Being gay sucks sometimes

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 12:12 AM GMT
    Does anyone here ever feel like less of a man because they let another man mistreat them?

    I think this is because the media has always shown men to mistreat women so when it happens to a gay guy its kinda different to stuff that gets seen and heard on tv/movies.
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    May 04, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    owl_bundy saidused to but then again, i was always an outcast or seen as a weirdo so it's not like it would really matter at the end of the day.
    This.
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    May 04, 2014 12:15 AM GMT
    if you continuously let a man mistreat you- gay, straight, bi whatever then I honestly have no sympathy for you.
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    May 04, 2014 12:19 AM GMT
    Nope. Him being an a-hole has nothing to do with my sense of 'male-ness'.
  • Twistsstick

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    May 04, 2014 12:26 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidDoes anyone here ever feel like less of a man because they let another man mistreat them?

    I think this is because the media has always shown men to mistreat women so when it happens to a gay guy its kinda different to stuff that gets seen and heard on tv/movies.


    I think the key word in this question is -let-
    If you are *allowing* someone to mistreat you, whether it's male, female, your neighbor's dog, then maybe you need to take a closer look at that and put a stop to it.

    If that is just bad phrasing and some dude is just being a dickhead (not you -allowing- said asshole to be a dickhead), then that has nothing to do with your masculinity, he's just a dickhead.

    That said, just because you're not big and intimidating doesn't mean you can't fight back, man. You just might take someone by surprise someday.
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    May 04, 2014 12:26 AM GMT
    Varus saidif you continuously let a man mistreat you- gay, straight, bi whatever then I honestly have no sympathy for you.

    I haven't continually allowed anything I was just thinking about old stuff and was asking who could relate to it. I don't think anyone wants your sympathy icon_cool.gif
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    May 04, 2014 1:23 AM GMT
    Sometimes, when bad shit happens to us, as humans we internalize it. We make it our fault, even when it's not.

    I was attacked by an ex... and internalized it.
    I had a home invasion spurred on by said ex... and internalized it.

    And, yeah. Being victimized by someone can definitely make you feel like less of a man. It doesn't matter your size or how self confident you are, it doesn't matter if you're the worlds most well rounded man or someone socially awkward.

    Some situations and experiences just... make you feel less.

    It doesn't mean that you -are- less. Usually it means that at that moment, something happened that made you feel powerless or weaker than whoever hurt you. But it happens.

    The key is to have the strength to not let victimization become a habit. To pick yourself up and say "never again" and mean it, and take another path next time around. So that you don't run into the same bullshit as the last.
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    May 04, 2014 7:56 AM GMT
    TwisttheLeaf saidSometimes, when bad shit happens to us, as humans we internalize it. We make it our fault, even when it's not.

    I was attacked by an ex... and internalized it.
    I had a home invasion spurred on by said ex... and internalized it.

    And, yeah. Being victimized by someone can definitely make you feel like less of a man. It doesn't matter your size or how self confident you are, it doesn't matter if you're the worlds most well rounded man or someone socially awkward.

    Some situations and experiences just... make you feel less.

    It doesn't mean that you -are- less. Usually it means that at that moment, something happened that made you feel powerless or weaker than whoever hurt you. But it happens.

    The key is to have the strength to not let victimization become a habit. To pick yourself up and say "never again" and mean it, and take another path next time around. So that you don't run into the same bullshit as the last.


    Wow that really sucks!

    I think I internalise stuff if I've understood what it means. I'm happy in the day time but on nights when I can't sleep I think about my past too much and question why I didn't challenge things or if I maybe deserved it.

    I commonly feel like because I used to be such a slut maybe I deserved to be treated badly. I was seeing a married man for about a year and accepted money and alcohol off him so do I have the right to complain about verbal or physical stuff?

    I think it's something a lot of people with a dodgy past may relate to so thought it was a thread worth sharing.
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    May 04, 2014 8:47 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 said
    Varus saidif you continuously let a man mistreat you- gay, straight, bi whatever then I honestly have no sympathy for you.

    I haven't continually allowed anything I was just thinking about old stuff and was asking who could relate to it. I don't think anyone wants your sympathy icon_cool.gif


    well that's good. I wasn't going to give you any anyways. icon_wink.gif
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    May 04, 2014 9:17 AM GMT
    Danny pay no attention ...
    It's normal to make mistakes at your age and from reading your posts you have been too hard on yourself and your past.
    You have let guys be abusive to you because you probably felt so low ..
    I have let guys do that to me in the past as well.
    Our self esteem-especially when it comes to young gay men can be low for many reasons...family ,schooling social environment.
    And most gay men are more sensitive than your everyday hetero.
    So life is extra hard for a young gay man but i think these forums have helped you in one way or another..
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    May 04, 2014 10:23 AM GMT
    Varus said
    Danny_boy93 said
    Varus saidif you continuously let a man mistreat you- gay, straight, bi whatever then I honestly have no sympathy for you.

    I haven't continually allowed anything I was just thinking about old stuff and was asking who could relate to it. I don't think anyone wants your sympathy icon_cool.gif


    well that's good. I wasn't going to give you any anyways. icon_wink.gif

    Sorry if that came.across stand offish. I wasn't implying that you were giving anyone sympathy I was just saying I or noone else was asking for it.
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    May 04, 2014 10:26 AM GMT
    venue35 saidDanny pay no attention ...
    It's normal to make mistakes at your age and from reading your posts you have been too hard on yourself and your past.
    You have let guys be abusive to you because you probably felt so low ..
    I have let guys do that to me in the past as well.
    Our self esteem-especially when it comes to young gay men can be low for many reasons...family ,schooling social environment.
    And most gay men are more sensitive than your everyday hetero.
    So life is extra hard for a young gay man but i think these forums have helped you in one way or another..

    Cheers. I worry I may be too sensitive at times but good to know I'm not the only one that beats myself up about stuff. Its usually when I'm tired anyways and almost every day I'm a happy person!
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    May 04, 2014 1:14 PM GMT
    Danny_boy93 said
    Varus said
    Danny_boy93 said
    Varus saidif you continuously let a man mistreat you- gay, straight, bi whatever then I honestly have no sympathy for you.

    I haven't continually allowed anything I was just thinking about old stuff and was asking who could relate to it. I don't think anyone wants your sympathy icon_cool.gif


    well that's good. I wasn't going to give you any anyways. icon_wink.gif

    Sorry if that came.across stand offish. I wasn't implying that you were giving anyone sympathy I was just saying I or noone else was asking for it.


    Because that sounds so much better? icon_rolleyes.gif
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    May 04, 2014 1:23 PM GMT
    No it doesn't but Danny wasn't the one being rude in the first place.
    Varus was in stuck up britney mode againicon_confused.gif
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    May 04, 2014 1:33 PM GMT
    Haha
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    May 04, 2014 2:41 PM GMT
    Ajjax said
    owl_bundy saidused to but then again, i was always an outcast or seen as a weirdo so it's not like it would really matter at the end of the day.
    This.
    +1
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    May 04, 2014 2:48 PM GMT
    Varus said
    Danny_boy93 said
    Varus saidif you continuously let a man mistreat you- gay, straight, bi whatever then I honestly have no sympathy for you.

    I haven't continually allowed anything I was just thinking about old stuff and was asking who could relate to it. I don't think anyone wants your sympathy icon_cool.gif


    well that's good. I wasn't going to give you any anyways. icon_wink.gif


    ^ icon_lol.gif
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14348

    May 04, 2014 2:50 PM GMT
    Varus said
    Danny_boy93 said
    Varus saidif you continuously let a man mistreat you- gay, straight, bi whatever then I honestly have no sympathy for you.

    I haven't continually allowed anything I was just thinking about old stuff and was asking who could relate to it. I don't think anyone wants your sympathy icon_cool.gif


    well that's good. I wasn't going to give you any anyways. icon_wink.gif
    That is a typical Texan response, go figure.
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    May 04, 2014 2:59 PM GMT
    judgingyou said
    venue35 saidVarus was in stuck up britney mode againicon_confused.gif
    Well we all know how much sympathy we're going to give him the next time he gets called fem!

    (none)

    9qvjur.jpg


    I honestly don't care anymore, I thought about it and, I mean, I'm getting dick so what does that matter anyways? Right?

    As for Danny a perfect example is, there are many men here that mistreat other men *stares at Andrew* where was I going with this again? oh yea, they may mistreat you but you either crumble under the pressure or learn to grow thicker skin. As what you said about men mistreating women, I think the women are half to blame, and there is no exception even if the role was switched with a man mistreating another man.

    I feel if someone mistreats you, you have two choices, play the victim, or be stronger then that and move on with your life, because life is way to short to be worrying about what someone else said about you, plus it's not worth stressing over.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14348

    May 04, 2014 3:04 PM GMT
    Varus said
    judgingyou said
    venue35 saidVarus was in stuck up britney mode againicon_confused.gif
    Well we all know how much sympathy we're going to give him the next time he gets called fem!

    (none)

    9qvjur.jpg


    I honestly don't care anymore, I thought about it and, I mean, I'm getting dick so what does that matter anyways? Right?

    As for Danny a perfect example is, there are many men here that mistreat other men *stares at Andrew* where was I going with this again? oh yea, they may mistreat you but you either crumble under the pressure or learn to grow thicker skin. As what you said about men mistreating women, I think the women are half to blame, and there is no exception even if the role was switched with a man mistreating another man.

    I feel if someone mistreats you, you have two choices, play the victim, or be stronger then that and move on with your life, because life is way to short to be worrying about what someone else said about you, plus it's not worth stressing over.
    Varus is being his typical native Texan self, which means very arrogant.