My little nephew is sorta feminine

  • Nearon

    Posts: 56

    May 04, 2014 12:27 AM GMT
    It's funny how people claim to be so accepting of gays, but when it comes to their own kids, it's completely different. My older sister's son is somewhat effeminate, but he can'r help it....he's just being himself. And my sister's boyfriend (his dad) gives him such a hard time. He's always saying "don't walk like a girl!" and shaming him in public when he does something "girly."

    not saying he will turn out gay, but he's just a kid. That kinda abuse is damaging...and my sister is the same with him, but she's always saying how she wants me to take her to gay pride. Yeah, um, I don't march parades but I see you think being gay is so hip but as long as it's not your own son
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    May 04, 2014 12:29 AM GMT
    People are hypocrites sometimes
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 04, 2014 1:19 AM GMT
    Danny_boy93 saidPeople are hypocrites sometimes
    And parents aren't always very good at being parents.

    OP, why do you start threads and then never participate in them? Maybe you have but I haven't seen it.
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    May 04, 2014 1:30 AM GMT
    Have you considered trying to talk to your sister about it? Possibly she doesn't realize that she's doing it? (Trying to give the benefit of the doubt here, yeah?)

    If you can get her on board with trying to be more accepting with her son, maybe she'll start seeing it in her boyfriend and work at getting him on board as well.
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    May 04, 2014 3:02 AM GMT
    how ignorant is your sister for letting this happen?
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 04, 2014 3:51 AM GMT
    I mean ur sister and her baby daddy prob would perfer their son be straight.


    Let's not sugarcoat here. It's easier to function as a straight in society and thats what they want for their child. . .

    is it right? no.
    is it a reality? yes.
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    May 04, 2014 4:48 AM GMT
    MikeW said
    Danny_boy93 saidPeople are hypocrites sometimes
    And parents aren't always very good at being parents.

    OP, why do you start threads and then never participate in them? Maybe you have but I haven't seen it.

    Some guys use the forums as a diary or confessional. Maybe they haven't heard of Twitter or something. icon_lol.gif
  • Nearon

    Posts: 56

    May 04, 2014 5:04 AM GMT
    MikeW said
    Danny_boy93 saidPeople are hypocrites sometimes
    And parents aren't always very good at being parents.

    OP, why do you start threads and then never participate in them? Maybe you have but I haven't seen it.


    I do repl when I get a chance
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    May 04, 2014 6:00 AM GMT
    Import saidI mean ur sister and her baby daddy prob would perfer their son be straight.


    Let's not sugarcoat here. It's easier to function as a straight in society and thats what they want for their child. . .

    is it right? no.
    is it a reality? yes.


    +1

    I have a fear my sister's son is gay. He's very sensitive and effeminate too. And I say "fear" because the society they live in is very homophobic so I'm worried about the kid. Hopefully, he's just sensitive and that's it. For his own sake. Otherwise, I'm kidnapping him and raising him on my own.
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    May 04, 2014 11:38 AM GMT
    Import saidI mean ur sister and her baby daddy prob would perfer their son be straight.


    Let's not sugarcoat here. It's easier to function as a straight in society and thats what they want for their child. . .

    is it right? no.
    is it a reality? yes.


    Thats true. If I had a kid it would be easier for that child growing up if he is straight but telling a child not to walk in a certain way won't make them straight or gay.

    I agree though that if I had a boy in particular it would be easier for him to be straight because it would be easier for him in school and he wouldn't have to be secretive at all about his crushes so much and it would be easier to have children if he was straight but it can't be changed.

    What the OPs sister and her fella is doing could do untold emotional damage to the child. It's kind of like child abuse really.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    May 04, 2014 12:16 PM GMT
    how feminine ?

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    May 04, 2014 1:41 PM GMT
    its really damaging for the child
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    May 04, 2014 1:47 PM GMT
    secondstartotheright saidhow feminine ?



    ^ I never watched Curb Your Enthusiasm but that was very funny. Thanks for the laugh!

    icon_lol.gif

    Nearon saidIt's funny how people claim to be so accepting of gays, but when it comes to their own kids, it's completely different. My older sister's son is somewhat effeminate, but he can'r help it....he's just being himself. And my sister's boyfriend (his dad) gives him such a hard time. He's always saying "don't walk like a girl!" and shaming him in public when he does something "girly."

    not saying he will turn out gay, but he's just a kid. That kinda abuse is damaging...and my sister is the same with him, but she's always saying how she wants me to take her to gay pride. Yeah, um, I don't march parades but I see you think being gay is so hip but as long as it's not your own son


    OP what they are doing is out of heteronormativity and their upbringing. I think it would be helpful for you to try to bring it to their attention that what they are doing can have very damaging effects and helps create internalized homophobia. Try to give an example like:

    If your Mother/Father/Sister/ Brother/ etc had diabetes would you constantly tell them to "Stop being diabetic"

    They most likely will respond "That is different" or "Diabetes and sexual orientation are not the same thing" but it gives you a chance to open the floor and discuss how they should teach acceptance just like they would for a disability, race, a chronic illness, etc.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 04, 2014 1:51 PM GMT
    Poor kid probably just wants to wear mom's heels.

    It's funny to see guys on RJ swoop in and be all sensitive. Usually guys here don't want anything to do with fem guys and/or take pride in passing as straight.

    I've often wondered if quite a few (not all) straight-acting guys started out as fems whose parents forced them to man up. It's often the ones who don't come out until they are adults that are the most straight-acting.

    Idk, maybe we should practice what we preach.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 04, 2014 1:59 PM GMT
    HottJoe said...I've often wondered if quite a few (not all) straight-acting guys started out as fems whose parents forced them to man up. It's often the ones who don't come out until they are adults that are the most straight-acting.

    Not too sure
    --think more of us were just born "straight acting".
    We came out later in life, because we had no masculine gay men to identify with??
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    May 04, 2014 1:59 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidPoor kid probably just wants to wear mom's heels.

    It's funny to see guys on RJ swoop in and be all sensitive. Usually guys here don't want anything to do with fem guys and/or take pride in passing as straight.

    I've often wondered if quite a few (not all) straight-acting guys started out as fems whose parents forced them to man up. It's often the ones who don't come out until they are adults that are the most straight-acting.

    Idk, maybe we should practice what we preach.icon_rolleyes.gif


    1+

    I agree with you. I am not really effeminate and I think it had to do with that same parents forcing you to man up crap.

    I can't stand it when I see gay men who wanted someone to treat them as an individual berate fem guys. Hypocrite much?
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    May 04, 2014 2:11 PM GMT
    The "Gay Kid On Curb Your Enthusiasm" was pretty funny. I <3 Larry David!
  • Kalifornicati...

    Posts: 242

    May 04, 2014 2:56 PM GMT
    Interesting, my father I believe knew I was gay at a very young age. I liked certain things that weren't very masculine. I was a quiet kid up until high school. He didn't even like my penmanship, it was "too neat" I had a stuffed
    E.T. Doll just like my brother. We both loved the movie, but he hated that I really liked it and would bring it everywhere.

    I've always know my father never accepted or liked me for who I am, not just my sexuality but because I was just more sensitive then my bro.

    I consider my self to be fairly masculine guy with a few fem traits. I too really love style in clothing, art, home decor. I also love to build and repair things around my house. I just finished repairing a quarter of my front deck. I don't mind getting dirty and working hard as I also like a fun day shopping and drinking champs, or going on a long run or hitting the gym hard.

    I guess I'm just saying, embrace what the heavens above gave us, that's what makes you, you!

    FYI, it did hurt that my father treated me different and never really appreciated me. I worked through it with some help, books, etc. our relationship has always been distant and I accept that because I know it has nothing to do with me, but his own dislike.

    I do have to say, things really came into perspective when my son was born and my father never congratulated me or held my son. I guess deep down I knew this would happen, but just thought maybe, he might have 1% of love and happiness for me.

    I never needed his approval, I always did and followed my dream and wishes. I now haven't tried to contact him anymore. I don't want my son to interact with such a human being that can't accept him or me. I am finished but not disappointed or hurt, just finished.

    I am very happy to follow my wishes and dreams, I just celebrated our 8th anniversary with my family. I did it my way. I have a husband, son, a dog, beautiful and loving home with a handful of amazing friends straight and gay, I get to travel a lot, a great career. I feel blessed.
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    May 04, 2014 3:04 PM GMT
    I'm not a parent, but I have a couple of them. One thing that time teaches and wisdom reveals is that the biggest drawback about parents is that they're recruited from the human race, rendering them as imperfect as the rest of us.

    That being said, bullying a kid, ridiculing a kid and harassing a kid is not the way to "make them straight" or "make a man" out of them. I know intimately of what I speak... My own parents and one brother ganged up on me for the better part of 5 years before I moved out and went to college.

    Though I'm not feminine, I have never been attracted to women, was more "NPR" than "ESPN" and preferred my books and music to watching hours of sports on TV. This was apparently enough to earn the scorn of my family.

    No, his being feminine does not mean he'll turn out gay. I went to high school with a couple of boys who weren't exactly masculine and they both are happily married with kids. But the emotional pain that they're putting him through is patently unfair and IS a form of absolute bullying.

    Maybe you could educate your sister: Part of Gay Pride is saying "I will not be ashamed of who I am". By permitting this bullying she is, in a way, saying she is ashamed of her son because he acts like some of the gay community. She wants to party with the gays but not accept them. You just can't have it both ways.
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    May 04, 2014 3:13 PM GMT
    Agent_86 saidInteresting, my father I believe knew I was gay at a very young age. I liked certain things that weren't very masculine. I was a quiet kid up until high school. He didn't even like my penmanship, it was "too neat" I had a stuffed
    E.T. Doll just like my brother. We both loved the movie, but he hated that I really liked it and would bring it everywhere.

    I've always know my father never accepted or liked me for who I am, not just my sexuality but because I was just more sensitive then my bro.

    I consider my self to be fairly masculine guy with a few fem traits. I too really love style in clothing, art, home decor. I also love to build and repair things around my house. I just finished repairing a quarter of my front deck. I don't mind getting dirty and working hard as I also like a fun day shopping and drinking champs, or going on a long run or hitting the gym hard.

    I guess I'm just saying, embrace what the heavens above gave us, that's what makes you, you!

    FYI, it did hurt that my father treated me different and never really appreciated me. I worked through it with some help, books, etc. our relationship has always been distant and I accept that because I know it has nothing to do with me, but his own dislike.

    I do have to say, things really came into perspective when my son was born and my father never congratulated me or held my son. I guess deep down I knew this would happen, but just thought maybe, he might have 1% of love and happiness for me.

    I never needed his approval, I always did and followed my dream and wishes. I now haven't tried to contact him anymore. I don't want my son to interact with such a human being that can't accept him or me. I am finished but not disappointed or hurt, just finished.

    I am very happy to follow my wishes and dreams, I just celebrated our 8th anniversary with my family. I did it my way. I have a husband, son, a dog, beautiful and loving home with a handful of amazing friends straight and gay, I get to travel a lot, a great career. I feel blessed.


    "interesting" and amazing; thanks for posting.
    --never needed but 1% approval myself, yet pretty freaking blessed as well.
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    May 04, 2014 3:16 PM GMT
    Nearon said
    My older sister's son is somewhat effeminate, but he can't help it...

    What age?
  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    May 04, 2014 3:26 PM GMT
    You should talk to your sister to be more accepting to her son. He's just a kid maybe he will change later on. I have a cousin who used to be effeminate but when he went to high school he changed. He is now a doctor, married with two beautiful kids.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 04, 2014 3:52 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said
    HottJoe said...I've often wondered if quite a few (not all) straight-acting guys started out as fems whose parents forced them to man up. It's often the ones who don't come out until they are adults that are the most straight-acting.

    Not too sure
    --think more of us were just born "straight acting".
    We came out later in life, because we had no masculine gay men to identify with??

    Hadn't thought of this. Good point. Certainly was true in my case.

    To the OP, I'd make a mild attempt to talk to both your sister and the boy's dad but don't expect much, though I hope they see the light. What you can do is be a damn great Uncle. Speak up when you hear them say something that could be hurtful. Don't criticize their raising of their son in front of the kid, but object openly to their objectionable comments. Be an advocate openly in front of the kid for equality and respect. Be that role model that will help him straight or gay.
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    May 04, 2014 3:57 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    I've often wondered if quite a few (not all) straight-acting guys started out as fems whose parents forced them to man up. It's often the ones who don't come out until they are adults that are the most straight-acting.
    icon_rolleyes.gif


    It was in my case. I can't believe how many times I was told not to talk a certain way, check my nails a certain way (lol), sit a certain way, etc. The list goes on and on...
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    May 04, 2014 5:06 PM GMT
    to the OP
    keep your mouth shut.

    I am not reading everything in this thread but if the child's family is not affirming you can be there for the child. Not 100% but just enough? Look at it this way, maybe a reason your gay; it forced you to think certain things in your life through.

    If you want.
    hope this helps