Too hot to fuck?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2009 6:10 PM GMT
    I will soon turn 50 but must confess that I've had very little experience with anal sex. I have had several really short relationship but no long ones. As such I've spent most of my time single but sexually active. Being more active than most I feel obliged to be more careful. Oral is about the most risk I'm willing to take. Clearly I could use a condom when I fuck but I find that by the time I get one on I've lost a lot of my erection. I also find fucking doesn't make my erection come back the way a good blow job or a simple hand would.

    Last night I went to a bathhouse. It's a kind of gym/bathhouse with an outdoor pool, hot tub and nice gym. I rarely go for a room because I tend to find bathhouse rooms depressing. There was this hot guy who was checking me out but when we were both alone in a semi-private place he pushed me away when I tried to make a pass at him. I had put my hand on his big chest and tried a little affection. I figured that perhaps he was the type that didn't like affection in a sex club. I moved on but it seemed like he was still cruising me. We both decided to leave around the same time. He was dressed waiting for his key while I was heading to my locker to get dressed. I didn't have any luck with anyone else and the clientele was not improving. When I looked at him at the check-out he winked at me.

    I checked-out quickly and headed to my car. He pulls up and talks to me. I asked him directly why he pushed me away and he said it was because he wanted to be in a room. (He also only had a locker). He is a very masculine muscular latin guy with a deep voice and his first question is if I'm a top or a bottom. Since I don't really practice anal sex I can't say I'm either. I carry myself with confidences and would describe myself as the rugged athletic type. I am mentally a top so I told him I was more of a top than a bottom. I kind of figured he wanted a bottom as I'm often attracted to his type only to find they are looking for a tight butt. He tells me he 100% bottom. We had no place to go so the story kind of ends there. I could have brought him back to my place but I'm sharing my condo with someone and while I have the master bedroom I don't like the idea of bringing someone home at 1 am when I don't have the place to myself.

    Now he comes my dilemma. I can't stop thinking about how hot it would be to fuck this guy but I also felt I would not have been able to perform. This is not the first time that a really hot guy has wanted to bottom for me. I got a prescription once for cialis for cases like this and a friend gave me some viagra but I only used one pill of each and I didn't fuck anyone those nights. Now the pills are way past the expiration date. If I'm not planning to fuck I really don't need anything. My solution would be to plan for a fuck. I should have gotten his number and made a date and I'm kicking myself for that. I'm more of the aggressive confident type than the meek shy type but it all happened too quickly for me to respond. Even then I'm not sure if the drug would do the trick and I just the fear that it might not would ruin the experience. I'd like to date a bottom but I'm beginning to think I'm at the age where guys find me hot enough to fuck but too old to date.

    Is this a common problem for guys my age? I'm in excellent health and more athletic than most guys 20 years younger so I can only think that this is mostly mental though I know once I get an erection I don't stay hard without stimulation as I did in my younger years.
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    Jan 02, 2009 6:26 PM GMT
    Anal sex doesn't get everyone off. If oral works for you, then by all means fuck that mouth. But, if you do want to give a little love to some gents back door there are ways you can perform.

    First, it doesn't have to be all anal all the time. Start with a little oral then take things to the bottom floor when you are both good and aroused.

    Second, the lord our god, in his infinite wisdom, did give us cockrings for a reason. They will keep you hard even if you aren't aroused so you can mash his prostate into oblivion. They come in desecrate, small rubber rings and big, heavy chrome. So you can use what ever is more comfortable.

    have fun. play safe.
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    Jan 02, 2009 6:26 PM GMT
    Well I am 48 so I am close to your age. To be honest it is not a problem for me. It could be as you said more mental than physical a problem in nature. BTW have you had a physical recently to confirm you do not have any underlying physical issues such as high cholesterol or high blood pressure? That can impact on your erections.

    I personally am a top (I find the bottom role to uncomfortable) but I don't have to have anal sex to enjoy sex.
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    Jan 02, 2009 6:52 PM GMT
    I can still top at 60. But I did have some trouble staying hard when I first started being a top 14 years ago, even despite a younger age than you are now. My explanation was that I initially didn't really care for anal that much, doing it to please others and to conform to gay standards. If the circumstances involved anything unpleasant, like maybe the bottom wasn't clean, I'd just go soft, and nothing I could do about it.

    So maybe you need to practice some more in private first, and really learn to enjoy it, before going "public" in the bathhouse, where you have the added pressure of essentially being on stage. And as MunchingZombie says, you don't have to do anal. Most of my own bathhouse fun has been oral, with anal less often, and only in one of those private "changing rooms."

    BTW, this place wasn't The Club in Fort Lauderdale, was it, aka Club Lauderdale? Guys there can tell if you have a private room by the color code of the bracelet attached to your key.

    If not Club L then I'd recommend it, very classy, lots of fun. Their extensive "Grotto" steam room is great, almost everybody in there does everybody, just be safe.

    http://www.the-clubs.com/photos.cfm?location=FtLauderdale
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    Jan 02, 2009 6:59 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidWell I am 48 so I am close to your age. To be honest it is not a problem for me. It could be as you said more mental than physical a problem in nature. BTW have you had a physical recently to confirm you do not have any underlying physical issues such as high cholesterol or high blood pressure? That can impact on your erections.

    I personally am a top (I find the bottom role to uncomfortable) but I don't have to have anal sex to enjoy sex.


    Yes I just had a physical and everything, including testosterone is normal to better than normal. I am a slow riser but once hard I am fully erect. It doesn't point to the sky but it does point straight out. I don't really think I have a problem with erections just when it comes to anal sex. I had issues with this at a much younger age.

    I expect you have much more experience with anal. I feel my problem comes down to lack of experience and performance pressure. Still I do feel that when I have a rubber on and I'm fucking a guy I don't have the same level of sensitivity that a mouth or hand gives. I would never bareback even if I knew the guy were clean.

    I realize I could just get along without anal but I feel I'm missing out on something. I've never tried a cock ring.

    Yes it was the-club. I never fuck at bathhouses for that reason. I find the act too intimate. I only want to fuck in private but like I said I don't date as much as I use to.
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    Jan 02, 2009 7:17 PM GMT
    Yes that is the one drawback of anal sex with a condom, it cuts down to a certain extent on the sensation in comparison to oral. That is why I can take or leave anal sex most times. BTW the guys explanation of why he rejected you in the bathhouse makes sense, but it would have been more polite to ask you if you had a room or not instead of just pushing you away.
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    Jan 02, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidYes that is the one drawback of anal sex with a condom, it cuts down to a certain extent on the sensation in comparison to oral. That is why I can take or leave anal sex most times. BTW the guys explanation of why he rejected you in the bathhouse makes sense, but it would have been more polite to ask you if you had a room or not instead of just pushing you away.


    Yes I agree. In fact if we could have talked a bit while we were there and then arranged a date. I would have loved to hang out in the pool with him. Instead I took it that he thought I was too affectionate and so I kept my distance.

    Question for anyone who has tried any of the viagra-like drugs. In my limited experience I found I could hold an erection longer and it was easier to become fully erect. If you are fucking with a rubber do these drugs make up for the impaired sensitivity?
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    Jan 02, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    majock saidYes it was the-club. I never fuck at bathhouses for that reason. I find the act too intimate. I only want to fuck in private but like I said I don't date as much as I use to.


    Yeah, it sounded like it was The Club. If you really wanna do anal there, spring for the room. The other guys will see your color-coded wristband and they'll be the ones approaching you.

    I've never gotten a room, prefer oral and manual in a bathhouse. If a guy would approach me who's got a room, fine, but not essential.

    The Grotto steam room is like a candy store, all the guys hanging around naked, some of them hard. Just drop to your knees and start sucking, no intros required. Or stand there with your own woody as bait and wait for a nibble.
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    Jan 02, 2009 11:31 PM GMT
    The steam room is nice if you can get an area to yourself and if the trolls would keep their distance. I realize that when you have sex in the open guys are going to want to watch. It is when they squeeze in between, grabbing your ass and going straight for the cock that it inevitably breaks up and they lose their show. Sure if the guy doing the grabbing is hot it can become a good threesome but they usually are not. Also if I have a hot guy I'd rather keep him for myself.

    Our semi-private place was one of the new cubes they've installed. Still I am not likely to fuck there and if I ever did I would do it in a room. It is not the environment for fucking. I want to fuck a guy I'm dating not a stranger. I don't even like to go down on guy at a bathhouse unless I'm in a room and then I have to really like them. I tend to prefer jo and kissing. I like receiving oral but even then I feel I'm taking a risk.

    I really like the pool and the outdoor area. On a good night the crowd can be a bit more open and friendly and I'll sit back a chat with a few guys. Last night's crowd was aggressively lecherous which is why the guy probably acted the way he did.
  • zakariahzol

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    Jan 03, 2009 12:24 AM GMT
    I was a top before. But then I was risking my life by doing it barebacking. When I become more aware of the danger of AIDS and HIV , I start to put on the condom before topping. Just like you, I find out I lost my sensitivity and just dont enjoy myself. Physicologically, I feel old, unable to perform, importence and frustrated. So I end up doing other things. Oral, rubbing between the legs, mutual masturbation, rimming , all those fun stuff. Non anal are as fun as anal. I am in no pressure to do things I dont enjoy or forcing myself to the point I and my partner become frustrated. Lately , I discover the joy of bottoming. Now, I no longer doing the hard work, so I guess I am switching role to be 100% bottom.

    BTW I am 44.
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    Jan 03, 2009 2:42 AM GMT
    Mentally I am far too much of a top to ever be a good bottom. I like to take a guy's legs over my shoulders hold both cocks in my hands and fuck that way. It is so damn hot when the guy comes. It works best with guys who have foreskin.

    The problem with age is also related to the fact that I am fuckable but not datable. A perfect example is what happened tonight. I have a profile with pictures on another site. A 34 year old latin guy who looks like Ricky Martin approached me. In his profile he say he is hung, uncut and has an athletic body. He has a graduate degree and is in the media/entertainment business.

    He wanted me to come over and fuck him but he made it very clear he doesn't want to date. I would rather see if there is any mental chemistry first. I suppose he is too young for me to date and if his stats are real I expect he would be a hot fuck. I feel like I could be missing out on a great sexual opportunity but I'm not comfortable with knocking on a stranger's door with the expectation of fucking him. I'd rather save fucking for a more intimate relationship than just a quicky.

    After several back and forth messages he stopped replying when I asked him if he knew a pub near him where we could meet for a drink.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jan 04, 2009 1:19 AM GMT
    Guy next door,

    Just letting you know, I get a hardon just reading your responds. BTW, I have done that trick but the condom become slippery and keep falling off. Maybe I need to look into a more fitted condom.
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    Jan 04, 2009 6:05 AM GMT
    Tony, you hot frickin' stud! I want your "ample" cock up my ass - and let's try out your drop-of-lube-in-the-condom on me sometime - and then, just to be sure it works like a charm every single time - let's have me try it on you! Just for good measure!
  • charrismd

    Posts: 112

    Jan 05, 2009 4:06 PM GMT
    One other option to get over the 'hump' of not topping....

    Why not hire a 'professional' and get used to topping him? That way, no pressure about doing it on the spur of the moment like at the Club. With a pro, you know who you're getting, when it's gonna happen, where it'll happen, etc. MUCH less performance anxiety that way.....

  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jan 06, 2009 11:20 AM GMT
    Charrismd,

    Now this is interesting. I assume when you say proffesional , you are refering to male hooker or hustler, right. I have to admit I have done this things before. Not for bottoming, but for topping. Just like you mention , it kinda a business deal. I pay him, he fuck me really good and I go home. In order to have my busniess again , he need to conform to my requirement and keep me sexually satisfied. He do what I told him like putting condom on, water based lubrication , take it slowly and plenty of foreplay. From begin to end is all fuck, suck, oral , no intimacy, nothing personnel and nothing to talk about. I have to admit it very relaxing, stressless and fun. I am under no pressure to keep anybody happy or fullfilling any obligation.

    The second times I use his services the same guy for some reason, start to have erection problem and unable to penetrated me. Since he dont deliver the good as he suppose to I ended up paying him , just half the amount of a full service. (he did take his cloth, do the oral and etc) I dont know, if this is morally wrong but sex with professional can be very satisfying. The customer is incharge .




    .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2009 5:35 PM GMT
    charrismd saidOne other option to get over the 'hump' of not topping....

    Why not hire a 'professional' and get used to topping him? That way, no pressure about doing it on the spur of the moment like at the Club. With a pro, you know who you're getting, when it's gonna happen, where it'll happen, etc. MUCH less performance anxiety that way.....



    I've never tried a hustler. I've always felt that I could find a free guy I like more easily than a hooker.

    I did once sign up for three messages at a straight gym I went to. They had one male and one female therapist. Guess which I chose. He kept rubbing his crotch no my hand when he gave me the message and would work my groin area until I got hard. On the second message when I was on my back he started working the groin area and hitting my hard dick so much that I just grabbed his crotch as I could feel he was hard. He removed the towel and gave me a bj. That is the closest I've come to paying for sex.

    I like the idea of hiring a sex therapist. Someone who knows all the ins and outs of the physical and mental blockages we get in bed. The problem is he'd have to be hot and good. I think it would be too difficult to find the right match.