I misd being one of the guys

  • Nearon

    Posts: 56

    Apr 27, 2014 11:49 PM GMT
    But ever since I came out, most of my guy friends keep me at arms length. This whole gay thing is really starting to wear thin.
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    Apr 27, 2014 11:51 PM GMT
    then they really weren't your friends to begin with.

    olvidarse de ellos
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    Apr 27, 2014 11:54 PM GMT
    That's kinda one of the reasons I'm hesitant to come out. Things may never be the same among my friends and me. Although I hear any affirming stories on here, I don't know if it'll be the same for me. icon_confused.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 27, 2014 11:54 PM GMT
    We all move on ... friends get jobs, and hobbies, and relationships and other friends ... rarely do they last forever ... time marches on and so must you
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    Apr 27, 2014 11:56 PM GMT
    I lost all the people who I thought were my friends, but what happen next was even better, I met people who actually became my friends and who I have known for over 20+ years. The people before I came out really were not my friends.
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    Apr 27, 2014 11:59 PM GMT
    When I came out I got a new set of friends. Better friends, lasting friends.

    If your old friends don't want you anymore, move on. You're only 19, lots of road ahead of you, that you haven't explored yet.
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    Apr 28, 2014 12:09 AM GMT
    Nearon saidBut ever since I came out, most of my guy friends keep me at arms length. This whole gay thing is really starting to wear thin.

    This seems to be blaming coming out and blaming yourself. You, nor coming out, is the problem here. If these friends think that coming out makes you a profoundly different person, then it is they that have the problem. Also remember that at your age, people are moving in new directions. Some friends will remain, but many will move on. Over the next few years in your life, many friends will come and go before you finally find yourself in one place for a while and find some friends that have settled in the same area you have.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 28, 2014 12:20 AM GMT
    I never had any friends, so I never had any to loose icon_confused.gif
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    Apr 28, 2014 1:51 AM GMT
    Ehhh

    It happens - it feela nice to be one of the guys but, it gets ehhh quick :/ be happy :3
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Apr 28, 2014 2:28 AM GMT
    Nearon saidBut ever since I came out, most of my guy friends keep me at arms length. This whole gay thing is really starting to wear thin.

    get some gay friends.
    It sucks, but a lot of straight guys just dont wanna hang out with gay guys one on one.... u know....they might be fine with u being gay and all, but when it comes down to just hanging out as friends? A lot are like "yeah, im good on that" like no thanks.....


    U need to get some good quality gay friends.
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    Apr 28, 2014 2:31 AM GMT
    polfsky saidThat's kinda one of the reasons I'm hesitant to come out. Things may never be the same among my friends and me. Although I hear any affirming stories on here, I don't know if it'll be the same for me. icon_confused.gif

    It depends on the quality of your friends, im telling you i came out like 4 years ago and we're still as tight as ever. if they keep you at arms lenght then they werent your friends to begin with
  • comoesta

    Posts: 21

    Apr 28, 2014 2:45 AM GMT
    man at 19 all friends gay/ straight go to different colleges, get jobs and start to make a life for themselves. So, stop paying attention to that. I just turned 23 and recently experienced that phase. Last week I met my high school friends after so many months. Just worry about what you want to do in life. TBH at times it does get lonely.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 714

    Apr 28, 2014 2:58 AM GMT
    Yeah OP I hear ya. The only close straight guy friends I have now are the ones from highschool, who knew me long before I was out. Almost all of the straight guy friends I've made from college onward are not close at all. I can understand if I was one of those guys who fantasize after straight guys and make "Is he gay?" threads on Realjock lol, but it's not the case.

    I've managed to make a ton of gay friends, who are always available and ready to hang out, but we have little in common in terms of interests and ethics (they consider it normal to sexually "test-drive" a guy on the first date).
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Apr 28, 2014 3:23 AM GMT
    who needs friends who don't accept you for being who you are?
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    Apr 28, 2014 4:43 AM GMT
    I've had better luck with str8 guys than gay ones. My longest gay friendship lasted only 20 years. Most of them fell apart within five or 10 years though my two best buds would have lasted a lifetime hadn't death interfered.

    The only relationships with str8 guys that got fucked up by my being gay were the ones from my last high school. But I only knew them for a year or two so fuck that. It's nothing in the scheme of things. My college friends eventually faded naturally by time and distance, having nothing to do with being gay as far as I know. I'm sure were we ever to hook up again it would be like old times.

    My friends from grade school through my first few years of high school are still in my life and totally love me, being gay and all. It is not at all awkward. They get disappointed if I don't feel like going out to the titty bars with them. I'm not excluded at all from being one of the boys.

    Many of us have known each other for 50 plus years so they're real considerate of my sexuality such that even when they discuss their sexuality, they include me and mine in that. I just had a bunch of them staying here and they're already putting in for vacation time to come here again next year. Great guys.

    Our different sexualities makes no difference whatsoever to our relationships.
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    Apr 28, 2014 11:38 AM GMT
    I'm lucky enough to have friends (straight guys fyi) who don't have any issue with me being gay. It's the opposite, they make homoerotic remarks pretty much constantly.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Apr 29, 2014 5:03 PM GMT
    Karl saidwho needs friends who don't accept you for being who you are?


    This.
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    Apr 29, 2014 5:27 PM GMT
    I find that very strange. Here it is known by straight men that having a gay best friend will get you laid faster. LOL.
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    Apr 29, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI never had any friends, so I never had any to loose icon_confused.gif
    So true for me and yet it is hard to try to create a social life and find relationships.
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    Apr 29, 2014 8:27 PM GMT
    People never loose friends. They just realize who the real ones are.
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    Apr 29, 2014 11:28 PM GMT
    I don't know how long it's been since you came out to your friends but maybe there just not comfortable with the idea of you being gay yet. I wouldn't necessarily write them off, based on the information you've provided. Try reminding them you are still the same person you've always been by participating in your usual activities or try talking to them about how you feel.
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    Apr 30, 2014 1:38 AM GMT
    Truppensturm saidI'm lucky enough to have friends (straight guys fyi) who don't have any issue with me being gay. It's the opposite, they make homoerotic remarks pretty much constantly.
    Haha, same here.
    Two of my straight friends are "married" on facebook, which is stupid but it goes to illustrate that I was lucky enough to find guy friends who are comfortable with their sexuality.
    Actually, I got really lucky.
    Looking back it was silly for me to be worried that they'd even care that I'm gay for one second.
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    Apr 30, 2014 3:25 AM GMT
    What the elder statesmen said above about finding better friends is true. But it still must suck to lose all your friends. Condolences. Hang in there.