Came out again

  • brickboy1966

    Posts: 359

    May 07, 2014 1:56 AM GMT
    I came out to another niece over the weekend. She said she had suspected for a while but didn't know for sure. She said I was still family and she still love me. She had some questions for me later. Do any body have any idea what the questions are? If so what are the answers? Just starting the coming out process. Next I will have to tackle my other family (bro in law, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins.
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    May 07, 2014 2:01 AM GMT
    This really is an issue ..because your'e making it one..

    It's 2014.. The word is out..if you are human... there is a possibility you might be gay.

    .. icon_exclaim.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 07, 2014 2:37 AM GMT
    brickboy1966 saidI came out to another niece over the weekend. She said she had suspected for a while but didn't know for sure. She said I was still family and she still love me. She had some questions for me later. Do any body have any idea what the questions are? If so what are the answers? Just starting the coming out process. Next I will have to tackle my other family (bro in law, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins.

    Bottom? or Top?
  • brickboy1966

    Posts: 359

    May 07, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    brickboy1966 saidI came out to another niece over the weekend. She said she had suspected for a while but didn't know for sure. She said I was still family and she still love me. She had some questions for me later. Do any body have any idea what the questions are? If so what are the answers? Just starting the coming out process. Next I will have to tackle my other family (bro in law, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins.

    Bottom? or Top?





    I don't think so. I'm serious guys. I'm asking for help. If you can't say anything constructive don't reply.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 07, 2014 2:55 AM GMT
    brickboy1966 said
    AMoonHawk said
    brickboy1966 saidI came out to another niece over the weekend. She said she had suspected for a while but didn't know for sure. She said I was still family and she still love me. She had some questions for me later. Do any body have any idea what the questions are? If so what are the answers? Just starting the coming out process. Next I will have to tackle my other family (bro in law, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins.
    Bottom? or Top?
    I don't think so. I'm serious guys. I'm asking for help. If you can't say anything constructive don't reply.
    How could anyone who doesn't know your niece anticipate her questions? You haven't give me enough information to understand why this concerns you enough that you'd ask a forum for help. Why not wait until she asks her questions and answer them as honestly as you can?
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 07, 2014 2:56 AM GMT
    She'll prob wanna know if you've been gay ur whole life?
    when did u know u were gay?
    did u choose to be gay?
    do u have sex?
    Were u converted/molested?
    She may ask about religious beliefs, etc?
    If shes really somewhat ignorant and new to the whole things may ask about HIV/Aids.
    Do u go to gay bars/clubs?
    Do u worry about what others will think?
    Do ppl at ur job know?

    idk dude thats all i could possible think of
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    May 07, 2014 2:58 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidThis really is an issue ..because your'e making it one..

    It's 2014.. The word is out..if you are human... there is a possibility you might be gay.

    .. icon_exclaim.gif

    Seriously? It's tough at any age. He's going through something that is very personal and I think it's great!

    Congrats to coming out to someone new....keep it going icon_smile.gif
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    May 07, 2014 3:13 AM GMT
    brickboy1966 saidI came out to another niece over the weekend. She said she had suspected for a while but didn't know for sure. She said I was still family and she still love me. She had some questions for me later. Do any body have any idea what the questions are? If so what are the answers? Just starting the coming out process. Next I will have to tackle my other family (bro in law, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins.


    It's not a test you have to study for. Just be candid and genuine. But also keep in mind she might ask you an inappropriate question or two due to ignorance. In that case be prepared to politely tell her it's none of her business.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 07, 2014 3:20 AM GMT
    Import saidShe'll prob wanna know if you've been gay ur whole life?
    when did u know u were gay?
    did u choose to be gay?
    do u have sex?
    Were u converted/molested?
    She may ask about religious beliefs, etc?
    If shes really somewhat ignorant and new to the whole things may ask about HIV/Aids.
    Do u go to gay bars/clubs?
    Do u worry about what others will think?
    Do ppl at ur job know?

    idk dude thats all i could possible think of

    It's a good list of possibilities. I've heard them all at one time or another.

    OP, coming out isn't a 'one time' deal. *Most* straight people know so few (out) gay people that they basically have no clue about us. Worse, often have a lot of misconceptions. It's like they have no real context for the information, so they have to ask questions to try and build some understanding of what *that* means, exactly.

    My experience has been that just telling someone you're gay is one thing. Being gay around them is kind of another, another level of coming out so to say. In my culture (SF Bay Area) it is seldom a big deal. No questions at all. But sometimes someone who has known me for years will surprise me with a question. I just answer it honestly, if I can.
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    May 07, 2014 3:47 AM GMT
    you're from Georgia, it's gonna be about Jesus, going to hell, you haven't met the "right" girl yet, having children - believe me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    Import saidShe'll prob wanna know if you've been gay ur whole life?
    when did u know u were gay?
    did u choose to be gay?
    do u have sex?
    Were u converted/molested?
    She may ask about religious beliefs, etc?
    If shes really somewhat ignorant and new to the whole things may ask about HIV/Aids.
    Do u go to gay bars/clubs?
    Do u worry about what others will think?
    Do ppl at ur job know?

    idk dude thats all i could possible think of

    You forgot the classic "So are you the girl or the boy?"
  • brickboy1966

    Posts: 359

    May 07, 2014 4:02 AM GMT
    Import saidShe'll prob wanna know if you've been gay ur whole life?
    when did u know u were gay?
    did u choose to be gay?
    do u have sex?
    Were u converted/molested?
    She may ask about religious beliefs, etc?
    If shes really somewhat ignorant and new to the whole things may ask about HIV/Aids.
    Do u go to gay bars/clubs?
    Do u worry about what others will think?
    Do ppl at ur job know?

    idk dude thats all i could possible think of




    Thank you. You're the first to help without any comments or crap.
  • brickboy1966

    Posts: 359

    May 07, 2014 4:03 AM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Anocxu saidThis really is an issue ..because your'e making it one..

    It's 2014.. The word is out..if you are human... there is a possibility you might be gay.

    .. icon_exclaim.gif

    Seriously? It's tough at any age. He's going through something that is very personal and I think it's great!

    Congrats to coming out to someone new....keep it going icon_smile.gif




    Thank you.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 07, 2014 4:31 AM GMT
    You are a grown man, why is what your niece has to ask so important?
    I could understand if you said your sister or your brother, but a niece or a nephew? You have your life, they have theirs and you both are free to live your lives as you choose. They have no say as to how you live your life, just as you have no say in how they choose to live their life. Tell them they're in the will and they'll be fine, and if they are not fine with it, then tell them they are out of the will.
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    May 07, 2014 4:35 AM GMT
    brickboy1966 saidI came out to another niece over the weekend. She said she had suspected for a while but didn't know for sure. She said I was still family and she still love me. She had some questions for me later. Do any body have any idea what the questions are? If so what are the answers? Just starting the coming out process. Next I will have to tackle my other family (bro in law, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins.


    Most of my loved ones disowned me. My mom just started to talk to me again after 3 years. I said ....mom I haven't visited with you for so long....why did you stop talking to me. She replied...."WE" meaning my family units.....wanted you to rethink and snap out of it. They felt and still do, by not allowing me to talk about it... that I would change and come to my senses. LOL.....I told her it simply had the opposite effect.

    I might go over on this mothers day....if I can do it!
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    May 07, 2014 8:56 AM GMT
    brickboy1966 saidI came out to another niece over the weekend. She said she had suspected for a while but didn't know for sure. She said I was still family and she still love me. She had some questions for me later. Do any body have any idea what the questions are? If so what are the answers? Just starting the coming out process. Next I will have to tackle my other family (bro in law, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins.


    She said she "still loves you!" That's a biggie and you know she'll be an ally. As to her questions? Who knows...there are some suggestions here, as well as advise to only answer the ones you feel comfortable with. Btw, my first guess would be "Do you have a boy friend?" and "who else knows/have you told"

    Congrats! On starting your public coming out from someone who has recently done the same thing. It's liberating isn't it? While it may be 2014, coming out is a highly personal, perhaps the most personal, decision you'll ever make.

    Best wishes going foreward. You'll get through it, accept support from those who offer, but most importantly, be yourself, don't let others try to (re)define you. You are gay, but you are still the same person you always were.

    And lastly, a BIG HUG
    Chris
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    May 07, 2014 10:46 AM GMT
    brickboy1966 said
    Import saidShe'll prob wanna know if you've been gay ur whole life?
    when did u know u were gay?
    did u choose to be gay?
    do u have sex?
    Were u converted/molested?
    She may ask about religious beliefs, etc?
    If shes really somewhat ignorant and new to the whole things may ask about HIV/Aids.
    Do u go to gay bars/clubs?
    Do u worry about what others will think?
    Do ppl at ur job know?

    idk dude thats all i could possible think of




    Thank you. You're the first to help without any comments or crap.


    Depending on what she is like she may well ask the inappropriate questions you hoped people were saying as jokes. It is worth spending a few moments thinking about how you would answer if she did ask whether you were "the man or the woman" for example. If it were me my answer would be "is that something you really need to know?" It's usually effective enough in these situations without making the person feel guilty for asking.
  • brickboy1966

    Posts: 359

    May 07, 2014 1:38 PM GMT
    Bikethere said
    brickboy1966 saidI came out to another niece over the weekend. She said she had suspected for a while but didn't know for sure. She said I was still family and she still love me. She had some questions for me later. Do any body have any idea what the questions are? If so what are the answers? Just starting the coming out process. Next I will have to tackle my other family (bro in law, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins.


    She said she "still loves you!" That's a biggie and you know she'll be an ally. As to her questions? Who knows...there are some suggestions here, as well as advise to only answer the ones you feel comfortable with. Btw, my first guess would be "Do you have a boy friend?" and "who else knows/have you told"

    Congrats! On starting your public coming out from someone who has recently done the same thing. It's liberating isn't it? While it may be 2014, coming out is a highly personal, perhaps the most personal, decision you'll ever make.

    Best wishes going foreward. You'll get through it, accept support from those who offer, but most importantly, be yourself, don't let others try to (re)define you. You are gay, but you are still the same person you always were.

    And lastly, a BIG HUG
    Chris




    Thanks Chris
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    May 07, 2014 2:09 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Anocxu saidThis really is an issue ..because your'e making it one..

    It's 2014.. The word is out..if you are human... there is a possibility you might be gay.

    .. icon_exclaim.gif

    Seriously? It's tough at any age. He's going through something that is very personal and I think it's great!

    Congrats to coming out to someone new....keep it going
    icon_smile.gif
    I like this answer icon_smile.gif
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    May 07, 2014 2:12 PM GMT
    People in my view don't realise how big of a issue it is to some, for me well.... alot of pain and suffering before and then when i told my parents what i got was big hugs icon_smile.gif
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    May 07, 2014 3:00 PM GMT
    Dennis_1989 saidPeople in my view don't realise how big of a issue it is to some, for me well.... alot of pain and suffering before and then when i told my parents what i got was big hugs icon_smile.gif

    Big hugs are a great thing to get. It's what we all hope for but fear we'll never see. I feel for those who never do see it but hopefully they find hugs amongst those who really do love them.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    May 07, 2014 3:05 PM GMT
    that made me smile ^ (one day)
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    May 07, 2014 3:55 PM GMT
    eb925guy said
    Dennis_1989 saidPeople in my view don't realise how big of a issue it is to some, for me well.... alot of pain and suffering before and then when i told my parents what i got was big hugs icon_smile.gif

    Big hugs are a great thing to get. It's what we all hope for but fear we'll never see. I feel for those who never do see it but hopefully they find hugs amongst those who really do love them.
    These are the tough times in that we find out who are our friends (if your lucky enough to already have them)and who loves us and who deserves us to stay in their lives.