Uncomfortable being gay

  • adamvoisey

    Posts: 2

    May 03, 2014 10:14 AM GMT
    IMAGE HTTP ADDRESS GOES HEREI'm very confused 25 year old,I came out at 21 although now very much am confused by the whole concept of it, I've only ever had one relationship and it ended up messily, after this finished I've found myself not epecially attracted to men, although Ive never slept or been with a women, the whole concept of being gay is making me depressed. I'm very macho and am football mad and coach a straight men's team.the thing is I don't feel like I belong to any particular group of people, straight people don't won't to know to me, and the gay community I don't it into because I share no mutual interests, just very co fused icon_sad.gif
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    May 03, 2014 11:56 AM GMT
    just be who you are
    .
    there is no difference between gay and straight except that you like men.
    You are just you, why think so much about gay or not gay?


    Most people has the same feeling like you these years, I feel lost all the time.
    Now you know you're not alone and it's not a problem, don't you? ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2014 12:04 PM GMT
    My life got so much better when I gave up "fitting in.."

    The need to "Belong" is so over-rated and the reason we have cults.. icon_neutral.gif
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    May 03, 2014 1:37 PM GMT
    everyone's sexuality is different.
    a good time is now to figure who you are. For example; a gay man makes for a less than functional straight household and possibly bring down the lives of both wife and children.
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    May 03, 2014 2:15 PM GMT
    Just because you like men, it doesn't mean you need to be a part of a gay community, get into gay scene, etc. Maybe you just need to find the right man that you love and get along with. You were with only one person and he wasn't the right fit for you.
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    May 03, 2014 3:28 PM GMT
    There is some great advice in here. As hard and cliche as it may seem: just be yourself. Be true to yourself, and everything else will follow.

    Don't worry about "fitting in" in the "gay community." Find something you like to do, and do it!

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    May 03, 2014 3:31 PM GMT
    Bonis saidI think you should try to stick with people who accept you and with who you have mutual interests, pretty sure some straight men would like to be your friends.

    Gay community ... that will be harder


    lol, if you post the endless whining and endless personal attacks Bonis does, then yes, you'll have the same experience Bonis does.

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    May 03, 2014 3:33 PM GMT
    adamvoisey saidIMAGE HTTP ADDRESS GOES HEREI'm very confused 25 year old,I came out at 21 although now very much am confused by the whole concept of it, I've only ever had one relationship and it ended up messily, after this finished I've found myself not epecially attracted to men, although Ive never slept or been with a women, the whole concept of being gay is making me depressed. I'm very macho and am football mad and coach a straight men's team.the thing is I don't feel like I belong to any particular group of people, straight people don't won't to know to me, and the gay community I don't it into because I share no mutual interests, just very co fused icon_sad.gif


    Adam, you had a bad first relationship experience. Don't let the past control the future.

    Why do you think straight people don't want to know you?
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    May 03, 2014 4:21 PM GMT
    Being gay can be a difficult adjustment. When I came out I thought I would find everything easy but it was still difficult because you then have to allow yourself time to adjust. I'm still not totally comfortable with myself as it takes time so just carry on doing what you're doing until you feel more comfortable. Maybe you're finding it more difficult because of your previous relationship?
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    May 03, 2014 6:05 PM GMT
    Some of what the OP says rings true to me yet i am my self and i aint getting anywhere at all in any aspect of my life icon_neutral.gif

    There is so much great advice yet we all still struggle......
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    May 03, 2014 6:10 PM GMT
    I know how you feel mate, but just be yourself, and friends will gravitate towards you.

    Remember being gay is just a sexual preference. You as a person who has character and personalty makes up your identity.

    You can always sound your thoughts with me or any other peeps here if something troubles your mind.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 03, 2014 6:18 PM GMT
    It looks like you have a lot in common with the other posters on this thread.

    See, you're not alone.icon_idea.gif
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    May 03, 2014 6:26 PM GMT
    this gay bi theory is born out of the Kinsey scale and guess what its late 1940's stuff. Do you want to go there?

    your sexuality has your name on it an no one else.

    date yourself, date a drag queen. Have straight, lesbian and hag friends. Just put your self out there beyond your one big gay love affair you had.

    Your relationship(s) are just as relevant as what your parents had or have.
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    May 04, 2014 6:10 AM GMT
    You're a lot like me. Here's the thing...you don't HAVE to belong to ANY group. Just be you. It's refreshing when you meet someone who isn't part of any stereotype.
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    May 04, 2014 2:37 PM GMT
    --Sometimes you have to lead when there is no one around to fallow.

    I'm guessing you are not out to your team, because I strongly believe if you were you would not feel this way.
    Thinking, you're a head of the game having already loved and lost a man at 21.
    It's funny to me, because my sister still believes I'm gay because of the women I dated in high school...how they ruined my life.
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    May 04, 2014 2:51 PM GMT
    As to the title "Uncomfortable being gay" my personal main thing that makes me feel awkward is that if it is known who and what i am that makes for sometimes others feeling uncomfortable being with or near me and yeah i shouldn't care but..... ya know.....
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    May 04, 2014 2:56 PM GMT
    I'm not implying the OP has this but it's a good read:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego-dystonic_sexual_orientation
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    May 04, 2014 3:26 PM GMT
    Kuestion saidI'm not implying the OP has this but it's a good read:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego-dystonic_sexual_orientation


    Besides that I think the OP's a sock--one of innumerable finger puppets--that's an interesting category that I hadn't been aware of and curious that it describes as disordered (which any healthy person would know intuitively) someone who wants to change their orientation because there was a guy a while back who had some interesting things to say when he used to post here but who definitely suffered this. I didn't know there was a name for it.

    He specifically described how he tried to change into being a str8 person. And then even in working towards accepting himself as being gay he also described how he tried to talk himself into getting into sexual acts that didn't come naturally to him. Always fucking with his own psyche. So it makes sense that this is an actual category of people who do that.

    Also curious, it could be that besides victims of destructive parenting, these are likely the very victims of predatory, disgusting religion which seeks to attempt changing gay people to str8. Scum preying on the disordered.
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    May 04, 2014 3:47 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    Kuestion saidI'm not implying the OP has this but it's a good read:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ego-dystonic_sexual_orientation


    Besides that I think the OP's a sock--one of innumerable finger puppets--that's an interesting category that I hadn't been aware of and curious that it describes as disordered (which any healthy person would know intuitively) someone who wants to change their orientation because there was a guy a while back who had some interesting things to say when he used to post here but who definitely suffered this. I didn't know there was a name for it.

    He specifically described how he tried to change into being a str8 person. And then even in working towards accepting himself as being gay he also described how he tried to talk himself into getting into sexual acts that didn't come naturally to him. Always fucking with his own psyche. So it makes sense that this is an actual category of people who do that.

    Also curious, it could be that besides victims of destructive parenting, these are likely the very victims of predatory, disgusting religion which seeks to attempt changing gay people to str8. Scum preying on the disordered.


    Well, I don't really wanna bore you with this so I'll keep it short:

    This disorder isn't in the DSM as far as I know (Idk I'm too lazy to check) but it is considered a disorder because it causes significant distress and impairment in areas of daily living, blah, blah blah.

    And yes, early attachments to parents play an integral role in the development of the kinds of personality we develop, self esteem, locus of control, blah, blah blah...

    I agree with you on the religiously-inflicted trauma as a means of the disorder too.

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    May 04, 2014 4:55 PM GMT
    Kuestion said...This disorder isn't in the DSM as far as I know (Idk I'm too lazy to check) but it is considered a disorder because it causes significant distress and impairment in areas of daily living...


    The wiki entry qualifies that here:

    The diagnostic category of "ego-dystonic homosexuality" was removed from the American Psychiatric Association's DSM in 1987 (with the publication of the DSM-III-R). Sexual disorders are still present in the DSM under the category of "sexual disorder not otherwise specified". One of the disorders under this category is "persistent and marked distress about one’s sexual orientation”, which can be considered similar to what WHO describes as ego-dystonic sexual orientation.[2]

    The Medical Council of India uses the WHO classification of ego-dystonic sexual orientation.[3] The Chinese Classification and Diagnostic Criteria of Mental Disorders includes ego-dystonic homosexuality.[4] The American Psychological Association has officially opposed the category of ego-dystonic homosexuality since 1987.[5]

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    May 04, 2014 5:47 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    Kuestion said...This disorder isn't in the DSM as far as I know (Idk I'm too lazy to check) but it is considered a disorder because it causes significant distress and impairment in areas of daily living...


    The wiki entry qualifies that here:

    The diagnostic category of "ego-dystonic homosexuality" was removed from the American Psychiatric Association's DSM in 1987 (with the publication of the DSM-III-R). Sexual disorders are still present in the DSM under the category of "sexual disorder not otherwise specified". One of the disorders under this category is "persistent and marked distress about one’s sexual orientation”, which can be considered similar to what WHO describes as ego-dystonic sexual orientation.[2]

    The Medical Council of India uses the WHO classification of ego-dystonic sexual orientation.[3] The Chinese Classification and Diagnostic Criteria of Mental Disorders includes ego-dystonic homosexuality.[4] The American Psychological Association has officially opposed the category of ego-dystonic homosexuality since 1987.[5]



    Ah, thanks icon_wink.gif
  • adamvoisey

    Posts: 2

    May 04, 2014 10:47 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies, that Wikipedia classification though im not sure if its confused me more :
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2929

    May 04, 2014 10:51 PM GMT
    it can be difficult, because it's all new and you feel as if everyone is staring at you, so to speak - like the first day in a new school.

    But be true, be you, be courteous and honest, and it will all work out. Even a good relationship (remember, straight guys have the same relationship issues).

    Good luck!
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    May 05, 2014 1:51 AM GMT
    Karl saidjust be who you are
    .
    there is no difference between gay and straight except that you like men.
    You are just you, why think so much about gay or not gay?


    Most people has the same feeling like you these years, I feel lost all the time.
    Now you know you're not alone and it's not a problem, don't you? ;)

    I think this was your best post ever.

    OP, one of the most confusing things about being a gay newbie is that you have the same stereotypes stuck in your head that some straight people have. You think you have to be gay a certain way. I hope this thread makes you realize you don't.
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    May 05, 2014 10:34 AM GMT
    The most comfortable thing you can do is be yourself!!!Don't worry about fitting in!!! Don't let one relationship determine who you are or why you may not fit in. The right guy will come along and all of these thoughts will pass.