Always reject guys nicely, because they might end up dating your friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2014 2:27 AM GMT
    Yesterday one of my friends couldn't join the rest of us for dinner, due to a date with his new boyfriend, which turned out to be at the same restaurant we were going to, where he enthusiastically introduced us to the guy... who was the same guy whose texts I had ignored a month ago upon losing interest in him after a date.

    Talk about an awkward introductory handshake, and many similar moments to come...
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    May 05, 2014 2:39 AM GMT
    Or be a future co-worker or boss.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2014 6:21 AM GMT
    It's generally a good idea to practice good karma.

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    May 05, 2014 9:16 AM GMT
    that would have been one hell of an introduction. i feel for u. i truly do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2014 11:18 AM GMT
    That could be awkward, I have rejected enough people online to fill a stadium...
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    May 05, 2014 1:57 PM GMT
    Reject guys nicely, they could turn out to be people.

    Losing interest and having the texting fade is ok though.
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    May 05, 2014 2:11 PM GMT
    Reject guys nicely: He could turnout to be the Zodiac Killer!
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    May 05, 2014 2:18 PM GMT
    Always be nice to other people. Whether you are turning someone down or not.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 05, 2014 2:58 PM GMT
    rsnextdoor saidAlways be nice to other people. Whether you are turning someone down or not.


    I concur.. you never, NEVER know when a less than nice approach will jump back to bite you later. When you ignore someone's texts after losing interest after a date... which happens all the time. Certainly not the worst thing in the world, but as was the case here, the OP was uncomfortable enough to write about it didn't he?

    I would try and treat others as you'd want to be treated...
    geez.. sounds familiar.. unfortunately, we learn it the hard way!
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    May 05, 2014 3:43 PM GMT
    Roccobello saidReject guys nicely: He could turnout to be the Zodiac Killer!


    LoL, that is scary but true...got a few stalkers from even being on here.
    Let them down nicely
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    May 05, 2014 4:08 PM GMT
    rsnextdoor saidAlways be nice to other people. Whether you are turning someone down or not.


    Im still surprised at how many people do not understand this.
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    May 05, 2014 4:44 PM GMT
    ankurvaidya saidthat would have been one hell of an introduction. i feel for u. i truly do.


    Not me. He ignored his texts instead of being a man and being honest.

    Karma for sure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 05, 2014 7:01 PM GMT
    Ah such is life in the realm of dating. Well if this guy turns out to be a keeper for your friend, you'll just have to a knowledge and be happy for them. If he didn't interest, he didn't. It happens...
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    May 05, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    there is a small population of gay men around you. Treat them well. We are not the 10%
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    May 05, 2014 10:59 PM GMT
    On a related note: If you've been dating someone a few weeks or months, sometimes it's difficult to know WHEN one is "sure" that it's not going well for you. This happens with me more than I'd like. I would never string anyone along on purpose, but when I like someone, it can be tricky to know when it's time to have "the talk".

    Nobody likes "the talk". The last guy I stopped dating I labored/debated over for weeks... and felt miserable several days after I talked with him - even though I was fairly sure it was the right thing to do. icon_neutral.gif

    It can really turn one off to the whole process of dating altogether. I think I've been on every side of the fence one can fathom. Honesty is always best - but it's rare that it's "easy" unless they're truly a jerk or crossed some boundaries, etc.
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    May 05, 2014 11:13 PM GMT
    Gay friends can run in a small circle. You should treat guys how you want to be treated. Reject them in a nice way to not come back and haunt you. Try to not lead them on either once you know you're not interested. That saves you a lot of heartache and hurt feelings.
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    May 05, 2014 11:17 PM GMT
    I never ignore anyone if I'm not interested. I just say I'm not interested in the very first date if that's the case. I've gotten some very resentful reactions, while other guys thank me for the kindness and even become friends.

    My definition of a "nice" rejection is one that is soon and swift. I hate guys who send the wrong signals just because they don't have the courage to say they're not interested.
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    May 05, 2014 11:20 PM GMT
    I believe in always being considerate of others in such a situation. Regardless of my interest or lack thereof, the other person is a human being with feelings just like I am. Kindness and respect will be appreciated long after any disappointment has worn off.
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    May 05, 2014 11:21 PM GMT
    bachian saidI never ignore anyone if I'm not interested. I just say I'm not interested in the very first date if that's the case. I've gotten some very resentful reactions, while
    other guys thank me for the kindness and even become friends.

    My definition of a "nice" rejection is one that is soon and swift. I hate guys who send the wrong signals just because they don't have the courage to say they're not interested.


    Some gay guys can't take or handle rejection that well while others can. But I agreed with your approach, have the balls to say not interested instead of stringing guys along until you find a better, cuter dude. That's not cool.
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    May 06, 2014 12:38 AM GMT
    bachian saidMy definition of a "nice" rejection is one that is soon and swift. I hate guys who send the wrong signals just because they don't have the courage to say they're not interested.


    Same, I hate those guys. The funny thing is that this is the only guy with whom I didn't follow up with a rejection text the same night, as he caught me in a busy week, and by the time I realized I should've sent one, it was days later and he already got the hint. Now I'll be known as one of those guys, sigh lol.
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    May 06, 2014 1:21 AM GMT
    nongmo said
    rsnextdoor saidAlways be nice to other people. Whether you are turning someone down or not.
    Im still surprised at how many people do not understand this.
    I don't get it. I have to be nice to people?
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    May 06, 2014 2:38 AM GMT
    woodsmen saidThe rejectee is unlikely to take a rejection nicely.

    Regardless, he does deserves the respect of one rather then not be important enough for the rejector to utter three little words.
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    May 06, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    socalx10 saidGay friends can run in a small circle. You should treat guys how you want to be treated. Reject them in a nice way to not come back and haunt you. Try to not lead them on either once you know you're not interested. That saves you a lot of heartache and hurt feelings.


    QFT

    True story - tonight I hung out with a group of guys. One of them I used to date briefly and he also dated my partner's brother way back in the day. Talk about a small world. Be nice and play fair.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    May 06, 2014 4:12 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidOr be a future co-worker or boss.


    yes. there's no need to burn bridges, or lightly singe them, especially if you are not planning on moving anytime soon.
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    May 06, 2014 11:29 AM GMT
    blackhawksfan said
    ankurvaidya saidthat would have been one hell of an introduction. i feel for u. i truly do.


    Not me. He ignored his texts instead of being a man and being honest.

    Karma for sure.


    i agree with you on karma and I was not supporting what he did, just saying that, that introduction was awkwardness in its very definition. And i would not want that to happen to me.

    So, rejecting people nicely it is.