May 03, 2014 8:32 AM GMT
I have a really close gay friend with whom I hang out at least several times a week. (No sexual tension, we're not each other's type at all, let's get that part out of the way lol; that's why we're such good friends) We used to be part of a larger circle of gay friends until I got tired of the village and the quality of people there, so recently, after it got to a breaking point in terms of divergent moral standards, we withdrew from the scene along with a few friends, while separating from some of our closest former friends. Our plan is to try making new friends from outside the scene gay or straight, in order to find the well-adjusted gays, and also to be better rounded.
I'm out to my family, all my friends, coworkers, etc, but I've rarely let my gay and straight worlds intersect other than during pride week, partly because I'm embarrassed by the gayness of some of my friends, and partly out of habit from back when I was closeted.
Tonight I went to dinner with the gay friend, before attending a house party with my law school friends and acquaintances. He asked why I didn't invite him "is it because I'm too gay??" I insisted that it's not him but rather simply my unreadiness to mix my gay and straight worlds, which falls flat in the face of the number of gays from my class attending the party. The truth is I find his appearance and voice extremely gay and unattractive, so I don't want to bring just one gay friend to a mostly-straight party, for fear of the embarrassment from people thinking that I am or was dating someone like that.
He pointed out that him being a lawyer too makes him a "lawyer friend" rather than a "gay friend" in this context. He was unconvinced by my repeated denaials, was visibly hurt that I didn't see him as "better" than the other village gays, and said that I murdered his sense of self worth. He said that since his efforts to man up has obviously failed in my eyes, he might as well rejoin our old friends and continue life as a village gay. He's 5 years older than me, so I dunno why he needs my approval, but he says it means a lot to him.
Anyway dinner ended abruptly because he wanted alone time in the wake of this devastating discovery, so I went to the party, by which point I realized that I was a fool for worrying so much about my image, and selfish for putting this image obsession over our shared desire to meet new people. It was a great crowd that I know he would have enjoyed.
Anyway I learned my lesson and hope to mend fences...
I'm out to my family, all my friends, coworkers, etc, but I've rarely let my gay and straight worlds intersect other than during pride week, partly because I'm embarrassed by the gayness of some of my friends, and partly out of habit from back when I was closeted.
Tonight I went to dinner with the gay friend, before attending a house party with my law school friends and acquaintances. He asked why I didn't invite him "is it because I'm too gay??" I insisted that it's not him but rather simply my unreadiness to mix my gay and straight worlds, which falls flat in the face of the number of gays from my class attending the party. The truth is I find his appearance and voice extremely gay and unattractive, so I don't want to bring just one gay friend to a mostly-straight party, for fear of the embarrassment from people thinking that I am or was dating someone like that.
He pointed out that him being a lawyer too makes him a "lawyer friend" rather than a "gay friend" in this context. He was unconvinced by my repeated denaials, was visibly hurt that I didn't see him as "better" than the other village gays, and said that I murdered his sense of self worth. He said that since his efforts to man up has obviously failed in my eyes, he might as well rejoin our old friends and continue life as a village gay. He's 5 years older than me, so I dunno why he needs my approval, but he says it means a lot to him.
Anyway dinner ended abruptly because he wanted alone time in the wake of this devastating discovery, so I went to the party, by which point I realized that I was a fool for worrying so much about my image, and selfish for putting this image obsession over our shared desire to meet new people. It was a great crowd that I know he would have enjoyed.
Anyway I learned my lesson and hope to mend fences...
