Why are we so obsessed with Age?

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    May 01, 2014 4:11 PM GMT
    I was talking to an older gay man about a week ago. He asked me why he thought there was so much ageism in the gay community. He seemed to be interested in younger men on our campus but that interest was not returned.

    It's a strange question, but not one that should really be surprising to us. Gay people love finding millions of tiny ways to discriminate against each other and age is pretty high up on the list. I've definitely gone through phases in my life where I only wanted to be with someone my age or younger and I thought I would share why because I think that a lot of older men believe that it has a lot to do with them, (their approach, their attractiveness etc.) It doesn't.....at least it didn't for me.

    A narrative of a certain pure 'teen summer love' is forced upon us by the media. It's an archetype that occurs over and over again in movies and television and has been around for as long as humans have been telling stories.

    For many of us, gay life begins in the closet and lasts throughout our teen years. This means missing out on a type of intimacy and romance that we perceive to be reserved for teens and very young adults. We watch our peers fumble through the awkwardness of young romance and because we cannot have it, we define the starting points of our romantic lives by their starting points.

    Dating an older man represents that one has moved on from that. It's the acceptance that one's romantic life is taking an atypical trajectory and that one may never actually have that 'teen summer love' that all the straight kids seem to get and is the theme of so many books and movies and TV shows.

    A lot lot of gay guys in their early twenties are actually trying to recapture what they perceive to be the authentic romantic and sexual experiences of someone new to dating. So a 25 year old guy may be operating with the pyschosexual OS of a 16 year old.

    So it didn't matter how charming or how attractive an older man was, because to be with an older man would require me to let go of romantic and sexual experiences with someone as young and stupid as me....experiences I felt I had been robbed of. Luckily, like all forms of prejudice ageism can be unlearned and I've started on the path towards being more open to anyone who has the potential to make me happy. But I think what I've described isn't some isolated way of thinking that only existed in me. I think our obsession with age comes from a sort of 'Michael Jackson Syndrome' in which none of us feel like we've started our romantic or sexual lives at the proper time or in the proper way and feel the need to make up for it.


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    May 01, 2014 4:15 PM GMT


    I think it's because gay people love finding millions of tiny reasons to complain and age is pretty high up on the list.
  • AMoonHawk

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    May 01, 2014 4:19 PM GMT
    Ageism has nothing to do with it ... it is all about hotness ... if you ain't got it, then you just ain't got it and whining that it is because of ageism is pathetic. People that complain about ageism, complain because they refuse to date anyone their own age or older, so they are the ones that are actually ageists.
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    May 01, 2014 4:20 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidAgeism has nothing to do with it ... it is all about hotness ... if you ain't got it, then you just ain't got it and whining that it is because of ageism is pathetic. People that complain about ageism, complain because they refuse to date anyone their own age or older, so they are the ones that are actually ageists.


    +1000 R'Amen!
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    May 01, 2014 4:24 PM GMT
    Ironically enough, nearly all of those in 'the gay community', who complain about ageism, are the guys who are past their physical prime, are closer to retirement than college, and are no longer particularly physically attractive (to most).

    They complain that those they want, namely young, conventionally attractive guys, aren't interested in them sexually/romantically, and call it age discrimination and prejudice. However, quite tellingly, they wouldn't themselves even consider the prospect of chasing guys of their own age or older- an asinine double standard.

    It's a fact of life that those in their prime, or close to, in any species, are generally the most attractive to those looking to copulate.

    Gold.png

    We all go through lifes stages (if we are lucky enough to live a full life), and *everything* we have at any given time has its season, and then it eventually comes to pass and is gone from us, including being physically attractive (assuming one is lucky enough to ever even be that- not everybody is).

    It's an intrinsic part of the circle of life.

    Being salty because of that fact is simply a sign of an emotional immaturity; TONDq.gif.

    Accept reality, stop looking backwards, let go of false hope, embrace new truths, move on, move forward.
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    May 01, 2014 4:31 PM GMT
    Straight people are the same. I was dating a 39 year old, and was 21 at the time, or 22, I forgot, and my female friend called him a pedophile.
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    May 01, 2014 4:36 PM GMT
    _SAGE_ saidIronically enough, nearly all of those in 'the gay community', who complain about ageism, are the guys who are past their physical prime, are closer to retirement than college, and are no longer particularly physically attractive (to most).

    They complain that those they want, namely young, attractive guys, aren't interested in them sexually/romantically, and call it age discrimination and prejudice. However, quite tellingly, they wouldn't ever even consider the prospect chasing guys of their own age or older- an asinine double standard.

    It's a fact of life that those in their prime, or close to, in any species, are generally the most attractive to those looking to copulate.

    We all go through lifes stages (if we are lucky enough to live a full life), and everything we have at any given time has its season, and then it is eventually gone, including being physically attractive (assuming one is lucky enough to ever even be that- not everybody is).

    It's an intrinsic part of the circle of life.

    Being salty of that fact is simply a sign of an emotional immaturity; TONDq.gif.

    Accept reality, stop looking backwards, let go of false hope, embrace new truths, move on, move forward.


    +100000000000 Nicely put. icon_lol.gif
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    May 01, 2014 4:37 PM GMT
    There's a lot of truth in what the OP says, though perhaps it will become (and has become) less true over time.

    Adolescence is the time when straight people get to fumble around, trying to figure out how to behave with the objects of their love or lust, making terrible mistakes, sometimes having a rewarding experience, but usually learning along the way who they are and what they want out of an eventual partner---and what they don't want.

    Gay men miss all that being closeted during those years. Or if not closeted, finding so few possible choices for "teen summer love" or flings that they might as well be still in the closet. So they hit adulthood and only then emerge into a long-delayed adolescence. Hence some of the promiscuity and circuit-boy culture and its attendant mean-girls juvenile aspects.

    Most men work through that, if they're lucky fairly quickly. Some men, especially many men who come out in their 30s and 40s, never get past it. Still lusting---literally---for the high school jock they couldn't drool over openly, only now he's still 18 and the drooler is 38 (*cough*Dustin Lance Black*cough*). Being around such men is tiresome, because it isn't only their sexual tastes that remain mired in adolescence, it's their whole childish undeveloped personalities. Including a tendency to whine about why 22-year old hotties don't seem to want them.
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    May 01, 2014 4:45 PM GMT
    Ageism works both ways though. Some guys won't even consider someone a little bit younger because they assume you want a sugar daddy or something.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 01, 2014 4:46 PM GMT
    Getting older?
    Still longing to quench your desires with a younger guy?
    Consider being a fettish.
    Search on 'younger for older Gay'; 'Sugar Babies Gay'
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    May 01, 2014 4:46 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidAgeism has nothing to do with it ... it is all about hotness ... if you ain't got it, then you just ain't got it and whining that it is because of ageism is pathetic. People that complain about ageism, complain because they refuse to date anyone their own age or older, so they are the ones that are actually ageists.

    +1 Very well said. Guys are attracted to guys they are attracted to - there is no reasoning involved. If someone had a bright green skin color, someone would find them attractive, even though almost nobody would. A few very young guys are attracted to much older men - but only a small percentage. Some older guys are attracted to much younger men - probably more than vice versa. If these two types make a connection, good for them. But the idea that one should be able to relate sexually to any specific type or group so as not to discriminate is ridiculous.
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    May 01, 2014 4:50 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidAgeism has nothing to do with it ... it is all about hotness ... if you ain't got it, then you just ain't got it and whining that it is because of ageism is pathetic. People that complain about ageism, complain because they refuse to date anyone their own age or older, so they are the ones that are actually ageists.


    Agreed.
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    May 01, 2014 4:57 PM GMT


    An older guy should be mature enough to accept that not everyone is going to be hot for him. He should also have learned to recognize mutual attraction when he does find it.

    Whatever your age, live your life in a way that attracts positive energy and good people.
  • MikeW

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    May 01, 2014 5:18 PM GMT
    _SAGE_ saidWe all go through lifes stages (if we are lucky enough to live a full life), and *everything* we have at any given time has its season, and then it eventually comes to pass and is gone from us, including being physically attractive (assuming one is lucky enough to ever even be that- not everybody is).

    This is so, so true.

    Speaking as one of the older members here, there are several levels to this for me.

    Hell yes I find young hot guys hot, who wouldn't! icon_eek.gif BUT, and this is a big but, I don't have any (or many) delusions that that feeling is going to be reciprocated. That's why I say I'm not here for that. I'm here to hang out in the forum and make a few friends and I've done that. I totally understand that a lot of guys here of varying ages want to get their rocks off with one another and maybe even find a relationship. I wish them the best. I believe everyone should have all the fun they can stand.

    But *ageism* is not about sexual preference or what you find hot. Ageism is an attitude, a prejudice, that says, "I don't want to have *anything* to do with you (or anyone in your age group) *because* of your age."

    My generation (when we were in our late teens, early 20s) were VERY "ageist". One of our mottos was, "don't trust anyone over 30" -- and as a general rule we didn't! Often for good reason… because "older people" tended to be more conservative (socially and politically), judgmental and biased against the emergence of the "youth culture" of that time.

    I point that out because in my experience, over all, younger people these days are *less* ageist than my generation was. I have friends (both gay and straight, online and in real life) that range in age from 16 on up.

    As a general rule, I find people my own age and older *boring*. This may be an ageist holdover from my younger years, I'm not totally sure. It's not a total prejudice, I certainly know and like some older people, but that is rare. They *have* to be interesting.

    So, that's it, basically all I have to say on this subject.
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    May 01, 2014 5:21 PM GMT
    MikeW said
    _SAGE_ saidWe all go through lifes stages (if we are lucky enough to live a full life), and *everything* we have at any given time has its season, and then it eventually comes to pass and is gone from us, including being physically attractive (assuming one is lucky enough to ever even be that- not everybody is).

    This is so, so true.

    Speaking as one of the older member here, there are several levels to this for me.

    Hell yes I find young hot guys hot, who wouldn't! icon_eek.gif BUT, and this is a big but, I don't have any (or many) delusions that that feeling is going to be reciprocated. That's why I say I'm not here for that. I'm here to hang out in the forum and make a few friends and I've done that. I totally understand that a lot of guys here of varying ages want to get their rocks off with one another and maybe even find a relationship. I wish them the best. I believe everyone should have all the fun they can stand.

    But *ageism* is not about sexual preference or what you find hot. Ageism is an attitude, a prejudice, that says, "I don't want to have *anything* to do with you (or anyone in your age group) *because* of your age."

    My generation (when we were in our late teens, early 20s) were VERY "ageist". One of our mottos was, "don't trust anyone over 30" -- and as a general rule we didn't! Often for good reason… because "older people" tended to be more conservative (socially and politically), judgmental and biased against the emergence of the "youth culture" of that time.

    I point that out because in my experience, over all, younger people these days are *less* ageist than my generation was. I have friends (both gay and straight, online and in real life) that range in age from 16 on up.

    As a general rule, I find people my own age and older *boring*. This may be an ageist holdover from my younger years, I'm not totally sure. It's not a total prejudice, I certainly know and like some older people, but that is rare. They *have* to be interesting.

    So, that's it, basically all I have to say on this subject.


    I'm actually quite 'boring' and I don't think i'm very old.
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    May 01, 2014 5:30 PM GMT
    MikeW said
    _SAGE_ saidWe all go through lifes stages (if we are lucky enough to live a full life), and *everything* we have at any given time has its season, and then it eventually comes to pass and is gone from us, including being physically attractive (assuming one is lucky enough to ever even be that- not everybody is).

    This is so, so true.

    Speaking as one of the older member here, there are several levels to this for me.

    Hell yes I find young hot guys hot, who wouldn't! icon_eek.gif BUT, and this is a big but, I don't have any (or many) delusions that that feeling is going to be reciprocated. That's why I say I'm not here for that. I'm here to hang out in the forum and make a few friends and I've done that. I totally understand that a lot of guys here of varying ages want to get their rocks off with one another and maybe even find a relationship. I wish them the best. I believe everyone should have all the fun they can stand.

    But *ageism* is not about sexual preference or what you find hot. Ageism is an attitude, a prejudice, that says, "I don't want to have *anything* to do with you (or anyone in your age group) *because* of your age."

    My generation (when we were in our late teens, early 20s) were VERY "ageist". One of our mottos was, "don't trust anyone over 30" -- and as a general rule we didn't! Often for good reason… because "older people" tended to be more conservative (socially and politically), judgmental and biased against the emergence of the "youth culture" of that time.

    I point that out because in my experience, over all, younger people these days are *less* ageist than my generation was. I have friends (both gay and straight, online and in real life) that range in age from 16 on up.

    As a general rule, I find people my own age and older *boring*. This may be an ageist holdover from my younger years, I'm not totally sure. It's not a total prejudice, I certainly know and like some older people, but that is rare. They *have* to be interesting.

    So, that's it, basically all I have to say on this subject.



    I hear ya.

    I find older guys often pretty interesting, as they have lived a lot more, and often have picked up wisdom and knowledge, can often have a lot to talk about, and make great friends to meet up with every now and then, talk to, ask for advice, enjoy shared interests/hobbies, and learn new ones from (assuming their is no unwanted sexual attention, which can often ruin an otherwise rewarding friendship for me).

    It is often very different from friendships with one's peers, there are some things better shared with one group of friends over others, but still potentially of great value, in its own right, nevertheless. =]
  • MikeW

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    May 01, 2014 5:31 PM GMT
    Sweetooth said
    MikeW saidAs a general rule, I find people my own age and older *boring*. This may be an ageist holdover from my younger years, I'm not totally sure. It's not a total prejudice, I certainly know and like some older people, but that is rare. They *have* to be interesting.

    So, that's it, basically all I have to say on this subject.

    I'm actually quite 'boring' and I don't think i'm very old.

    You might very well be boring, I haven't interacted with you so don't know. I didn't mean to imply that *all* younger people are interesting. They're not, lol!
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 01, 2014 5:37 PM GMT
    _SAGE_ said...It is often very different from friendships with one's peers, there are some things better shared with one group of friends over others, but still potentially of great value, in its own right, nevertheless. =]

    I hear you as well and totally agree. I have a few friends my own age -- but they are *interesting* people to me. Generally unconventional.
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    May 01, 2014 5:37 PM GMT
    The boring part is relative. I mean, I wouldn't mind having a few beers with Betty White or Bill Murray lol
  • MikeW

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    May 01, 2014 5:40 PM GMT
    xavier92 saidThe boring part is relative. I mean, I wouldn't mind having a few beers with Betty White or Bill Murray lol
    Betty for sure. Don't know about Bill, lol. I actually know a woman in her 80s that I like a lot. Not exactly Betty, but she lived with and knew many of the Beat generation in New York--Allen Ginsberg and his bunch. I asked her what she thought of the movie Howl. She said, "Well, they cleaned them up a lot; they were much dirtier than that!" LOL!
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    May 01, 2014 7:22 PM GMT
    I am not obsessed with age. I'm a 53 year old stud. Age allows us to know more about more. Period.
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    May 01, 2014 7:28 PM GMT


    Electroshark said, "Gay men miss all that being closeted during those years. Or if not closeted, finding so few possible choices for "teen summer love" or flings that they might as well be still in the closet. So they hit adulthood and only then emerge into a long-delayed adolescence. Hence some of the promiscuity and circuit-boy culture and its attendant mean-girls juvenile aspects."

    BINGO.

    ...and plucked from the OP:

    THIS: "Gay people love finding millions of tiny ways to discriminate against each other and age is pretty high up on the list."

    IS BECAUSE OF THIS: "For many of us, gay life begins in the closet and lasts throughout our teen years. This means missing out on a type of intimacy and romance that we perceive to be reserved for teens and very young adults. We watch our peers fumble through the awkwardness of young romance and because we cannot have it, we define the starting points of our romantic lives by their starting points."

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    May 01, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidChronological aging is not the same as physiological aging.
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    May 01, 2014 7:30 PM GMT
    xavier92 said

    I think it's because gay people love finding millions of tiny reasons to complain and age is pretty high up on the list.


    Most of your posts are a perfect example.
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    May 01, 2014 7:33 PM GMT
    I refuse to date anyone under 90.