Am I being paranoid or safe?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 6:33 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I posted a thread on Reddit not too long ago today about going to a gay bar alone. I usually go with friends, so this was a big step out of my comfort zone, especially since I'm pretty shy around people.

    Anyway, I just got back and I need opinions about this situation.

    I was expecting my first time to be more tame, so I may have gotten more attention than I was expecting... here's the story. I was sitting on the side when this random dude just came up and started kissing me. It definitely caught me by surprise and I didn't know how to react. I've never mingled with guys before, much less share a kiss.

    AND he was being very forward, more than I was comfortable with. He kept on kissing me and actually reached into my pants. He finally invited me to his place. I said no because I wasn't comfortable with the situation and his aggressiveness. I mean, I didn't even know the guy's name so I'm not about to walk into some random stranger's house.

    BUT it has me thinking that I probably just missed a chance to get down with a guy. I'm 23 years old and still a virgin, so it's a little disappointing that I missed a chance. And he was an average looking dude, probably early 30s or something.

    But what do you guys think? Was I just being paranoid or did I err on the safe side?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 6:36 AM GMT
    Who kisses total strangers and reaches into their pants?
    I've spent an entire LIFE in and out of gay bars and I've never had anyone do that. And if they did they'd lose a fucking hand.

    This is not normal behavior. The guy was a creep. You did fine. At least you didn't belt him; I might have.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 6:42 AM GMT
    Ok, glad to hear that my instincts were correct to get the hell out of there.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 04, 2014 6:43 AM GMT
    Most guys at the bars are regulars. Some are complete skanky sluts. They recognize new meat when they come in,and they attack, mostly in desperation because most of the other regulars won't give them the time of day because they are such skanks. You have to totally be blunt with them and tell them to back off you don't do hookups.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 6:48 AM GMT
    Well I'm not proud to admit that I gave my first kiss to a creep.

    Sigh...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 6:51 AM GMT
    No. Just no. Your first time shouldn't be with some random horny drunk at a bar.

    Now, I must search reddit to find your story/username. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 6:53 AM GMT
    xrichx saidNo. Just no. Your first time shouldn't be with some random horny drunk at a bar.

    Now, I must search reddit to find your story/username. icon_lol.gif


    Here's the link if you guys are interested.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/24mp63/going_to_gay_bars_alone/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 6:55 AM GMT
    There's a /r/askgaybros sub? TIL.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 6:57 AM GMT
    xrichx saidThere's a /r/askgaybros sub? TIL.

    Yup icon_smile.gif
  • Rene_Aensland

    Posts: 2495

    May 04, 2014 10:59 AM GMT
    Klusps saidHey guys,

    I posted a thread on Reddit not too long ago today about going to a gay bar alone. I usually go with friends, so this was a big step out of my comfort zone, especially since I'm pretty shy around people.

    Anyway, I just got back and I need opinions about this situation.

    I was expecting my first time to be more tame, so I may have gotten more attention than I was expecting... here's the story. I was sitting on the side when this random dude just came up and started kissing me. It definitely caught me by surprise and I didn't know how to react. I've never mingled with guys before, much less share a kiss.

    AND he was being very forward, more than I was comfortable with. He kept on kissing me and actually reached into my pants. He finally invited me to his place. I said no because I wasn't comfortable with the situation and his aggressiveness. I mean, I didn't even know the guy's name so I'm not about to walk into some random stranger's house.

    BUT it has me thinking that I probably just missed a chance to get down with a guy. I'm 23 years old and still a virgin, so it's a little disappointing that I missed a chance. And he was an average looking dude, probably early 30s or something.

    But what do you guys think? Was I just being paranoid or did I err on the safe side?


    Paranoid.
    But...he was a bit aggressive. =]

    I remember when I got my first blow...
    I was freaking out 'cause I didn't know the guy's name either, then my friends calmed me down and just laid it down for me...

    It's JUST sex.
    It's not a proposal, or an operation.
    It's literally, JUST sex. =]

    Have funn!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 11:01 AM GMT
    His behaviour was inappropriate (and probably criminal). He was probably a fundamentalist Christian or repressed gay conservative acting out his own idea of standard gay bar etiquette.
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    May 04, 2014 11:38 AM GMT
    ElectroShark saidWho kisses total strangers and reaches into their pants?
    I've spent an entire LIFE in and out of gay bars and I've never had anyone do that. And if they did they'd lose a fucking hand.

    This is not normal behavior. The guy was a creep. You did fine. At least you didn't belt him; I might have.


    I think the OP is pulling a fast one on us.

    This type of thing happens in a bath house, not a gay bar. And if it did happen - which it didn't - but if it did, the OP expects us to believe that he's too weak to decline his advances in such a public setting (kissing, hands down pants, God only knows what else), but of strong enough character to say no to the guy's offer for sex?

    I'm not buying it.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 04, 2014 12:24 PM GMT
    credo said
    ElectroShark saidWho kisses total strangers and reaches into their pants?
    I've spent an entire LIFE in and out of gay bars and I've never had anyone do that. And if they did they'd lose a fucking hand.

    This is not normal behavior. The guy was a creep. You did fine. At least you didn't belt him; I might have.


    I think the OP is pulling a fast one on us.

    This type of thing happens in a bath house, not a gay bar. And if it did happen - which it didn't - but if it did, the OP expects us to believe that he's too weak to decline his advances in such a public setting (kissing, hands down pants, God only knows what else), but of strong enough character to say no to the guy's offer for sex?

    I'm not buying it.



    Whether fiction or not, kind of an interesting scenario. He'd have not been in my pants or all over me, without knowing who he was.... and I would have seized control of what was up long before he ever asked me back to his place (and may not have..lol). But having said that, he is 23 and at that age I might not have been as bold as I am now.
    I think that fun is fun, but going home with someone who's name you don't know isn't very smart.

    So whether the story is fact or fiction, I think the overriding theme is, be safe not sorry. If you go home with someone, make sure you know whats up with it and don't put yourself at risk.
  • RunnerMD

    Posts: 157

    May 04, 2014 12:44 PM GMT
    I would have done the exact same thing. There are enough sketchy stories for me that I don't need to have yet something else to worry about. You will have plenty of opportunities, so don't look at it as missing one but avoiding a potentially disastrous bad one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 1:05 PM GMT
    safe
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    May 04, 2014 1:27 PM GMT
    I'd say you did exactly the right thing. First off, any guy who would just walk up and begin kissing and groping someone that he doesn't even know has absolutely no respect for himself or any other human beings for that matter.

    I've worked in gay bars in Chicago and typically, the only time we ever had to deal with a scenario like this was when the offender was either high or really drunk and not a regular.

    If this was unwanted and inappropriate to you then you handled it the right way. Good for you and standing up for yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 1:31 PM GMT
    credo said
    ElectroShark saidWho kisses total strangers and reaches into their pants?
    I've spent an entire LIFE in and out of gay bars and I've never had anyone do that. And if they did they'd lose a fucking hand.

    This is not normal behavior. The guy was a creep. You did fine. At least you didn't belt him; I might have.


    I think the OP is pulling a fast one on us.

    This type of thing happens in a bath house, not a gay bar. And if it did happen - which it didn't - but if it did, the OP expects us to believe that he's too weak to decline his advances in such a public setting (kissing, hands down pants, God only knows what else), but of strong enough character to say no to the guy's offer for sex?

    I'm not buying it.


    Well whether or not you believe it, I know it DID happen to me so that's all that matters.

    It wasn't like the guy was ugly or anything, so I did accept the advances at first. And being a virgin, it was exciting to think I had a chance of getting laid tonight so I hate to admit I was feeling a little desperate.

    But when he invited me to his place without getting to know me better, that's when I started to notice red flags.

    Looking back at it with the perspective of this thread, I didn't know any better. But NOW I do.

    Here's hoping the next one goes better...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 1:36 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidMost guys at the bars are regulars. Some are complete skanky sluts. They recognize new meat when they come in,and they attack, mostly in desperation because most of the other regulars won't give them the time of day because they are such skanks. You have to totally be blunt with them and tell them to back off you don't do hookups.


    This has been my experience
    it does happen
    funny how acceptable it is when the guy is a hot twink who's into chest hair.

    I hope the OP isn't competently turned off and takes it as a learning experience--find a different bar/club he's more comfortable in and if anything got an ego boost from the experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 1:36 PM GMT
    that guy was Rude! You can do better!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 2:07 PM GMT
    Most definitely think you were being safe. To me that is so out of touch with reality and not a good sign. Also I hate to say it but if he is that forward with guys who knows how many he has slept with, got to be careful of those STIs (not saying that all guys who sleep around have STIs, but there is a higher prevalence rate that they do).

    I would have been like:

    161dd7751d521ab883ebd11dd94ac2472d97f4f1

    For your first time I think you probably should at least:
    Know the name of the guy you intend to give your virginity to and sleep with someone you feel comfortable with (even if it is a hookup).
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14351

    May 04, 2014 2:20 PM GMT
    In crowded, public situations like gay bars or any bar in general, you have to expect certain types of behavior from fellow patrons. Unfortunately in close, crowded conditions things just happen and there isn't very much you can do about it except to avoid such crowded areas. As for creepy people, there are commonplace in any nightlife venue. Try to avoid them as much as possible. Also keep in mind that as people get more alcohol in their system that will embolden them to do the unthinkable and unacceptable. I don't have any problem with strange guys rubbing against my ass but if they grab my ass from behind and I don't know them than I am going to get very belligerent and tell them to get lost. Also in situations like this always avoid using the profane, four letter F word because that just seems to throw fuel on an already simmering fire and could lead to a violent fight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 2:23 PM GMT
    I had so many guys trying to kiss me and reach into my pants, seriously, I had constant attention non stop until I just stopped going to those kind of places

    But those kind of experiences you just get more knowledge and handle the situations differently...
  • shutoman

    Posts: 505

    May 04, 2014 2:23 PM GMT
    Ex-Mil8His behaviour was inappropriate (and probably criminal). He was probably a fundamentalist Christian or repressed gay conservative acting out his own idea of standard gay bar etiquette.


    Very possibly - and/or he was drunk and had dropped an e.
  • cityguy39

    Posts: 967

    May 04, 2014 2:35 PM GMT
    You don't have to post your every move on social media either, you never know who may be cyber stalking you. Just sayin!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 04, 2014 2:38 PM GMT
    shutoman said
    Ex-Mil8His behaviour was inappropriate (and probably criminal). He was probably a fundamentalist Christian or repressed gay conservative acting out his own idea of standard gay bar etiquette.

    Very possibly - and/or he was drunk and had dropped an e.

    Yeah, any of those. I would have pushed him away, maybe called over security or other staff in a place where I'm known if he persisted.

    Honestly, most gay bars are very tame. And the few rougher ones tend to confine that stuff to back patios and other less public areas.

    When the OP says he was "sitting on the side", the side of what? The main bar area? He'd find a little rougher trade in a back room or patio, though I still think this stranger was a jerk. Hope it doesn't make the OP think this is typical, or something mandatory for gays. When a guy tries something you don't like, let him know it.