Intimidated by men!

  • daydreamer85

    Posts: 80

    Sep 25, 2007 11:28 AM GMT
    I am 22 year old guy. I can't connect with men straight or gay. I dont have any male friendships. I dont't feel comfortable with straight men and I am extremely intimidated by gay men. To be honest I have been told by certain guys that I am very intimidating and I often wonder why bcoz I am a nice guy and I am big hit women. If I had to decribe myself, I would say I am a mixture of Wills uptightness, Karen's madness, Graces high maintance with jacks narcism. HELP!!!
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    Sep 25, 2007 4:22 PM GMT
    RUN - DON"T WALK - to the nearest psyrink.

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    Sep 25, 2007 4:40 PM GMT
    I have to agree with ITJock, you may want to talk to a professional. I am not saying that to put you down. At your age I frankly should have been seeing one as well (I was very closeted, neurotic and uptight).

    Also, to be honest with you the way you described yourself, was a bit disconcerting to me. You seemed to have picked all the negative aspects of the TV characters and none of the positives. It is good to be honest about yourself, but that usually means mentioning both the good and the bad (unless people think high maintenance and narcissism are good qualities!).
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Sep 25, 2007 6:06 PM GMT
    You told us the bad stuff, now tell us the good stuff, and I am sure there is good stuff.

    It maybe a good idea to see a professional as has been suggested.

    I also find it hard to connect to guys, although I don't find it as hard as I used too.

    Professionals were no help to me, but maybe that was my fault.

    I am not a professional, but if you want to talk, you can mail me anytime.

    Don't despair.

    Things will work out.


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    Sep 25, 2007 8:45 PM GMT
    Don't think of it as a need to fit in or even be accepted...

    Consider yourself sooo unique and different that by the time your style and attitude is recgonized and admired, guys will go "Dayum! Who's that hot slice of man-pie?!?!" You'll be the center of attention!

    And don't be afraid to SPEAK UP! Be vocal about how you feel at that moment...say hi to a stranger or shake hands for something minor, like when you ask a clerk for assistance at the mall.

    You have to gain the art of "Think-fastness". For example, when I was at the mall, this guy was sitting at a small table drinking coffee. I noticed he wiped the sweat off his forehead as I passed. The spurr of the moment forced me to say something witty and with attitude (which I call "Wittitude": "Ok, you're sweating and drinking coffee, this MUST be the hottest place in town! *snap*". He laughed and after a brief conversation, he eventually extended our interlude with an invite to a social...

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 26, 2007 10:51 AM GMT
    Most of these guys are right...
    You're not Jack
    you're not Karen're you
    that means it comes with all the positives AND negatives

    but there is someone out there for everybody
    if you're intimidated by men
    welcome to the club
    we all are to a certain extent
    so just be yourself and don't hide behind your fears because they will keep you where you are
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 26, 2007 12:21 PM GMT
    Intimidated by men!. God, I cant live without them. Why get intimidated . There must be some historical problem ,some physicological fear that you need to deal with. Men are god finest creation. Without them life just not worth living.
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    Sep 26, 2007 2:45 PM GMT
    I really think that a bit of counselling might help. It would allow you to focus on why you feel intimidated by other men and help you to challenge some of the negative views you have about yourself- Good luck mate
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Sep 27, 2007 8:53 AM GMT

    I can't imagine why some of the other posters say you need counselling for something like this.

    What you do need to do is stop worrying about it. Some guys are just more relaxed around women than they are around men. My partner for instance has lots of great women friends and hardly any Gay men friends and he's brilliant at socialising, just prefers to be with women.

    If you're Gay though you will need to get used to being with men. Have you tried going to a social type group for young Gay guys? it might help you get over the intimidation thing if you realise that most guys are shy/intimidated at first and only by hanging around with other guys will you get over this fear.

    I love your description of yourself. We are all a mixture of things. You need to believe in yourself a bit more and get out there and get used to being with guys, no matter how hard you find it at first.

    Good luck Lozx
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    Sep 27, 2007 3:17 PM GMT
    Wills uptightness, Karen's madness, Graces high maintance with jacks narcism.

    That to me sounds like the perfect combination to give most people, "over the top overdose" icon_biggrin.gif

    just remember, don't be intimidated, they're more afraid of you than you are of them - LOL
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    Oct 13, 2007 1:24 PM GMT
    Who are your hanging around with????

    I am a gay man who happens to have a lot more straight friends than gay ones. Women and men.

    All of my straight male friends know that I am gay, they know I am not hitting on them, and they are not closet cases. I hug them hello and goodbye and on a rare occasion when everyone's drinking too much they might actually kiss me hello or goodybye (not biggie)

    The women just adore me but what woman doesn't adore her gay male friends.

    My point here is that if you around people who live their lives honestly, and are comfortable with who they are, it should rub off on you and you will feel comfortable with who you are.

    You are young and it does take time to develop some of these social skills, and to learn who you are and what you want from the people you surround yourself with.

    So be patient, relax, be yourself, and you will attract the right people, men included.