When and how did you come out?

  • Just_Louis

    Posts: 24

    Apr 27, 2014 3:26 AM GMT
    I am still closeted towards my dad, although my mom knows she is in denial. I am gay, no doubt, and my father is one of those nightmare dads who would write me off. but hearing about other's coming out stories, is always inspiring, and motivating to me.
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    Apr 27, 2014 3:39 AM GMT
    Ah, I'm still in that process. I came out to my friends on April 12th and they all took it incredibly well. I had dinner with them that night and it was just the same as always. Pretty sure this is the best case scenario. You will always have that fear that you're going to be rejected or written off. My friends honestly said they were more hurt that I thought so little of them to think they would do that. Been a very cool experience for me.

    As for the how, I fully intended to do it face to face but ended up sending a well-worded e-mail. Wasn't the ideal way to approach it, but just felt like something I had to do then and there.

    At the same time, I'm not out to family yet. It's something I plan to do but it's not a priority for me at the moment. I feel like I need to 'establish' myself a bit more. Get comfortable with myself. Maybe even a little more independence from them. (I'm old enough where stuff like being kicked out ain't going to happen cause I don't live with them anyway, but a lot of my life is tied up with family at the moment.) That might sound like a cop out and it probably is a little, buying time and all that -- but I've waited 29 years so a little longer ain't going to hurt any one. icon_biggrin.gif

    I will say even the little bit of coming out that I've done has been the best damn thing I've done. I have a new found sense of confidence and feel like I can do any thing. Good luck with it, man. Hope everything goes smoothly for you.
  • Just_Louis

    Posts: 24

    Apr 27, 2014 3:50 AM GMT
    Alright, I will start it off. so basically, I always knew that I was attracted to men, in school, I'd always play with the girls, and never really had any guy friends, and so on a cold winter morning alone at home I started to wonder about this one boy in my class.

    I liked him, black hair shocking blue eyes, and a smile you'd melt in. lol, I sent him a little letter, asking how he was, and he sent it back saying that he was okay, just bored, the messages went on and on, and on, and eventually, I started to really get hooked on this guy, Alex was my first kiss, that same afternoon, after I told him that I think he is hot.

    After that I really didn't care as to who knew, however, Alex didn't want people to know. I started being less and less shy, and more open and flamboyant. I started to enjoy myself, and about a month later, I told my Drama class that I am gay.

    My teacher was shocked, and two of my classmates applauded me, and they also came out. Today, we are the best friends ever, even though we all live relatively far away from each other.

    After that, the news spread, and soon the entire school knew, I was mocked teased, and beaten up many times, but I had something they would never have, self worth.

    The only reason my dad doesn't know yet, is because, I am scared shitless that he might get a coronary...
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    Apr 27, 2014 3:54 AM GMT
    If you're worried that he would disown you, don't tell him until you are able to stand on your own feet financially. No point in destroying your future when you could wait a while longer. That is, if you're really sure he'd freak out. Sometimes they surprise you.
  • Just_Louis

    Posts: 24

    Apr 27, 2014 3:54 AM GMT
    SomeHermit saidAh, I'm still in that process. I came out to my friends on April 12th and they all took it incredibly well. I had dinner with them that night and it was just the same as always. Pretty sure this is the best case scenario. You will always have that fear that you're going to be rejected or written off. My friends honestly said they were more hurt that I thought so little of them to think they would do that. Been a very cool experience for me.

    As for the how, I fully intended to do it face to face but ended up sending a well-worded e-mail. Wasn't the ideal way to approach it, but just felt like something I had to do then and there.

    At the same time, I'm not out to family yet. It's something I plan to do but it's not a priority for me at the moment. I feel like I need to 'establish' myself a bit more. Get comfortable with myself. Maybe even a little more independence from them. (I'm old enough where stuff like being kicked out ain't going to happen cause I don't live with them anyway, but a lot of my life is tied up with family at the moment.) That might sound like a cop out and it probably is a little, buying time and all that -- but I've waited 29 years so a little longer ain't going to hurt any one. icon_biggrin.gif

    I will say even the little bit of coming out that I've done has been the best damn thing I've done. I have a new found sense of confidence and feel like I can do any thing. Good luck with it, man. Hope everything goes smoothly for you.


    Thank you, and may your journey with your family be happy and awesome, and just as fruitfull as April 12th
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Apr 27, 2014 4:03 AM GMT
    I came out on my facebook first and to my family a year later.
    Made a video about that and posted it on my profile already .

    I will never forget the year 2012.
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    Apr 27, 2014 4:04 AM GMT
    Just_Marcus said
    SomeHermit saidAh, I'm still in that process. I came out to my friends on April 12th and they all took it incredibly well. I had dinner with them that night and it was just the same as always. Pretty sure this is the best case scenario. You will always have that fear that you're going to be rejected or written off. My friends honestly said they were more hurt that I thought so little of them to think they would do that. Been a very cool experience for me.

    As for the how, I fully intended to do it face to face but ended up sending a well-worded e-mail. Wasn't the ideal way to approach it, but just felt like something I had to do then and there.

    At the same time, I'm not out to family yet. It's something I plan to do but it's not a priority for me at the moment. I feel like I need to 'establish' myself a bit more. Get comfortable with myself. Maybe even a little more independence from them. (I'm old enough where stuff like being kicked out ain't going to happen cause I don't live with them anyway, but a lot of my life is tied up with family at the moment.) That might sound like a cop out and it probably is a little, buying time and all that -- but I've waited 29 years so a little longer ain't going to hurt any one. icon_biggrin.gif

    I will say even the little bit of coming out that I've done has been the best damn thing I've done. I have a new found sense of confidence and feel like I can do any thing. Good luck with it, man. Hope everything goes smoothly for you.


    Thank you, and may your journey with your family be happy and awesome, and just as fruitfull as April 12th


    Thanks Marcus, that means a lot. icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 27, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    When I was 18 and home over thanksgiving holiday I had gone out and ended spent the night with a guy who I had been seeing. Went home on Thanksgiving morning and was confronted by dad who I was ever able to lie to so I told him the truth. I was gay. He and my mom decided I needed to back to school until they could deal with the situation. It wasn't long before my mom said she really always knew and said she loved me no matter what. My still is still in denial 23 years later. And that is how I came out to my family.
  • Just_Louis

    Posts: 24

    Apr 27, 2014 4:15 AM GMT
    Karl saidI came out on my facebook first and to my family a year later.
    Made a video about that and posted it on my profile already .

    I will never forget the year 2012.


    And what a video, brought tears to my eyes. (H)(H)
  • Just_Louis

    Posts: 24

    Apr 27, 2014 4:16 AM GMT
    dudewithabeard saidWhen I was 18 and home over thanksgiving holiday I had gone out and ended spent the night with a guy who I had been seeing. Went home on Thanksgiving morning and was confronted by dad who I was ever able to lie to so I told him the truth. I was gay. He and my mom decided I needed to back to school until they could deal with the situation. It wasn't long before my mom said she really always knew and said she loved me no matter what. My still is still in denial 23 years later. And that is how I came out to my family.


    High 5 for honesty!!
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    Apr 27, 2014 4:47 AM GMT
    In my case, I was never -in- the closet. It was pretty clear from a very young age that I was attracted to boys. My first crush was a boy, including my first celebrity fascination.

    My father was (he passed 2 years ago) a very traditional Korean man and he figured berating and belittlement would eventually "cure" me of my "affliction".

    In the end, I emancipated at 16 and have been on my own ever since other than my sister eventually moving in with me a few years ago.
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    Apr 27, 2014 4:57 AM GMT
    Karl saidI came out on my facebook first and to my family a year later.
    Made a video about that and posted it on my profile already .

    I will never forget the year 2012.


    Wow, that was an awesome, inspiring video. Thanks for sharing it. Cam on nhieu.
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    Apr 27, 2014 7:35 PM GMT
    I had always dated girls when i was in high school....i went away for college and returned home after a few months....had met a guy and my family could tell there was something going on as I was much too happy....so one day at the dinner table they were discussing if i am seriously seeing anyone that they should know of...so i said yes...they asked me to describe "her"....i said she had dark blonde hair, blue eyes, cute smile, tall...slim...etc...then my mom asked in front of everyone....whats her name....and I replied "Mark".
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    Apr 27, 2014 7:46 PM GMT
    Here's how I came out. When I was 14 I got caught with another boy. He said that I had forced him. Total lie. In fact he begged me to do things with him. Any way I told my folks that I like boys. They hospitalized me. Gave me a bunch of drugs. When I got out of the hospital I was sent to a Christian counselor for therapy. In a short time he was having oral sex on me. When I went to college all this stopped and my family accepted me.
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    Apr 28, 2014 2:31 PM GMT
    I was watching gay porn and I had a seizure watching it. I woke up in the hospital and my older brother said, "Man, mom is real pissed at you." I couldn't remember what happened and then my mother came in and said, "If you wanna be gay then do it somewhere else! I don't want that gay shit in my house."

    4 years later, they accept the fact that I'm gay. I did lose some friends but what are you gonna do? Invalidate your life for everyone?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 28, 2014 3:52 PM GMT
    You know we all have our own individual stories, mine isn't that atypical while being unique to me at the same time. It worked.

    We always know, I just denied it for years. In my 20's, any time I might sort of "played" with the idea of exploring this, something happened which reinforced the idea of ignoring the whole thing. I remember when the Jeffrey Dahmer murders happened and hearing about all of it and saying, "I'm not gay, nobody could ever lure me from a gay bar since I'd never been in one, since I'm not gay".
    What a lame thing to say to myself..

    Then one weekend I really woke up and started thinking about who I am and the fact I wasn't allowing myself to really explore who I am as a person and as a gay man.
    Do I really think so little of myself not to allow me the time to explore this... and do I want to wake up someday and be 50 or 60 years old and never have taken the opportunity to explore and life life.?? Since I have always had a fairly healthy self concept, this was profound.

    I ended up conversing with some guys online and ended up meeting my one and only partner that way within several months thereafter.

    Coming out was a slow step process for me, gradually making changes. I still never talk about myself personally at work, no more than I quiz my assistants on anything personal (beyond what they want to share themselves). I think of it as a distraction on what we need to be doing. Most clients don't know and don't need to... not even all my long time friends really know. However, if they ask, I'd be happy to talk about it.

    My basic philosophy harkens back to the "I'm Chris first and being gay is one part of who I am, but it doesn't define who I am"... and I like that.
  • jaroslav123

    Posts: 600

    Apr 28, 2014 3:54 PM GMT
    I Came out accidentally....

    There was a girl on my bus to school who told me she liked me. I told my dad about this signalling that this was a negative thing, asking him how to politely reject her. He doesn't understand how it's a negative thing for me...so he asks me, lists me, endless reasons concerning why I might not like this girl's advances.

    Anyway, he jokingly says "Are you queer" - to which I instantaneously shout "YES" without even thinking...this was then followed by an awkward pause.

    And the rest is history.
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    Apr 28, 2014 3:59 PM GMT
    I was 17 and I came out a month before graduating high school. I made my father turn the TV off, told my mother to put down her crossword puzzle, and sat directly across from them in the living room. I said "I'm gay." They were shocked. But they never blinked or thought anything less of me. The opposite, actually. I realize I'm lucky.

    If you're young in the 21st Century, coming out to other young people is extremely easy. At least this has been my experience, along with other gay friends I have. If people have a problem with your sexuality, they make the decision to be judgmental assholes, not you. Addition by subtraction.

    Can't wait for the day when gay kids won't have to make a formal coming out announcement. We'll be there in my lifetime, I think.
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    Apr 29, 2014 5:45 AM GMT
    Ungh
    My mom asked me if I'd told people
    My brother chased me with a knife
    My dad looked at me liked I'd killed a baby

    I went home less and less after all that.

    Later they realized they could marry me to old rich guys.

    Yay! Hahaha
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    Apr 29, 2014 5:47 AM GMT
    EUjock2 saidI had always dated girls when i was in high school....i went away for college and returned home after a few months....had met a guy and my family could tell there was something going on as I was much too happy....so one day at the dinner table they were discussing if i am seriously seeing anyone that they should know of...so i said yes...they asked me to describe "her"....i said she had dark blonde hair, blue eyes, cute smile, tall...slim...etc...then my mom asked in front of everyone....whats her name....and I replied "Mark".



    Epiiiiiic
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    Apr 29, 2014 5:55 AM GMT
    July 19th, 2013. At the time, I had already come out to myself a couple of months in advance and fully accepted who I was, it was just a matter of being open about it. It really happened by accident, my mother and I were discussing something, and being gay came up and I simply asked her how she would feel if I were gay. She asked me if I was and I answered yes.

    It was easy, it was really bad for the first few hours, my mother felt like she had raised me wrong and didn't even want to look at me. Once we both took long walks of our own, we ended up crossing paths and having a calm, rational talk. My mother was really afraid of someone harming me because I was gay and I think that may have been her real concern, more than religious beliefs, which were part of the equation. Since then, everything is back to how was before, except that I'm much more honest.
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    Apr 29, 2014 7:14 AM GMT
    Came out at 16, to my mother and sister.

    Mum cried for 15 minutes and called her shrink. My sister thought it was awesome.

    I then told everyone.

    I didn't care.

    It was pretty uneventful, some people hated me but most just didn't care.

    Oh the horrible bit was my mother being pro gay.. Oh gawd it was humiliating she wanted to join pflag.

    She went from OMG MY SONS A POOF to OMG I CAN MAKE THIS ABOUT ME!

    I told her no.
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    Apr 29, 2014 7:38 AM GMT
    ^^
    Hahaha
  • KittenpasteCo...

    Posts: 245

    Apr 29, 2014 11:39 AM GMT
    I came out at 15, to my mom and grandma. Quickly after, they told me of their respective "phases" in homosexuality. Since then, they've been super supportive and my mom had a girlfriend again. n_n

    My dad, though... I came out to him before I left for BMT. Now we don't communicate. I don't think you'll have this problem, though. My dad is a pastor... and his family runs multiple hate-spewing churches. .-.

  • Apr 29, 2014 11:17 PM GMT
    I never actually did "come out". I knew I was attracted to other guys in grade 7, but I said (and did) nothing. My mom said she had suspicions about me as far back as five or six, but she never really knew for sure. UNTIL one day about six years ago, she found gay porn on the computer, and she immediately called my father, who came home from work early, threw me in the car, and basically drove around the block saying "You're gay. I can handle this, it's ok..."

    Then when we got home, my mom told me she loved me but wanted me to be "safe". Then she asked me what I wanted for dinner.

    Flash forward six years and everybody in my immediate family and close friends know about me through talking with my mother. No one rejected me or thought less of me (though my father never talks about it).

    So basically, everyone who has a reason to know knows I'm gay, yet I have never once said the words "I'm gay" to them, or a variant thereof. (As you may expect, I have incredibly mixed feelings about how everything happened, but it's still more positive than some of the other coming out stories I have read.)