Dating Issue

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 25, 2014 12:45 AM GMT
    So I've been dating a guy for almost 10 months now. He's a very busy professional (even busier than me) and about 10 years older than me. Occasionally he makes the effort to see me once during the week (but usually not). Rather, visits are limited to Friday and/or Saturday evenings, despite the fact that we live quite close. We do text everyday. Should I be worried about this? It seems that at this point, more time together would be normal.
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    Apr 25, 2014 12:47 AM GMT
    I wouldn't worry.

    he's older, possibly less eager, maybe just is busy.

    If he's making an effort occasionally to see you during the week and your consistently seeing him on the weekend relax, enjoy.

    Unless your going to start demanding more time in which case go find someone else.
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    Apr 25, 2014 1:24 AM GMT
    Thanks for that perspective.
  • xmanxxx

    Posts: 56

    Apr 25, 2014 12:25 PM GMT
    u should worry!
    dating is one thing but this looks more like relationship tho so..
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    Apr 25, 2014 2:28 PM GMT
    Think about this way, if it continues this way will you be happy. If you like him and this is what can sustain the relationship you two have. You guys text every day and that to me seems like is effort from sides both which means he is interested.
    If you are not happy talk to him and see if there is some way to spend more time. Thinking about it and wondering will only lead to anxiety and you expecting scenarios which may not grounded in reality.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Apr 26, 2014 5:39 AM GMT
    This could be very normal. Ten months might seem like a long time for you, but it might just be a drop in the bucket for him. Older, stable guys tend to have an established network of close friends and activities that they enjoy.

    It's not really a question of "normal." It's more about what you want vs what he's willing to give. For a couple that are each very social or busy, then once a week can work for them. Anything other than that puts undue strain on the relationship. What kind of couple are you? If you feel like you should spend more time together, then have a calm dialog with him about your desire to be physically closer to him. Maybe you can join him during his other activities, assuming he's not just coming home and passing out. But even then, sometimes just having dinner together and sleeping together builds a stronger intimacy than planned date nights.
  • Anther

    Posts: 37

    Apr 26, 2014 6:50 AM GMT
    I don't know what basis you are going off of when you say that after 10 months the relationship should be at a point where you should be spending more time together. However, I feel like every relationship is different. Some couples just naturally are close from the get-go because time allows it. However, I know some couples that it took them years to get to that point where they both feel close with each other.

    RSNEXTDOOR and MARVELCLIMBER have the right idea in that you should communicate your feelings with your partner. Just don't make it seem like you are coming for his throat. Just calmly make your feelings known to him so you can bring some visibility to your concerns.

    LILTANKER also brings up a valid point in that you should be really optimistic and happy with what he already offers you. Some couples don't have the luxury of seeing someone even on a weekly basis, so really take advantage of that. On the weekends that he does come visit, try doing something novel and exciting. Really make those hours memorable. Sometimes it's all about quality over quantity.

    And if you really are looking for MORE, try meeting him halfway. How often do you make the effort to go and see him? There are ways to get more out of a relationship without demanding more time. Try making bigger plans over the weekend, so you both have something to look forward to. On the days that you don't see him, invest in some personal time.

    It all boils down to how much you want to put into this relationship. If you're not willing to put in the work, then maybe you're looking for something else.

    Hope that helped!