Sick of Being Force Fed Gay Culture!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 2:48 AM GMT
    I'm a man, just a man, creative, smart, funny, handsome to some, but all around I am very much just like any hardworking, masculine guy you would see on the street.

    I wear rugged clothes. I don't listen to top 40 pop music and house remixes or disco, etc. I listen to Punk Rock, Hard Rock, Alternative and Experimental Electronic Music.

    I love to dance, but to the kind of music I enjoy. Otherwise, it's not fun for me. I like going to a pub for a beer and talking with friends. I like a mixed crowd of races and genders, etc.

    I don't like going to a bar targeted towards one type of person. I hate singles bars and the after-work sports bars because of that.
    I also hate Gay bars because of that.

    NOW! Why the hell does every single gay man I've ever talked to, feel the need to lecture me about relaxing and "why are you so resentful about being gay?" and any number of comments suggesting that I have issues with my sexuality, just because I don't like Gay bars? Mind you I'm 30 years old and came out at the age of 15. I lived in NYC and Berlin, I have met hundreds of gay people throughout my life, was baptized by an openly gay priest, yadda yadda yadda!

    It's not about not liking gay men because they have sex with men. It's about not relating to a culture and not wanting to conform to a culture I really have no desire to be a part of. I like tough rocker bars and even though I like dudes, I also like women and enjoy the company of them.

    In terms of culture, I lead a very "straight" lifestyle. I never related to what gay culture meant and I've always been criticized for not liking gay culture. Well, there are cultures that some people aren't going to like. For instance, an animal rights activist isn't going to have a great time at the opening of a new fur shop. That's me at a gay bar, totally out of place, without any desire to fit in.

    So please, gay guys, don't lecture guys like me and stop forcing us to swallow a pill we don't want. It insults our choices in life and ultimately, you're passing undue judgment on us. If you have a friend who is like me, and one night you are thinking of what to do, if you suggest a gay bar and he cringes, just suggest another kind of place and don't try to convince him to go to the gay bar. He has the right to dislike them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 3:03 AM GMT
    Well, your comment kinda justifies why I posted this. I don't feel any need to prove myself to anybody. However, I'm not just going to shut up and hold back my opinion just because somebody will disagree.

    There's a big difference between expressing opposing views and passing judgment. I like Punk bars, a friend may find them upsetting, so...instead of me saying to that friend "well you need to be more open minded, relax, etc" I'm likely to find another compromise...how about a movie? Nobody needs to get shit for not liking something.

    As for this question... "why do you want the world to know so badly that you are just as macho and fratty as you look?"
    YOU DON'T HAVE A DAMN CLUE WHO I AM....GROW UP!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 3:38 AM GMT
    You're not going to get me upset. Because from my end, your posts read as stupid and childish. If your words coming from MA were to somehow slam my door down and threaten to kill me, your words would then mean something to me.

    Whats your point?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 3:38 AM GMT
    Interesting, I was born & raised 25 miles from New York City, and lived for a few years in Berlin, too.

    To each his own. Like what you like, do what you do.

    I have my own preferences, which are a bit different than you state for yourself. But then I was a late bloomer, and I kick myself for my stupidity, for wasting my best gay years.

    So I made a deliberate decision to totally immerse myself in the gay world & culture, to enjoy it to the max in the remaining time I have. Been straight, done that. Now it's time for gay.

    I'm also masculine, enough anyway that I had a highly successful military career for 25 years. I also wear rugged clothes like you (a motorcycle requires them, and I prefer them elsewhere; I hate flimsy feminine garbage).

    But unlike you, I take a more accepting view of gay culture. Sure, some of it is totally stupid, and makes me cringe. So what? I'll give you examples of straight culture that also turn my stomach. Some straight macho crap is too lame to be believed.

    I feel no need to lecture you about not liking the gay scene. If it repulses you, then it does. One of my favorite bar types is the straight leather biker bar, where if they think you're gay, you & your motorcycle prolly won't leave there in one piece. But I also still enjoy a gay bar, leather or not.

    Perhaps you need to open your horizons. If not, then I wonder the purpose of this thread. I assume the guys who are "lecturing" you aren't members here, but gays you know locally. So why lecture US in turn? I think you need to say this to them, not us.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 3:42 AM GMT
    Every community, or sub-culture, defines itself by a set of guidelines. That's not to say that variety isn't common amongst a sub-genre.

    You will often find that even in the gay community, there is a vast array of different personalities, tastes, likes and dislikes. That is what makes every person individual and interesting.

    There are heaps of guys (myself included) who couldn't give a rats arse when the new Madonna megamix is coming out, or what colour t-shirt is in fashion this year.

    I, like many I know, am interested in sports, cars, live music, etc etc. I am quite sure that my tastes are different from many others in the gay community and wider. In reality, the only thing we really share as a "gay community" is our desire to bond and sexualise with others of our own gender.

    We come together as a community when we are facing oppression or discrimination. Outside of that, we will individually gravitate toward others who share our tastes, outlook on life and personal interests.

    You shouldn't allow people to lecture you, or feel that you are being forced to accept a generic set of guidelines to allow you to identify as gay. You are an individual and I believe you will find that most people would like to enjoy your company for the person you are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 3:55 AM GMT
    So for all you gay men who think just because somebody doesn't like your mainstream/pop culture it means that they're not open minded or have issues with their sexuality, blah blah blah. Listen up!

    I grew up in a loft, in the center of NYC's underground, the priest who baptized me was gay, half my parent's friends were gay, I was exposed to many types of gay people for many years. They were artists, musicians, performers, etc. I never met them in a gay bar, I'd meet them through other cultural events that were gay/straight mixed.

    On top of that, I have been to countless gay bars, clubs and socials. I've been out for nearly 16 years guys. I'm not ignorant or sheltered or closed minded. I've been to gay places of all sorts. Some of my best friends in NYC are the gayest most fem queens (and trannies) ever. Clubkids, Drag Queens, Performance Artists, etc.

    I totally dig what they're doing and when we go out, they rarely ever suggest going to some dull gay bar. They usually want to go to a place that plays edgy new music, or places like art shows and house parties.

    So please, don't tell me that I'm somehow need to open my horizons.
  • Freddo

    Posts: 246

    Jan 03, 2009 4:00 AM GMT
    Hmm... while there are lots of people who want to paint gay people into a corner, there are many more that don't. Right now I am kind of in the process of coming out, and only came out to myself in February of last year. There are two gay bars in my hometown of Pensacola. One is very flashy. I have been to this place a couple of times. Not my cup of tea for a couple of reasons; it is too loud (I never have liked loud places), and two it is very expensive to get in (I will not generally pay $15 dollars to get in anywhere... that is so lame). While the guys there are a little more animated there than I am, it is cool because it is what they want to do. I am not as animated as most gay guys, but that is just my personality. However they tend not to be the uber-militant type (I know the type you are taking about... the angry "in your face" one yes?). They tend to be pretty funny guys. I am not particularly attracted to overly effeminate guys, but they make good friends nonetheless.

    There is another gay bar in town that is far more subdued. It plays pretty good music, and you can actually talk there without shouting. It has also got no cover charge. I much prefer that place, even though I haven't been there recently because I need to save money, and I have not had much time lately to go to bars due to my recent job. It's crazy because it is one of those types of gay bars that one would have no clue it was a gay bar if nobody told them. Lots of people (gay and straight) enjoy it. Women love it (they never get hit on over there).

    I am pretty new to the whole gay culture, but there are plenty of options if you know where to look. Perhaps there is a place where gay men that are more like yourself hang out. You are from a pretty good sized city with plenty of larger cities surrounding it. If you don't want to be part of mainstream gay culture that is fine, gay men come in all varieties.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:00 AM GMT
    Devildog78 saidOn top of that, I have been to countless gay bars, clubs and socials. I've been out for nearly 26 years guys. I'm not ignorant or sheltered or closed minded. I've been to gay places of all sorts. Some of my best friends in NYC are the gayest most fem queens (and trannies) ever. Clubkids, Drag Queens, Performance Artists, etc.


    You've been out of the closet since you were 4?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:02 AM GMT
    lol...typo 16 years
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:04 AM GMT
    ok check this out....i dont think everybody needs to be so punkish but at the same time you are who u are....be urself. I'm seeing this guy that is not comfortable with having his sexuallity on display and so i try to compromise...but as for me im gay open and "str8" forward.... the day i told my mom was the day i said fuck what everybody else thinks....not saying i force people to "take me for me and let me have my feelings"..no but im not hidden from no one...it is wud it is.
    my mom always say.." dont no body want no sorry ass man"...and that what i live by im a man and a damn good one...its jus so happens i like MEN.
    now devildog78 what im tryin to say is you are who u are and if the punk scene aint you so be it...its a new year...year for change or chance ...u make it do for u bruh..u dig. DO YOU BRUH is all im saying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:04 AM GMT
    i would offer this:

    your interest in punk music speaks to a sense of resistance. that is the underlying tone of that genre of music. rebellion against assumptions about art and the people who make it (and the people who consume it). i don't see any problem whatsoever in your wanting to define your individuality in your own way. i've lived in nyc and berlin, and they're great places to be gay specifically because they have so many types of lgbtq people.

    you have something in your personality that makes you want to stand up and say, "hear! you think you can define me because of my sexuality?? well fuck you!" that's fine. i personally feel that the beauty of our "community" is that we really do look like a rainbow when we allow ourselves to. the problem with this situation is that we're as fractured as the democratic party. but whatever.

    at any rate: don't change anything about your preferences and tastes. they are what group together to make you who you are. if you don't want to listen to madonna and wear lip gloss, that's fine. lots of others agree with you. the challenge, i suppose, is the accept the madonna listening lip gloss princesses, even if they don't embrace you. (but you already do, so don't sweat it) to each his own.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:04 AM GMT

    "NOW! Why the hell does every single gay man I've ever talked to, feel the need to lecture me about relaxing and "why are you so resentful about being gay?" and any number of comments suggesting that I have issues with my sexuality, just because I don't like Gay bars?"

    Well, we don't think you're resentful about anything gay. We think you have your likes and dislikes like anyone else.

    Gay bars should be full of people who want to go there. The same for art shows or house parties. You've really gotta have a talk with those guys you know that are lecturing you.

    Incidentally, and we're guessing we'll get in hot water with others over this, we don't think gay is a culture.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:06 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    "NOW! Why the hell does every single gay man I've ever talked to, feel the need to lecture me about relaxing and "why are you so resentful about being gay?" and any number of comments suggesting that I have issues with my sexuality, just because I don't like Gay bars?"

    Well, we don't think you're resentful about anything gay. We think you have your likes and dislikes like anyone else.

    Gay bars should be full of people who want to go there. The same for art shows or house parties. You've really gotta have a talk with those guys you know that are lecturing you.

    Incidentally, and we're guessing we'll get in hot water with others over this, we don't think gay is a culture.



    explain.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:10 AM GMT
    Live and let live, man.
    Don't judge other people.
  • vindog

    Posts: 1440

    Jan 03, 2009 4:12 AM GMT
    I always felt the same way.


    So I created my own scene.



    But I'm single still, so don't think it helped much on the sexual level, but I at least created the vibe I wanted.....too bad (for my cock) that my scene attracted 80% straight people

    icon_biggrin.gif


    I figure, though, when I do meet that person, it'll be it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:17 AM GMT
    Wow, who knew it was possible to be so tortured by Madonna. She's even more powerful than I thought.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:19 AM GMT
    Vindog, Dude I'm right there with you. These dudes just don't get where we're coming from. I have a crazy cool tribe of friends, none of them are similar at all. It's a real motley crew of fiercely independent people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:29 AM GMT
    Why don't you just enjoy your own scene and quit menstruating about how much you can't stand people in the "mainstream" gay culture. If you don't like these people, their taste in music, bars, cloths and such, then don't be a part of it all. Nobody is forcing you to listen to the new Britney or go out and buy a pair of Diesel jeans or sit at home watching Will & Grace re-runs. I seriously doubt anyone even gives two shits that you don't fit the typical mold. It sounds more like you needed an excuse to climb up on the cross and hose the room down with your angry blood gushing vagina. Put a a bale of cotton up your twat and get on with your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    I haven't stereotyped anybody. Where have I criticized gay men for their culture in this forum? I have no issue with it other than for the most part it's not my style. I just don't enjoy gay bars, mostly because of the music and lack of women!

    But the majority of the posts only prove what my post was about. I'm getting lectured or there's a rational comment with a big Butt you... at the end.

    I just don't see what the issue is with me not liking gay bars or mainstream gay culture in general. Why do you all feel the need to justify it to me or tell me that "it's not all bad" or that I'm "stereotyping"?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:34 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidi would offer this:

    your interest in punk music speaks to a sense of resistance. that is the underlying tone of that genre of music. rebellion against assumptions about art and the people who make it (and the people who consume it). i don't see any problem whatsoever in your wanting to define your individuality in your own way. i've lived in nyc and berlin, and they're great places to be gay specifically because they have so many types of lgbtq people.

    you have something in your personality that makes you want to stand up and say, "hear! you think you can define me because of my sexuality?? well fuck you!" that's fine. i personally feel that the beauty of our "community" is that we really do look like a rainbow when we allow ourselves to. the problem with this situation is that we're as fractured as the democratic party. but whatever.

    at any rate: don't change anything about your preferences and tastes. they are what group together to make you who you are. if you don't want to listen to madonna and wear lip gloss, that's fine. lots of others agree with you. the challenge, i suppose, is the accept the madonna listening lip gloss princesses, even if they don't embrace you. (but you already do, so don't sweat it) to each his own.

    Great observations & comments. And you've been in NYC & Berlin, too? We should start a group! LOL!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:38 AM GMT
    GuerillaSodomite, I love this! You are all doing exactly what I complained about in my initial post! So what are you proving other than proving me right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:40 AM GMT
    Devildog78 saidI just don't see what the issue is with me not liking gay bars or mainstream gay culture in general. Why do you all feel the need to justify it to me or tell me that "it's not all bad" or that I'm "stereotyping"?

    Was it an issue before you brought it up? I missed that memo. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but you ended up bitching about something you hate that other people bitch about.

    By the way, the comment of the night award goes to Guerrilla for "It sounds more like you needed an excuse to climb up on the cross and hose the room down with your angry blood gushing vagina."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:45 AM GMT
    Devildog78 saidI haven't stereotyped anybody. Where have I criticized gay men for their culture in this forum? I have no issue with it other than for the most part it's not my style. I just don't enjoy gay bars, mostly because of the music and lack of women!

    But the majority of the posts only prove what my post was about. I'm getting lectured or there's a rational comment with a big Butt you... at the end.

    I just don't see what the issue is with me not liking gay bars or mainstream gay culture in general. Why do you all feel the need to justify it to me or tell me that "it's not all bad" or that I'm "stereotyping"?



    If you don't like gar bars...you don't like gay bars. Fine. No Biggie. I've personally never been to a gay bar, but I'm not sure I would like them either. I'm not a fan of crowds, cigarette smoke, nor really loud music. Everyone has there reasons for liking or disliking something.

    I would much prefer hanging out with friends at home or going to a movie.

    Like someone else said, live and let live. Don't worry about gaining acceptance from other people. If what you do is what you like, and it doesn't interfere with other people's lives...have at it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2009 4:46 AM GMT


    Dancerjack said ,"explain."

    For us gay is just being attracted to the same sex.

    We're all part of different cultures, some religious, some societal, like Spanish culture or Native American culture. Gays are so diverse in their backgrounds and those backgrounds often entail a culture they belong to.
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jan 03, 2009 4:47 AM GMT
    The very fact that terms like "gay culture" and "straight acting" have meaning is not a good sign.

    I can very much relate to the OP.