What am I doing wrong on this site?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 7:10 AM GMT
    (sorry if this comes across a bit ranty)

    I came on this site not too long ago because I wanted the opportunity to talk to other gay people that I wouldn't normally meet. I don't see this site as a dating site as it's more of a forum so there's no pressure and noone sending rude messages etc. I don't know many gay people at all so I thought being on here might help with confidence and in some ways I feel more confident I know more about how to actually work out and how to do it but I feel less confident about myself now than I did before.

    Guys that I've messaged on here have mostly ignored me, decided after initially talking to me they don't want to anymore or they wish bad things on me so what am I actually doing wrong? Do I need more pictured? Am I too ugly? Do I have some personality defect?

    When people don't want to know in real life its not so bad because it could be to do with nerves but rejection both in life and online I can't decide if people on here are just dicks or if I'm just socially broken in need of repairs. Do others think this or am I literally the only person? (in which case I'll leave and stop being a crazy person)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 7:14 AM GMT
    not doing anything wrong.

    You'll need to sort through all the crap on this site to find the gems of people who inhabit this place.

    And there is a lot of crap.

    Keep taking part in the forums, keep talking keep interacting eventually you'll get there and start talking to everyone.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Apr 27, 2014 7:18 AM GMT
    Most people that messaged me have some sort of romantic or sexual interest. If I want to know more or I'm interested I message them back, if not I don't. One messaged me being friendly regarding a photo comment I left but that is not typical. If you are messaging them with a romantic or sexual interest and they are not reciprocating that is OK. Haven't there been people that have had interest in you and you did not feel the same way? If you are looking to just be friendly that can easily be done in open discussion.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 27, 2014 7:18 AM GMT
    I agree with Tanker..

    And it does take some time to develop friendships. You don't even have 100 posts yet. You have to give it some time. Participate, but don't be too heavy handed with your comments and be friendly and you will develop some friends here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 7:22 AM GMT
    buddycat saidMost people that messaged me have some sort of romantic or sexual interest. If I want to more or are interested I message them back, if not I don't. One messaged me being friendly but that is not typical. If you are messaging them with a romantic or sexual interest and they are not reciprocating that is OK. Haven't there been people that have had interest in you and you did not feel the same way?


    If I'm sending the first message usually I send a bit of an explanation and I say I'm not hitting on them because I'm not. I'm from the UK so I live thousands of miles from most members so I don't want romance.

    The only messages i ignore are people asking to skype straight away because I don't trust those people and I think they're probably wanting to do nudey stuff.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 7:25 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI agree with Tanker..

    And it does take some time to develop friendships. You don't even have 100 posts yet. You have to give it some time. Participate, but don't be too heavy handed with your comments and be friendly and you will develop some friends here.


    This is my second account. I was on here before and I was getting unwanted messages so I deleted the account and then I realised I was being dumb because I forgot about the block feature so I signed back up again. That's why I have less posts lol.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Apr 27, 2014 7:25 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 said
    buddycat saidMost people that messaged me have some sort of romantic or sexual interest. If I want to know more or I'm interested I message them back, if not I don't. One messaged me being friendly but that is not typical. If you are messaging them with a romantic or sexual interest and they are not reciprocating that is OK. Haven't there been people that have had interest in you and you did not feel the same way?


    If I'm sending the first message usually I send a bit of an explanation and I say I'm not hitting on them because I'm not. I'm from the UK so I live thousands of miles from most members so I don't want romance.

    The only messages i ignore are people asking to skype straight away because I don't trust those people and I think they're probably wanting to do nudey stuff.


    If they want to Skype right away, they are looking to jack it. If not interested in it, don't respond. I know what you mean about being far away. I have been emailing this guy from UK who has romantic interest and said he thinks he may be "falling for me" but don't see where this is going. I don't know what to say about guys when you are telling them that you aren't hitting on them and they are not responding. Sounds kind of rude. All the guys I have been messaged by had a sexual or romantic interest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 7:28 AM GMT
    buddycat said
    Danny_boy93 said
    buddycat saidMost people that messaged me have some sort of romantic or sexual interest. If I want to more or are interested I message them back, if not I don't. One messaged me being friendly but that is not typical. If you are messaging them with a romantic or sexual interest and they are not reciprocating that is OK. Haven't there been people that have had interest in you and you did not feel the same way?


    If I'm sending the first message usually I send a bit of an explanation and I say I'm not hitting on them because I'm not. I'm from the UK so I live thousands of miles from most members so I don't want romance.

    The only messages i ignore are people asking to skype straight away because I don't trust those people and I think they're probably wanting to do nudey stuff.


    If they want to Skype right away, they are looking to jack it. If not interested in it, don't respond.

    That's what I meant by nudey stuff so I do ignore it lol. That and people who message a picture of their privates and then expect I will send one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 7:49 AM GMT
    Don't worry too much. You seem to be doing all right, participating in some forums as I remember reading some of your posts.

    I hope to read your posts soon.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 27, 2014 7:57 AM GMT
    Hey, I've been friendly with you, don't I count? icon_neutral.gif And, seriously, have I ever even vaguely suggested anything inappropriate? I like you because I like you and that's all there is to it, there's no ulterior motive. I know you want friends closer to your own age, and understandably so. I'm just pointing out, it isn't like you aren't liked or anything or like you've had no correspondence with anyone at all. I know that's not true.

    But in any case, I agree that socializing openly in the forums may be the best way to, "talk to other gay people that I wouldn't normally meet." I have private exchanges with some but not all that many or all that much. I'm sure others have more… but so what? That's who they are, what they're doing.

    I'm sorry you're feeling unhappy or feeling like you're not getting what you want. But don't take that to mean there is something "wrong" with you, though. Not a happy place! Take it to mean they're all wrapped up in their own little worlds doing whatever they're doing -- which may be something you don't even want to participate in! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 8:05 AM GMT
    MikeW saidHey, I've been friendly with you, don't I count? icon_neutral.gif And, seriously, have I ever even vaguely suggested anything inappropriate? I like you because I like you and that's all there is to it, there's no ulterior motive. I know you want friends closer to your own age, and understandably so. I'm just pointing out, it isn't like you aren't liked or anything or like you've had no correspondence with anyone at all. I know that's not true.

    But in any case, I agree that socializing openly in the forums may be the best way to, "talk to other gay people that I wouldn't normally meet." I have private exchanges with some but not all that many or all that much. I'm sure others have more… but so what? That's who they are, what they're doing.

    I'm sorry you're feeling unhappy or feeling like you're not getting what you want. But don't take that to mean there is something "wrong" with you, though. Not a happy place! Take it to mean they're all wrapped up in their own little worlds doing whatever they're doing -- which may be something you don't even want to participate in! icon_wink.gif


    No there's you and one other person who do talk to me but when your feeling bad it's easy to forget other people are alright. It's like when people they say have no friends and then they actually have friends lol.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Apr 27, 2014 8:18 AM GMT
    welcome to the club.
    you're not doing anything wrong, no worries.
    when I first joined in 2012 it was like nobody even wanted to talk to me.
    Keep posting on the forum and you'll see there're many nice guys that care about you.

    I barely message anyone, but when I do, I got no reply lol.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 27, 2014 8:21 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidNo there's you and one other person who do talk to me but when your feeling bad it's easy to forget other people are alright. It's like when people they say have no friends and then they actually have friends lol.
    Well sometimes I wonder why I'm here, too. Especially when things get totally insane like they have been a few times recently. But, on the other hand, no one could make this shit up, right? LOLOL!!! One person called it Shakespearean, I suggested Vaudevillian was more appropriate. Of course there is pathos, real, imagined and feigned.

    But truth is, primary reason I'm here is because at this particular juncture in my life, it suits me. Any number of things could change in my life and I'd no longer be here. So, I enjoy it while it lasts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 8:38 AM GMT
    The forums are a great a place to be. It allows you to communicate with a bunch of people, without any pressure or awkwardness. Eventually, guys will get to know you better. Friendships develop. You may eventually meet them in person. And so on.
  • KittenpasteCo...

    Posts: 245

    Apr 27, 2014 8:47 AM GMT
    The majority of people here ignore me or just post picture comments. There have only been 3 people, much older than myself, that have kept a somewhat normal conversation rate going. This is the same experience I had on LPSG, when I first joined, back in 2007. You're best off just ignoring the treatment you receive (or don't receive) on sites like this. You're going to have to venture out into the real world, for what you're looking for. The only places, online, I've found have been good for any sort of regular social interaction are gaming sites.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 9:26 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidNo there's you and one other person who do talk to me but when your feeling bad it's easy to forget other people are alright. It's like when people they say have no friends and then they actually have friends lol.

    Maybe you should talk to them more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 3:48 PM GMT
    Hamster cheeks!

    I was wondering where you went

    People are cruel :/ My manager is most recent case: I just fired my manager.

    I work less for more money now. I'll get more vacation time too - lol

    Please be snappy with people, positive results may occur.

    You're not ugly, just maybe learn a little about self-respect.
  • jaroslav123

    Posts: 600

    Apr 27, 2014 3:50 PM GMT
    If people ignore you they don't deserve you. You seem like a lovely person, and I'd happily talk to you. icon_smile.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 27, 2014 3:52 PM GMT
    jaroslav123 saidIf people ignore you they don't deserve you. You seem like a lovely person, and I'd happily talk to you. icon_smile.gif
    There you go! Good guy! Now if only more younger RJers would simply TALK to one another without trying to get into one or the other's cyber pants or get into one-upping each other or cat fights. Everyone could be a whole lot happier and RJ would be much more interesting place to hang!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 3:58 PM GMT
    I concur with tanker as well , he has the best outview of what is happening here .
    Also , don't change account , don't be too sensitive of what members are throwing at you , be patient and participate on forums .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 4:45 PM GMT
    Tbh I've had family stress past couple of days and I think I was being sensitive/deflecting my stress. I've been out today for lunch and I feel a bit silly now why I was letting myself be stressed lol.
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    Apr 27, 2014 4:50 PM GMT
    I understand what you mean. Unfortunately, this site is overrun by some sorta RJ elite or something. It's like only specific people can have friends and participate. A huge circlejerk. The irony is that those same people arent even into fitness, sports or nutrition like you are Hamster. Whenever someone posts about losing weight or sports, the topic gets derailed by a few idiots flirting with each other and talking inane shit. My suggestion is that you block and ignore those losers. You're a great dude Hamster.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 5:18 PM GMT
    Kevex saidI understand what you mean. Unfortunately, this site is overrun by some sorta RJ elite or something. It's like only specific people can have friends and participate. A huge circlejerk. The irony is that those same people arent even into fitness, sports or nutrition like you are Hamster. Whenever someone posts about losing weight or sports, the topic gets derailed by a few idiots flirting with each other and talking inane shit. My suggestion is that you block and ignore those losers. You're a great dude Hamster.


    Where do you come up with this stuff?

    There is no secret society on RJ.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 5:36 PM GMT
    jaroslav123 saidIf people ignore you they don't deserve you. You seem like a lovely person, and I'd happily talk to you. icon_smile.gif

    See... I think it's all a bit La Cage a Folle around here (Birds of a Feather, Flock Together).
    What you're experiencing is typical of online communications. If I try and compliment someone that's got a great body and around my own age, I rarely ever get a reply. If it's someone that's from the forums, there's a greater chance they will strike up a conversation.
    Both Charlitos and I noticed that when we checked off Monogamous Relationship in our profiles, the mail came to a screeching halt.
    It's a mixed blessing. I'm happy to just have friends here from the forums.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2014 5:44 PM GMT
    Cash said
    Kevex saidI understand what you mean. Unfortunately, this site is overrun by some sorta RJ elite or something. It's like only specific people can have friends and participate. A huge circlejerk. The irony is that those same people arent even into fitness, sports or nutrition like you are Hamster. Whenever someone posts about losing weight or sports, the topic gets derailed by a few idiots flirting with each other and talking inane shit. My suggestion is that you block and ignore those losers. You're a great dude Hamster.


    Where do you come up with this stuff?

    There is no secret society on RJ.



    Well, there is a Claystation Cult going on. icon_lol.gif