Possessive, controlling, bossy guy ?

  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Apr 25, 2014 3:30 PM GMT
    So I've been exclusively seeing this guy for a while now, but the problem is he is very possessive, controlling and bossy. He made it clear to me that he wasn't interested in a relationship for the moment and I accepted that. However, he flipped out when he learnt that I was talking to other guys. How did he learn that ? He checked my phone while I was away. Technically, he shouldn't have flipped out since we're not a couple, right ? And I should be able to talk to whoever I want. Whenever someone texts me or when I go out with someone he always asks me who it is. He MUST have the last word when it comes to arguing or debating. It's like he's ok with saying things about me, but when I point out the things he does, he just loses it or tells me to stop. Yet, I'm still attached to him ... What do you guys think ? icon_sad.gif
  • kew1

    Posts: 1595

    Apr 25, 2014 3:33 PM GMT
    Leave, don't look back.

    Keep notes in case you need to get a restraining order.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Apr 25, 2014 3:34 PM GMT
    He sounds unbalanced.
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    Apr 25, 2014 3:36 PM GMT
    Leave him
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Apr 25, 2014 3:37 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidHe sounds unbalanced.

    I guess that's why he is a dominant icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 25, 2014 3:47 PM GMT
    do what you want
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    Apr 25, 2014 3:57 PM GMT
    If I like him, I would have a talk with him before walking away. Just tell him what you wrote, and decide from his reaction (unless you think he's crazy and would physically attack you).
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Apr 25, 2014 4:04 PM GMT
    Sweetooth saidIf I like him, I would have a talk with him before walking away. Just tell him what you wrote, and decide from his reaction (unless you think he's crazy and would physically attack you).


    I tried before, but he avoids me. He gets jealous sometimes as well. I don't wanna walk away I mean I'm so attached to him icon_cry.gif
  • xmanxxx

    Posts: 56

    Apr 25, 2014 4:40 PM GMT
    2 opptions ..

    -he like/love u doesnt want to admit or..
    -he is Narcissist

    advice ask him to be honest or just move on ;)
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Apr 25, 2014 4:50 PM GMT
    itsjojobxtch said
    Sweetooth saidIf I like him, I would have a talk with him before walking away. Just tell him what you wrote, and decide from his reaction (unless you think he's crazy and would physically attack you).


    I tried before, but he avoids me. He gets jealous sometimes as well. I don't wanna walk away I mean I'm so attached to him icon_cry.gif

    Why are you complaining? You want him to dominate you. If you don't want that, look elsewhere. But don't whine when you're getting exactly what you want.
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Apr 25, 2014 5:17 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    itsjojobxtch said
    Sweetooth saidIf I like him, I would have a talk with him before walking away. Just tell him what you wrote, and decide from his reaction (unless you think he's crazy and would physically attack you).


    I tried before, but he avoids me. He gets jealous sometimes as well. I don't wanna walk away I mean I'm so attached to him icon_cry.gif

    Why are you complaining? You want him to dominate you. If you don't want that, look elsewhere. But don't whine when you're getting exactly what you want.


    I like the fact that he is dominant in bed, but I don't really like it when he is dominant outside. Sometimes it's too much ...
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    Apr 25, 2014 5:23 PM GMT
    Ever seen this movie called Fatal Attraction? That's your story in the making.
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    Apr 25, 2014 5:26 PM GMT
    itsjojobxtch saidI tried before, but he avoids me. He gets jealous sometimes as well. I don't wanna walk away I mean I'm so attached to him icon_cry.gif


    Are you a human being, or are you a doormat? More to the point, if this is what you want, then why are you complaining about it? If this is not what you want, then why haven't you stopped it? Make up your mind.

    Just to remind you, "dominant" is not the same thing as "asshole." There do exist guys out there who are dominant but who are respectful, responsible, and considerate. Too many idiots out there think that being dominant means to be controlling, possessive, abusive, and manipulative--and I'm not only referring to the jerks out there. Submissive guys get this confused all the time: they think that in order to submit, they have to give up all self-respect and control and take any level of abuse and humiliation.

    The sooner you unattach yourself from this guy, the better. Such patterns of behavior almost always end up in physical abuse and violence. But no one except yourself is going to take the responsibility for being pushed around if you stick around.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Apr 25, 2014 6:00 PM GMT
    Find a guy w/ some emotional-maturity, but give him fair-warning & a chance to change, first.
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    Apr 25, 2014 6:04 PM GMT
    Lol make sure to distance yourself, he sounds insecure and a controlling psycho. Leave him, Run.
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Apr 25, 2014 6:16 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidEver seen this movie called Fatal Attraction? That's your story in the making.


    No, but I'll watch it icon_smile.gif
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Apr 25, 2014 6:18 PM GMT
    heropup said
    itsjojobxtch saidI tried before, but he avoids me. He gets jealous sometimes as well. I don't wanna walk away I mean I'm so attached to him icon_cry.gif


    Are you a human being, or are you a doormat? More to the point, if this is what you want, then why are you complaining about it? If this is not what you want, then why haven't you stopped it? Make up your mind.

    Just to remind you, "dominant" is not the same thing as "asshole." There do exist guys out there who are dominant but who are respectful, responsible, and considerate. Too many idiots out there think that being dominant means to be controlling, possessive, abusive, and manipulative--and I'm not only referring to the jerks out there. Submissive guys get this confused all the time: they think that in order to submit, they have to give up all self-respect and control and take any level of abuse and humiliation.

    The sooner you unattach yourself from this guy, the better. Such patterns of behavior almost always end up in physical abuse and violence. But no one except yourself is going to take the responsibility for being pushed around if you stick around.


    Thanks for the enlightenment.
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    Apr 25, 2014 6:26 PM GMT
    He will not give you what you are looking for esp respect. He doesn't want to be with but own you. So leave him and move on unless that is something you are into.
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Apr 25, 2014 6:35 PM GMT
    No disrespect, but it sounds like either Stockholm Syndrome or 'if not you, then who' syndrome. No matter what, seems like this guy is bad juju and it will not end well; with the outcome worsening the longer you procrastinate drawing a line in the sand.

    Based on your responses to others you say you like the sexual side of his personality but not the social aspect that comes with the package. Unfortunately, you cant have your cake and handcuffs too.

    It comes down to your priorities and boundaries. You are young and live in a large, diverse (IMHO amazing icon_biggrin.gif) city. You should have no problem finding what you like in the sack without the Fifty Shades of Cray trimmings.
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Apr 25, 2014 6:45 PM GMT
    SomeSicilianoGuy saidNo disrespect, but it sounds like either Stockholm Syndrome or 'if not you, then who' syndrome. No matter what, seems like this guy is bad juju and it will not end well; with the outcome worsening the longer you procrastinate drawing a line in the sand.

    Based on your responses to others you say you like the sexual side of his personality but not the social aspect that comes with the package. Unfortunately, you cant have your cake and handcuffs too.

    It comes down to your priorities and boundaries. You are young and live in a large, diverse (IMHO amazing icon_biggrin.gif) city. You should have no problem finding what you like in the sack without the Fifty Shades of Cray trimmings.


    Haha he didn't abduct me and keep me in captivity ! Love the reference to Fifty shades of Grey
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    Apr 25, 2014 7:16 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidWhy are you complaining? You want him to dominate you. If you don't want that, look elsewhere. But don't whine when you're getting exactly what you want.


    Yeah, no one likes a Rihanna, Rude-boy.

    All joking aside, I feel your pain. It sounds like you've found a guy that you like who really has a lot of learning/growing up to do.

    It's hard to argue with someone who's always right and never wrong. That said, I dont think that this guy is going to listen to reason; you need to get a little dirty.

    I'm going to use the "If you love someone, set them free" line here. You need to make him realize that he does appreciate you and that you won't tolerate disrespect. A good way to do that is to walk out on him. People never know what they truly have until it's gone.

    I say you take a break from him for a week or two and see how it works out. Given how controlling and possessive he is with you, I suspect he'll freak out in a few days.

    When (or if) you do decide to 'try again' with him, you need to be very specific about what you will and will not tolerate and let him know that you're not willing to tolerate a disrespect and that you need things egalitarian. That puts you in control somewhat; you need a balance of power.

    Just a suggestion. I wish you luck.
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    Apr 25, 2014 9:21 PM GMT
    Ditch the bitch !

    He sounds like a schizo twat !
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    Apr 25, 2014 9:28 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidDitch the bitch !

    He sounds like a schizo twat !

    Succinct and to the point.
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Apr 25, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    run Forest run
  • itsjojobxtch

    Posts: 27

    Apr 25, 2014 11:05 PM GMT
    Rolfron said
    Destinharbor saidWhy are you complaining? You want him to dominate you. If you don't want that, look elsewhere. But don't whine when you're getting exactly what you want.


    Yeah, no one likes a Rihanna, Rude-boy.

    All joking aside, I feel your pain. It sounds like you've found a guy that you like who really has a lot of learning/growing up to do.

    It's hard to argue with someone who's always right and never wrong. That said, I dont think that this guy is going to listen to reason; you need to get a little dirty.

    I'm going to use the "If you love someone, set them free" line here. You need to make him realize that he does appreciate you and that you won't tolerate disrespect. A good way to do that is to walk out on him. People never know what they truly have until it's gone.

    I say you take a break from him for a week or two and see how it works out. Given how controlling and possessive he is with you, I suspect he'll freak out in a few days.

    When (or if) you do decide to 'try again' with him, you need to be very specific about what you will and will not tolerate and let him know that you're not willing to tolerate a disrespect and that you need things egalitarian. That puts you in control somewhat; you need a balance of power.

    Just a suggestion. I wish you luck.


    I tried once and I became weak so I texted him after a week