just hope the guy isn't clingy, even after telling him "you're not my type" they guy still sends me a text every other week saying hi.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 1:19 AM GMT
    You're a fucking moron if you don't just say you aren't interested anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 2:46 AM GMT
    I don't even know where to begin. Perhaps you're having a hard time telling him you're not interested because you're embarrassed with your reason.

    Whatever your "preference" may be, you may want to say something to the effect of "I really enjoyed hanging out with you, however after our date, I realize that I'm not quite ready for a relationship even on a friendly level." (Because your not). Then just be done with the conversation. Cut all ties, conversations, and friendships.

    This way you're being honest with him, and with yourself. In the meantime, remember the rule: "If you can't say anything positive, at least be quiet."

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 2:54 AM GMT
    Ntyson saidI don't even know where to begin. Perhaps you're having a hard time telling him you're not interested because you're embarrassed with your reason.

    Whatever your "preference" may be, you may want to say something to the effect of "I really enjoyed hanging out with you, however after our date, I realize that I'm not quite ready for a relationship even on a friendly level." (Because your not)...


    LOL I gather you have one of those gay "voices"?

    OP, if you still haven't replied, and he hasn't texted again, I think he got the hint.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Apr 25, 2014 3:10 AM GMT
    You're already leading him on by just ignoring his text. Most people aren't going to just jump the gun and assume the worst over one ignored text. After all technology isn't perfect.

    Just tell him and be on your way. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 3:17 AM GMT
    gooddaytoday said
    Ntyson saidI don't even know where to begin. Perhaps you're having a hard time telling him you're not interested because you're embarrassed with your reason.

    Whatever your "preference" may be, you may want to say something to the effect of "I really enjoyed hanging out with you, however after our date, I realize that I'm not quite ready for a relationship even on a friendly level." (Because your not)...


    LOL I gather you have one of those gay "voices"?

    OP, if you still haven't replied, and he hasn't texted again, I think he got the hint.


    Yeah maybe? Who cares? I'm doing something right. I've been in a relationship for over 7 years. It's been my experience that the masc guys who think they are passing, aren't in fact, passing.

  • Apr 25, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    Just tell him you don't think it's a match and that you don't want to lead him on.

    It's better to tell him so he stops wasting his time, rather than letting him still think you're interested.


    95% of the interactions with guys I'm attracted to, I get turned down. I've been dropped without being told why, so I know that not knowing is way worse than being told straight up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 5:48 AM GMT
    Most guys who **dropped me in the past either ignored my texts or stopped calling. Lol, I suggest you do the same. However, if he seems like a great guy, ask him to be friends and explain that there's no romantic connection. That way, you come off looking like a gentleman and not some douche who just disappear and ignore other's texts. Be prepare if he gets mad or bitchy at you though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 6:30 AM GMT
    If you had sex just tell him that you're a size queen and his dick was too small. If that won't work because he's hung like a horse then you're a fool for dumping him.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Apr 25, 2014 10:04 AM GMT
    socalx10 saidMost guys who **dropped me in the past either ignored my texts or stopped calling. Lol, I suggest you do the same. However, if he seems like a great guy, ask him to be friends and explain that there's no romantic connection. That way, you come off looking like a gentleman and not some douche who just disappear and ignore other's texts. Be prepare if he gets mad or bitchy at you though.


    I agree, if you would like to just be friends say so. This was only one date right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 11:31 AM GMT
    theonewhoknocks said I still gave him 3 hours of my time over dinner, but I think I failed at conveying even the least bit of disinterest.
    ....
    He texted me again this morning, but I haven't replied yet for fear of leading him on. But I really don't want to be one of those guys who just disappear...

    3 hours over dinner? Most would consider that as conveying some pretty major interest.
    If in fact you're not interested you need to say so.
  • xmanxxx

    Posts: 56

    Apr 25, 2014 12:22 PM GMT
    yup 3h?? what u were thinking haha?? if i was u i would be like ''ok stud this not gona work, friends is fine tho''(dont know if there is any chemistry at all..) or just make him doesnt like u haha lol
    and leave as soon as posible i would give 30 min most ;)
    but yeah it's ur mistake - never go on a 'date' having diner more be like - lets have a drink of some ;)
  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    Apr 25, 2014 1:28 PM GMT
    I met a guy few days ago on Grindr ...not much expectations tho, but he was awesome, looking for a relationship, he liked my picture and I liked his, so we exchanged numbers as he is in another state. Then called him, spoke for maybe 2 hours and I was so happy, finally a good guy came to my life. The day after txt him, he replied, in the arvo txt him again and he was playing video games so I told him I will not disturb him, he txt Ok good night then, told him u are busy and he said no, so I called him and he did not answer, I was kinda upset but felt something wrong was going on, txt him the day after and never replied....

    If you have something to say, say it, I feel like crap now because of this guy, we are human beings, have feelings and I don't think it is that hard to say at least that you are not interested...have some respect mate and think if you are in his shoes...would you like someone to do this to you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 1:28 PM GMT
    You should have talked to him on the phone before going on a date! Doh! Phones are SO COOL.

    Just be honest, say, "I'm not interested in going further." Leave it at that. It's honest. It's definite. It's the classy thing to do.

    You have a voice. Use it. Texting is for pussies and folks without any courtesy nor communications skills. Time to put on your big boy pants and be a real boy. Class it up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 2:31 PM GMT
    Well what I usually do is be honest. If you enjoyed his company and felt you can be friends, tell him you want to be friends but didn't feel a romantic connection. If not tell him you had good time but you don't think there is a future. Honesty and mutual respect goes a long way.
    If he does a 180 degree due to his defense mechanism let him. That is not your problem.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 25, 2014 2:53 PM GMT
    Ooohhh, you'd better let him down easy.

    tumblr_m6acn0f2Br1qazkdco1_500.gif
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Apr 26, 2014 1:09 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    theonewhoknocks said I still gave him 3 hours of my time over dinner, but I think I failed at conveying even the least bit of disinterest.
    ....
    He texted me again this morning, but I haven't replied yet for fear of leading him on. But I really don't want to be one of those guys who just disappear...

    3 hours over dinner? Most would consider that as conveying some pretty major interest.
    If in fact you're not interested you need to say so.


    Well he travelled all the way downtown from the suburbs, so I thought it'd be nice to at least give him a pleasant evening with a potential new friend.



    Anyway, so I asked him whether he's ok with being friends, to which he was very enthusiastic, and continued texting me today about weekend plans, etc. Except I'm kinda second-guessing the prospect of including in my friend circle someone who sounds like that.

    With most guys, you can guess from his looks how he might sound like; this one was a complete surprise. I had a hard time reconciling that hot masculine face with that voice. He was really sweet and easy to talk to, and looked even hotter than in the photo, but if only I could put him on mute lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2014 6:14 AM GMT
    theonewhoknocks said
    TexDef07 said
    theonewhoknocks said I still gave him 3 hours of my time over dinner, but I think I failed at conveying even the least bit of disinterest.
    ....
    He texted me again this morning, but I haven't replied yet for fear of leading him on. But I really don't want to be one of those guys who just disappear...

    3 hours over dinner? Most would consider that as conveying some pretty major interest.
    If in fact you're not interested you need to say so.


    Well he travelled all the way downtown from the suburbs, so I thought it'd be nice to at least give him a pleasant evening with a potential new friend.



    Anyway, so I asked him whether he's ok with being friends, to which he was very enthusiastic, and continued texting me today about weekend plans, etc. Except I'm kinda second-guessing the prospect of including in my friend circle someone who sounds like that.

    With most guys, you can guess from his looks how he might sound like; this one was a complete surprise. I had a hard time reconciling that hot masculine face with that voice. He was really sweet and easy to talk to, and looked even hotter than in the photo, but if only I could put him on mute lol.


    You're still not communicating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2014 11:06 AM GMT
    theonewhoknocks said
    Except I'm kinda second-guessing the prospect of including in my friend circle someone who sounds like that.




    Wow...!!! I hope you hear yourself!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2014 12:36 PM GMT
    Be an adult. Tell him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2014 12:49 PM GMT
    IRFire66 said
    theonewhoknocks said
    Except I'm kinda second-guessing the prospect of including in my friend circle someone who sounds like that.




    Wow...!!! I hope you hear yourself!!


    Must be an elite circle .... Your "friends" shouldn't care about trivial stuff like that. Everyone has that thing or two that makes them different from the rest. But if you honestly can't stomach hearing him talk then by all means don't lead him on -- into a relationship or a friendship. But I would rethink a few things over for the next time.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Apr 26, 2014 1:20 PM GMT
    Amira saidYou're already leading him on by just ignoring his text. Most people aren't going to just jump the gun and assume the worst over one ignored text. After all technology isn't perfect.

    Just tell him and be on your way. icon_cool.gif


    Exactly, I never assume non-response means no longer interested. I am not a mind reader!!

    I try not to assume anything actually. I just think there is no response so I try again later, but not like 10 txts a day.

    You could always make and save a quick text that you can just send to someone-something generic like "Sorry, but I don't think we are a match." LOL

    DO NOT, in my opinion, say shit like, "I had a great time and you are a great guy but......." That confuses me and I am sure is confusing to that guy as well. Stop trying to be nice!! Don't give a nice PC, back handed explanation. So many guys do this and it's weird. If I am so nice and great and you had fun, then what's the issue? See, it opens a can of worms, I assume you don't wanna answer. But you also should be ready TO answer some questions and give a reason. I hate when guys think they don't owe you any explanation of why you don't match or if a date went wrong. I like feedback and info, so it kinds bugs me when they do that. I think it could bring a lot of insight and help me, as a person, to at LEAST think about the way I do things in terms of dating. Even if the reason is dumb and clearly is HIS problem, it's still nice to know why.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 26, 2014 7:43 PM GMT
    If the guy finds you "a great guy" or "real nice" etc, but still think you're not a match, the obvious implied explanation is that he's not physically attracted to you in some way, duh.