Gay Philadelphia man murdered by Grindr hookup

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 06, 2014 7:58 PM GMT
    This really sucks. He pretty much did everything right and still this icon_cry.gif

    http://instinctmagazine.com/post/gay-philly-man-murdered-grindr-hookup-police-say
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    May 06, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    As usual, the comments that follow the article are disgusting.
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    May 06, 2014 8:18 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidAs usual, the comments that follow the article are disgusting.

    I can't bring myself to read comments sections on public articles anymore. I see the goodness in people in real life, but on the Internet I see the worst icon_sad.gif
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    May 06, 2014 8:24 PM GMT
    RedEssence said
    Scruffypup saidAs usual, the comments that follow the article are disgusting.

    I can't bring myself to read comments sections on public articles anymore. I see the goodness in people in real life, but on the Internet I see the worst icon_sad.gif


    I won't quote them then, but basically some people think he deserved it for being in an open relationship.
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    May 06, 2014 8:49 PM GMT
    owl_bundy saidcall this insensitive but risky behavior leads to risky results. real talk. it amazes me how there's this attitude among gay men where folks trust each other without knowing each other enough to do this kind of shit such as using hookup sites to fuck each other. before someone in here goes and says "straight people do it too" as an excuse or to dodge the point, it's crazy how folks think that this type of shit is normal where they'll risk their lives over this shit. it's unfortunate that he died and he didn't deserve it BUT hey.... this is what comes with the territory. goes for everybody in here that lives their lives like that. if you agree to go ahead with this shit, you know the possible risks and consequences. you don't know who you're dealing with. that's a given. gotta accept some responsibility behind that shit such as possibly signing your death warrant. it's no different than speeding on the highway. many people do it. plenty of people make it out in one piece and live to see another day. others get into car accidents and lose limbs or die. others get speeding tickets. people don't have to speed BUT they chose to do so. that's how they use their freedom. so folks can do what they do BUT if they end up in some shit, whose fault is that.

    If we're going to use your analogy, then I'll remind you that oftentimes those who died in car accidents were actually not violating the law, but rather died as a result of someone else in violation. Driving a car is a "risky behaviour" by definition, but I wouldn't stop driving just because I have the chance of getting killed by a non law-abiding person. Even being a pedestrian near cars is a "risky behaviour", but I wouldn't stop walking either.

    As for "knowing each other enough", you can never really know someone enough to know whether or not they will kill you. In fact, you probably aren't aware of this, but a staggering 53.8% of homicide victims in the US are murdered by someone that they know, be it an acquaintance, neighbour, friend, significant other, or similar (US Department of Justice, 2009). You have an essentially equal chance statistically of getting murdered by someone you know.

    There are always risks when encountering new people, but as we've seen with all sorts of news stories in recent years, you don't even have to be actively looking to encounter new people to get murdered. They may in fact just happen to encounter you in a setting as seemingly safe as a movie theatre or an elementary school, and you're just shit out of luck.

    It's alright to not be a fan of hooking up as a gay man, but don't make it out to be significantly more lethal or risky than even the most innocuous everyday things. That may sadly be true in Russia, the Middle East and a number of other countries at this point in time, and it may be true for women in the heterosexual hookup culture, but generally speaking as gay men in the first world there's not much to fear as long as you follow basic guidelines. This guy followed pretty much all of them, down to telling his partner what he was doing. He was unfortunately a victim of a truly fucked up individual.
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    May 06, 2014 9:08 PM GMT
    owl_bundy saidcall this insensitive but risky behavior leads to risky results. real talk. it amazes me how there's this attitude among gay men where folks trust each other without knowing each other enough to do this kind of shit such as using hookup sites to fuck each other. before someone in here goes and says "straight people do it too" as an excuse or to dodge the point, it's crazy how folks think that this type of shit is normal where they'll risk their lives over this shit. it's unfortunate that he died and he didn't deserve it BUT hey.... this is what comes with the territory. goes for everybody in here that lives their lives like that. if you agree to go ahead with this shit, you know the possible risks and consequences. you don't know who you're dealing with. that's a given. gotta accept some responsibility behind that shit such as possibly signing your death warrant. it's no different than speeding on the highway. many people do it. plenty of people make it out in one piece and live to see another day. others get into car accidents and lose limbs or die. others get speeding tickets. people don't have to speed BUT they chose to do so. that's how they use their freedom. so folks can do what they do BUT if they end up in some shit, whose fault is that.


    Ummm......it's the attacker's fault. Sounds like you're blaming the victim to me.

    I went to go look at a motorcycle this dude on Craigslist had for sale a few weeks ago. He led me into his garage where the bike was kept. Since it was cold outside, he closed the garage door behind us. And ya know what? It never occurred to me that he might grab his chainsaw mounted on the wall and dismember me. And ya know what else? I'm glad I don't think like that because the price of paranoia is something you pay for every day. It eats away at you little by little. I'm not an idiot about my safety or I wouldn't have been able to live in New Orleans for so many years without a violent attack. I'm alert and cautious, but I'm not going to stop living my life because there are a few bad guys out there. The majority of people I've met have been good people. If one of these bad guys gets me one day, at least I've lived my life with minimal fear, and that's priceless.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    May 06, 2014 9:48 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    owl_bundy saidcall this insensitive but risky behavior leads to risky results. real talk. it amazes me how there's this attitude among gay men where folks trust each other without knowing each other enough to do this kind of shit such as using hookup sites to fuck each other. before someone in here goes and says "straight people do it too" as an excuse or to dodge the point, it's crazy how folks think that this type of shit is normal where they'll risk their lives over this shit. it's unfortunate that he died and he didn't deserve it BUT hey.... this is what comes with the territory. goes for everybody in here that lives their lives like that. if you agree to go ahead with this shit, you know the possible risks and consequences. you don't know who you're dealing with. that's a given. gotta accept some responsibility behind that shit such as possibly signing your death warrant. it's no different than speeding on the highway. many people do it. plenty of people make it out in one piece and live to see another day. others get into car accidents and lose limbs or die. others get speeding tickets. people don't have to speed BUT they chose to do so. that's how they use their freedom. so folks can do what they do BUT if they end up in some shit, whose fault is that.


    Ummm......it's the attacker's fault. Sounds like you're blaming the victim to me.

    I went to go look at a motorcycle this dude on Craigslist had for sale a few weeks ago. He led me into his garage where the bike was kept. Since it was cold outside, he closed the garage door behind us. And ya know what? It never occurred to me that he might grab his chainsaw mounted on the wall and dismember me. And ya know what else? I'm glad I don't think like that because the price of paranoia is something you pay for every day. It eats away at you little by little. I'm not an idiot about my safety or I wouldn't have been able to live in New Orleans for so many years without a violent attack. I'm alert and cautious, but I'm not going to stop living my life because there are a few bad guys out there. The majority of people I've met have been good people. If one of these bad guys gets me one day, at least I've lived my life with minimal fear, and that's priceless.


    ^ This, seriously.

    What's with people and wanting to blame the victim?
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    May 06, 2014 10:00 PM GMT
    I wonder what clues there were? I once stopped talking to a guy online because we had a shared interest in boxing but I realised after a while he was turned on by punching and being punched which I found creepy and a (dare I say it) deal breaker.
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    May 08, 2014 3:32 PM GMT
    Lol I read this wondering if Owl wrote exactly what he wrote and he did... Lol

    Uhm well grindr is gross to me and I would rather have a hot boyfriend thats not meat/greeting
    Regardless
    Wtf pazzy you live in with your mom lol being paranoid...

    Hes not blaming the victim but doesnt seem incensed by the death due to circumstance...

    Lol wth pazzy too tired to argue with you right now but, no lol just no he is entitled to not being murdered just like ojs wife was
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    May 08, 2014 4:07 PM GMT
    This is sickening. This poor soul... who would do something like that? Let people live. I don't understand the rationale behind murdering someone, for any reason.
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    May 12, 2014 10:33 AM GMT
    Chester PA is not a good place for a hookup. He was new to the Philly area so might not have known.